A Simple Mistake

by Andrea Grigg

  Nick wondered how she was doing. It was a month more than they had agreed on and he was anxious. He hoped she wasn’t letting her imagination go overboard. She tended to do that.

  He’d kept his distance when he’d flown in overnight for his mother’s birthday party. He knew she hadn’t liked his casual attitude but he wasn’t sure how else she expected him to be. She was the one who’d wanted the three months, not him.

  He’d done a lot of thinking during filming. The priorities in his life had changed, as if invisible surgery had taken place in his head. Things that had once seemed important no longer were.

  It still came as a surprise he enjoyed reading the Bible. As a teenager he’d found it a chore. There was a verse in Proverbs about trusting God and not leaning on your own understanding. Nick liked that; there was such a lot he didn’t understand. He also liked the next bit, about acknowledging Him in all he did and He would direct his paths. It was reassuring to know he could relax and let God take him on the journey.

  God had put someone in his life to help him, even way out here in the middle of nowhere. The assistant director, Andrew Green, had turned out to be the brother of Lainey’s school principal. They spent a lot of time together after the day’s work and Andrew helped answer some of his questions. They also prayed together.

  Over the last fortnight, he’d mulled over what he was going to do from here on in. He didn’t feel he should give up his singing or movie career like he’d worried he would. Andrew advised him not to do anything in haste but to commit it all to the Lord and wait. He would show him. Perhaps he was right where he should be.

  Have you truly given everything to Me?

  The thought caught him by surprise. He puzzled over it as he walked to the catering tent to join Andrew for dinner then pushed it aside for later.

  ‘Today was a good day. Well done, Nick.’

  ‘Thanks. Do you think Evan is happy?’ He hoped so. Evan Jones was an excellent director. He communicated well with his actors and kept pushing them until he achieved what he wanted. After today, Nick didn’t care if he never paddled another kayak again.

  Andrew clapped him on the back. ‘I think so. We might be out of here the day after tomorrow. Time for you to do your Christmas shopping.’

  ‘Sounds like music to my ears.’

  Andrew stared. ‘Please don’t tell me you like Christmas shopping.’

  Nick laughed. ‘No, I’m just glad to be going home.’

  ‘What are you doing for Christmas? Going back up to the Gold Coast?’

  ‘For sure.’ He thought of Lainey again and smiled.

  ‘Now, there’s an interesting look.’ Andrew pushed away his plate and leaned back. ‘Someone special waiting for you?’

  Nick grinned. ‘You’re worse than a television reporter.’

  ‘I saw that interview. Very clever line.’

  Nick hoped Lainey had seen it. He and The Mavericks had been in the middle of a TV interview when the host remarked they were all either married or in serious relationships – except for him. Nick had known the question would be raised but still hadn’t figured out what to say about Lainey. James was the one who saved him, describing him as ‘emotionally unavailable’. He hadn’t elaborated and the TV host had been most disappointed.

  Back in his trailer, he pulled Lainey’s photo out of his Bible. It was crinkled but he’d have a replacement for it soon. Christmas was coming.

  Last time he’d spoken to his mother it was all organised. They were having Christmas with Lara, Adam and Adam’s parents. Sarah and Hamish were going to Melbourne so Roger and Rose were driving up and spending it with them as well. Nick had every intention of asking Roger if he could marry Lainey.

  But you haven’t asked Me, her heavenly Father.

  The thought dropped in on him awkwardly, like an uninvited guest.

  But I assumed that we could do that now. I’m sorry, I should have asked You first. Is it alright?

  And if I say no?

  Nick knew he wasn’t really hearing voices in his head, but the thoughts just kept coming and he didn’t like them much. Of course he was going to marry Lainey. He couldn’t imagine not marrying her. He’d loved her for as long as he could remember. They’d been one in soul forever and now that they were one in spirit, he was more than ready for the rest. It would be unthinkable not to have her for his wife. Surely God wouldn’t do that to him.

  Have you truly given everything to Me?

  It was the first thing he thought of when he awoke. It was there when they took breaks between scenes and when they finished the movie at seven o’clock that evening.

  Nick didn’t feel like going to the celebratory party but made a good show of it, as was expected of him. Before getting into bed, he picked up Lainey’s photo again. What if God asked him to give her up? Could he do it?

  He wrestled with the question as he packed up the next morning, arguing with either himself or God – he wasn’t sure which. When Andrew knocked on his door to tell him Evan wanted to reshoot a couple of the scenes they’d made in the Sydney studios, he wasn’t surprised. After the last twelve hours, he’d anticipated another holdup.

  His mother was disappointed when he phoned, but understood. ‘By the way,’ she said, ‘seeing there’s so many of us for Christmas, we’re doing Secret Santa. You’re buying for Lainey.’

  ‘You can’t tell me you didn’t rig this, Mum.’ He’d told her they were having time apart, but not the finer details.

  ‘It was just the way the names came out of the hat, I promise. When do you think you’ll get here?’

  ‘On the seventeenth, unless something else comes up.’

  And of course, something else did. His management team needed him to sort out several things before Christmas. The most important was to choose a personal assistant due to the increased workload created by the amount of publicity he was getting. They were down to three and it needed to be finalised so he or she could start in the New Year.

  Nick couldn’t have cared less who got the job. He just wanted to see Lainey, to tell her he loved her, to prove he was still on the straight and narrow, to ask her to marry him.

  Have you truly given everything to Me?

  The night they finished refilming he came home, determined to sort this for once and for all. He grabbed his Bible and sat down on the lounge, determined to sort this through – even if it took all night.

  He’d assumed he had the right to marry Lainey because he loved her. What if during their time apart the Lord had shown her he wasn’t the man for her after all? Maybe the three month separation had been His idea all along. Lainey had said she didn’t want to do it but thought it seemed the right thing to do.

  Nick went out onto the balcony and stared at the moonlit ocean. He remembered Lainey being here when they’d discovered what had happened to the letters, how he’d held her as she’d cried and cried. It was then he’d fallen in love with her all over again.

  Did he love Lainey enough to let her go, if that was what was best for her?

  The more he prayed, the more he understood Lainey wasn’t his; she belonged to their Father and He could be trusted because He knew everything, and he, Nick Cusack, most certainly did not. If God thought she’d be better off with someone else, then, yes, he’d let her go. God was God after all.

  He bowed his head and gave up all his dreams of Lainey and their life together to a God who knew exactly what he needed and loved him more than he could imagine.

  Illogically, he felt a little better, but he still had a big problem. He had no idea what to say to Lainey.

  Chapter Forty

  Lainey woke early on Christmas morning. She ran through the ‘to do’ list in her head while trying to ease the kinks out of her back. She’d slept on the lounge for the last few nights, letting her mother and Roger have her room.

  She was doi
ng okay, considering her flat was very small and three people made it even smaller. Tonight she was staying over at Lara’s. She had her limits when it came to keeping close company with Roger. He was very different from all those years ago but everything still had to be just so and at the moment she just wasn’t.

  Today, she would see Nick. Spend Christmas with him, be in the same room, breathe the same air … the butterflies in her stomach morphed into madly flapping giant bats.

  Some of the time lapse could be explained. Lainey knew the film had had delays but he’d managed to come home for his mother’s birthday. Why couldn’t he have squeezed in a day for her after November 10? Half of her knew there would be a logical explanation, but the other half was panicking.

  Rose hugged her as they got in the car to go to church. Lainey had told her about their original three month agreement and while both she and Roger had thought it very wise back then, her mother felt sorry for her now.

  ‘It’ll all work out, sweetheart, you’ll see,’ she said. ‘It’ll be worth the wait.’

  Lainey was sick of waiting. She wanted it to be over, now. Except that as soon as she saw Nick at church she knew she’d wait for as long as she had to.

  He was talking to the guys on the sound desk but saw her the moment she walked into the auditorium. He came straight over and she knew everyone would be watching, especially after that television interview. She wished she had a dollar for every time she got asked if she was the reason he was ‘emotionally unavailable’.

  She’d stayed home from church that night to watch the show and recorded it, knowing she would want to see it more than once. She’d missed out on ten years of Nick’s life and there was plenty of footage to feast her eyes on. The Mavericks had been so young when the group had first formed and it took her breath away to see Nick back then. Memories flooded and she watched it several times, tears making it difficult to see.

  His tall frame stood in front of her now, elegant in a dark green shirt made out of some expensive, soft material, his sleeves rolled up. She swallowed. How attractive could forearms be?

  ‘Lainey.’ With a smile, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, squeezing her shoulder. ‘Merry Christmas.’

  She smiled back, heart thumping. ‘Merry Christmas, Nick.’

  Dismayed, she watched him hug her mother. Why hadn’t he hugged her?

  Nick shook hands with Roger then headed back to the sound desk. Lainey took her seat, warning bells hurting her ears. She tried to tune them out as Hannah slid in beside her, and gave her a kiss.

  ‘Merry Christmas, Lainey. You look beautiful. New dress?’

  ‘Yeah, it is. Thanks. Merry Christmas, Hannah.’ At least his mother had noticed.

  The service began and Lainey tried to concentrate on the reason she was here, acutely conscious of Nick. When he got up and sang ‘O Holy Night’ he looked everywhere but at her.

  He was different towards her during Christmas dinner, too. No one else would have noticed but when he spoke to her he was reserved. She was scared and apprehensive but did her best not to let it show.

  There was a good mixture of people around the table. They donned the silly hats from the Christmas crackers and laughed at the terrible jokes that came with them. Whenever Nick’s eyes met hers, he gave an awkward smile and turned away. It did nothing to soothe her frayed nerves.

  Nick had been very kind and allowed them to have Christmas at his place, as long she and Hannah organised it all. His home was large, had the best view in the world and was air-conditioned.

  Lainey tried to enjoy herself. The conversation flowed and it was easy to find out what Nick had been up to. There were a lot of questions directed his way and everyone was interested in hearing about what it was like to make a movie. He’d been back to her church in Sydney and had given his testimony there last Sunday night, the first time he’d done anything like that. While he was telling the story, he smiled at her properly for the first time all day. As usual, it sent tingles down to her toes but her unease returned as soon as he looked away.

  Everyone had eaten far too much and groaned and moaned as they moved from the dining table to the lounge room where they would exchange their Secret Santa gifts.

  Lara sank down beside her on the lounge. ‘How are you holding up? I don’t suppose Nick’s had a chance to talk to you yet?’

  ‘Hardly. Don’t worry about it. Just worry about yourself.’ She pulled over the ottoman for Lara’s feet.

  Her friend sighed and rested a hand on her distended belly. ‘I tell you what, if anyone cracks another joke about my eating too much Christmas dinner I’ll hit them. I’ve got cankles not ankles, I haven’t seen my toes for months, I have stretch marks from here to eternity, and as for my belly button, let’s not even go there!’

  Lainey grinned and leaned towards the bulge. ‘Come out soon, you hear me? Your mother is going to explode.’ She patted Lara’s arm. ‘At least it’s not long to go.’

  ‘I hope not. The heat’s really getting to me. I think I might move into Nick’s spare room until the baby comes. Do you think he’d mind?’

  ‘I would.’ Adam leaned over from behind and put his arms around his wife. ‘I’d miss my blimp far too much.’ He grinned at Lara’s pretended outrage then kissed her before coming round to massage her feet.

  Lainey smiled. She hadn’t been as big or had the puffy ankles but she hadn’t had the support of someone who loved her the way Adam did Lara. She knew which she would prefer to have by far.

  Her eyes were drawn to Nick, the father of her baby, the man she’d loved all her life. He was talking to Adam’s dad and she looked away, but couldn’t help herself and looked back.

  Nick was staring at her and Lainey took a deep breath. He took a step toward her but Hannah stopped him to ask something and the moment was lost. What had he been going to say?

  She sat through the Secret Santa process feeling numb. As the host, Nick was the distributor of gifts. Just as she was speculating which one was hers, he pulled out an envelope from where it had been tucked in the tree. With the barest of smiles, he handed it to her then moved on.

  Curious, she slit it open and drew out a gift voucher from the beauty shop down at the beach. There was a brochure to go with it and one of the services had been highlighted. Lainey knew exactly who it was from.

  She gave a little laugh as Nick came and crouched beside her. ‘Thank you,’ she said, ‘one can never have too many pedicures, can one?’

  He smiled. ‘It’s only a suggestion of course. You can use it however you want.’

  ‘I think a pedicure will be perfect. I’ve been kept on my toes a bit lately.’

  ‘I know. Can we get together tomorrow? We need to talk.’

  She nodded, hating the fact he was so serious.

  ‘I’ll see you when Adam and I get back to their place, then.’ He was gone before she could say anything.

  The boys were getting up before dawn and climbing Mt Warning. It was something they’d planned to do for ages and it had kept on getting postponed because of Nick’s schedule. The other men were going fishing, the ladies were hitting the Boxing Day sales and Lainey had volunteered to spend the day with Lara, just in case she went into labour. It wasn’t likely, but it was possible.

  After she’d helped clear away the debris and loaded the dishwasher, Lainey needed some space. She escaped up to Hannah’s balcony and leaned on the railing, staring at the ocean.

  This time tomorrow, she would know. She would either be euphoric or facing life without Nick. Again.

  He hadn’t wanted to be in her company for more than thirty seconds and it scared the life out of her. If only she hadn’t asked for the stupid three months.

  Lainey had been there for some time when the slider underneath her opened and she heard footsteps come out onto the deck below. She couldn’t see who it was, but she recognised the voi
ces.

  ‘She’s a great lady,’ she heard Nick say. ‘We clicked straight away. She’s smart, good with figures, organises me brilliantly, has a good sense of humour and even goes to church, the same one Lainey used to go to. Finding someone like that in our business is very rare. She’s perfect.’

  ‘And how’s it going to work while you’re up here? What’s her name?’ asked Adam.

  ‘Elke. She’s from Sweden but her English is impeccable. Distance is no problem. We phone each other as well as email and text. She’s been very understanding while I’m sorting things out.’

  ‘Speaking of sorting out, when are you going to talk to Lainey? You need to do it, Nick.’

  ‘I’m getting together with her tomorrow, after our climb.’ He gave a short laugh and his voice was faint as they moved further away to the steps leading down to the pool. ‘I’m really nervous.’

  Lainey white-knuckled the handrail.

  Nick had fallen in love with some beautiful Swedish girl and he couldn’t tell her.

  She was furious. With Nick for finding someone else, with herself for wasting her hopes and dreams, and with God for not telling her.

  It took her awhile, but she composed herself enough to return to the happy Christmas scene downstairs. No one would know what she’d heard and no one would be able to tell the effect it had had on her. She’d make sure of that.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Lainey woke, irritable after a restless night’s sleep. Stupid Nick.

  She yanked her hair into a ponytail and went into Lara’s kitchen. While she waited for the water to boil, she flung coffee into a mug then decided she should make tea for Lara. She was a little loud in replacing the lid of the teabag jar.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  Lainey jumped, caught up in her imaginary confrontation with Nick, hurling things at him and not missing once. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you. Go back to bed. I’ll bring this in.’