What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “What? Why?” I yell in protest. I was just starting to have fun.

  I grab Bobby's arm and drag him out on to the dance floor. If Shadow can be a slut, why can’t I?

  Bobby hesitates and tries to pull out of my grip as I drag him to the few dancing bodies in the center of the room. I start moving my hips in front of his, lowering my body as the song “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry takes over.

  “You're gonna get me killed, Firefly,” he whispers in my ear as he grabs my hips and pulls me close.

  “It’s fine. My dad went in the back a little while ago with some girls,” I assure him.

  “It’s not your dad I'm talking about.”

  I try to look back over at Shadow and... what was her name again? All I see is a swarm of people; fuzzy people, I might add. Suddenly, my stomach feels queasy and the room starts shifting.

  I look up at Bobby. “I don’t-“ I stop mid-sentence, choking on my tongue which now feels like it’s too big for my mouth.

  “Run! Run to the bathroom!” he yells, pushing me in the small of my back toward the hallway. The floor is rolling like the waves at the beach and I am pretty sure I'm stomping because I can't tell if it's on its way up or on its way down. My foot somehow catches on the floor and I go tumbling forward. Bobby catches me just before my nose lands. His hands are huge and hold my frame easily as he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. The room spins even faster.

  “That really didn’t help!” I choke, trying to hold back vomit.

  “Don’t fucking puke on me, damn it!” He rushes down the hall with my body bouncing on his broad shoulder. I clamp my hand over my mouth to hold the bile that's rising.

  He slides me down on the floor, right in front of the toilet, just in the nick of time. I lean over and spew a mixture of lime, beer, and tequila.

  “Oh, wow, that smells,” he says, pulling his shirt over his nose. I glance up at him; he truly is beautiful. His blond curls and blue eyes would make any girl swoon.

  “You’re so pretty,” I pronounce before expelling more vomit.

  He leans down and pulls my hair back as I continue to heave into the toilet.

  “I have never held a bitch's hair while she vomited. This is really gross,” he says in disgust. “And I'm not pretty. I'm handsome, rugged and good looking.”

  My fuzzy thoughts go back to Chelsea. She is so pretty and seems so secure of who she is, while I'm in here puking my guts out. Not so pretty right now.

  “I am pretty!” I yell in a drunken state.

  “What?” Bobby asks, laughing.

  “I could look hot in leather, right? She was not hot,” I cry, vomit dribbling down my chin. I am truly a mess. Never again!

  “Chelsea?” Bobby asks. I nod my head more than necessary.

  “She is hot in leather and so biker, and I'm not so much. I, ugh... I hate this. I hate this feeling, I mean. No. yes.” I am not making any sense. Then I vomit in the toilet one more time, making Bobby laugh again.

  “Shadow’s a fucking tool. You would be way hotter than Chelsea in leather,” Bobby says quietly. Feeling a little better I lift my head up at Bobby.

  “Really?” I ask, still insecure.

  “Well, maybe not right now,” he chuckles and grabs some toilet paper to wipe my chin. All I can manage is a snort in response.

  “Besides I've slept with Chelsea before and she’s not as hot as you think.” He scrunches his face in distaste. “That skank gave me crabs.” We both start laughing, even though I’m sure the situation wasn’t funny.

  “Don’t tell anyone I told you that!” he hisses. I nod my head in understanding and slide my fingers across my lips as if I’m zipping them.

  “Shit, how much did she have to drink?” Shadow asks, barreling into the bathroom. My sincere gaze at Bobby turns into a sinister grimace toward Shadow. I stumble up, pulling on Bobby as I try to stand. I hold onto the wall as I make my way toward the door frame where Shadow is. There is red lipstick on his neck. The sight of it makes me sick to my stomach, well, more than usual right now.

  “You –“ I stumble on my drunk tongue. “You have a little slut right there,” I say, pointing toward his neck. He steps around me and peers in the mirror, confused.

  “Fucking Chelsea!” he mutters under his breath.

  I stumble toward the bed. It is literally only six feet from the bathroom but it feels like twenty.

  I can hear Bobby and Shadow whispering heatedly at each other, but I cannot make out what they are saying. All I can focus on is the spinning room and it’s making me feel like I might vomit again.

  “Make the room stop spinning!” I yell out to nobody in particular.

  I look over and see Bobby leaving the room. He looks angry. Shadow comes at me from the bathroom.

  “Hey, drink this,” he demands as he hands me a glass of water. I take a small sip and almost gag.

  “No, drink a little more; you’ll thank me in the morning.” He tips the glass up making me take a bigger sip. I glare at him and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “I’m sorry, Dani,” he says sincerely, running his finger over the rim of the glass. His voice is deep and smooth, warming me with every syllable. Maybe it’s the liquor talking, but I cannot be mad at him. I didn’t like what I saw, but what was he supposed to do exactly. I feel like making him squirm just a little longer, though, so I say nothing.

  “I was in a tough spot; everyone knows I mess around with Chelsea. If I told her to get lost everyone would have wondered what was up.” Hearing him confess that he messes around with that slut-cake doesn’t make me feel any better.

  “Then just go be with her,” I yell at him. I'm sure it would make everything a lot easier.

  “Will you stop acting like that? I don’t want her, I want you. It’s just complicated,” he whispers, his admission that he actually wants to be with me stuns me out of my hissy fit.

  “You weren’t fighting her off very hard,” I whine, not sure if he can understand my words slurring together.

  “Well, she’s pissed now.” He raises his eyebrows. “I told her it wasn’t happening.” My eyes shoot up and I look at him skeptically. “Like really fucking pissed,” he says, laughing. “But, I was worried about you, I’ve been watching you all night and I knew you had more than you could handle” his voice is heavy with emotion, “and, at that point, I didn’t care what others were going to think. Fuck 'em.” I’m shocked, I didn’t think Shadow was watching me at all, I wonder if he saw me dancing with Bobby?

  “Well, Bobby agrees that I would be hotter than Chelsea in leather anyway,” I slur.

  “Bobby better learn to keep his opinion to himself,” Shadow mumbles, while gently guiding me the rest of the way to the bed.

  The alcohol takes me down into a deep, dark slumber. I try to open my eyes but it’s no use, I’m passed out and I don’t even have my shoes off.

  I wake up to a slight throbbing in my head and the sunlight shining through my window feels like a laser beam. I pull the blankets over my head to block out the light and hear something slide off the bed. I peek over the side and see a large, white gift box on the floor. What the hell is that?

  I reach down and grab it. It's heavier than it looks, so I drag it onto the bed with me. I open the lid and find a crisp, white note setting on top of black tissue paper.

  “I told you that you would hate me more than like me, but you're mine and mine is the hottest bitch in leather. -S”

  A small grin spreads across my face as I reread the note. I rip the tissue paper open and uncover a jet black leather jacket folded up. I run my fingers over the leather as the smell of it overtakes the room.

  The door opens and Shadow steps in. “Do you like it?” he asks with his hands in his pockets. He’s nervous; how cute.

  “I fucking love it!” I respond, making him laugh. “Nobody has ever given me anything like this before.” I pull out the jacket to admire it. The only time I've ever been given anything was when it was exp
ected, like a birthday.

  “Well, I have never given a gift before, so it’s a first for me, too,” he says quietly and sits down next to me.

  “Do you remember anything from last night?” he asks me, shifting his body behind me on the bed. I lay back and nestle myself on top of his hard chest; his masculine smell makes my senses instantly wake up.

  “Some,” I reply back.

  “Don’t ever think that you are not as hot as someone else, don’t ever stoop that low again,” he whispers in my ear. His tone is dominant and not to be messed with.

  He grabs my chin and lifts it so I'm staring right into scorching blue eyes “Don’t ever drink that much again, either.” He leans in and grazes his lips across mine.

  “Let’s get you in the shower and brush your teeth, babe,” he says laughing and pushing me off his chest. I’m sure I smell of vomit and stale liquor.

  Getting out of bed, I notice for the first time that I have been stripped down to my red bra and panties. Shadow must have taken my clothes off after I passed out. Ugh, red. After that girl last night, I can’t stand the color of red. Just the thought of her has me all pissed off again. I head for the bathroom with Shadow right behind me. When I reach the sink, I place my hands on the counter and glare as he’s turning on the shower.

  He sees me staring at him; I'm sure my face radiates my hatred.

  “Who was that girl last night, Shadow?” I finally ask.

  “Chelsea,” he answers flatly.

  “Who is she to you?” I wonder if she's actual competition, or just another bed notch like Candy.

  He grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head; my eyes immediately dart to his toned abs and happy trail. He’s not playing fair. I can’t be pissed and focus on our conversation when he takes his shirt off and looks like that.

  “She started coming around when Bobby and I became prospects. I started sleeping with her here and there. She got clingy, though; wanted more, wanted to be my Ol’ Lady. That shit wasn’t happening, though. I just didn’t see her for anything more than a good lay.” He spoke matter of fact. I nodded my head in understanding, somewhat. I hated that he had slept with her; she was beautiful, not trashy like Candy.

  He walks up behind me and starts kissing my neck lightly. My skin flutters with goose bumps in response to his tender lips.

  “She’s just another club whore to me; she’s not you. Nobody can be you.” He whispers against my skin, his breath so warm and sticky on my neck I turn my head, inviting him deeper.

  __________________________

  The scent of Shadow in the bed permeates my brain before I'm fully awake. I've gotten used to waking up like this over the past week. It started that day Shadow made love to me in the shower. Our hands slipped and slid all over each other. Our mouths nipped and sucked at every inch of wet skin we could reach. The shower stall filled with heavy moans and loud panting. My body molded to Shadow's perfectly; like I was made for him. Every time he touched me, whether it be his mouth, hands, or scruffy jaw scraping my delicate skin, I could feel our relationship flourish.

  I felt my emotions becoming deeper. Some would call it love, but how can you love someone you've known for just a short amount of time? Telling Shadow I am falling in love with him would surely scare him away. A guy who doesn't do relationships would piss himself at the three little words a normal guy just dreads. I won’t say it until he does; when I know it won’t push him away.

  The rest of the week went by much like what unfolded in the shower that day. We made love multiple times and even fucked a couple. Of course, we had to sneak and hide. Watching over our shoulders at every second was exhausting, but Shadow said it was necessary. Go figure, the first time I fall in love it has to be in complex terms.

  A few club whores flirted with Shadow over the week, but I just bit my lip and made myself busy. Afterwards, Shadow would come find me and fuck me into ecstasy like I was the only girl in the world.

  Shadow only stayed the night a couple of times. When he didn’t, he was all I thought about. We even texted like teenagers to help the emptiness we felt when we were apart. I can feel the affection from Shadow growing deeper, but he hasn’t said I love you yet; not even close. He has, though, become even more possessive. He doesn't want me to talk to the other guys, and he's telling me what I can and can't wear. I know he cares even if he doesn't come right out and say it.

  Shadow left my bed early this morning. He had to go take care of some club business; said he would only be gone for a couple of hours. I don't know what he's doing, but according to Babs, you never ask the guys what they are doing. I get up and follow my usual routine of getting a shower and brushing my teeth with Shadow's toothbrush.

  I grab my last clean bra and panties set and a not-so-dirty pair of shorts. In the closet I find the last clean tee, too. I need to do laundry today, and that will help keep my mind off Shadow for a while.

  I walk to the back of the kitchen to a little nook off to the side; it holds a little white washer and dryer. I throw my clothes in the washer and grab the laundry soap bottle. It's empty. There must be more around here somewhere. I search the cabinets in the small room but don't find any soap.

  I walk through the kitchen, into the main area and find Babs cleaning as usual. “Hey, Babs, where can I find a new bottle of laundry soap?” I ask.

  She waves me to follow her. In the kitchen, she pulls a door open that leads to a pantry. Shelves are filled with cleaning supplies, paper products, everything needed to run a clubhouse. “Shit, we’re completely out of soap. Have to go get some.” She says shaking her head.

  “I can go. I need to get out of here anyway; getting cabin fever,” I offer.

  “I can get Charlie to take you,” she says, leaving the pantry. When we get back into the main area, Babs yells for Charlie who comes running in from outside. As loud as Babs is, I'm not surprised he heard her.

  “Hey, babe, go get some laundry soap and take Dani with you. Girl could use some sun,” Babs says, handing Charlie some cash. “Just go up to the Mom and Pop's store.” He nods his head in agreement.

  I grab my new leather jacket and my phone before running out to the courtyard.

  Charlie climbs onto a bike similar to Bobby’s. As soon as I'm settled on the back, I feel uneasy. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by climbing on the back of the bike with Charlie. I place my hands on the side of the seat and lightly on his hip, trying to make as little contact as possible. If Shadow saw this, he would be pissing fire, I’m sure. That’s why I feel so uneasy about this; as protective as Shadow has been, this would be sure to throw him in hostile territory.

  Charlie starts the bike and takes off. His bike is fast but he doesn't go near as fast as Shadow. The sun feels great on my skin and the smell of the water is breathtaking. After about fifteen minutes, we pull up to a little white building that strongly resembles a gas station. A sign reads ‘MOM AND POP’S’ above the door frame.

  “I’ll go get the soap. Be right back.” Charlie says to me and heads inside.

  I take my helmet off while I wait; it is suffocating me. Suddenly, I hear a weird noise. I climb off the bike, helmet still in hand, and listen for where the sound is coming from. It sounds like there's a hurt animal behind the building. I look over at the doors Charlie had gone through to see if there is any sign of him coming out; there's none. I move closer to the side of the building and the noise gets louder. When I’m nearly behind the building, I see a black puppy with its leash caught on a bush.

  “Aw, you poor thing,” I coo, trying not to frighten it. I grab the leash and pull fiercely, breaking limbs in the process. When it's free, the puppy looks up at me for a split second then cowers down, lets out a distressed howl and takes off like a bat out of hell, leash and all. What the hell? I take a step after it and I’m suddenly pulled back with force. I drop the helmet as a hand grabs me by my forehead and holds me against a strong body. While I try to pry the hand off my head, a white cloth is slammed ove
r my mouth. I open my mouth to scream, causing me to inhale whatever is on the cloth. Everything becomes numb. Blackness swamps my vision.

  -------------------------------------

  My head is throbbing; throbbing so bad that I can feel it in my neck. I need to get up and get some pain reliever. I must have slept wrong. I open my eyes and see an unfamiliar wall. I sit up on a stained, queen-sized mattress and in a flash everything comes back to me. The puppy. The cloth. The darkness. Ah, my head. I reach up and touch my head and feel something thick and moist. I bring my hand down and see blood on my fingertips; why in the hell am I bleeding? I look around the room; it’s just empty. I feel my heartbeat accelerating; my blood rushing like the Nile. I’m panicking. “Breathe, Dani, breathe,” I whisper, trying to calm myself. Panicking will get me nowhere.

  Looking around the room, I see two rectangular windows near the ceiling. Wondering if I can reach one, I climb out of the bed and instantly feel an excruciating pain in my ankle. There's a metal clasp around it, attached to a chain. Forget panicking, I am on the verge of a heart attack. I run for the door but the chain stops me short, slamming me backwards to the floor.

  “Help! Can anyone hear me?” I scream, frantically.

  My voice trembles with fear; my spine stiffens. “Hello?” I yell and scream for help, but nobody answers. The voice making blood curdling pleas for help sounds like it is coming from someone else; someone scared that she might die. I have nearly lost my voice and my throat screams for something cool to ease the fire burning within.

  I curl up on the bed in a fetal position; the smell of leather from my jacket surrounding me. Just then a glimmer of hope strikes: my phone. I've been so panicked I forgot I grabbed it before we left the clubhouse. I feel around the pockets of my shorts; nothing. I look in my leather jacket; nothing, no phone. They must have taken it. Of course, they did; that’s kidnapping 101.

  “Shadow,” I whisper. Tears begin to caress my face, dripping off my lips onto the soiled mattress. The jacket reminds me of him; more tears hurdle themselves over the rims of my eyes. Does Shadow know I am even missing? Who kidnapped me? What do they want? Are they going to kill me? The last thought feels like I've been stabbed in the heart. The thought that I may never see Shadow again, that I may never live a life free of manipulation, has me holding my breath.