Close to Her Heart

by C. J. Carmichael

  Before dinner Miriam had showered and changed into her third outfit of the day, this one a short, midnight blue halter dress with a deep v neck-line and no back to speak of. The fabric was thin enough that the peaks of her nipples were hard to ignore.

  God, to have such cute, perky breasts. Her sister Callan had breasts like that. Not Dani though. Hers had been full B cups even before she was pregnant. Who knew what they’d be like after?

  But when she thought about nursing her baby, about holding her tiny daughter or son in her arms and feeling him or her warm against her skin, she didn’t care. Not really.

  After dinner the three of them sat and talked while they watched the sunset. For a while it was like old times. Eliot pulled out the cottage Scrabble set—an earlier version than they usually played with, tiles smooth with use, the board bearing rings from coffee mugs and a few red wine spills as well.

  Dani won the first game, Eliot the second. The three of them were usually well-matched, but in both games Miriam’s score was markedly the lowest.

  “I’m drawing lousy letters tonight. No wonder I keep losing.”

  Dani glanced at Eliot, who raised his eyebrows at her. It hadn’t been the letters. Miriam’s drinking was the reason she hadn’t won a game, or even made a decent score.

  But neither she nor Eliot said anything as Miriam got up from the table, not bothering to help put the letters back into the red velvet bag. After topping up her wine glass, she went to sit on the chair next to Eliot. “Tell me the truth. Do you think I’m pretty?”

  She was leaning in toward him as she said this, pressing her chest into his arm.

  “It’s not like you to have an inferiority complex.” Eliot shifted back in his chair, increasing the space between them. “You know you’re attractive.”

  “Well sure. But I’ve always wondered, what sort of woman turns you on, Eliot? You’ve dated so many different types over the years. I still don’t have a handle on what you like.”

  “If I have a type, it isn’t based on hair color or body shape, if that’s what you mean.”

  Dani could tell he was started to get annoyed. But Miriam was too far gone to take the hint and back off.

  “So, you can’t even say if you prefer, oh—” Her gaze drifted toward Dani—“tall, full-figured women over petite, slender ones?”

  “What the hell? Miriam, you’ve had too much to drink.”

  “But maybe you’re just not into Asians. Is that the problem?”

  “Stop it. Seriously.” Eliot got out of his chair, took the bottle of wine and forced the cork back into the neck. “I think it’s time we wrapped up this party for the night.”

  “I agree totally.” Dani had been wondering how to extradite herself from this suddenly uncomfortable situation. “I’ll put away the Scrabble Game. See you guys in the morning.”

  “Wait, I’ll—”

  She heard Eliot call after her, and felt a little guilty about leaving him alone with Miriam while she was in this strange mood of hers. But she’d had enough drama for one day. Tomorrow, she hoped, everyone would be back to normal.

  *

  “What’s come over you tonight?” Until now, Eliot had never experienced a woman acting like a “clinging vine.” But as he plucked Miriam’s hands off his shoulders, that was exactly the metaphor he was reminded of.

  “Nothing’s come over me as you put it. I’m just tired of the games.”

  “What? You mean Scrabble?” Why hadn’t she said something earlier? They could have played something else.

  “No, you fool. The games between you and me.”

  “Hang on.” She was coming at him again, putting her hand on his arm. “There is no game going on with you and me.”

  “Then why won’t you be upfront with me?” She leaned in, practically shoving her boobs into his face. “Are you attracted, or not?”

  He took hold of her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “If you’re asking me to be your Green Card man again, I’m sorry. I won’t do it.”

  Her laugh had a bitter, almost desperate quality that chilled him.

  “I don’t want a Green Card marriage. I never have.”

  “What the hell?” For as long as he’d known her it was almost all she talked about.

  “I want you, Eliot. That’s all. Just you.”

  Holy crap. His head was spinning now, even though she’d been the one to drink all that wine. He tried to think if he’d led her on. If so, it had been accidental. Shit. What a mess. Why had Dani skipped off to bed so quickly?

  “Look, I’m sorry. I never meant to give you the idea that I was interested in being anything but friends.”

  “Seriously?” Miriam twisted away from his touch. She raised her chin and scanned her hands over her body. “You’re going to turn down this body? Do you have any idea how many other guys want to date me? I had my profile up online for just twenty-four hours and I had—”

  “Stop. I know you’re beautiful Miriam. You don’t have to prove it to me.”

  “Then, why don’t you want me?”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Some people would say that it is. Exactly that simple. You’re attracted to me and I’m attracted to you.”

  But he hadn’t said he was attracted to her. He’d said she was beautiful. And there was a difference.

  “Miriam, I don’t know what to say. We’ve been friends for a long time. But being together that way—it’s not going to happen. It just isn’t.”

  She balled her hands into fists and glared at him. He could feel the anger radiating off of her.

  “It’s Dani, isn’t it?” she spewed out with acidic bitterness.

  “What the hell?”

  “You love Dani. You always have. I didn’t want to see it. But it’s been pretty obvious, right from the start.”

  “That’s crazy!”

  “I couldn’t agree more. She’s pregnant with another man’s child. Another man’s child. And you still prefer her to me.”

  “I’m not dignifying that with an answer.”

  “Why? Afraid of perjuring yourself?”

  In that moment Eliot hated Miriam. She was pushy. Obnoxious. And she’d finally gone way too far.

  “I’m going for a run.” He had to get away from her before he said or did something he’d regret. He kicked off his sandals, raced down the stairs to the beach, and began jogging along the sandy shore, no, not jogging, running. He widened his stance and pumped his arms. Just enough light was coming from the waxing moon that he was able to keep from stumbling into driftwood or wandering off track. For five minutes he gave the run all he had, and then slowed to a true jog, and finally a walk.

  The hell of it was, Miriam was partly right. He did have a bit of a soft spot for Dani. Not because she was beautiful—which she was. Or because she was so bright and interesting—which she also was. But because of her soft, tender side. Before she’d become pregnant he’d only glimpsed it occasionally. But when he did, man, it took him down. It made his own heart go soft and mushy, too.

  Since the pregnancy, he’d seen even more of that quality in her. And so, yes, he was becoming more drawn to her in a way.

  But love?

  No. He knew how she felt about Adrian. Even though that jerk didn’t deserve her, she was still totally into him. Just a text message from the guy tied her in knots.

  So no, he didn’t love her the way Miriam thought he did. He just cared. In a way he could never picture himself caring about Miriam, because Miriam didn’t often spare a thought for anyone but herself.

  *

  Dani had a restless sleep. Odd dreams. Her parents were arguing, then a door slammed and she heard a car drive off in the night. Waking briefly, she wondered what that had been about. She often dreamed about her mother, but hadn’t had the old nightmares about her parents fighting for over a decade.

  Eventually, she fell back asleep and the next time she awoke, the sun was shining in from the east-facing window and the hous
e was very quiet. Suspecting she was the first one awake—and that Miriam would have one hell of a headache and be very grouchy if awoken—Dani quietly slipped on her clothes and made her way downstairs.

  Someone had made coffee and recently, because it still smelled great. With a pang of self-pity, she put the kettle on to boil, then put an herbal tea bag into a mug. If she couldn’t have coffee, she reasoned she at least deserved one of the coconut lemon muffins they’d bought at the grocery store yesterday. Adding a handful of the washed berries she found, still dripping wet in a colander in the sink, she took her breakfast to the back deck.

  Given the pot of coffee, she wasn’t surprised to see Eliot already sitting at one of the four chairs around the teak table. He was wearing swimming trunks, water droplets glistening on his skin and in his hair from the morning sun. He’d either just gotten out of the shower without toweling off, or had been in the ocean. She decided to go for the ocean.

  “Good morning. How’s the water?”

  “Salty. Cold.”

  She took a closer look and noticed dark circles under reddened eyes. He hadn’t shaved, which wasn’t unusual since this was a holiday. But he sure didn’t look like he was having much fun, despite the delicious fresh coffee he must have just consumed judging by his almost empty mug.

  She settled in the chair opposite from him, where a strategically placed umbrella shielded her from direct sunlight. “Too much to drink last night? I thought it was just Miriam.”

  “It was Miriam all right.” He slugged back the rest of his coffee. “God, I needed that. I’m going for more. Can I get you anything?”

  “No. I’m fine.” She frowned trying to figure out what was going on with him. Eliot wasn’t a moody man. Something major had to be wrong. “Are you okay?”

  He hesitated at the double French doors. “Sort of. By the way, Miriam’s left.”

  “What?”

  But he didn’t stay to answer and she had to wait almost fifteen minutes before he returned with a tray containing his re-filled coffee cup and a stack of toast along with a jar of honey and another of peanut butter.

  She waited until he’d lathered one of the slices first with the peanut butter, then the honey. She even let him take a few bites before she asked him again, “What did you just say, a few minutes ago? Something about Miriam leaving?”

  “She’s gone. She left last night. Around five, I think it was. She’d finished off a pot of coffee, so hopefully she was sober by then.”

  “But—why? And how?”

  “She took my SUV.”

  “You let her take your SUV? But what are we going to use for a vehicle while we’re here? And how will we get home?” She couldn’t believe how calm he was acting. Preparing a second piece of toast as if all he had to worry about was eating his breakfast.

  “I guess we’ll have to arrange for a rental car. And I didn’t let her have the SUV. She took the keys out of my shorts’ pocket.”

  Dani could feel her eyes widen. “While you were wearing them?”

  “No. She came into my room while I was sleeping. Or trying, at any rate.”

  “And she just took your keys? Without permission?”

  “Yup.”

  “I—I can’t believe this.” Obviously there was a lot more to the story. She waited until he’d finished his second piece of toast. “So, are you going to fill me in?”

  “This stupid Green Card wedding idea of hers. She started pushing it again. I finally told her outright there was no way in hell I was doing that for her. Well, she got pissed off. That’s why she left.”

  “I don’t think she was just after her Green Card. She has feelings for you.”

  He was quiet for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. I know. I feel like a shit. But—” He shrugged, and she knew he was saying that he didn’t feel that way about Miriam.

  “Poor, Miriam. But it’s not your fault. So try not to feel like a shit, okay?”

  He managed a grin, but it didn’t last long. “I’m going to call for a rental car when I’m done here. So what do you think? Do you want to head back to Seattle, too? Or stay for the duration?”

  Dani took a moment to think. The entire dynamic of the holiday would change without Miriam. But given how hugely pregnant she was right now, she didn’t think she needed to worry about being alone with Eliot. And she needed this break. Besides, if she went home now, Adrian would think she was rushing back because he wanted to see her. Not a good idea.

  “I’d like to stay. If you do.”

  “Good. Yeah. I want to stay. I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel. You know, without a chaperone and all.”

  She patted her belly. “I’ve got an onboard chaperone these days.”

  And so it was decided. Eliot arranged to have a rental car dropped off at the cottage so they’d be able to get into town when they needed groceries or when she had a craving for chocolate mint ice-cream. Something that seemed to happen on a regular basis.

  Eliot kept active, swimming in the mornings, going for runs in the evening, but Dani was content to take a few shorter walks during the day. It didn’t take much for her to lose her breath now, and she spent hours reading, and also compiling lists of baby names. Though, if she had a girl, there was really only one name that seemed right to her—her Mom’s—Beverly.

  Every afternoon around five, she and Eliot would have a game of Scrabble or cribbage, then prepare dinner together. In the evenings, they read, often sharing interesting snippets with one another.

  They were like an old, married couple, and it was surprisingly nice. At times Dani felt certain Eliot must be bored to tears, but he really seemed quite content to pass their days quietly. Halfway through their holiday, they were sitting on the front porch reading when Dani became aware of Eliot watching her.

  She immediately felt self-consciously aware of her uncombed hair and the tea stain at the bottom of her T-shirt. “What’s the matter?”

  “Excuse me if I’m being rude. But your stomach is twitching.”

  “The baby has hiccups.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Want to feel?” She placed his hand on her belly and watched his eyes go round with fascination.

  “I had no idea that happened.”

  “Nine months ago, neither did I.”

  “I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.”

  “It’s pretty incredible,” she admitted. There were a lot of things she actually loved about being pregnant. What she didn’t love was watching her body turn into an ungainly blob while with every day of their holiday Eliot became more tanned, more fit, more absolutely gorgeous. And what was really crazy was how well the two of them got along when Miriam wasn’t around.

  One of the books Eliot had brought with him to the cottage was a memoir written by a former American Secretary of State. One evening they stayed up until past two, discussing various issues raised in the book and, as Eliot put it, solving all the problems in the world. Dani had never noticed before how similar their views were on matters of the environment and politics.

  Five days into the holiday, Adrian sent her a text asking if there was any chance she would come home early.

  Dani took a lot of satisfaction in answering, “Having a really good time. Will be back Aug 20 as planned.” After she hit “send” she noticed Eliot watching.

  “Adrian?”

  “He was wondering if I would cut my holiday short.”

  “So, he wants to see you?”

  “I guess.” Eliot made no further comment. But she could tell he wasn’t happy about the idea.

  *

  Eight days into the holiday the weather went from pleasant and mostly sunny to hot. Eliot’s body was dry almost immediately after his morning swim. He came up from the beach to find Dani at the outdoor table, where a thermos of coffee and stack of toast was waiting for him.

  “You shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble.”

  “Toast and coffee isn’t trouble. Your swim must have be
en nice. It’s already so hot out.” She lifted her hair off her neck, then fasted a band around it to make a ponytail. He hadn’t seen her wear make-up once this trip, but she had the sort of creamy skin that didn’t need it. A few freckles had popped up along the bridge of her nose.

  Cute.

  They took turns sharing bits of morning news from their iPads as they munched their way through the plate of toast. He noticed she ate hers with the sour cherry jam they’d purchased at the local Farmer’s Market.

  At quarter to ten, she shut down the iPad. “I’m done. It’s too hot here, even under the umbrella. I’m going to take my book to the porch and read for a while.”

  “You could go for a swim to cool down.” He hadn’t seen her in a bathing suit yet, and had to admit he was curious.

  “Maybe later.”

  Though he was making an effort to unplug from the office for the two weeks, Eliot decided to check in with Paige and see how things were going. He went into the house to make the call, planting himself in front of the windows overlooking the ocean. Hell of a view. He ought to get out here more often.

  “Morning Eliot. How’s the holiday going?”

  He thought of the ugly first day, having to turn Miriam down when she’d come on to him on the beach. Then later, when she’d tried to slip naked into his bed, he’d had to physically push her away, at which point she’d stolen his keys and told him to go to hell.

  “Rocky start, but it’s good now. How are things there?”

  She gave him a quick update on his files, sounding as organized as if she’d been expecting him to call. And probably she had, he realized.

  “That sounds fine. I won’t check in again until I’m back at work next Monday. Call me if something urgent comes up.”

  “Will do. Oh—I almost forgot. We did get a call from Lizbeth Greenway yesterday. She wants to proceed with her divorce.”

  He wasn’t surprised, but he couldn’t help also feeling a little sad. “Set her up in a meeting with Katherine or Gerald. Whoever has time. Did she mention how she’s doing with the new baby?”