What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “She okay?” Bobby asks, running into the room.

  “Yeah, she’s fine. I caught one though.” He lifts his arm to show the damage.

  “Did you get a look at who it was?”

  “Nah, man. Motorcycles, but I couldn’t tell who,” Bobby says, taking a look at Shadow's arm, then at me. Suddenly I’m aware that I’m only in a t-shirt and underwear. I grab the bottom of the shirt and try to pull it further down to cover myself, but I'm not accomplishing much. Shadow grabs my shorts from the floor and hands them to me.

  “Put these on, you're killing me in that damn shirt.” His confession makes me smile, I love knowing I affect him.

  “I’m gonna call Bull,” Shadow says, pulling his phone out of his pocket. His arm is still dripping dark red blood onto the tan carpet. The Ol' Ladies are going to be pissed. I run into the bathroom and return with a soaked towel. I wrap it around his arm and pull tight to knot it. He winces at the harsh contact the towel makes when it squeezes his wound shut.

  “Yeah, she’s okay,” he says, surveying my quick work. “Just me... Nah it’s not bad, but I’ll need the Doc... I don’t think it was her, unless she joined a club lately... Yeah, we’ll head that way now.” Shadow pushes his phone back in his pocket.

  “What’s the word?” Bobby asks.

  “He wanted to know if I thought my mother was behind this. She left a voice mail demanding drugs or money or she would take Dani. You said they were on bikes, so unless she's joined a club lately, it's not her. I'll tell you more later. Let's get.” He's speaking to Bobby as if I'm not even in the room.

  Bobby nods his head in understanding. I'm flabbergasted. Who is Shadow's mom? What kind of a mom demands drugs? How did she know about me? Why would she use me as a bargaining chip? I open my mouth to voice the questions but Shadow cuts me off.

  “He wants us at the club; it’s not safe here anymore. Pack your shit, Dani.” He pauses and points at my handiwork. “Where did you learn to do this?”

  “T.V., of course,” I say, smiling proudly, getting a lopsided grin from him in return.

  Dani's petite arms are wrapped around my waist as we head back to the clubhouse on my bike. Having her arms around me helps with the pain clawing in my right arm. It's helping with another pain, too, but I'm not sure I'm willing to admit that yet. When I heard the first shot, I ran across the living room up the stairs as fast I could; my only mission was to get to her. I even caught a fucking bullet in the process. I didn’t even realize I had been hit¸ my adrenaline was pumped so high. Having a feeling other than wanting to stick my dick in Dani, has me nervous.

  When I’m around her, though, I think about someone other than myself. And she makes me feel respected; like when she dressed my bullet wound, no one has ever shown such care for me. I’m loyal to my brothers and would put my life on the line for them, and they for me. But there’s no company like a woman’s, and Dani’s company is much to be desired.

  I love Bobby like blood, but when Dani had her hands on him, I wanted to put my gun to his dick right there. And him seeing her in just that Devil's Dust shirt and underwear made me see red. I’m not the jealous type; this bitch has me twisted something deep. I've been trying to deny that there might be something deeper than sex with Dani, but that was before bullets went flying at the safe house. I have never been so frightened for someone else’s safety in my life, except for Bobby. That fucker has had some close calls.

  Women are a scary breed. I have seen first-hand how women can be pernicious and venomous, like my mother. My walls are built thick with vile scars, but having it thrown at Dani like that is the first time I've felt regret. Getting through those walls might be more than I’m willing to give; and more than Dani is willing to handle.

  It's quiet when we pull up to the clubhouse. Most of the boys are at home with their Ol’ Ladies.

  When we walk in, Bull is at the bar with Hawk, our treasurer. Hawk is older than dirt and has been around here longer than any of us. Always chimes in with how the world is shit today, and back then he had to walk through snow both ways, kind of bull shit. We have to sit there and listen to the old bastard in respect, but man, is he an asshole.

  Bull gets up and heads straight toward Dani, inspecting her for any scratches or wounds. No doubt if the club princess had even a scratch on her pretty head, it would be my ass.

  “You alright, Darlin'?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. It was a little scary, but I’m fine.” You can tell in her voice she's trying to be tough, but deep down she is scared as shit.

  “I couldn’t fit her or her mom’s shit in my saddle bags; might send Charlie over to get it in the truck.”

  “I'll send someone over in the morning. I don’t want whoever that was to come back around and have one of my men in there packing. Let’s go figure this bullshit out; we can catch the rest of the boys up in the morning.” He runs his hand over his scruffy face. He always does this when he's trying to figure shit out.

  “Where’s my mom?” Dani asks, looking around the room. We haven’t seen her mother for hours; I'm curious where the bitch is as well.

  “She was shootin' the shit with some of the girls; drank a little more than she could handle. She’s in the room she was staying in at the end of the hall. Old girl can’t handle the booze like she used to, that’s for sure,” Bull chuckles to himself.

  Dani’s emerald eyes go hollow with a lost look, a look she often gets when Bull speaks of Lady. The woman he talks about and the woman we see are completely different. I think it fucks with Dani; she doesn’t really know who her mother is. At least I know my mother is a piece of shit.

  It is killing me not to touch Dani; to comfort her in some way. What the hell am I thinking? Fuck! The pull she has on me scares the shit out of me. Bull always says, this life is not meant for women. Pick your women carefully and tread lightly around them when it comes to club business. Poor Dani hasn't been treated lightly; she’s been thrown deep down in club shit. I want to protect her; from the club and from myself. Bull has a saying, passed down from his pops, he tells all of us often. “Lust like a saint, trust like a sinner.” I remember how confused Bobby and I were when he told us that the first time. He made us ponder on it for awhile, but it still made no fucking sense. Bull eventually told us, 'Lust like a saint', means nobody is as good as they seem, even saints. And 'trust like a sinner', means trust nobody because nobody will trust the sinner you are. Something I need to remember often around Dani.

  “This...“ Bull pauses, trying to choose his words carefully, “what happened tonight... she’s going to go through the roof,” he finishes, exasperated. No doubt Dani's mom will freak out; who knows what she'll do. I don’t trust the bitch, I know that.

  “She doesn’t need to know,” Dani says, with such force that it shocks me. “We can make up a reason we need to be here, instead of the safe house.” Maybe she has a little more fire under her ass than we take her for.

  Bull laughs; hell, we all laugh. “My daughter. I think there is some Devil's Dust in there after all. Lying to your momma, making me proud and shit.” Bull has the biggest, goofy-assed grin I have ever seen on his ugly face. I swear if that shit smile widened anymore his face would crack.

  Truth is, as angelic as Dani looks, I can see the darkness that runs through her veins swimming around like meat-eating sharks, waiting to be released. If I can see it, I'm sure her mother can too. Explains a lot about why her mother sheltered her from the rogue life for so long, but even I know you can only trap a darkness, a beast for so long. Of course, the darkness that swims in Dani's DNA pool seems like a minnow compared to the rest of us, to me.

  “Go get some sleep. You're safe here, Darlin'. We will figure out who those assholes are.” Bull treads lightly, giving Dani a kiss on her forehead. I want to put my lips on that angelic face, too. I can think of a couple of places where I want to put my lips on that knock-out body of hers. I sigh heavily in defeat; the attraction I have for Dani is exhausting.

&nbs
p; “What then? I mean after you find out who is responsible?” she asks, snapping me from my daze. Bull stands there with his back to us, rubbing his face again.

  “Then we kill the fuckers.” Bull just throws it to her straight. Dani nods her head in knowing and takes off to her room; my room. I wonder what is going on in that mind of hers; wonder if she thinks we really are the beasts her mother has been crying to her about. We are; I am.

  “Shadow, Doc is on the way; 'til then, fill me in.” We sit around the wooden table where we handle club business. My arm is on fire, making it hard to focus.

  “We were sitting around watching T. V.; Dani went up for the night; next thing...” Bobby throws his hands up in the air, “bullets came fucking flying into the side of the house. I grabbed my pistol and went toward the shit storm-“ Bobby stops short.

  Bull points at me. “Where were you?”

  “After I realized we were under attack, I went to make sure Dani hadn’t been hit. Must have caught the bullet when Bobby threw the door open.” I eyed Bobby. Fucker never feared death; always went running toward the bullets instead of away from them. Bull nods and looks back at Bobby to continue.

  “They were shooting with pistols; I think five gunmen on bikes. That’s all I could make of 'em.” Bobby shakes his head, ashamed he can't ID who it was. He hated when he couldn’t deliver 100% to the club. He'll be drowning himself in cheap booze and worn out pussy for the next twenty-four hours.

  “Pistols,” Bull repeats, astounded. “For a drive-by?” Usually, a drive-by is handled with fully-automatics; more damage and half the time. To use pistols seems amateur.

  “Tell me more about the call you got from your mom.” Bull points at me again. I hate when he calls her my mom; bitch is not my mother, just a fucking junkie who carried me for nine months.

  “Called me this morning saying she wants a kilo in coke or twenty thousand... if I didn’t deliver she was, uh...” I pause. She said she was going to take my new little girlfriend, but I'm not about to fucking tell Bull that. I’m not even sure how the junkie knows about Dani. She must have followed me around to insinuate that Dani is mine to even take; and that will raise questions about Dani and me. Her threatening me pisses me off to a whole other level; makes me see black .Throwing Dani into the threat, though, makes me feel something I can't even put a name on. All I know is Dani’s safety has become my number one priority.

  “She was going to take something else, like the girl,” I finish, avoiding eye contact with Bull. I hate fucking lying to his face, but if he thinks I am after Dani in any way, he’ll kill me. Bobby eyes me suspiciously, he knows I’m lying. I hate that he knows me so well, no doubt I will be hearing it from him later. He’s worse than a bitch sometimes, always nagging me.

  “Said she needed the money badly. Haven’t heard from the bitch in years; not since she put me down as an emergency contact after her junkie boyfriend and drug dealer,“ I scoff. I remember getting the call; the nurse said my mother was incoherent from a drug overdose and they needed to know if they could treat her. She was too fucked up to sign herself in, or some bull shit. I don’t know, as soon as the nurse said her name I told her to take me off the damn emergency contact list. I could care less if the bitch died in a fucking ditch; putting me on the list seemed asinine.

  “What about Lady’s ex-boyfriend?” Bobby asks, to no one in particular.

  “Could be. Might have found out she ran back here. Maybe thought he would put a club in his pocket, have them take out his witnesses.” Bull rubs his scruffy jaw again; that shit irritates me. “Hawk, we good on shipments and dues?”

  Hawk gruffs under his breath before answering; bastard's mean as a snake.

  “Have I told you we were off? We are still on for the drop in two days, supposed to call us tomorrow with the drop location,” he huffs under his breath again. Bull raises his eyebrows waiting for Hawk to answer his question. ”Yes, Princess, we are good on dues. See, that’s the problem with this club today, you get these pretty boys in here to do your-”

  “Thanks, Hawk!” Bull cuts him off. Hawk gruffs, but continues his bitching under his breath. Only Bull could get away with that shit. If we did something like that... if Bull didn’t pistol whip you first, Hawk would break your fucking arm. Bobby knows.

  A knock came at the door.

  “What!” Bull yelled at the door, his body rising slightly with the force of his voice.

  “Doc’s here,” Charlie says, poking his head in between the double doors. He isn’t allowed in the meeting since he hasn’t earned his patch yet. He's a good prospect, though; I’m sure he'll get it before too long; always gets the bitch jobs and never complains.

  “Alright,” says Bull. “I will have Locks check into some local clubs, make sure we don’t have any problems...” Hawk raises up out of his chair and eyeballs him, pissed that Bull isn’t trusting his word.

  “Just to make sure, Hawk. If you want to double check and get back to me, you can do it. See if they've heard anything, or if other clubs have been hit.” Bull throws his hands in the air in surrender. Even he is afraid of the old fucker.

  Bull comes around and pats my shoulder. “I want you, Bobby and Locks on the drop. Dani and Lady will be safe here.” I nod; I don’t want to leave Dani, but I can’t stray from club business.

  “You think you can ride with that arm?” Bull asks, pointing to the blood-stained rag tied around my bicep.

  “Yeah, just another day,” I respond.

  “Get that lug out and get some sleep; both of you,” he says to me and Bobby before walking out.

  Dr. Jessica comes in with her black bag. She's hot, I'll give her that, but she doesn’t put up with any of the guys' shit. They've all tried to get in her pants. Only guy she's slept with has been Bobby; so he says. She helps the club out under the table, repaying us for some shit she was in a couple years ago. Her husband beat the shit out of her on a daily basis, then started to hit on their little girl too. She tried to leave him and he nearly killed her. He was powerful and rich as fuck. She was in a shit spot. She showed up at our doorstep one day all battered to hell, offering to help us if we would help her with her problem. It’s not normally our style, to take in strays like that, but Bull had a soft spot for her. He can smell a pig a mile away, so if he said she was okay, then we were okay with her. So we killed the husband and disposed of the body; didn’t have to worry about his sorry ass anymore. She was a tough bitch and great at her job so it was worth it in the end. I’ve killed for less, that’s for sure.

  “If I had known you were coming, I would have shot myself!” Bobby jokes at her as she walks in. Her long blond hair is hanging down her back and she's wearing blue scrubs; she is cute as hell in those damn things. We have two docs; her and some old fart. We're always thrilled when she shows up; sexy girl playing doctor is always a win over an old fart.

  “If I knew you were here, I would have brought my gun and shot you myself, Bobby,” she says with a wolfish grin. One thing's for sure, she can handle herself.

  “How ya feeling, Shadow?” She pulls up a chair and angles herself around my arm. “Nice job; putting pressure on the wound. Saved yourself some blood with that little number,” she says as she starts to unwrap Dani’s handiwork; I'll have to tell her the Doc approved.

  “I've been better, Doc.” I wince when the pressure is released, watching blood trickle down my arm.

  “He didn’t do that doohickey on his arm; his ball and chain did,” Bobby says, with a shit eating grin on his face, pissing me off.

  I pull my gun out from behind my waistband and set it on the table. “You might stay around, Doc, cause I’m about to fucking shoot him myself.”

  “It wouldn’t be the first time, dick.” Bobby spits at me, his goofy grin gone, causing me to grin. When we were younger and we got our first guns, we were out shooting cans for practice. Bobby was great at shooting and didn’t feel any remorse in letting me know how much better he was at it. Let’s just say I accidentally
shot him in the foot.

  “Please don’t shoot him, Shadow, it’s late; and stop calling me Doc, damn it. All the damn cartoons my kid has me watching; you remind me of a damn rabbit.” She pulls out a syringe with a long-ass needle. I hate this part. I should be used to that needle as many time as I've been shot, but it still makes my lungs seize up.

  “You’re going to feel a sting.” She pushes the long needle in; instantly I feel numbness licking up my arm.

  “How is your little girl?” I ask, trying not to watch her as she pokes and prods for the stray bullet lodged in my bicep. My head suddenly feels a little light so I rest my head on the back of the chair and breathe deeply.

  “She’s alright, got a spelling bee next week.” Her blue eyes stare intently at the wound. She has such focus. She obviously loves her job, even if doing it includes working on us outlaws.

  “She’ll do great. Smart as hell, like her momma,” Bobby says, trying to charm her. And he calls me pussy whipped. Jessica doesn't even look over at Bobby. I wonder what their story is. She seems to be the only bitch he's ever chased. She acts uninterested, but maybe that's just a front.

  “Alright, you’re all done. Take it easy for the next twenty-four hours. I would tell you to stay off your bike, but I know you won’t listen.” She sets the bullet she pulled out on the table, it's a little bloody, and then starts to wrap up my arm with white gauze and tape. I didn’t even notice her stitch it up; she works quick.

  “Take these pills every few hours, don’t mix with alcohol; but I know your stubborn ass won’t listen to that either. I’m not even going to bother with a sling because you won’t keep it on.” I laugh, because she is right. I will be back on my bike tomorrow and drinking before the night is over. That sling wouldn’t be on more than five minutes before I would be sick of it. She sets the orange bottle of pills on the table before turning to leave.