A Simple Mistake

by Andrea Grigg

  ‘Where are we going?’ Lainey wore jeans, a dark purple long sleeved top and had brushed her hair into a ponytail. She looked fresh, natural and breath-takingly attractive.

  ‘Dreamworld.’

  Lainey beamed. ‘I haven’t been there for ages!’ She picked up her jacket and tossed him an apple from the fruit bowl, grabbing one for herself. Unexpectedly, she reached up and kissed him on the cheek ‘It’s perfect. Usually I spend today being rather morbid. Thank you.’

  He’d got it right. He liked the way it made him feel.

  Being winter time, there weren’t massive crowds. He was asked for his autograph and had several photos taken not long after they got there but no one else paid him much attention until they were awaiting their turn on the rollercoaster. The girl in front of them looked at him a few times before she spoke.

  ‘Hey, you look like that guy.’

  ‘Yeah, I get that often.’ He grinned at Lainey’s expression. ‘Well, it’s true,’ he said in her ear, getting another whiff of her perfume. She always smelled good.

  He was glad she liked going on all the rides but he would’ve expected no less. She’d always been adventurous.

  ‘Do you think this is the kind of thing Liam would enjoy?’ They were having coffee near Tiger Island.

  ‘I’m sure he would. He’s got to have the adrenalin gene seeing as how we both do.’ She watched him put two sachets of sugar into his mug. ‘How can you wreck the taste of good coffee by doing that?’

  ‘How can you sabotage it with milk?’

  She grinned. ‘There’s not much we don’t agree on but that’s one thing.’

  When they were finished he got up and held out his hand. ‘Let’s go and see these tigers.’

  When she turned away, he thought she was going to ignore his gesture but she was simply collecting her jacket from the back of the chair. As she slipped her hand in his, she pressed her face into his shoulder for a brief moment.

  Nick blinked. It felt different. She wasn’t just Lainey to him anymore – she was a woman of God. There was quite a crowd gathered to watch the tigers. Lainey was enthralled. Nick preferred to watch the expressions on her face rather than the animals themselves.

  ‘Which one’s your favourite?’ He leant in closer. Any excuse.

  ‘Definitely the white one. Then again, maybe all of them. Look at that!’ She laughed and pointed as two of them stalked each other then took off like rockets in opposite directions.

  ‘I’ll be right back.’ Nick ducked into the souvenir shop and chose one of the small, white tigers, wanting to give her something for her treasure box. Most women would want the biggest one on offer. Not Lainey. She appreciated the small things.

  As the show finished, he handed her the bag and her eyes lit up. ‘Oh Nick, he’s so cute. Thank you.’

  ‘I wanted to give you a memento of our day. I’m having a really good time.’

  ‘Me too. It’s not over yet, though is it?’

  ‘No way.’ He took her hand again as they began walking. ‘How about Chinese for dinner?’

  ‘And make it takeaway and have it at my place?’

  ‘Perfect.’ He stopped. ‘I like being on the same page as you, Lainey Sullivan.’

  The double meaning wasn’t lost on her, going by the look in her eyes. If it wasn’t for the fact they were in a public place, he would have kissed her.

  * * *

  ‘I’ve read that psalm of yours. It’s amazing.’ They were driving down the freeway, heading home.

  ‘Really? Psalm 139? I read it this morning; I always do on Liam’s birthday.’ They talked some more about scriptures he’d read recently. He remembered the conversation from when they’d broken up two years ago. This was one of the things she’d wanted to be able to do with him. There was a new look of respect in her eyes.

  After their takeaway, Lainey directed him to sit on the lounge then disappeared into her bedroom. He could hear her rummaging around in a cupboard and when she came out, she handed him two books.‘I’ve always said you could read these,’ she said, ‘and today is the perfect day.’

  Nick knew instantly what they were. He conveyed his thanks with a smile and reached for her hand. ‘Will you sit with me while I read?’

  She squeezed his fingers then let go. ‘You start. I’ll clean up first.’

  He didn’t press the point. It wasn’t going to be easy for her. She’d join him when she was ready.

  He was absorbed from the first page. Lainey had started writing to Liam a week after he was born. She sounded a lot older than her seventeen years but he imagined that was what an experience like this would do to someone.

  After awhile she came and sat down beside him, elbows on her knees, chin resting on her hands, studying the floor. Nick was conscious of her there but didn’t stop reading. He held a journal with one hand and played with the ends of her long ponytail with the other, winding it around his fingers. When she sat back it was only natural his arm ended up around her and she nestled into him, her head on his shoulder.

  It took more than an hour. When he’d finished, Nick went back to the first journal. He was moved to tears by those first few entries, written in Lainey’s neat hand. They described Liam’s appearance, what she’d said to him and how she’d felt when he’d been wheeled out of her hospital room. It struck him afresh what he’d put her through and he ached for her.

  ‘Has anyone else read these?’

  Lainey shook her head. ‘No. And they won’t. They’re just for me and you and hopefully one day for Liam.’ Her voice was very husky.

  Nick put the journals on the coffee table and turned her to him. ‘Please forgive me. I know I’ve said sorry before, but I need your forgiveness. I put you through hell.’

  A few tears slid down her face. ‘Of course I do, but it was my fault too. And the letters going astray didn’t help.’ She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘I used to think about him everyday, Nick, but sometimes I don’t and I feel so bad. What kind of mother am I that I forget about my own child? I’m scared that one day I might forget him completely.’ The tears kept coming.

  ‘You won’t do that. We’ll remember him together. You’re not on your own with this anymore.’ He searched her face. ‘I’m with you, I promise.’

  She stared back, twin pools of intense blue, close, then even closer. When she kissed him, he tasted salt. Her mouth was soft, her body pliant and it was how he remembered her.

  Well before it was meant to, the kiss ended as Lainey pulled back.

  ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’ She was centimetres away, one hand still on the back of his neck.

  ‘Oh yes you should. I’ve wanted to do this all afternoon. You have no idea.’ Maybe she did know, going by the way she kissed him a second time. The next minute, he was holding onto empty space and Lainey was at the far end of the sofa, hugging her knees to her chest. Nick sighed. He knew that look. They weren’t going to live happily ever after just yet.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Lainey was cross with herself. She’d known she would get emotional when she showed Nick her journals. What she hadn’t bargained on was him getting emotional too. It just did things to her. What chance did she have?

  Now she was cowering at the end of the sofa and she owed him an explanation. The trouble was, she was only just working it out herself and whatever she ended up saying, she knew she would hurt his feelings.

  ‘So what just happened?’ Nick’s bewilderment changed to alarm. ‘You’re not still involved with that Josh guy are you?’

  ‘No! Of course not. I just got too emotional over Liam.’

  Nick frowned. ‘Are you saying you kissed me because of Liam?’

  ‘No, I was emotional so it just happened.’

  ‘Well, I was emotional too but I didn’t mind you kissing me in the least. It’s not a pro
blem is it?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘You’re not sure? Here we go again, back on the same old treadmill. Let’s keep it simple. I still love you; do you still love me?’

  ‘Yes.’ Her heart beat tripled.

  ‘Then what game are you playing this time?’

  ‘That’s just it, Nick, it’s not a game.’

  ‘I know that. Speak to me, Lainey. The truth, not in riddles.’

  ‘I’m a bit scared.’

  ‘Scared of what. Me?’

  ‘In a way. No, listen!’ Lainey stopped his protest. ‘I know what you said today is true, about us being on the same page, but I need time to think about what that really means.’

  ‘What do you think it means?’

  ‘You tell me first.’

  ‘Alright. I’d hoped for a Valentine’s Day wedding. I checked; it’s a Saturday.’

  Lainey made an inarticulate noise and buried her face in her hands. This was far worse than she had imagined.

  ‘Lainey, what is wrong with you?’ Nick dragged her hands away. ‘We love each other, we’re both Christians now, so what is your problem?’

  ‘It’s too quick,’ she muttered.

  ‘Too quick? Are you nuts? It’s been years and years!’ Nick was half laughing, half annoyed.

  ‘But it’s not even two weeks since you made your decision to follow Christ.’ She was getting to the nitty gritty and he wouldn’t like it one little bit.

  ‘Meaning what exactly?’

  ‘What if …’ She was dreading his reaction, ‘what if you decide in a month’s time, or three months, that it’s too hard and you don’t want to do it anymore? It’s not easy being a true believer. What if you decide that Christianity isn’t for you after all and we’re married? What happens then?’

  He sat back. ‘Do you doubt my decision?’

  ‘No, not at all. I know it’s real.’

  ‘Do you doubt my ability to stick with it then? Are you worried I’ll fold at the first difficulty and chuck it all in? That the experience I’ve had in knowing God’s love for me and what He’s done on the cross could all come to nothing?’

  ‘I wouldn’t put it quite like that.’ She felt very small.

  ‘Then how would you like to put it? It sounds like you don’t trust me and my ability to keep my faith in God. How’s that?’

  ‘I’d just like to see it for a little while first, that’s all.’

  ‘How long’s a little while? Six months, a year, two years? What would satisfy you, Lainey?’ He was up and pacing.

  ‘Three months.’ She’d already worked that out.

  ‘Oh! I am surprised. Lucky me. Not too long to wait after all.’

  ‘Jacob had to work seven years for Rachel.’

  ‘What? Who’s Jacob?’ Nick stopped, confused.

  ‘It’s in Genesis 29. Jacob had to work seven years for his wife, then ended up working another seven.’

  ‘So I’m supposed to think three months is pretty good by biblical standards, am I?’

  ‘Nick, I know it sounds awful but I’ve seen it happen before. Look at how my father deceived my mother. You know that story.’

  He glared at her. ‘Lainey, I am not your father. I have been faithful to you for two and a half years, even when I didn’t have God in my life. Do you think I’m going to change that now?’

  ‘No, but that’s not what I mean. It’s just that I’ve seen other couples where one of them has finally got saved, they’ve hurried up and got married and then it hasn’t worked out because they did it just so they could sleep together.’

  Nick stared. ‘Do you honestly think I’ve made a commitment to the Lord for that reason?’

  Put like that it was rather insulting. ‘I just want to make sure.’ Lainey spoke in a quiet but determined voice. ‘I’ve seen it happen Nick, and I don’t want to be a casualty. I know I’ve hurt your feelings and I’m really sorry, believe me.’

  He sat down, shaking his head.

  ‘Nick, you’re who you are. You are becoming more and more famous, your life is increasingly less your own and if we get married, I take that on. On top of that, once your conversion is public knowledge, there’ll be even more scrutiny of your life. I need to know you’re solid. You would be the spiritual head of our home and our children and I would be entrusting my life to you; it’s no little thing.’

  He sat in silence chewing his lip, arms folded. She waited, not moving. After a while, he looked at her sideways and waggled his eyebrows.

  ‘So. You vant to haf more of my kinder?’

  ‘Oh, you!’ Lainey whacked him on the arm. ‘I’m serious. Did you hear what I was saying?’

  ‘Yes. I heard you. Especially the last bit.’ He grinned and held up his arm to fend her off. ‘The bit about being the spiritual head of the home, you goose. I understand its importance. Adam talked to me about it years ago.’

  ‘Oh. Well, good. And Nick, I’m sorry about having to say all this, but it’s really important to me and I don’t think you’re going to go off the rails. You’re not the kind of person to say one thing then go and do another, it’s just that … I can’t really explain it. But I feel it’s what we need to do.’

  ‘And then?’

  ‘It’ll be up to you.’

  ‘You’re saying that after three months it’ll be up to me?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And if I decide for whatever reason we need more than three months?’

  ‘It’s still up to you. I won’t say anything until you decide it’s time.’

  ‘So until November 10 there’ll be no kissing or anything of that nature?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘You blew it tonight, Miss Sullivan.’

  She sighed and smiled. ‘I know. I couldn’t help it.’ Then she blushed.

  Nick laughed, swiveled her around and pulled her back against his chest. ‘This is how I see it. You want it to be like when you buy a house. It’s under contract until it becomes unconditional.’

  ‘Something like that, I guess.’

  He was quiet for a moment and she soaked up the feeling of being held like this. It wasn’t going to be for long.

  ‘I suppose I understand where you’re coming from, Lainey.’

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Yeah. I can see it from your point of view.’ He said it in a resigned sort of way. ‘I would much rather be a couple for the three months, that’s all.’

  ‘It’s not that I don’t want to, but I have to know that you can stand as a Christian by yourself.’

  ‘Okay.’ He was quiet again, thinking some more. ‘In that case, I think we should have minimal contact. No phone calls, definitely no going out on our own, anything like that. I mean, we can talk when we see each other at church or wherever or else we’d look silly, but that’s it.’

  ‘Alright. You’ll be gone for a fair bit of it anyway.’

  ‘True. I’m taking Mum on that holiday to Cairns in a couple of weeks then I’ll be in New Zealand and Sydney doing the movie.’ He shrugged. ‘Time should fly.’

  Lainey turned in his arms. ‘At least I’ve got Lara and Sharon to play with.’

  ‘Just don’t go playing with any boys, okay?’

  ‘Unless Josh comes to visit, of course.’

  ‘Very funny.’ He stroked her hair, ran the back of his knuckles down her cheek. ‘Tell me, if I hadn’t turned up that night would you have broken up with him?’

  ‘I was already going to after the wedding, just not during it.’

  ‘And why were you going to do that?’

  That was easy. ‘Because he wasn’t you.’

  This time, he kissed her.

  ‘I think,’ Lainey said, awhile later, ‘that I am going to struggle with thinking about you as just a brother in Christ.’
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br />   Nick snorted. ‘If you’re putting it like that then what I’m thinking is definitely illegal.’ He put her away from him and stood up. ‘I’ll make a cup of tea. Might as well start earning my sainthood.’

  ‘Hmm, Saint Nick. You should be in a red suit with a sackful of presents.’

  He smiled as he filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘Talking of Christmas, I’m planning on spending it with you.’

  ‘Definitely. Lara will be almost due by then. I can’t wait.’

  ‘Is it hard for you to watch her pregnancy?’

  ‘Yes and no. It brings back a lot of memories but at the same time, I was so different from her. She’s been quite sick and I wasn’t; she’s obviously pregnant already and at the same stage I was still wearing my jeans. It will be hard if the baby’s a boy but what can I do?’

  ‘Not much.’ Nick poured the water onto the tea bags. ‘Lainey, if you want to tell her about Liam it’s alright with me.’

  ‘Thanks.’ It was good to know, just in case.

  Later, as he was leaving, Nick held her face in his hands and kissed her once, twice, three times. She held on, savouring the feel of him. It would be awhile until she could again.

  ‘You are the most infuriating woman I know, Lainey Sullivan,’ he said softly, ‘but strangely enough you’re the one I want to see last thing at night and the one I wake up with in the morning. You’ll be worth the wait.’

  With that, he was gone.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Nick was cold, wet and hungry. He longed for a hot shower and a decent meal but knew it was still a way off. Anyone who thought making a movie was easy needed their head examined.

  Another hour passed before the director was satisfied. Nick was amazed the sound equipment hadn’t picked up the noises his stomach was making. It was turning itself inside out.

  Utterly weary, he clambered into the jeep that would transport him back to the edges of civilisation. He couldn’t feel his toes, his muscles were cramping from exertion and his head ached. Despite it all, there was a satisfied feeling of a job well done. Even better, very soon, he would get to go home. Home to Lainey.

  There had been several delays on the movie. The weather wasn’t cooperative, there were problems with some of the equipment and then a nasty stomach bug hit. He’d been spared, but it was difficult to remain patient. The end was in sight and he couldn’t wait to see Lainey.