by Irene Hannon
A soft flush suffused her cheeks, and she leaned over to set her notes back on the nightstand. As she did so, her hospital gown slipped down her shoulder, revealing the ragged scar near her collarbone. Luke stared at it until she hitched the gown back into place with a firm tug.
“That’s part of me, too, Luke. And it’s not going away, either.”
At her quiet comment, he lifted his gaze. Try as he might, he couldn’t come up with a response.
Some of the light in her eyes dimmed as she tucked her blond hair behind her ear and folded her hands in her lap.
“I know you were blindsided the other night, when I told you my story. And I understand that. I also know you were probably shocked when I made my decision on the spot after Grace was born. But I’d been praying for guidance, and God gave it to me the instant I looked into my daughter’s eyes.”
She leaned forward, her posture intent. “Here’s the thing, Luke. Because of Grace, my life was transformed. Not in the manner I would have chosen, but the end result has been good. I thought I’d sacrificed the dream of a family to my career. Now I have one. I carried Grace near my heart for eight months, and in that time she claimed a part of it. I love her for who and what she is—a gift of grace from God. And I can’t give her up. She needs me and I need her. However…there’s room for more people in our circle of love.”
Luke had already figured out that Kelsey and Grace were a package deal. Hearing it put into words, though, left an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. Especially now that she’d made it clear she was interested in exploring their relationship.
But he needed to repay honesty with honesty.
“I wish I could say your choice doesn’t make any difference to us, Kelsey. But it does. This scar…” he brushed his fingers over the cotton fabric at her collarbone that covered the jagged line “…will always be a reminder of what happened. But scars fade. A child grows. Grace will always be present, a vivid reminder of violence. She’s part of you, yes, but part of him, too. And she’s part of an incident that feels like a punch in the gut every time I think about it. I’m not sure I can get past that.”
A resigned sadness dulled the vibrant green of her irises. “I’m sorry, Luke. For all of us.” She swallowed, and though her eyes were shimmering, she managed a shaky smile. “Let me know how the meeting goes, okay? In the meantime, I’ll start making some media contacts.”
The subject was closed. She’d taken her stand, and she wasn’t backing down. Luke admired that, even if he suddenly felt more alone than he ever had in his life.
He stood and moved to the end of the bed. The sun coming in the large window highlighted the high cheekbones and firm chin that imbued her face with strength. He’d met a lot of brave men and women in his line of work, but Kelsey ranked up there with the best of them. Her actions over the past eight months demonstrated that—as did her decision to keep Grace even at the risk of losing a chance at love.
He didn’t know if he would have been as strong—and selfless—in her place.
“Well…I guess I’ll head out. How long will you be here?”
“Dr. Evans plans to spring me tomorrow. Dorothy said she’d pick me up.” She waited, as if hoping he might offer to take her home instead.
He didn’t.
“Okay.” He tried to ignore the flicker of pain in her eyes. “I’ll let you know what happens at the board meeting.”
“Good.” She averted her head and gestured toward the flowers. “Thank you again for these.”
He couldn’t see her face now, but he detected tears in her voice. “It was my pleasure.”
“I’ll talk to you soon.” She shifted away from him and arranged the pillow. Waiting for him to leave.
So he did.
But instead of heading for the exit, he found himself walking toward the nursery. Grace was easy to spot through the large window. She was still in the enclosed crib, several monitors stuck to her chest, still wearing the pink cap. Now that her hair was dry, the fine gold ringlets peeking out were the same shade as her mom’s.
As if sensing his presence, she turned her head in his direction, stuck her thumb in her mouth and gave him a solemn look. As if to say, “Why don’t you like me?”
And that was the problem. He didn’t dislike this innocent little infant. He disliked what she represented. Even looking at her now, his thoughts were on Kelsey, on all she’d endured at the hands of her attacker. And once more fury began to churn in his gut.
As she watched him, Grace’s face puckered and grew red. Kicking her tiny legs and flailing her arms, she began to cry—almost as if she’d read his expression or sensed his mood. Which only reinforced his conviction that trying to play the role of father to this infant would not be in her best interest.
One of the nurses moved beside her, blocking his view, and he took that as his cue to leave. No noise followed him down the hall from the soundproof nursery, but he knew Grace was sobbing her heart out. That she wanted the comfort of Kelsey’s arms.
He could relate.
Two hours later, as Grace finally got the hang of breast-feeding, Kelsey let out a relieved sigh. Smiling down at the infant nestled against her, she cuddled her close. That was one piece of good news today, anyway.
“That’s Mommy’s good girl,” she whispered, touching one of her daughter’s ringlets, the hair so fine it was like the whisper of an angel against her fingers. “Now your little tummy will be full. And I’ll never let it be empty again.”
Grace watched her, those big, blue eyes filled with innocence and absolute trust as they claimed yet another chunk of real estate in Kelsey’s heart.
Too bad Luke was immune to their charms.
Kelsey had known, when she’d set the ground rules earlier, that the package deal stipulation could be a deal breaker. But painful as it was to give up the possibility of a future with Luke, letting go of her daughter wasn’t an option. Not anymore.
“It looks like she’s making up for lost time.”
At the nurse’s comment, Kelsey blinked away her tears and raised her head. “I think she was very hungry.”
The nurse tipped her head. “Are you having some pain?”
“No.” Not with the breast-feeding. Her heart was another story. “I’m fine. Just a little emotional.”
“That can happen with new mothers.” The nurse smiled and tucked the blanket around Grace. “Too many hormones running wild. But things will settle down soon, and you’ll feel more like yourself.”
The nurse moved on, and Kelsey thought about her comment. Who was Kelsey Anderson these days, anyway? The career-focused Kelsey she’d known a year ago didn’t exist anymore. The pregnant Kelsey agonizing over her options was gone. The romantic Kelsey who’d begun to think that maybe—just maybe—she might be destined to share her tomorrows with a handsome army doctor had also vanished.
So who was left?
Grace grabbed her gown and tugged—giving her an answer.
Kelsey the mom was left. Kelsey the independent business owner was left. Kelsey the woman of faith was left.
And with or without Luke, that woman would endure.
But she’d much prefer that it be with Luke.
As Luke swung into his driveway, he glanced at Kelsey’s cottage through the trees. She’d come home two days ago as planned, but other than some lights through the trees at night, he hadn’t seen any sign of her. Not that he’d been around much. Since the news of their special guest star and celebrity auction items had hit, he’d been racing around at full throttle, doing a whole new round of interviews Kelsey had arranged and meeting with the manager at the hotel where the event was being held. They’d had to move the dinner to the grand ballroom to accommodate the surge in ticket requests.
He slid out of the car and shut the door. Started toward his house. Hesitated.
Although he’d talked to Kelsey by phone over the past three days, discussing details about promotional opportunities, he hadn’t seen her. And he wanted
to.
But seeking her out wasn’t a good idea. Not in light of the line she’d drawn in the sand during their last face-to-face encounter. No matter how appealing he found her, Grace was a stumbling block. Period. They were at an impasse.
Forcing himself to turn away from the cottage, he headed for his own house and the solitary dinner that awaited him.
Easy to assemble.
Ha!
Kelsey huffed out a frustrated breath as she reread the bold heading on the instructions and surveyed the pieces of the crib she’d purchased this afternoon, spread around the floor of her living room.
It would take an engineer to put this thing together. And where was the packet of screws that was supposed to be included?
She had half a mind to shove the whole thing back into its box and haul it back to the store in Holland where she’d bought it.
Except the end of the box was ripped to shreds. The crib had been a lot heavier than she’d expected, and she’d ended up having to drag it across the gravel drive to get it in the house. A stunt she knew Dr. Evans wouldn’t have sanctioned. Driving was one thing. Heavy lifting was another.
But how else was she supposed to get it inside? She didn’t have anyone to help her.
As she stared at the instructions in her hands, the print blurred and she swiped at her eyes to clear her vision. A wayward tear escaped, though, plopping onto the paper and smudging the type. Now it was hard to decipher.
Kind of like her life.
Okay, Kelsey, take a deep breath. You’re tired from all the trips to the hospital to see Grace. You’re frustrated. You’re still healing. Give yourself a break. You’ll get this put together. You don’t need it until Sunday at the earliest. That’s three days. Things will work out. You’ll feel better after your hormones settle down.
The little pep talk helped. So did the deep breathing. The left side of her brain kicked in again. Maybe the screws had fallen out the bottom of the box as she’d dragged it from the car to the house. It was worth a look, anyway.
Using the sofa to steady herself, she rose, still a bit off-balance by her lighter weight. She had a ways to go to fit into her pre-pregnancy clothes, but at the rate her body was returning to normal, she’d be there a lot faster than she’d expected. That was one positive.
After one more survey of the mess on her living room floor to confirm that the packet of screws was, indeed, missing, she headed for the back door. She was a smart woman. She had an eye for design and how things fit together. So she’d find the screws. Start fresh on the crib. And she would get it put together!
From his seat on the deck, Luke caught a movement next door through the trees.
Kelsey.
He sat up straighter, watching her walk down the driveway toward her car, her attention fixed on the ground in front of her, as if she was looking for something. When she reached the car, she got down on her hands and knees and peered underneath.
What was going on?
Luke set his soft drink on the table and rose, his barely touched microwave dinner forgotten. Kelsey should be resting, not performing gymnastics. Why wasn’t her sister doing whatever it was that needed doing?
Or maybe her sister hadn’t yet made it into town.
He’d asked about her arrival in one of their phone conversations, but Kelsey had sidestepped the question. Meaning she might be alone. And in need of help. Not that she was likely to ask for any, in light of their last conversation at the hospital. But just because there might not be a romantic future for them didn’t mean he couldn’t be a good neighbor.
Decision made, he strode across the lawn and cut through the woods, emerging a few feet away from Kelsey. “Is everything okay?”
At his question, she jerked and turned startled eyes toward him, listing to one side as she lost her balance.
He was beside her in a heartbeat, grabbing her arms to steady her. “Sorry. I saw you through the trees. It looked like you were searching for something. Here, let me help you up.” He extended his hand.
She took it, and he gently drew her to her feet.
“I thought I might have dropped a pack of screws. But I don’t see them anywhere.” She scanned the ground again.
“What do you need with a pack of screws?”
“They’re for the crib I’m putting together.” She took a few steps toward the back of the car. “I think they forgot to put them in the box.”
“You’re putting a crib together? By yourself?”
“Yes.” She gave a rueful shrug. “Or trying to. The box said it was easy to assemble. What a joke—even if I did have all the parts.”
He frowned. “You carried a heavy crib into the house by yourself?”
She bit her lower lip and went into search mode again, turning away from him. “It was no big deal.”
“Didn’t your doctor tell you not to do any heavy lifting for at least two weeks?”
“It wasn’t heavy, just awkward. And I didn’t lift. I dragged. They put it in the car for me at the store.”
“Why didn’t your sister help you?”
Hand on the trunk, she swiveled toward him. “She’s not coming. She and two of her kids have the flu. The bad, full-blown kind. She won’t be able to get away for two or three weeks, and by then I won’t need her.”
Luke propped a fist on his hip and raked his fingers through his hair. “I live next door, Kelsey. Why didn’t you ask me for help?”
She rubbed a finger down the seam in the trunk. “You’re busy with the youth center project. I didn’t want to bother you.”
He regarded her for a moment, then closed the distance between them until he stood inches away. She seemed taken aback by his move, but held her ground as he locked gazes with her.
“It’s too late for you to worry about bothering me.” He let that comment sink in before he continued. “However, I don’t mind being bothered with practical problems. Come on, show me the crib and we’ll see if we can get it assembled.”
There was no way he was taking no for an answer. Up close, Kelsey looked too pale for his liking, and there were lines of fatigue around her mouth and at the corners of her eyes. All of which told him she’d been pushing herself too hard and that she needed help. Whether she wanted to admit it or not.
To his relief, she didn’t balk at his offer.
“Okay. I know I’d figure it out eventually on my own, but two heads may be better than one. If we can find the missing screws.”
An hour and a half later, after they’d located the screws and he’d appropriated the hands-on role—delegating her to reading the instructions and finding the needed parts—he leaned back on his heels and examined the result of their labor.
“It looks good, doesn’t it?” Kelsey ran a hand over the pristine white crib, letting her fingers linger on the whimsical fairies that decorated the edge of the headboard.
“Very nice.” Luke rose. “Where do you want it?”
“In the first guest room. I’m going to take down the bed that’s in there, but for now I can put the crib along the inside wall.”
She moved to one side, as if to help, but he shook his head. “I can handle it. Remember—no heavy lifting.”
“Fine.”
She preceded him into the hall and flipped on the light. After picking up the crib, he followed her to the bedroom and set it beside the wall in the spot she indicated.
“Perfect. Thank you.”
“My pleasure. Do you want me to take the bed down for you?” He gestured toward the double bed.
“Not tonight. Thanks.”
“Whenever you’re ready, let me know.”
She gave him a shaky smile. “I better do it quick, then. You’ll be leaving in twelve days. The Tuesday after the benefit, right?”
“Right.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and propped a shoulder against the wall. “You’ll have the beach all to yourself again.”
“How come that isn’t as appealing as it once was?”
Her
words were soft, and as he watched, a tear spilled onto her cheek.
She swiped it away and made a move to brush past him. “Sorry. My hormones are wacky. I get emotional over everything.”
“My hormones are fine.” He reached for her as she passed, taking her arms in a gentle grasp as he pulled her close. “But I get emotional when I think about leaving, too.”
He heard her breath hitch in her throat, and her eyes filled with a yearning that set his pulse racing. That made him want to hold her close and promise he’d always be her rock. That made him want to taste her soft, slightly parted lips.
Had she tugged free, Luke would have resisted the temptation to kiss her. And she had every opportunity to do that as they looked at each other in the quiet house that had long been her refuge.
But she didn’t. And he couldn’t ignore the message—the invitation—in her eyes.
Cupping her cheek with one hand, he stroked her silky blond hair with the other. Traced the elegant curve of her jaw with a finger that wasn’t quite steady. Inhaled the faint flowery fragrance that was all Kelsey.
And then, bending down, he claimed her lips.
Luke had intended to keep his kiss gentle, searching, exploratory. But when Kelsey melted against him and her arms went around his neck, all his good intentions scattered. The kiss deepened as they both gave in to the feelings they’d been holding inside for weeks.
In the end, it was Luke, not Kelsey, who broke contact. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to. Things were getting way too intense.
She rested her forehead against his chest, and he held her in the circle of his arms until at last she backed up enough to look up at him. “I didn’t expect that.”
“I didn’t, either.”
She searched his face. “It doesn’t change anything, though, does it?”
“For me or for you?”
“I can’t give up Grace, Luke.”
“I know. But she’s not the only problem.”