When Smiles Fade

by Paige Dearth

  Twenty-two hours later, Gracie gave birth to a girl. Her older sister had picked the name, Isabella, for the baby. Emma’s joy over the birth of her niece was far more intense than she had expected and she fell to dreaming about how the three of them would make a close-knit, happy family.

  Before she left the hospital that day, Emma held Gracie in her arms for one long moment. Then she leaned down and whispered in her ear, “She’s beautiful, Gracie. Isabella is just perfect.”

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  A few days after Isabella was born, Emma brought in pictures of the baby to show the girls at Doubles. When Salvatore saw the pictures, he smiled fondly and said, “Izzy—that’s what I’ll call her. I love that name. She’s beautiful, Amme.” Then he teased, “Are you sure she isn’t your kid?”

  “Izzy…” Emma said, feeling the name on her lips. “I love that, Salvatore. She’s such a gorgeous baby. Everyone says she looks like me, but I just don’t see it.”

  Emma was still blind to the impact her good looks had on others.

  “That’s because you don’t always see what others see,” Salvatore told her. “Your view of things isn’t always the right one, you know.”

  Uneasy with where their conversation was heading, Emma asked light-heartedly, “So do you want to give me therapy or do you want a lap dance?”

  Salvatore lightened up immediately. “Well,” he drawled, “I was thinking I could give you therapy while you were dancing for me.”

  They both laughed and made their way to the lap-dance room.

  Salvatore was more captivated by Emma now than he had been the first night he’d met her at Doubles. If anything, she seemed to become more charming with time, both in appearance and in personality. It was during such moments that he wanted to take her in his arms and make passionate love to her, to reassure her of her worth. But he knew that if he so much as hinted at his feelings for her, she would conclude that sex was all he had ever wanted from her. Salvatore knew that where Emma was concerned, he wanted much, much more.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  The first two years with Izzy were wonderful. A cheerful toddler, she charmed everyone she met. More precocious than most children her age, she knew exactly how to get what she wanted. And it was easier to manipulate a mother and an aunt who were both too young to be raising a child on their own. A few days shy of seventeen, Gracie struggled to do justice to her role as a teen mom, but with Emma’s help, she managed to make it work.

  They enjoyed being together as a family. Lying in Gracie’s bed with Izzy between them, the girls would talk about what they would wear to each other’s weddings. They speculated about Izzy’s future and how she would meet a prince and get married someday. Unlike their own childhood, they wanted Izzy’s life to be a fairytale, filled with love, hope, and dreams.

  Gracie had never told Emma about the hateful things Ethan had said to her. She knew it would only result in yet another of their vicious fights that caused her sister so much anguish.

  Amidst the negativity generated in her heart by thoughts of Ethan, there was one thing that did make Gracie very happy: Izzy’s beauty; the baby looked just like Emma and bore no resemblance at all to her mother. She also shared the same strong personality as her aunt. Gracie felt honored that her own child was so much like her older sister.

  On a Saturday night in December, Emma left the apartment for her usual shift at Doubles. Gracie was going out with friends and Katie was babysitting Izzy. Emma had already danced two sets when she froze on stage. Ethan was standing at the bar. She stared at him, wondering why he was there. She hadn’t seen him in a very long time and had no interest in ever seeing him again. She watched intently as Ethan talked to Foster and the bar manager. Then Jay waved her over.

  “Emma, go get dressed,” he told her, his voice tense with concern. “Your little sister has been in a car accident. Ethan’s going to drive you to the hospital.”

  Emma turned pale with shock. Then she raced down to the dressing room and changed, coming back upstairs in less than ten minutes, ready to leave for the hospital. Ethan put his arm around her and escorted her out of the bar. Salvatore watched the scene from across the room. When he found out from Jay what had happened, he couldn’t help being concerned for Emma as she left the bar with that little weasel.

  Fifteen minutes later, she and Ethan were at Chestnut Hill Hospital. Emma rushed through the emergency room doors and went up to the first nurse she could find.

  “I’m looking for my sister,” she said breathlessly. “Her name’s Grace Murphy.

  The nurse looked her over, her expression disapproving as she took in Emma’s tight jeans, a tee shirt with a plunging neckline, and knee-high stiletto boots. She was still in full makeup from her dance performances, and the nurse assumed she was a hooker.

  “She’s in surgery right now,” the nurse announced harshly. “Take a seat in the waiting room. A doctor will come out and talk to you shortly.”

  “What happened?” Emma persisted, not to be brushed off so easily.

  The nurse softened a little when she caught the look of anguish and bewilderment on the girl’s face. “Your sister was in a car accident,” she explained. “From what we’ve heard, a drunk driver slammed into the car she was in. He was driving an Expedition at top speed and the impact of the collision pulverized the car your sister was in. Grace has internal bleeding and the doctors are trying to help her. They are doing everything they can, honey.”

  Emma felt out of body. She said nothing as Ethan took her by the arm and led her to a chair in the waiting room. She shed silent tears and prayed for her baby sister, too emotionally spent to protest, even when he held her. After all she had been through in life, she wasn’t prepared to lose Gracie. She willed her to be all right and kept telling herself the doctors would save her.

  Ethan said encouraging things to keep her hopes alive and she was grateful he was there to see her through this period of unspeakable torment. He was gentle with her, the gentlest he’d ever been, almost as if he feared that if he raised his voice even a little, she would break in two. He spoke to her in a confident, calming voice, trying to coax her out of her despondency as the hours wore on. He managed to get a blanket from a nurse to cover Emma with and brought her a cup of tea from the vending machine.

  “It’s gonna be okay, Em,” he reassured her gently. “She’ll be fine, babe.”

  Four hours later, the doctor came into the waiting room to speak to them. He introduced himself and explained that Gracie had come out of surgery. They hadn’t been able to stop the bleeding, however. The injuries were too extensive.

  Emma was on her feet at once. “Well, will she be all right?” she asked, coming straight to the point.

  This was the moment all doctors dreaded. “It took the rescue workers over an hour to get her out of the car,” he explained somberly. “Based on what we know, more than two hours passed between the time of the accident and her arrival here in the ER. In addition to other serious injuries, Grace’s pelvic bones were broken and the blood vessels along them torn.”

  Emma couldn’t understand a word of what he was telling her. All she wanted to know was if her baby sister would live. “What does that mean?” she shrieked.

  The doctor gave Ethan a solemn look. “We’ve done everything we could. We’ll reassess her condition in a few hours to see what else we can do for her. Your sister is critical at the moment.”

  Large tears streamed down Emma’s cheeks. “What about Gracie’s friend, the girl who was driving?” she asked softly. “Where is she?”

  The doctor bowed his head. “She was killed instantly. I’m sorry.”

  Despite all the horrors Emma had been through in her pathetic life, there was no darker or more frightening moment than the one she faced as she stood on the threshold of the room where Gracie lay motionless. The only sound in its eerie stillness was the rhythm of the machines that monitored her vital signs and kept her alive.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven<
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  Emma stepped into the room and paused. She could not bring herself to go over to the bed. What if Gracie died? She forced herself to move forward, covering the distance between the door and the bed step by step, as if it were the longest she had ever traveled. She stopped by the bed and willed herself to look down at the still figure. There was a hard wedge of icy fear where her heart had been and her tears seemed thick, making the skin on her face tighten. She wished she could rant and scream and release her pent-up feelings in a downpour of weeping. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much.

  Oh God, Gracie! Emma thought. Please, please don’t leave me!

  She took her sister’s limp hand in her own and thought about all they had been through together. Many of their experiences had left them with emotional scars and dark memories, but they always had each other to fall back on. Emma had spent her whole life protecting Gracie. Even when she had failed to keep her from harm, they had always found a way back to each other.

  Watching Gracie lie utterly still made Emma’s heart ache. An indescribable sorrow overwhelmed her. If only she were in her baby sister’s place! The girls were united by a bond most siblings didn’t share, the bond of loyalty that came from shared experience of how terribly cruel life could be to helpless children. But the Murphy girls had made the harrowing journey together, always knowing that they were loved by at least one other person in the world: their sibling and partner in pain.

  Emma couldn’t imagine going on without Gracie. As she sat next to her bed, her chest finally began to heave with grief, and she prayed: Dear God, please let Gracie live. I’ve never asked you for a fucking thing! My baby sister has had so much undeserved sadness in her life. Please, God, she has a daughter! Please, God, save her! Please!

  Ethan held Emma, watching her reactions closely. He comforted her and assured her that everything was going to work out, but she seemed deaf to his words. Only when Gracie opened her eyes would everything be all right again, she told herself.

  Emma sat next to the bed holding Gracie’s hand. She was giving her the will to survive, reminding her of all that they had accomplished, “Gracie, we’ve beat so much bad shit in our lives. This is just another thing that we’ll get through together. We’re doing a good job with Izzy and we’re really happy.” She rambled on like this for hours, believing it would give her sister the strength to pull through and fight on.

  Finally Gracie opened her eyes and looked up at Emma. In a weak voice she said, “Stay with me, Emma. I’m scared. I don’t want to go. You won’t leave me, right?”

  “Of course I won’t leave you, sweetie. I’m right here. I’ll stay here until you’re better,” Emma promised, suddenly reenergized now that Gracie had spoken to her.

  At daybreak, Emma was still sitting in the chair, holding onto Gracie’s hand. As she woke, she looked around the room and saw Ethan sleeping in a chair in the corner. Emma watched her sister sleeping peacefully; she studied her chest as it rose and fell with each precious breath she took. Things were going to be normal again, she told herself, Gracie made it through the night and from here on she would just get stronger.

  In the light of day, Emma could clearly see the damage caused by the car wreck. Gracie’s body had been severely battered and broken. She had wires and tubes attached to her that looked like an endless ball of string and seemed to have no beginning or end.

  “Good morning, Gracie,” she whispered. “You have to wake up so that the doctors can help you get better. You’ve been through worse than this, so come on now and open your eyes. Please, Gracie, for me,” she begged.

  A few seconds later, Emma’s anguish turned to hope when Gracie opened her eyes and looked at her. Her bloodless lips curved in a faint smile. Emma moved closer to her.

  “Oh, thank God you’re awake!” she exclaimed. “I love you, Gracie. You know I love you. You’re going to get better and we’re gonna take you home soon. Everything will be fine. I’m here and I won’t leave you. I’m so happy you’re awake!”

  There was the suggestion of a nod from Gracie, as if to acknowledge that she understood what her sister had just told her.

  The gesture made Emma’s hopes soar and she just knew that Gracie was going to recover.

  Then Gracie parted her lips and said, “Izzy…”

  Emma clung to the word and knew she needed to focus on Izzy. That’s who would give Gracie the strength to fight. Emma silently thanked God for giving them a break. In the next moment, a continuous high-pitched screeching came from the heart monitor. Gracie was gone.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  A doctor and two nurses rushed into the room. They tried in vain to revive Gracie, but it was too late. She had sustained too much damage. It took great effort for the doctor to convince Emma that her sister was gone. She refused to acknowledge that Gracie would never be back.

  “I promised Gracie I wouldn’t leave her,” she argued. “I have to stay with her so that she knows she isn’t alone. Gracie hates to be alone, it scares her,” she wailed.

  “You can stay with her as long as you’d like,” the doctor told her with profound sadness at Emma’s desperation.

  Emma climbed onto the bed with Gracie and wrapped her arms around her sister’s lifeless body. She lay there for almost two hours; stroking her sister, weeping and wondering how she would move on from that moment. Her new reality was the most pain she ever had to suffer in her life. She felt as if God had reached his mighty hand down from the heavens and snatched away the one person who gave Emma the courage to go on. Her grief was so raw that even the nurses were weepy and talked in low voices outside of the hospital room. One nurse said, “I don’t know how this girl is going to recover. Her friends told me that Gracie is her world, she was the only family she had.”

  “Poor girl. This is all so sad. I hope she has a good support network,” another nurse chimed in. “She won’t make it through this alone.”

  Finally, after an hour of coaxing, Ethan managed to pry Emma loose from Gracie with his soothing words and urged her to accept that it was time to go. Before leaving Gracie’s bedside, Emma leaned over her sister and kissed her softly on her cheek. “I love you, baby,” she whispered.

  When they walked into the hall, Brianna and Katie were waiting for them. Emma threw herself into Brianna’s arms. They gripped each other tightly and shed tears of deep, unrelenting grief.

  Finally Brianna managed to say, “Oh, Em, I’m so sorry.”

  Emma turned to Katie, who held Izzy in her arms. Young as she was, even the child knew something wasn’t quite right and looked at her aunt in bewilderment. As the two women embraced, Emma took Izzy from her friend and held on tight to her niece. She shed more tears thinking of the motherless child then remembered how Gracie had died with her daughter’s name on her lips.

  From that day on, Izzy would belong to Emma. She would love her more than she had loved anyone in her life and vowed to not only keep her safe, but to do whatever was needed to give her a good life. She resolved to tell Izzy about Gracie when she got older and let her know how much her mother had loved her.

  Ethan put his arm around Emma, jolting her back into the present. “Come on, Em,” he said in a soothing tone. “Let’s take our family home.”

  Brianna and Katie locked eyes at Ethan’s statement. They wanted to argue with him and tell him to go away and leave Emma and Izzy alone. They knew he didn’t belong there and that he wasn’t good for Emma. But their friend had just lost the person she’d loved the most in her life and they didn’t want to cause her any more hardship.

  Over the next three days, while funeral arrangements were made, the apartment filled with visitors. Many of the girls from Doubles came. So did Jay and Shiver. Ethan’s friends came over as well, although Katie suspected it was more for the free beer and food than to express their condolences to Emma. Even some of the neighbors stopped in with a cake or a casserole. The apartment was crowded with people from morning until night, but Emma felt completely isolated, utterly alone.
She tried to fake interest in her visitors, but her conversation was half-hearted. The desire to live seemed to have vanished. She was merely going through the motions. It was an effort for her to even breathe.

  The day of the funeral dawned, the worst in Emma’s life. It seemed as if the sun had not been allowed to rise that day. The sky was sullen and dark and the clouds looked ominous as they hung motionless like a gray shroud over the earth, making her feel the depth of her emptiness. The rain was relentless, never stopping even once as Emma walked to the plot in the cemetery where she would be leaving Gracie forever.

  When it was over and the time to leave arrived, Emma dropped to her knees in the muddied grass and bawled until there were no tears left, her chest rising and falling in dry, gasping heaves. Her fists were clenched on the grass around the hole where Gracie’s coffin hung, suspended in midair.

  “Nooooo,” Emma whimpered, “I can’t leave her here. Oh God, why?” she shouted, looking to the heavens for an answer.

  Then her shoulders slumped as she cupped her face with her hands and let out a moan that came from the center of her belly, a sound of pure sorrow. She felt as if she were a lost soul forced to walk among the living.

  Ethan and Brianna stepped in and took charge. They helped Emma to her feet and led her back to the car, against her will. Sitting in the passenger seat in front with the cold penetrating her bones, she had the sudden urge to run back to where Gracie lay. She could not imagine leaving her there alone and dreaded facing life without her.

  Once Gracie’s funeral was over, the crowds of people visiting the apartment dwindled to nothing. Only Brianna and Katie continued to check on Emma every single day. They were amazed at how Ethan had taken on the role of caregiver. He had been staying at the apartment since the night Gracie died and seemed totally transformed. He was so gentle and loving with Emma that it was hard to believe he had been such a bastard to her in the past. He had once again become the man Emma had fallen in love with. Their hesitation over Ethan being with Emma was dismissed.