What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  Bobby, clearly pissed at how disrespecting the little shit is, walks over to the guy and hits him in the nose with the butt of his gun. Blood splatters everywhere. He’s lucky it was Bobby because once I get going, I don’t like to stop. Bobby knows that first hand. We met in “juvie jail”; he was in for grand theft auto, I was in for assault. I nearly beat a kid into a coma just for teasing me for being poor.

  “Fuck. Okay, okay,” he yells, holding his nose and making me laugh. Only took one hit to make him rat out his own club; amateur. If he was ours, he would be six feet under.

  “Big Jim is pissed you guys disrespected us. He’s here to take your business and teach you some respect,” Chad sputters out, blood flying all over his arms and hands. Big Jim, must be their shitty president.

  “How’d you find my safe house?” Bull asks, rubbing the damn stubble on his face again.

  “What safe house?” Chad asks coyly. He knows exactly what the fuck we are talking about. He’s starting to piss me off, playing games. The hair rises on my neck and rage floods my veins. I pull my pistol back to hit him; maybe a second hit will remind him.

  “We followed you from the pizza joint. Don’t hit me again!” he yells quickly, as he winces back on the bed to avoid my gun.

  “We sent Charlie out for pizza that night. He must have been tailed back to the safe house, giving them our location,” I remind everyone.

  “Fucking prospect,” Bobby whispers. “He was tailed and didn’t even realize it.”

  “We scouted the house for a few hours and saw there were only three of you; it was easy,” Chad says, shrugging his shoulders. Again, my body temperature rises, I grip my gun tighter, and my finger taps the trigger.

  “It was easy? One of my men was hit, you fucking turd,” Bull yells. The boy just laughs, blood still spilling from his nose. Bull nods at me, “teach him what happens when he fucks with us.” I hover my pistol over the boy's leg. ”Don’t kill him, though. We don’t need that kind of heat right now. Just a lesson will do,” Bull insists, knowing I will gladly put this fucker under by clipping a main artery.

  Chad instantly starts screaming like a damn girl when he sees we are serious. Bobby jumps on the bed behind him and cups his mouth to quiet his screams. Without a second thought, I aim my pistol, cock it, and pull the trigger; all in one fluid motion.

  The punk screams louder and his eyes bug out as the bullet penetrates his leg.

  “You would think you shot his dick off. What a pussy,” Bobby says, laughing.

  “You tell your president, Big Jim, to get the fuck out of my town or next time that bullet goes in your head, son,” Bull says; and on that note the kid passes out.

  “You’re kidding?” I laugh.

  “I told you, the El Locos are a piece of work,” Bobby says, letting the boy fall limp on the shitty mattress.

  As we ride back to the clubhouse, I have to admit I wanted the violence to escalate in that motel room. Violence has always been the only thing that makes me feel alive. I've come to crave that feeling. Often in the past, I've hired myself out as a hit man when club business doesn't quench the thirst for blood. Right now, though, all I can think about is Dani. Being with Dani also makes me feel alive. I know I have to be careful. I'm not sure if I can depend on her, trust her, yet. I don't know how she'll react when she learns the full depths of the darkness that lurks within me. If I get too close, if I let her in, her absence could leave me broken and in worse shape than I am now. Oh, hell, who am I fooling? I've already let her in; that's what scares me.

  As we pull up to the clubhouse, Bull and Locks head straight in, talking about the party tonight and leaving Bobby and me behind.

  “Oh, by the way, Bro, when I got out of the shower this morning I didn’t have any clean jeans,” Bobby interrupts my thoughts as he climbs off his bike, “so I grabbed a somewhat clean pair from the dirty pile. Come to find out, they aren’t mine.” He looks at me with a wolfish grin on his face. What the fuck is he talking about? Sharing an apartment with Bobby is becoming a pain in my ass.

  “Well, I pulled my phone from my pocket and pulled out these delectable little things,” he holds up Dani’s pink panties. “I think they have seen better days, though.” My eyes widen. “The only girl who could wear something this cute would have to be Dani.”

  Instantly, my blood boils. I reach out to grab them from his hand but he pulls back, making me miss my target.

  “Way I see it, Bull is going to find out about you two and when he does he is going to know I know. I’m going to end up with at least a bullet and I ain’t even screwing the bitch. I think it’s only fair I keep 'em.” He is laughing so hard, I can barely make out what he’s saying.

  “You are truly fucked up if you think I’m letting you keep those. If you don’t hand them over, right fucking now, I’m going to shoot you in the damn foot again!” I quietly growl at him, hoping Bull is inside the club by now.

  “Ah, so you did shoot me in the foot on purpose when we were kids.” His tone is serious now.

  “I’m about to shoot you in the dick!” I yell at him, getting impatient.

  He laughs and throws the panties in my face. “What kind of perfume does she use? Smells fucking great,” he says over his shoulder walking toward the clubhouse. I have no doubt he has been smelling them; probably jerked off to them. The man is a freak and a dead man. As soon as I get him to myself, I’m going to put my boot in his head. Just the thought of him looking at Dani’s panties has me seeing red.

  I woke up this morning feeling sore in all the right places. Even now, as I help Babs prepare for tonight's party, each painful move reminds me of where Shadow manhandled me; how he took me without mercy and made me his. Just thinking about it starts the flames of desire licking from the tips of my toes, up through the center of my sex, over the peaks of each hard-nippled breast and flushes my cheeks. I hope no one notices as I sweep floors and stock the bar with assorted brands of beer and liquor. Other women have been coming and going, helping to set up trays of dip for chips and all other sorts of finger foods. Babs said my dad wants a party tonight but she didn't mention if there is an occasion or not. Either way, I'm sure he will want me to go to my room. I am not giving in without a fight this time. I look up from stocking bottles and see my dad and Locks walk in. Locks heads into the kitchen to find Babs, I'm sure.

  “Hey, what ya doing?” my dad asks as he ambles up to the bar.

  “Just helping out Babs,” I reply. “Hey dad, I was thinking I can help bartend tonight,” I word vomit, not even thinking before speaking.

  “No way, absolutely not.” He answers shortly.

  “Oh, come on, Bull. She's going to see what goes on in the club eventually, especially now that she's staying,” Babs interjects, coming in from the kitchen.

  “Whats going on?” Shadow is standing next to my dad looking confused. I didn’t even see him come in I was so wrapped up in asking my dad to willingly desensitize me.

  “She wants to bartend tonight for the party,” my dad tells Shadow, as he rubs his scruffy jaw. I love when he does that; it reminds me of the sound of sandpaper.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Shadow says quickly, his face as worried as I have ever seen it. His expression takes me by surprise for a second. Is he afraid I'll see who he really is at the club's most carefree moments? Will the beast he claims to be come out? It can’t be much worse than licking coke off a whore's nipple, come on.

  “She can get paid; help get her out of the club. Bet she would do great in tips,” Locks says. I turn and glare at him, he just wants me out of the club. I remember him bitching to Shadow about me and my mother staying here.

  “Yeah, alright, but don’t make me regret this, Dani.” My dad gets up from the bar. “You got anything good to eat back there, Babs? I'm starving,” he enters the kitchen with Babs and Locks on his tail.

  “Can you get me a beer, Firefly?” Bobby asks. I reach down and grab him a Bud Light. When he reaches for the beer,
I see dark red blood spattered across his hand and I feel all my own blood drain from my face.

  “Shit!” Bobby says, swiping the beer from my hand and rushing toward one of the rooms down the hall. I look up at Shadow and see concern written all over his face. I know I’m getting a peek at the monster under the mask now. What I don't think he understands is that getting a glimpse behind his mask might give me a better idea of what exactly I have hiding behind my own mask.

  “I’ll be fine; everything will be fine,” I assure him, whispering so nobody can hear me.

  He nods toward the hallway, gesturing for me to follow. Once we are in my bedroom, he locks the door and turns to me. “I don’t want you out there tonight, Dani.” Even when he’s mad, he’s gorgeous.

  “Yeah, well, I want to be out there. Are you afraid I will see this beast you claim you are?”

  “You think being out there tonight is going to give you a glimpse of my demons? Ha! Maybe a little, but most of my beast lies closer to the idea of what was on Bobby’s hands, Dani.”

  I’m completely taken aback by his comment. Does he think he’s a beast because he has killed? Is he a murderer like my mother says; like the news articles said? The thought that he has murdered is a little scary. I'm sure he could kill me in a split second if he wanted to.

  “Tonight will just be guys trying to pick you up and get you drunk to have their way with you. Not everyone will back down just because you are the president’s daughter,” he says, snapping me from my thoughts.

  “Like you?” I smile.

  He laughs as he runs his hand back and forth through that messy top. “Yeah, like me.”

  By 6pm there are tons of bikers at the clubhouse; some I have never met before. There’s also a sea of half-naked girls. I can't see where Shadow went off to because there are so many bodies and I am being yelled at left and right for shots or bottles of beer.

  I am pretty busy, but every once in a while I look out into the crowd and see things I have never seen before. In the corner is a guy from another club who has his head thrown back in ecstasy while a girl is bobbing up and down in his lap giving him a blow job. It turns me on, surprisingly. There are multiple people sniffing coke off the coffee table with rolled up dollar bills. The half-dressed girls are now running around completely naked. After an hour, I have pretty much seen it all. The club becomes thicker with the smell of smoke and cheap perfume; and louder with the cacophony of voices and blaring music. To actually hear what anyone is saying, I have to be face to face and sometimes just lip read.

  “Well, look at you,” yells a guy with a black bandanna and black beard grown out into a braid. “You must be new. I would remember a gal like yourself.” He has a black shirt on with a cut that says he is one of our own; his name, 'OLD MAN', sketched on his worn patch. I haven’t seen him before, but there are plenty of the members I haven't met personally.

  “What can I get you?” I yell, before taking a sip of the beer I have setting under the bar. His attempt to charm is lost on me; everyone has been flirting. Everyone except Shadow, that is. Where is he?

  “How about you on your knees?” he yells back and flicks his tongue out at me. I can only laugh. Seriously, is this a line they use on girls?

  “Something funny, bitch?” he sneers, puffing his chest out.

  “Yeah, the fact that you think you're God’s gift to women. Either tell me what you want to drink or get the hell out of the way so I can help someone else,” I yell back at him while sipping my beer again; this being my third one, I can feel my nerves ease and my confidence rise.

  “You little cunt!” All of a sudden, he jumps over the counter to grab hold of me with his meaty hands. I instantly grasp the neck of my bottle, ready to wallop the man in the head with it. Before he can make contact, though, his arm is ripped backward. I look past him, following the tattooed arm holding the dirt bag, to find Bobby shaking his head at the man. He leans in and whispers something in Old Man’s ear. Old Man’s face nearly turns pale, then serious.

  “Your dad should get a hold of you before that mouth of yours gets you into trouble,” he sneers as he's walking away.

  “You are a brave woman talking shit like that to a biker; and what the hell were you going to do with that bottle?” Bobby asks amused; his face full of laughter.

  I look at the bottle I'm still clutching in my hand. I'm a little stunned that my first instinct was to fight back.

  “You're different,” he says, trying to size me up.

  “How so?” I ask, taking a swig of the beer.

  “Most women don’t mouth bikers,” he says, laughing. I shrug in response and grin.

  Looking out into the crowd, a swarm of people move as one and I spy Shadow standing in a circle of boobs and legs. The sight makes me slightly gasp and my palms sweat. I hate how jealous I am and that just makes me even more pissed. A girl just looking at Shadow makes my claws come out and he isn’t doing anything wrong; he is just talking.

  Suddenly, in my line of sight, I see a pair of dainty fingers snap. They belong to a woman I haven't seen before. Her short hair is black with streaks of blond slicing through it. Her smoky eyes and bright red lipstick have been meticulously applied. A black leather jacket is covering a red tube top but the counter blocks my view below that. She is quite fierce looking; nothing like the other girls I've seen around here.

  “Can I get two beers here!” she yells at me, her voice like silk yet sassy.

  “Yeah, sorry,” I respond, snapping from my embarrassing gawking episode. I reach down into the cooler and bring out two beers. She rolls her eyes as she snatches them and walks off. I can’t help but watch her walk away; her black leather pants are skin tight, showing off everything her mother gave her. I watch those swaying hips walk right toward Shadow and his circle of babes.

  “That’s Chelsea; she’s a hang-around. She’s been trying to become Shadow's Ol' Lady since she laid eyes on him,” Bobby, now behind me, whispers in my ear.

  “And Shadow?” I ask, curious about what Shadow thought of this Chelsea.

  “Shadow doesn’t do relationships. That’s what he tells her, anyway. He has fucked her a couple of times but sent her packing when he was done. She’s trouble, he says. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” He holds a small glass of clear liquid in front of my face, “here, have a shot with me.”

  I watch Shadow's face light up when Chelsea hands him a beer; instantly the other girls leave. Are they scared of her? Am I going to have to stake claim of Shadow like I did with Candy?

  “Put this salt on your wrist and lick it. Shoot the shot and then bite this lime.” Bobby pushes the glass into my hand, snapping my gaze. He turns my other wrist and shakes salt on it. “Lick it.”

  I dart my tongue out and lick up the grainy salt. He lifts my hand with the tequila, and I shoot it back. I wince visibly, making Bobby chuckle.

  “Hurry, bite this. It helps,” he says, handing me a lime wedge.

  I bite it and feel the sour tingle overcome the burn of the alcohol. My body instantly feels warm.

  “I have never done that before. It was awesome!” I yell at him, making him double over in laughter.

  I glance over at where Shadow and Chelsea stand and see her lean in and kiss him on the lips. Those are my lips, bitch!

  She turns and nestles herself right in front of his body, her back to his chest, claiming him in front of everyone. I literally feel my heart beating through my chest. My fists clench, making my nails cut into my palm. Shadow puts his hands on her hips, not even fighting her off. That just hurts. My eyes sting from the sight happening before me. Chelsea turns and runs her hand down his chest and over his groin. What the fuck?

  I start to exit the bar, ready for a throw down, but Bobby grabs my arm and leans into my ear. His frame, large like a football player, overshadows mine.

  “Breathe, Dani. If he pushes her away, it’s going to raise a lot of fucking questions. If you go over there and make a scene, it’s going to
raise even more questions. Come drink with me, and breathe.” His words make sense but the effects of my heart shattering still run cold, making the hurt vibrate through my limbs.

  “Come on, I'm not that bad to be around, am I?” he teases.

  I smile and grab three empty shot glasses, slamming them on the bar with a thud.

  “Hit me!” I yell at Bobby.

  “That’s my Firefly!” he yells back proudly.

  He grabs a bottle of tequila and fills all three shot glasses to the top. I shake some salt on my wrist, feeling the small crystals coat my skin. I lick my wrist and shoot back the first shot, then the second shot, and finally the third; the burn still not easing any. As I slam the third glass down on the bar, Bobby hands me a lime wedge and I bite it hard. My body temperature is rising rapidly and I start pulling on my shirt.

  “It just got really hot in here!” I yell at Bobby.

  “Keep your shirt on. Your dad will beat your ass if you flash all these bikers!” He tosses back three shots as well.

  I look over at Shadow and see Chelsea whispering into his ear. His face is masked with an unfamiliar look.

  “Hey, can I get a shot of Jack!” a voice yells at me from over the bar. I grab a clean shot glass, fill it and hand it over to an older lady.

  “Try this; it’s called a lemon drop.” Bobby hands me another shot glass. “Chicks dig it,” he says as I down it without question. It is delicious and comes with less kick than the straight tequila.

  “That is so yummy!” I say dramatically, rolling back my eyes and feeling slaphappy. The liquor is clearly taking over.

  “We should dance. I could totally dance right now,” I say, grabbing on Bobby’s arm.

  “Eh, how often do you drink?” Bobby yells in my direction, trying to be heard over the loud music of Buckcherry.

  “Never. Well, I mean I have had wine here and there, and a shot with my dad the other day,” I explain, slurring my words. Bobby's face goes a little pale.

  “I’m cutting you off,” he yells at me, putting up the tequila bottle.