Nobody's Fantasy

by Louise Hall

  It’s a Thursday night after closing so we’re alone as I follow him into the back room.

  I’ve already taken off my bra but I’m wearing a plaid shirt so I only have to expose one boob at a time.

  I hop up on to Zev’s chair and reach for the top button of my shirt. Out of nowhere, I get a really bad case of the what the heck are you doings?

  “Jane?”

  Zev comes over and he hasn’t started prepping his equipment yet so he caresses my cheek with his warm, strong hand and it helps to calm me down a little.

  “It’s OK if you’ve changed your mind.”

  I’m not nervous about the actual piercings; it’s more the whole Zev seeing my boobs thing because although I like my boobs, they’re not exactly huge. I hate feeling so pathetic but what if he doesn’t like them?

  “You’re going to see parts of me that haven’t been seen before,” I remind him.

  Zev reaches up and tugs off his t-shirt, exposing his bare chest. “Does this make you feel better?”

  “No because you know you’re drool-worthy whereas I’m…”

  “Gorgeous,” Zev breathes. He puts his hands over mine and together we unbutton my shirt right down to my waist.

  “OK,” I gulp, “but you’ve got to promise you won’t laugh at me.”

  Of course, he busts out laughing straight away.

  “Hey,” I frown.

  “I’m going to see my girl’s boobs for the first time. You really think I’m going to laugh, hot stuff?”

  “Fine,” I whip open the shirt before I can think twice about it, exposing my right boob.

  Zev reverently cradles my boob in his hand and marks the two sides of my suddenly very awake nipple with ink as a guide for when he does the actual piercing. He then applies lidocaine to the area to help reduce pain while the piercing process is done.

  To distract myself from the whole visible boob situation, I watch as Zev washes his hands, slips on a pair of latex gloves and double-checks his equipment is sterilised. He sits down on the stool in front of me and his concentration is something else. He tugs his lip ring into his mouth as he sterilises my nipple to reduce the risk of it getting infected. He then uses a clamp to pull my skin and a needle to punch through the dotted marks on my nipple. I should probably look away but I watch as he attaches the steel barbell, removes the needle and then secures and locks it. My right boobs sags with relief when he gently cleans the area and puts on the small bandage.

  My left boob is being a wuss in anticipation but after the quick pain from the pinch of the needle, it wasn’t actually that bad.

  After he’s finished and both boobs are pierced and bandaged up, they feel warm and tender but they’re not painful.

  I hold off on fastening up my shirt again so I can look at myself in the full-length mirror. With the bandages on, it’s not that different from wearing a skimpy bikini. Zev is busy disposing of the needles in the ‘biohazard’ container.

  I’m not ruling out getting more tattoos and piercings in the future but I feel like my nipple piercings are the final pieces of the jigsaw. When I look at my body now, I’m not solely defined by my lack of toes and calf muscle anymore. I’m alive with ink and metal from the little Manchester bee on my foot right up to the lotus flower on the back of my neck which celebrates that I’ve come through the mud of depression after my accident and I’m blossoming here in Oahu.

  LOLA

  “So…” Zev comes up and wraps his arms around me. We’ve both got the afternoon off from the Ink and so we’ve left our little corner of Oahu and ventured into the more touristy area so nobody can gossip about what we’re going to do. Unfortunately that means that I’ve had to cover up Tony again and the thick padded leggings and chunky trainers are a nightmare in the insane heatwave we’re having.

  “So…?” I pretend not to know what he’s asking about.

  He grunts, “were you ever going to tell me that it’s your birthday on Wednesday?”

  I like teasing him way too much, “maybe?” I tap my finger on my chin.

  “That’s not a good enough answer, hot stuff.”

  “OK,” I turn around to face him, “I might have done, if it came up.”

  “Why would it not come up?” Zev scowls.

  “I don’t know,” I roll my eyes, “sheesh, what’s with all the heavy stuff?”

  “Have you seen where we are right now?” Zev lowers his voice. We’re at the pharmacy buying condoms.

  That’s right; we’re finally going to do the deed tonight. I’ve known that I was ready for a while but I still had to convince Zev and he was a much tougher sell. He’s such a gentleman that it’s adorable and frustrating in equal measures.

  “It’s not like it’s a big birthday with a five or a zero at the end, chill out.”

  “It is a big deal,” Zev huffs, folding his arms across his chest. He’s annoyed because he slept over last night but Mats was home and the house hadn’t gotten any bigger so much to my frustration, all we’d done was sleep again! So he’d been with me when I’d found the birthday cards from my aunts and uncles in our mailbox. I thanked the heavens that they’d followed the memo that I’m going by Jane now instead of Lola.

  “We’re going to do this, Jane and until this morning I didn’t even know that it was your birthday in two days.”

  When we get back to his apartment, Danny is there which finally kills off the mood which had slowly been dying in the quiet car ride home. Zev is so annoyed with me right now that I figure there’s more chance of the condoms we just bought being used to make water balloons than there is of us bumping uglies any time soon.

  “I know,” Danny holds his hands up when he sees us. He’d said yesterday that he was going to spend the night at his girlfriend, Kristy’s. “You guys wanted the place to yourselves but can we take a rain check? I’ve had a hellish day.”

  I’m wondering if that’s just an excuse because I get the feeling that Danny doesn’t like me all that much.

  At that moment, there’s a bright flash of lightning followed by a loud rumble of thunder. I have to really fight the urge to throw myself under the dining table. I’ve never been a huge fan of thunderstorms.

  I’ve never told him but as if he can tell what I’m thinking, Zev wraps his arms around me, soothing me with his warmth. He’s so big and strong, there’s no way anything could ever get at me when I’m in his arms.

  “You’re still staying over tonight, hot stuff.”

  “You’re bossy,” I protest but I’m relieved because there’s no way I want to venture out into the Armageddon that’s going on outside the front door.

  We leave Danny shovelling cereal into his mouth at the kitchen counter and go to Zev’s bedroom. I grab his t-shirt from the chair and slip it on. I love wearing his clothes; besides the fact that they smell like him which is awesome, nothing makes me feel more girly than being swamped in one of Zev’s t-shirts.

  After I’ve brushed my teeth and texted my brother that I’m OK, I curl up in Zev’s bed but he doesn’t join me straight away. I’m crazy tired, it’s like I’ve just finished getting a tattoo. I’d got so hyped up about losing my v-card tonight and now that I know it’s not going to happen, I’m feeling the adrenaline crash.

  Zev rubs circles on my gammy calf. “I know you’re disappointed, hot stuff.” He looks at the pack of condoms we bought at the pharmacy which are still sat on his dresser. “I am too.”

  “It’s OK,” I put my hand over his. “The stars will align eventually otherwise I’ll just climb you like a tree in the storage room at the Ink.”

  Zev chuckles, “we’d probably get caught by Emmy.”

  “At least she’d have an excuse then for being such a grump.” I can’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  ZEV

  The next morning, Jane starts work at 9am but I’m not on the roster until lunchtime. She grumbles when I wake her up because my girl loves her sleep but she drags her cute little butt into the shower while I go into the kit
chen to make her breakfast.

  I’m waiting for the coffee to brew and drumming my fingers on the countertop when Danny walks in. I can tell straight away that he’s annoyed with me. “Did you tell her yet?” he jerks his head towards the bathroom where we can still hear the shower running.

  “Not yet.”

  “Huh,” he grunts.

  “Why is it such a big deal to you?”

  Danny shoves my shoulder, “that girl is falling for you and you’re not giving her all the facts.”

  He’s still in a grump when Jane joins us in the kitchen. “Mm,” she wraps her hands around the coffee mug, “I could definitely get used to this.” She loves her coffee but she doesn’t drink it at home because her brother prefers herbal tea.

  “I’m going back to bed,” Danny grunts.

  “Did I do something to annoy him?” Jane asks. She looks really concerned. “I just really like coffee. I wasn’t planning on moving in or anything.”

  I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss the top of her head, “Nah, just ignore him.” I gesture towards the window, it’s still drizzling a little outside. “I think he’s allergic to rain or something. It always puts him in a bad mood.”

  “He’d hate Manchester then,” Jane laughs, “this would be classed as a summer’s day back home.”

  In a lot of ways she’s so American that I forget sometimes that she was actually born in England.

  “Do you miss it?” I ask as we head downstairs to the parking lot.

  “Manchester?” she asks, taking another sip from her travel mug. “Yeah, I think wherever I go, I’ll always miss it because it’s my blood, you know? I’m sure you felt like that about Oahu when you were in L.A.” She looks down at the worker bee tattooed on her foot. “Most Americans when they go to England, they go to London and maybe Oxford and they say they’ve “done England” but Manchester’s such an amazing city. It’s got all this amazing history and culture. It’s been attacked twice in modern times and each time they’ve rebuilt and become stronger. I’d love to take you there one day.” Her eyes shine so brightly when she talks about her hometown that it’s hard not to share her abundant enthusiasm.

  “I’d like that,” I smile as I start the engine.

  “Plus you would freak the heck out of my Granny Jean.”

  “Why?” I pretend to be insulted, “has she got something against gorgeous Hawaiian hunks?”

  “Ha,” Jane giggles, “I think she’d give me a high five for bagging such a hottie – my aunt Sinead definitely would, it’s actually the tattoos she’d have a problem with. She could barely handle it when my dad got his second one. I can’t even imagine what she’d say if she saw the two of us together.”

  “Has she seen you since you moved here to Oahu?” I gesture to the visible tattoos and piercings marking her skin.

  Jane shakes her head, “I’ve been too chicken so I’ve used the time difference as an excuse for why I can’t Skype with her.”

  “So if you went back to Manchester, you’d have to cover yourself from head to toe the whole time you were there?”

  Jane rolls her eyes, “not everywhere is like Oahu, OK? It wouldn’t matter what time of year I went back there, it would probably be so cold and wet that I’d gladly volunteer to cover myself from head to toe.”

  “Hey, I thought you were trying to encourage me to go with you next time?”

  “It’s still a great city, it’s just usually really freaking wet.”

  As she’s about to climb out of the car, I pull her back for one more kiss. “I’ll see you at lunchtime, hot stuff.”

  “You might,” she teases, slipping out of my grasp. “I like a guy who can actually follow through.”

  Ugh, as if Danny’s foul mood this morning wasn’t enough of an incentive, the thought of what she and I could have been doing last night is a reminder that I really needed to get my own place.

  LOLA

  Mid-morning, I take advantage of the lull in clients to restock each of the back rooms at the Ink. I know it’s going to annoy Emmy but I can’t help it, I’m in such a good mood that I hum along to “Killer Queen” while I work. We’re running low on latex gloves so I make a note to order more.

  It’s hot so I’m taking advantage of the Ink’s lack of a dress code and I’m wearing a cut-off white t-shirt and a blue denim skirt. I like this outfit because it shows off a little of my midriff and my cute hip dermals.

  “When you’ve finished in here,” Shanks asks, “can you help me find out when Staci’s booked in for her next appointment?”

  Shanks is an amazing tattoo artist but the biggest technophobe you could ever imagine. I think there are nonagerians who’ve got better computer skills than Shanks.

  “Sure, I just need to finish up in here before Emmy’s next appointment arrives and then I’ll be right with you.”

  Emmy joins us, “we’re running low on gloves, Jane.”

  “I’ll put an order in as soon as I’m back at the front desk,” I reassure her.

  “So,” Shanks is still leaning on the doorframe, “Rusty says it’s your birthday tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  I’ve got my back to them but Zev must have joined them because Shanks says, “I hope you’ve got your girlfriend something fancy for her birthday, Zev.”

  “Zev already gave me my present.”

  “Oh yeah?” Shanks raises an eyebrow, “what did my boy here get you?”

  “I wanted three things for my birthday this year. I wanted to get these pierced.” I look down at my boobs which underneath my t-shirt and bra are now adorned with cute barbells.

  Zev growls because he still doesn’t like the fact that he only found out that it was my birthday tomorrow by accident. “I don’t think it really counts if I didn’t know I was giving you a present. Besides, most girls just want jewellery; they don’t actually want me to poke holes in their skin so they can wear it too.”

  “I’m not most girls,” I remind him.

  “Ugh, you’re obsessed with pain,” Emmy snarks.

  I spin around and I must be feeling uber-brave because I give her my infamous death-glare. I’m not going to let her turn my birthday gift into something weird. “No, I’m not unless you hadn’t finished talking and you really meant to say, I’m obsessed with pain au chocolat because you’re right, I do love a croissant.”

  I might be addicted to getting tattoos and piercings but it’s not about the pain. They’ve helped me to see strength and beauty whereas before all I saw was ugliness and failure. When I first came here to Oahu, I covered myself up all the time with padded leggings and chunky trainers trying to hide my disability but now I’m wearing a short skirt and sandals and my scarred legs and missing toes are on full display.

  My ink and piercings aren’t a fetish; they’re freaking miracle-workers.

  ZEV

  “So…” I’ve just finished cleaning up after my last client when Jane wraps her arms around my neck. “I was thinking that since you’re so obsessed with my birthday tomorrow, you might want to be with me when the clock strikes midnight tonight?”

  I turn around so I’m facing her, my hands falling to her hips. The pads of my thumbs rub over the dermals I’ve given her. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” she laughs and I swear it’s my favourite sound in the whole world. “I was chatting to Vada at lunchtime and Mats is going to be spending the night at hers so we’ll have the whole place to ourselves.”

  “I definitely like the sound of that.” I brush my lips against hers and she shivers as the metal of my lip ring snags against her bottom lip for a second.

  “I thought you might,” she moves closer, pressing her body against mine. “Do we need to swing by your place on the way to get some condoms?”

  I reach behind my back and pluck out my wallet, “I come prepared, m’lady.” I’ve kept a couple of condoms stashed there just in case my girl decided to follow through on her threat to jump me in the storage room.

  She lets go
of me and does this adorable little jig. “What are you so giddy about, hot stuff?” I laugh because I can’t help it, she makes me so happy.

  “I’m getting my second birthday present. I’m not going to be a virgin anymore.”

  LOLA

  I think we’re still at PG-13 level; Zev’s got his shirt off and his hands are under my t-shirt but over the top of my bra when I hear very familiar voices that should be a couple of thousand miles away in Seattle on the front porch.

  “Shoot,” I regretfully scramble off Zev’s lap and hobble over to the window. “What’s my family doing here?” I love them to bits but they have the worst possible timing ever.

  Zev gets up off the bed and comes and joins me looking out of the window. I expect him to be mad but he just kind of adjusts the front of his jeans a little and then laughs. “I guess they thought your birthday was a big deal too.”

  And that’s why I love him. Whoa, where the heck did that come from? Before I can analyse my free and easy use of the l-word, the front door swings open and I can hear Mum calling my name. Double shoot, my real name and not the name that Zev knows me by. I grab the door handle before Zev can step out into the hallway knowing that with every second I delay the more chance there is that my parents will catch me and Zev in my bedroom together and even though they can’t technically ground me anymore, it would still be way too awkward.

  “What is it?” Zev asks, “do you want me to climb out the window?”

  “No,” I laugh at the idea. “I want you to meet my family but there’s something you should know first.”

  “OK?”

  I let it all out in a rush, “my name’s not really Jane, well it is but it’s my middle name, the name that those crazy people downstairs are going to call me is Lola.”

  Before Zev can reply, I hear Mum’s voice from the bottom of the stairs. “Where is she? I thought you said she was definitely going to be home tonight, Mats?” Yeah, thanks for the heads up, baby brother.

  I reach for the door handle again and I’m suddenly filled with doubt, maybe he doesn’t want to meet my family. I know we’d been about to have sex but meeting the parents is still a momentous step. “You can still climb out the window,” I joke, “escape from the insanity while you still can.”