Nobody's Fantasy

by Louise Hall

  “How are you doing, Jane?” Rusty asks when we walk back into the front of the shop. He’s taken over from Shanks at the front desk.

  “Great,” Jane nods her head enthusiastically.

  As soon as Emmy’s busy with a client, Jane slumps forward onto the desk. “Ugh, I feel like hell. Who thought it would be a good idea to be a human hole punch?”

  “You,” I tease, rubbing the back of her neck. “You want me to get you a couple of painkillers, hot stuff?”

  She looks me up at me from her prone position on the desk, “I want to scoff them like candy.”

  ZEV

  “Since we’ve established that neither of us sleep anywhere near as well without the other one and we can’t keep crashing at Rusty’s old apartment, I think we need to get rid of all the weirdness between you, me, Mats and Vada.”

  “OK,” I don’t need to hear more to know that this is a monumentally bad idea.

  Jane continues oblivious, “I was thinking that the four of us could go out tomorrow night, get to know each other somewhere else apart from our kitchen when we’ve all just woken up. It could be fun.”

  I blink really fast. “Fun?” It could be a lot of things but fun definitely isn’t one of them.

  I can see Shanks laughing his ass off behind Jane’s back.

  “Hey,” Jane swats my arm, “I know Mats comes across as super nerdy but he’s actually really great when you get to know him.” Her brother might be great but he’s also almost ten years younger than me.

  “You seriously want to go on a double date with Mats and the Smurf?”

  “Yes,” Jane says decisively. “I think it’ll be good for all of us. Mats and I haven’t done anything touristy so far. I’ll stop by the coffee shop at lunchtime and check if Vada’s free.”

  Of course Emmy busts out laughing when Shanks tells her what I’ve reluctantly agreed to while Jane’s out at lunch.

  Vada, the little traitor, agrees with Jane that it’s a great idea for us to go on a double date.

  My last client of the day is one of my regulars and it takes longer than expected so we agree that I’ll pick up the Smurf and meet Jane and Mats at the mini-golf course they’ve chosen. Jane’s excited so I try really hard to hide my grimace. I literally can’t remember the last time I played mini-golf, it must have been with my parents, I guess.

  When we park up at the mini-golf, I definitely can’t miss Mats and Jane. Mats is scowling like he doesn’t want to be here almost as much as I don’t. He’s wearing a denim jacket and he’s pulled it tight across his chest.

  “Aren’t you sweating buckets in that thing?” Vada teases.

  Mats shoots a look at Jane, who just laughs. “My sister,” he says through gritted teeth, “decided that we should embrace the full Hawaiian experience on our date tonight.”

  He reluctantly lets go of his jacket allowing Vada to open it up a bit. “I’ve changed my mind,” I say when I catch a glimpse of what he’s wearing underneath. “I think tonight could be fun after all.” Especially if I get to tease Mats all night.

  “I’d be careful if I were you,” Mats glowers at me, “she brought spares.”

  Yep, that’s definitely enough to shut me up. I was born here in Hawaii, I’m quite happy to leave the gaudy Hawaiian shirts to full-bellied, sunburned tourists.

  Jane looks equally silly – she’s wearing a yellow t-shirt emblazoned with the name of one of the shaved ice stores on the front. It’s too big so she’s knotted it to one side. She’s paired that with a cute mini-skirt in a similar gaudy print to the shirt Mats is reluctantly wearing. It’s bright and wacky but it actually looks cute on her. I’m also really glad to see that even though she’s stepping out of her comfort zone – this mini-golf course is closer to the touristy side than we usually venture – she hasn’t covered up her leg.

  “Zev, can you give me a ride home?” Vada asks as we queue up to collect our clubs.

  “I can give you a lift,” Mats offers. My cousin has convinced him to ditch the jacket.

  “OK, I just didn’t know if you were planning on drinking tonight?”

  Mats looks horrified, “we’re underage.”

  “I know,” Vada says. She doesn’t look at me when she says it because she knows I’ll be annoyed with her. “I’ve been here before, they’re not that strict and I’ve got a fake ID.”

  Mats shakes his head, “I don’t drink.”

  I’m kind of proud of him; it would have been so easy for him to pretend to be cool in front of his girlfriend.

  “What about you, Jane?” Vada asks.

  “I’m OK, I don’t drink either.”

  I put my hand on Jane’s arm; I don’t want to spoil her fun tonight. “You don’t have to say no because of me.”

  She looks confused and I realise that I’m an idiot because she doesn’t know how I lost my leg and therefore why I don’t drink anymore.

  “I’m really OK,” she whispers so she doesn’t guilt-trip Vada, “my leg’s like this because of a drunk driver.”

  She and Mats have never had shaved ice before so they each get one of those, Vada gets a beer and I take a bottle of water because even though it’s dusk, it’s still crazy hot.

  The course isn’t too busy and not that I’d ever admit it to Emmy or Shanks but it’s kind of nice to do something cheesy – I definitely like seeing Jane enjoying herself.

  Even though we’re the locals here, Mats and Jane are so much better at mini-golf than me and the Smurf. With a couple of holes to go, they’re way out in front and the Smurf and I are battling hard to avoid finishing last. I put my ball down and position my club and I dig deep to try and find some remnant of golfing skill from when I came with my folks all those years ago. It must work because the ball bounces down the green slope and hits the concrete at the end at just the right angle to go straight in the hole. Jane jumps and down with excitement, she’s already had three holes in one but I think she’s more excited for mine than she was for any of hers.

  “You’re cute,” I haul Jane up against me while Vada lines up her shot.

  “You’re having fun, admit it,” she teases.

  “I might be,” I rub my bottom lip against hers, letting the ring snag against her flesh. She shivers a little, digging her fingers into my shoulders a little deeper.

  Even though her brother and the Smurf are right there, I can’t resist kissing Jane. She tastes like sunshine and the lemon drop shaved ice she had earlier tonight.

  Vada gets a five for the seventeenth hole and blames it entirely on me kissing Jane.

  “Mats,” she calls after I get a decent enough three for the eighteenth. “I’m still not getting it. Can you come here and show me how it’s done.”

  “Ew,” Jane and I turn away as Mats stands behind Vada and shows her how to line up the shot. “I guess we kind of asked for that with our kiss back there,” she suggests.

  “I think we did,” I reach out and link our fingers together.

  “Thank you,” Jane says quietly.

  “What for, hot stuff?”

  “Not drinking tonight,” She rubs her cheek against my bicep. “I really appreciate it.”

  I sneak an arm around her waist and press her up against me. She’s shorter than me so she can’t see my pained expression when I kiss the top of her head. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I don’t drink anymore, I gave it up when I left L.A.”

  She looks up at me like I’m this amazing person and it’s a sucker punch to the gut because I really want to be that person for her but I can’t.

  ZEV

  I asked Jane if she wanted me to drop her off at the shelter this evening but she’s finally convinced Mats to go with her to take a look at Jericho. She thinks that as soon as he sees him, he’ll fall head over heels in love with him just like she has and they can start the process to adopt him.

  “Ugh, she’s even more annoying when she’s happy,” Emmy grumbles from behind the counter as we watch Jane almost skip across the park
ing lot to Mats’ car. My non-Smurf cousin is a lot less snarky towards Jane than she used to be but I still think Jane’s going to be waiting a long time for them to swap clothes and paint each other’s nails.

  I watch them drive off and then turn back to the sketch I’m working on for a client I’ve got coming in tomorrow. “She’s hoping to convince her brother they should adopt that dog, Jericho.”

  “That’s what she’s so excited about?” Emmy asks. There’s a distinct lack of sarcasm in her tone which immediately makes me suspicious.

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s going to be disappointed, Zev. Jericho’s already been adopted, his new family came by to pick him up this morning.”

  I look across to where Mats’ car was parked just a couple of minutes ago. “Why didn’t you tell me they’d had people interested in adopting him? You knew how attached she was to Jericho.”

  “I knew she liked hanging out with him but I didn’t think that she was seriously thinking about adopting him. Geez, Zev, if I’d known, of course I would have said something. I’m not a complete ogre, you know.”

  “Why do you think she was always at the shelter?”

  “I don’t know,” Emmy shrugs. “I guess I thought maybe she was trying to impress me or something. Vada said…”

  “She went even if she knew you weren’t going to be there. She’s going to be crushed when she finds out that Jericho’s already been adopted.”

  “Bad stuff happens, OK,” Emmy snaps defensively. “She was going to have to figure that out sooner or later.”

  “I think the fact that she only has five toes and most of the calf muscle from her right leg is missing are kind of hints that she gets that bad stuff happens, Emmy.”

  “Oh my goodness,” Emmy gasps. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

  “I’m not answering that,” I check my schedule for the rest of the day to work out how soon I can go and be with Jane.

  “What’s going on?” Rusty asks, running his hand down his long, grey beard.

  “Zev’s in love with Jane,” Emmy trills.

  Rusty frowns, “for a minute there, I thought you had something juicy to tell me.”

  “You knew?” Emmy scowls.

  Rusty smiles triumphantly; he likes scoring points against his eldest daughter. “I knew as soon as he called to ask about Jane applying for the vacant receptionist position.”

  Emmy swats his arm, “you did not.”

  “I did too. Your old dad’s got a lot of experience of matters of the heart.”

  When I finally finish work and drive over to the house, I know it’s going to be bad as soon as I see Mats pacing back and forth on the front porch. “Hey,” I nod at him before reaching for the door handle. “Is Jane inside?”

  “I’d think twice about going in there if I were you,” he warns.

  “Is this about Jericho?” I wince.

  “It’s mostly about that, she’s also crazy with hormones.”

  “You’ve got two sisters, right? Shouldn’t you be way better at dealing with women’s problems by now?”

  “She said it was all my fault, made me stop for tampons at the store on the way back, bought a big bar of milk chocolate and proceeded to eat it right in front of me all the way home.”

  I can’t help but laugh, “at least it wasn’t a big, fat greasy burger. You’d have been trying to get the stench of all that meat out of your car for weeks.”

  He visibly shudders.

  I find Jane upstairs in her bedroom curled up on her side under a faded quilt I haven’t seen before. “Hey, hot stuff.”

  “Leave me alone,” she snuffles. “I’m in a really rubbish mood.”

  “Then it’s a good job I’m excellent at getting people out of really rubbish moods.” I get rid of my shoes and climb into bed next to her, curling my body around hers. She’s changed out of her work clothes and into baggy sweat pants and a t-shirt.

  “Jericho’s gone,” she hiccups, “the lady at the shelter said that the family who’ve adopted him are super nice, they’ve got a house with a big garden but I can’t be happy about it because I’m going to miss him too much. I’m a mess.”

  After I left Mats downstairs, I made a quick detour into the bathroom before coming in to see Jane. “Are you sore?” I ask, letting my fingertips rub circles on her soft tummy.

  “A little,” she admits.

  I reach behind me for the hot water bottle and gently place it against her tummy over the top of her t-shirt. “Does that feel good?”

  “Don’t be nice to me. I’m a horrible person,” she says softly, moving the hot water bottle down a couple of centimetres so it presses against her lower abdomen.

  “No, you’re not.”

  “I am,” she hiccups, “I should want Jericho to be happy.”

  “You do, you’re just going to miss him.”

  I give her a couple of painkillers and a bottle of water. “Thank you. These always make me sleepy,” she says after she’s taken them and curled back down on her side.

  “It’s OK, hot stuff,” I stroke my fingers through her soft, inky black hair. “You go to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

  As I lie there in the quiet of Jane’s bedroom, I realise that Rusty and Emmy were right earlier and wow, it really sticks in the gullet to admit that but somehow I’ve fallen in love with this stubborn British girl with only five toes who loves dogs, getting tattoos and teasing the heck out of me. I hadn’t recognised it before now because it’s nothing like the insanity I felt when I was with Sam.

  LOLA

  “This is the first Christmas that we won’t all be together on Christmas Day,” Mum says glumly when Mats and I finally pluck up the courage to call and let her and Dad know that we can’t fly back to Seattle for the holidays because all flights to the Pacific Northwest have been cancelled due to a huge snowstorm.

  I’m really disappointed that I won’t be with my family at Christmas but I’m also kind of relieved because I’ve found this new me here in Oahu and I’m afraid that if I go back to Seattle that I’ll slip back into the blank space again.

  “What are we going to do instead?” Mats asks. He looks just as lost as I feel. We’d always planned to go back to Seattle for the holidays so we haven’t put up decorations. It looks just like any other day in the Warner household. I’m actually at a loss on how to make it feel even the slightest bit Christmassy. As a Manchester girl, Christmas to me means freezing cold and so it’s going to be beyond weird celebrating it somewhere where the locals talk about it getting cold because it’s only going to be in the low-eighties! We don’t venture into those dizzy heights even in summer back home in northern England.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s up?” Zev asks, kissing my cheek. He’s just come back from picking up take-out.

  “We’ve just had to tell our parents that we can’t go back to Seattle for Christmas,” Mats explains, “all flights to the Pacific Northwest have been cancelled because of the storm.”

  “Which do you think would be more depressing,” I ask Mats as I curl up on the couch and take a sip of the coffee Zev has brought with him. “Skyping or not skyping with them on Christmas Day? I really don’t think I want to see everything that we’re missing.”

  But the idea of sitting here and not doing anything doesn’t really appeal either. I look over at Zev, “is the Ink open on Christmas Day?”

  Zev shakes his head, “there’s not much demand for tattoos on Christmas Day, hot stuff.”

  “I don’t know,” I tap my chin, “I could really do with some new ink right about now. I like how it makes me all spaced-out afterwards. At least then I wouldn’t have to think about how sad Mum looked just now.”

  “I’m sorry,” I quickly shake my head. I really need to stop being such a grouch.

  “I know it won’t be the same,” Zev wraps his arms around me, “but why don’t you and Mats come and spend Christmas Day with my family. You already know Mags, the Smurf, R
usty and Darla. Danny will be there too and I think Shanks said he might stop by in the afternoon.”

  I look over at Mats and yep, we’re definitely brother and sister because he’s got the same rabbit caught in the headlights expression on his adorable face. It’s amazing of Zev to invite us to spend Christmas Day with his family but I’m not exactly ready to meet his parents. At least Mats is halfway there because he knows Vada’s dad, Rusty already so it’s just her mum that he’s going to have to charm. I’ve never had to think about impressing a boyfriend’s parents before. Like I said, my parents were friends with Noah’s parents even before I was born so my natural cuteness and ability not to bawl my eyes out at inopportune moments won them over without me even having to think about it. I think pre-accident Lola would have been fine but as Jane, I’m awkward and deformed and oh my goodness, I’m ruining it already by accusing people I’ve never even met before of being superficial.

  Yeah, there’s no chance that this is going to be anything other than a complete disaster.

  Who knew that you actually keep your social skills in your toes because since the accident, I’ve definitely become deficient? I need to sprinkle Vada’s coffee beans on the soles of my shoes because they are definitely going to be wedged in my mouth.

  “It’ll be fun,” Zev insists and I can tell he’d really like me to be there so I try to hide my fears.

  “If you sure it’s OK with your family, we’d love to come.”

  ZEV

  She’s trying her best to hide it but I can tell that Jane’s nervous about meeting the extended Montgomery clan when the Smurf and I pick up her and Mats on Christmas morning.

  We’re having dinner at my aunt Mellie’s because it’s closest to the beach.

  I give Jane’s hand a squeeze as we get in the car.

  “It’s going to be fine,” Vada insists as she climbs into the back of the car with Mats. “If anybody should feel awkward, it’s my Dad. This is the first year he’s bringing Darla with him.” I wouldn’t want to be my uncle right now, taking my girlfriend to my ex-wife’s house.