What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  I hear a commotion beyond the door, breaking up my pity party. I try to quiet my sobbing and slow my panicked breathing so I can listen.

  “This is so fucked up, Cassie, I can’t believe we did this,” an unfamiliar, scratchy male voice echoes through the wall.

  “Well, it’s not like I had much of a fucking choice, Ricky,” an unfamiliar female voice ridicules.

  “They’re going to be pissed. You think you’re in shit now, you wait. This is not how they go about things!” the male voice says back.

  “Hey, you are in this as much as I am, asshole! We've got someone they want. Adrian will either give us the cash or the drugs and then we split town.”

  Adrian, who the hell is Adrian? They have the wrong girl, I don't know an Adrian.

  I hate leaving Dani, but Bull insists I need to check out the warehouse with him. Got a call that some unfamiliar bikers have been around the area. I have no doubt it is the El Locos, but I can't point a finger of blame unless we have proof. Well, Bull can't. We pull up to the old warehouse where we keep a lot of our merchandise; not everything, we're not stupid. We keep our drugs and weapons in different warehouses around the state under different handles. That way if we ever get busted they won't get everything.

  “Car tracks!” I point to the dirt road as I slide off my bike.

  “Yeah, that’s not good, brother,” Locks chimes in. Someone has been here. If it was a rival club there would more than likely be motorcycle tracks; but that’s not always the case. Especially seeing that the only rivals we have right now are the El Locos, and let’s face it, they are dip-shits.

  “Looks like someone tried to break in, but failed,” Bobby says, inspecting the locks on the door.

  “I’m sure they'll be back to try again. Let's get this shit moved. We need to start watching our tails, someone's following us.” Bull says, climbing back on his bike. “Considering we still got heat rolling on us, we can’t rule anything out.”

  I climb on my bike for the ride back when Bull’s phone rings. “What’s up, Charlie?... Calm down, calm down. I can’t understand a fucking word you’re saying!” Bull yells. For some reason the hair on the back of my neck stands on end, and an arctic chill roars up my back.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?... Where are you?... Get to the club now!” Bull demands into the phone, his hand trembling and his face the darkest shade of red I have ever seen.

  “What’s up?” I ask.

  “Dani’s missing. Charlie thinks someone took her.” Bull starts his bike without further explanation. My heart stops beating; my blood pools to my feet. My Dani was taken; the girl I live and breathe for is missing. I start my bike instantly and head toward the club. The speed I’m driving leaves everyone in my dust. The whole time my heart hammers against my chest; my hands grip the handlebars so tight my knuckles are white. I will kill whoever took Dani. I will seek their blood and piss on their corpses when I find them. I will show no mercy.

  We pull up to the courtyard and Charlie is outside pacing. I park my bike, throw my helmet to the pavement and start toward him; seeking some kind of clue as to what has happened. How was Dani even taken? I didn’t even have to ask, he started spilling his guts instantly.

  “We needed laundry soap. Dani wanted to ride with, so I took her. I went inside to get the soap. She waited outside. I came back out and she wasn’t on the bike where I left her. I yelled for her, but nothing. I circled the building and found Dani’s helmet on the ground.” His eyes glassed up and his face went soft. “I fucked up.”

  The rage filling my very existence is at its breaking point. Why in the hell would he leave her outside? Why was she even on the back of his fucking bike? Without another thought, I rear my fist back and crack Charlie across the jaw. He stumbles back but doesn't go down. This fucking prick took my girl on the back of his bike, breaking a club law, and then didn’t even protect her? Hell no! I grab him by his shirt and crack him in his mouth again, blood splattering across my fist as it collides with his mouth. I am going to kill him with my bare hands.

  “You took her without permission and then didn’t even protect her, you piece of shit!” I grit out between my teeth.

  “Calm down, Shadow. Let him go!” Bobby yells, coming up from behind me and pulling my death grip from Charlie.

  Bobby leans his head next to me, “you better get hold of yourself. I know you are a fucking mess, but everyone is going to wonder why you are taking this so personal.”

  “Let them think what they want,” I huff. I don't care anymore. All I want is to know that Dani is safe, and who has her. A part of me knows he's right, though. I lost my cool with the thought of her on someone else’s bike and the fact he didn’t protect her. It's like she's my Ol' Lady; that I have subconsciously claimed her. I know the last week with her made me feel for her on a whole different level, I just didn’t realize how fucking deep 'til now.

  -------------------------------------

  The voices on the other side of the wall have gone quiet without revealing any usable information. What the hell would anyone want from me? Whatever it is, I won’t go down without a fight. I will cut, claw and kill whoever I need to to survive. Ha, listen to me, I sound so bad-ass. The Dani in New York would never have said that. She would have let them do whatever they wanted, and would have given them whatever they needed. That was when I was weak and I molded to whatever form my mother wanted. I'm convinced my mother saw the evil lurking within me, even before I did. I can see now why she shielded me from anything that would have provoked the darkness within. Shadow and my father’s club lures the savage out.

  Enough of this sitting around. It’s time to fight and survive.

  I climb off the bed, the chain rattling as I walk over to the door. It stops me about a foot short, so I lean over and start slamming my fist against the old door. My heart hammers with adrenaline and the fight to live.

  “Let me the fuck out!” I scream, my voice crude and every bit of rude.

  “Sounds like the priss is awake,” the male voice says. I hear footsteps coming toward the door. I back up, ready to pounce on the first person that comes through. When the door opens, I see the man that took me against my will. His brown hair shags down to his eyes; it’s oily and unruly. He's wearing a flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off and stained blue jeans. He smiles; his teeth rotting out; his thin colorless lips snarling. His eyes are dull like someone who should be in rehab or in a casket.

  “Well, well,” he rasps. The sound of his voice is infuriating, making him my target. I pull my fist back and connect it with his oily face. He stumbles and falls to the dirty floor; curses flying from his mouth. I start toward him, the chain rattling behind me, to kick him in his stomach but, he grabs me by the foot and pulls me to the ground with him.

  “You little bitch!” he yells, his breath permeating my space. I can feel my stomach protest at its rancid smell. He punches me in the face with no warning. His knuckles collide with my mouth, making my teeth sink deep into my lip. I immediately taste blood. My face screams out in pain and I see stars. He jumps to his feet, rears back his black boot, and connects it with my ribs. My eyes water to the point I have to close my eyes. My breath stolen from my lungs, I gasp for air. He leans down and grasps me by the throat, squeezing tightly. His muscle no match for mine, he brings me to my feet. My eyes pop open and stare at the man who is killing me by refusing my lungs air.

  “Put her down, Ricky,” the raspy female voice sounds from behind me. “We can’t use her if you kill her.” Ricky's eyes squint and scowl at me, but his grip releases and I fall to the ground. I instantly reach for my throat and take in the sweet air I was deprived of. I choke and sputter as my lungs inhale that first shaky breath. I was stupid and naive to think I could overpower him. I will need to be smart about this if I ever want to see Shadow again.

  “You would do well not to do that shit again,” the woman says, walking over and squatting down in my line of view.

  Her jet black
hair is tangled into a rat's nest; her body nothing but bones. She is wearing a ratty red t-shirt; her arms stained with needle marks from drug use. I look into her eyes and see dull, lifeless blue eyes, the corners etched with wrinkles. She smiles and her teeth are rotted out, her breath sneaking out and stealing mine with a rancid tide.

  “I’m Cassie. This is Ricky. Next time you wanna play boxer, I'm not going to stop him. Got that?” she asks, her forehead gathering wrinkles.

  How dare she. I wouldn’t have to play boxer if they didn’t take me against my will. My beast wants to be released again. I grit my teeth at the bitch.

  “Fuck you!” I whisper, my eyes never leaving hers.

  She nods her head as she stands. “I can see why Adrian likes you. You’re feisty.” She laughs, taking joy in my displeasure. Who the hell is this woman?

  “What do you want with me?” I ask, my voice cracks from the assault from Ricky. I try and stand, wincing at the burn coming from my ribs, the pain so hostile my vision becomes blurry. I wonder if the fucker cracked my rib; as bad as it hurts it wouldn’t surprise me. Cassie sees my pain and tries to help me to the bed. Her touch repulses me and I slap her hands away. “Get the hell away from me!”

  “You Adrian’s Ol' Lady?” she asks as she sniffles. Ignoring my comment, she sets me on the bed.

  “I don’t know an Adrian,” I yell, frustrated, making me wince again.

  She sniffs loudly again; taking the back of her hand she wipes her nose with it. Suddenly it all makes sense. This junkie is Shadow's mother. Is Ricky his father? Is Adrian, Shadow?

  -------------------------------------

  I sit at the same wooden table we do every other day. Usually, though, we are discussing shipments and payments. I never thought we would be talking about the fate of someone I care deeply about. Care deeply about; listen to me, I am pussy whipped beyond repair. I instantly regret pushing Dani away, holding out on her. The short time I had with her wasn’t enough, and in my world I wasn’t optimistic Dani would come back the Dani she was when they took her. Thoughts of her being raped and abused surfaced, making my stomach curdle with gut wrenching regret.

  “Bobby, see if that store has surveillance,” Bull says.

  “Got it, Boss,” Bobby responds, rising from the table.

  “I'll go with him.” I need to clear my head. Sitting here thinking of shit that could be happening to Dani is not helping me. I know who has her; just have no idea where they've taken her.

  We walk out onto the courtyard. Grabbing my helmet off the ground where I threw it earlier, I start putting it back on my head. The simple gesture sparks a memory of when Dani had such a hard time with her helmet. That was her first ride; the thought makes my lips curl into a smile. A smile I hadn’t had all damn day, not since I last saw Dani anyway.

  “You going to be alright, man,” Bobby asks, climbing on his bike. I don’t answer because the truth is that if something happens to Dani, it will be earth shifting.

  We pull up to Mom and Pop's store. Once inside, the smell of candy and bread invade my nose. I see Ma and head toward her. The club helps support this little shindig, so they know us well.

  “Hey, Ma, you got your cameras on?” I ask her politely.

  “I always got my cameras on, son; you can’t trust anybody these days. Why you ask?” she asks, her voice shaky with old age. Ma had to be in her late seventies, her and Pa have had this place since I could remember. I am pretty sure only Devil's Dust comes here, I haven’t seen anybody else.

  “Just got a situation that took place earlier. I would like to see them if that’s alright.” I lean up against the counter, trying to control the urgency of my voice. I take a deep breath.

  “Sure, follow me.” She walks into a door behind the counter, leaving me and Bobby to follow. She sits down in a rusty metal chair with a computer monitor sitting on a desk.

  “What do you need exactly?” she asks, looking up at me.

  “Go back to around the time Charlie was here,” I tell her. She knows who Charlie is because we send him after a lot of crap; bitch work. Considering what went down today, if he isn't kicked in the fucking ground, he'll be doing a lot of bitch work for a while.

  Ma starts rewinding and then stops. I see Dani and Charlie pull up to the parking lot. The sight of her makes my heart gallop. I'm determined to find her. Yet I see red and want to blow Charlie’s head off for having her on the back of his bike. When you have a girl on the back of your bike, she is your responsibility. Her being the president's daughter should make that more than a rule; it’s law. Instead he treated her as if she was Candy on the back of his bike. The thought makes me high with anger; this shit isn't over with me and Charlie.

  I see Dani walk to the side of the building.

  “You got cameras on the back lot?” Bobby asks.

  She presses a button and an image of the back lot pops up. You can barely see Dani’s head at the bottom of the screen; the camera pointing toward the parking lot instead of her. Within seconds, I see Dani’s hands flailing around and a rusty blue, older style Maxima pull up into the view of the camera. I see a man with a mask on carrying Dani’s lifeless body toward the trunk. The thought makes me swell with anger. The man is having trouble putting Dani in the trunk; he seems familiar to me. Then I see a person getting out of the car to help the man.

  “That's the junkie; my mother. I fucking knew it!” I yell. She threatened to take Dani, I just never thought she'd have the balls to do it. That bitch is as good as dead.

  -------------------------------------

  “What’s your name?” Cassie asks. I just look at her, her body completely taken by drugs long ago. I wasn’t telling her my name, screw her.

  “Fine. I don’t need your name,” she says flatly. “Tell me about the club; they run guns? I know they have drugs being an MC, right? You being Adrian’s Ol' Lady, I’m sure you know.” She fires the questions rapidly, sitting on the stained mattress with me.

  Why does she want to know this; telling her would make me a rat. Images of the articles on the computer I had found that night flicker through my head. The club takes care of rats in a way I didn’t want, they kill them. Even if I'm the president’s daughter, being a rat wouldn’t go unpunished; even I know that.

  “She ain’t going to tell you shit,” Ricky rasps. Their voices are making my head hurt. The pain from my head, my busted lip, and sore ribs makes me see double. I just want to sleep, sleep in Shadow's arms; just one more time.

  “Doesn’t look like Adrian is showing up with drugs or money. Now what?” Ricky asks, making me aware of Shadow's absence.

  “We could call Poppy,” Cassie says, her smile so disgusting it rips at my skin.

  “Ah, Poppy. I bet she would go for a pretty buck!” he says in astonishment, his smile mimicking hers.

  “Who’s Poppy?” I ask, the name making my skin crawl as it slips from my lips.

  “Now she wants to talk,” Cassie says, proud of herself.

  “Poppy buys girls and sells them to men with lots of money. A girl like you, I bet, would go to a high bidder.” Ricky raises his eyebrows.

  If I don't tell them what they want to know, they are going to sell me into sex trafficking, but if I talk, I am sealing my fate with the club. My heart thrums with alertness. I feel cornered; no way out. Why hasn’t Shadow come for me? He should have noticed I was gone by now. Sex trafficking means being abused, drugged, raped, and my soul branded into an object. I wouldn’t be a human; I would be owned. Shadow is not the beast he claims he is. This bitch he calls a mother is a beast. Men like Ricky and Poppy; they are beasts.

  “I’ll give him a call,” Ricky says, leaving the room.

  I jump to my feet, pain ripping through my body and making it hard to think clearly. “Wait!” I yell.

  Ricky skids to a halt at the door frame.

  “How is Shadow, er, I mean Adrian supposed to give you what you want if he doesn’t know who has me?” I reason, trying to think on my to
es at where I am going with this. I am merely trying to stall them.

  “What do you mean; he knows who has you. I told him what would happen if he didn't give me what I want. I've given him plenty of time,” Cassie says, as she lifts off the bed to join Ricky.

  “He is in a Motorcycle Club. I have had plenty of threats of being taken, sweetheart. He has no clue who has me,” I say, my tone flat and shaky. As far I know only she has threatened to take me, but maybe if I play my cards right I can make contact with Shadow so he can pinpoint exactly where I am.

  “What’s your point, bitch?” Ricky asks, irritated.

  “Call him; tell him where I am? Take a picture of my face?” I say, pointing to my busted lip and my head. If it looks as bad as it feels, it will make Shadow blow his lid for sure. “Show him you’re not messing around,” I pronounce, matter-of-fact.

  “And what happened to my head anyway?” I ask, as it throbs loudly.

  “I couldn’t get you in the fucking trunk,” Ricky says, laughing. So glad my pain brings him pleasure.

  They both look at each other, both wondering if I had a point.

  “Go get her phone,” she orders Ricky. He rolls his eyes and mumbles off into the other room. He comes back with my phone and starts trying to figure out how to take a picture. I look around the room to see if something can help locate where I am, but even I don't know where I am.

  “Maybe you should take me into the other room; the lighting in here sucks. He will never see my busted lip with the lighting in here,” I say, trying to play them over. Night is coming on and the two little windows did nothing for light. Maybe in the other room there is a larger window and something out the window will place my location. I have to be quick with night approaching so fast.