When Smiles Fade

by Paige Dearth

  Since Emma had taken time off from Doubles, the other strippers decided to put together a fundraiser to help compensate for the income she would be losing during her absence. While performing on stage, the girls asked their clients to be generous with their tips, which they planned to hand over to their friend.

  “It’s for Amme,” they explained. “She’s hurting real bad and needs our help. So dig down deep.”

  That night, Salvatore found Jay and said he needed to talk. The bar manager was quick to respond. “Sure, Salvatore,” he said, “what do you need?”

  “How is she? Is she holding up?” Salvatore’s voice was soft with sympathy.

  Jay was surprised by the man’s genuine concern for Emma. It was so out of character for a man like him.

  “She’s doing the best she can,” he replied. “Her little sister was the only family she had, and from what I hear, she’d been taking care of her since she was a child. Shiver told me she’s been talking to Emma’s friend, Brianna, a girl who worked here before. Amme is apparently pretty depressed. I’ll be surprised if she comes back here anytime soon.”

  Salvatore reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a large envelope of twenty-dollar bills. “Here’s five grand,” he said. “See that she gets this money, will you? Just say it’s part of what the girls raised for her.”

  Jay was less impressed by Salvatore’s generosity than by the apparent depth of his feelings for Emma. He had no idea the girl had developed such a strong bond with the powerful man who was feared by so many.

  “Sure, Salvatore,” he said. “Whatever you want. I’ll give the money to Shiver as an anonymous donation.”

  “Good. I like that. Remember that if there is anything Amme needs, anything at all, I want to know about it.”

  Salvatore left the bar. On his way back to Philadelphia, he thought about Emma. He was worried about her, especially after he learned from Jay that Ethan was staying at the apartment with her. Then he let his thoughts drift to her niece, Izzy, whom Emma had talked about all the time when Gracie was alive. It was sad for all of them. Emma no longer had a sister and Izzy had no mother. Salvatore knew that this woman he loved would do everything she could to make it right for Izzy. But he couldn’t help worrying about the price she’d be willing to pay for her niece’s happiness.

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  Weeks turned into months, but the darkness inside Emma would not leave her. Consumed by thoughts of Gracie’s untimely death, she spent little time with Izzy, whom Ethan was now taking care of. He had moved back into the apartment and settled them into a routine. He helped Emma shower every day; he practically forced her to eat; and he sat with her for hours, sometimes yammering about nothing and at other times just sitting with her in comforting silence.

  Observing the way he was taking care of her and the child, Emma had looked deep into his eyes and said, “Thank you, Ethan. Thank you for taking care of Izzy and me. I love you so much.”

  Many months after Gracie died Ethan broached the subject of Emma going back to work. They had been living on food stamps and welfare checks, something he himself had arranged so that she could get some financial support while she wasn’t working. Ethan had burned through the money received from the fundraiser at Double Visions in record time, spending it on new accessories for his car and clothes for himself. The money they received from welfare just wasn’t enough to keep them going and Ethan had no intention of working some menial job when Emma could make a substantial income by dancing.

  Emma wearily contemplated the prospect of going back to Doubles. She knew that she would have to return to work sooner rather than later. The decision was practically forced on her on Izzy’s third birthday, when Emma snapped out of her funk. She was lying in bed, silently staring at the wall, when for the first time in a long while she heard Ethan raise his voice.

  “I said eat!” he yelled at the child.

  Those words were followed by the sound of a slap. There was a momentary silence. Then Izzy burst out crying.

  Emma sprang out of bed and ran into the kitchen. “What happened just now?” she asked, dreading the answer.

  “She’s a fucking little brat!” Ethan snapped at her. “That’s what happened!”

  “Ethan, she’s only a baby!” Emma said incredulously. “Did you hit her?”

  “I gave her a little slap. Don’t make a big thing out of it,” he said righteously.

  “Well, it’s a big deal to me,” she retorted, looking Izzy over quickly until her gaze stopped on the bright red mark on the child’s arm.

  Izzy gave her a bewildered look and said in a hurt voice, “Eatin hit me.”

  When Emma lifted her out of her chair, Izzy clung to her so tightly her aunt could sense her terror. It was a telling reminder of how Ethan had treated Emma herself before being thrown out of the apartment. Now he had dared strike her baby niece. People rarely changed, she told herself, realizing that the brute within Ethan was still very much alive.

  Emma felt furious and ashamed of herself. She had been so absorbed in her own grief that she had neglected Gracie’s child, the most precious thing in the world, whom she had vowed to take care of as if she were her own. She had received the wakeup call she needed in order to get her shit together and move on with her life. She owed that much to Izzy. She didn’t want her niece living through the ordeal that she and Gracie had endured as children.

  She walked out of the kitchen holding Izzy in her arms and declared to Ethan, “I’m calling Jay today. I’m going back to work.”

  She understood that the only way for her to give Izzy the life she deserved was to make money. That was what Gracie would have expected of her. She remembered her sister murmuring her daughter’s name with her dying breath. It was a plea to Emma to take care of her baby. And she was determined to do that, even if she had to do it alone. She was grateful to Ethan for all that he had done for her over the past six months, but now his cruel hot temper came creeping back into her life. Emma decided she would overlook Ethan’s behavior with Izzy for now. She would wait to get back on her feet, which she knew wouldn’t take long. She did pledge to herself, however, that until she was back on her feet financially, if he ever touched Izzy again, she would make him regret he had ever been born.

  Emma called Jay that afternoon, and he assured her she could go back to work in three days. She called Katie to update her on the most recent developments, and Katie agreed to watch Izzy while Emma worked at night. Emma knew it would make little difference to Ethan; he would be happier having his nights free to hang out with his friend Pete.

  However, while Ethan would enjoy not having to babysit anymore, he wasn’t happy about Emma finding her independence again. He vowed to himself he wouldn’t lose her a second time no matter what it took to keep her.

  Chapter Sixty

  The first night back at Doubles, most of the dancers made a huge fuss over Emma. She had lost a great deal of weight since they’d seen her last and many of them whispered behind her back that she didn’t look good. Her eyes had all but lost their luster and were ringed with dark circles. Her hair was longer now, because she hadn’t cut it since Gracie died, and it looked dull and lifeless. Some of the dancers, the catty bitch ones, were secretly happy that she looked bad. They hadn’t missed her beauty at the club, which had earned her a lot of the tips they believed were rightly theirs.

  Foster gave Emma a quick hug and a warm hello as she entered the bar area to get on stage. The moment she stepped onto the first stage to dance that night, there was warm, welcoming applause from the clients in the bar. The unexpected surge of emotion that welled up inside took her breath away. After all the months of misery and emptiness, she was overwhelmed by the response.

  After the performance, she made her way around the bar to collect her tips and was deeply touched by the words of encouragement many of the guys had for her. Then she found herself standing in front of Salvatore. Having heard from Jay she was coming back that night, he had made sure
he would be there.

  He reached out and grasped her hand as she approached him. “I’ve missed you,” he confessed. “How’s Izzy doing?”

  Hearing him ask with genuine concern in his voice, she was moved to tears.

  “None of that now,” he told her with almost paternal affection. “How about a private dance?”

  Emma wiped away her tears and walked him back to the lap-dance room.

  As she was about to start performing, Salvatore pulled her onto his lap. “No dancing tonight,” he whispered. “I want to know that you’re doing all right. You’ve lost a lot of weight and you look tired. Tell me how you’ve been.”

  “Oh, Salvatore, it’s been unbearable. At first, I had to work on breathing. Even now there are moments when I feel like absolute shit. I miss her so much. I always thought we would be together, you know? I’m doing the best I can with Izzy, but I just can’t shake this feeling of darkness,” she confided.

  Salvatore began to run his warm, soft hand up and down her arm, as if he was trying to ward off the cold.

  “Since Gracie died nothing is the same. I see life so differently now. I keep wondering if I will ever feel happiness again. She and I had been through so much together as kids and we had finally found a way to make it work out for the three of us. I wish it would have been me instead of her, Salvatore. I wish I had died in her place,” she told him tearfully.

  Salvatore listened to her intently for a long time, understanding her better than he had before. She was a good person whom life had dealt a bitter hand. He wasn’t the type of person who felt much for other people, but Emma was the exception. There was something tantalizing about her courage that made him want to be close to her. She didn’t fear him like others did. She had endured far too much pain in her life to be intimidated by a man just because he belonged to the Mafia. In fact, she felt better whenever she was in Salvatore’s company. That made her all the more special to him.

  While Emma was on stage again, doing another set, Salvatore made his way to the bar, his mind on the kind of things he could do to make her life easier. As a member of the Mafia, his own life was extremely complicated. Being a part of the underworld had its ups and downs. There was always plenty of money at his disposal, but it came at the cost of his freedom. There were so many people who wanted him dead that he had to be careful about the places he visited and the company he kept. He had to watch his every move. The smallest error of judgment on his part could prove fatal, both for him and for those close to him.

  Salvatore decided he would wait and observe Emma’s progress. If she needed him, he would instinctively know it and would be there to help her. He watched adoringly as she did her last dance of the evening. Emma still had no clue that Salvatore had fallen in love with her. She didn’t know that while she was away, he had missed her so much. But now that she was back, he wasn’t willing to let her go again so easily.

  Chapter Sixty-One

  Isabella became the guiding star of Emma’s life and she found new energy in providing her with a good life. She vowed to stop living in the past and focus on the present. The first step in that direction involved going through Gracie’s room, getting rid of her sister’s belongings and making it a special place just for Izzy. Brianna and Katie immediately agreed to help. Partly because they figured there would be a lot of things to sort through, a formidable task for one person to accomplish, but mainly because they anticipated how stressful it would be for Emma to go through and dispose of her sister’s possessions.

  The three girls began working early in the morning, and by dinnertime, they had removed all of Gracie’s belongings, except for a few things that Emma either kept for herself or left in the room as a loving reminder to Izzy of the young girl who had given birth to her and whose last thought had been for her baby. They decided to move the bed against the far wall so that Emma could get a bedrail and Izzy could sleep there on her own.

  It was while lifting the mattress that Brianna found Gracie’s journal. She and Katie exchanged a startled look and set out to talk to Emma in the kitchen.

  “Em,” Brianna said, trying to sound casual, “we found this under Gracie’s mattress.”

  At the very sight of the journal, tears sprang to Emma’s eyes. “Thanks,” she said in a broken voice, reaching for it.

  This time Katie spoke. “Emma, I think it might be a little too much for you to read right now. Do you want me to hang onto it until you’re ready?”

  “You’re right,” Emma said gratefully, “I won’t read it just yet.” With those words, she tossed the journal into the bottom of the duffle bag in which she carried her dance costumes.

  The moment her friends had left, Emma went right back to her bedroom holding the journal. L eafing through its pages, she discovered that Gracie had written a lot about her. It was mostly about how much she loved her older sister and how she’d felt responsible for ruining Emma’s life when they had to flee their home years ago. Emma smiled as she read through the private reflections of a very typical young teenager. Several of Gracie’s entries indicated that she wasn’t very fond of Ethan, but this came as no surprise to Emma. They had discussed Gracie’s aversion to him.

  Emma found herself engrossed in the concerns that had plagued Gracie during the span of her short life. The guilt and anxiety caused by their troubled childhood had weighed heavily on her. It was shocking for Emma to discover how often Gracie had relived the nightmarish experience of being buried in the basement by Jake. She felt guilty for not having coaxed her sister into sharing her trauma with her. The burden of failing to perceive how much Gracie had actually suffered and her inability to ease her pain would always remain with Emma. She’d imagined that Gracie had put her past behind her and moved on, but as she read on, Emma realized how seriously she had been mistaken in her assumption and how much lingering anguish her sister had lived with over the years. Crushed as she was by Gracie’s revelations, it was more heartening for Emma to read of her sister’s many fond remembrances. She was especially touched by the number of times Gracie repeated her faith in the depth of Emma’s love for her. Emma found herself smiling, laughing out loud, and weeping in turn. Then she came upon an entry made by Gracie just a couple of months after her fifteenth birthday:

  Tonight, the worst thing happened to me. Ethan came home shit-faced drunk, while Emma was at work. He tried to kiss me and when I ran into my room, he followed. He hit me and forced me to have sex with him. It hurt so much when he put his dick in me. I hate myself for what happened! If Emma ever found out, she’d hate me too. What kind of person am I to have sex with my sister’s boyfriend?

  Emma’s blood ran cold. She read the entry again and again, desperately hoping she had misread or misinterpreted the words. She flipped forward to the next entry:

  Ethan came into my room again tonight, after Emma left for work. He threatened to tell Emma I had come onto him if I didn’t give him a blow job. She wouldn’t believe him over me, right? I hate Ethan! I hope he dies.

  Just then, Emma heard the apartment door open and close. Ethan was home. She put the journal into the bottom of the duffle bag and went out to the living room. She would get justice for Gracie. Ethan was now no different from Pepper and Jake in Emma’s eyes and she felt as much hatred and contempt for him as she had for the other two men.

  “Hey, babe!” he called out when he saw her approach. “What’s for dinner?”

  Emma shot him a loving glance while an inferno burned inside her. “I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes,” she told him. “It’ll be ready in about half an hour.”

  He moved up close and rubbed up against her, sliding his arm over her shoulders. Then he turned her to face him and pulled her in to make her feel his erection. She battled the urge to run into the kitchen and grab the butcher knife so she could cut his dick off. He had committed the ultimate crime, for which there could be no pardon. He’d raped her sister. A huge mistake, she thought to herself.

  That night at work, Emma used ever
y free minute to read the remaining segments of Gracie’s journal. She turned down requests for lap dances on the pretext that she suspected she was coming down with something and didn’t want to risk passing on the bug. She even refused Salvatore’s request that night, leaving him deeply disappointed.

  As Emma went back to reading her sister’s journal, it became increasingly clear to her that Ethan had been forcing himself on Gracie almost daily. Then two months after it had started, it seemed to stop suddenly. Emma was barely able to get through the next, devastating entry:

  Oh God, no! I’m pregnant! Now what the fuck am I supposed to do? I just know that this is Ethan’s baby. I told him I had taken a pregnancy test and it was positive and that he was the father. He called me a liar and then kicked the shit out of me—literally. He kicked me so hard in the gut that I shit my pants. He said I was just saying that to avoid giving him sex again. He threatened that if I told Emma, he would kill me—and the baby. What am I gonna do? Emma is going to hate me for doing this to her. I hate myself! I wish I were dead.

  Emma had barely finished reading the words when she stumbled to her feet, ran to the bathroom, and threw up.

  One of the strippers passing by said, “Yeah, you probably do have that fucking flu. Don’t get near me.”

  Emma needed time to think. She needed a plan of action. Much as she wanted to, she couldn’t give in to her rage and rush impulsively into just anything. She had Isabella to think of. She would be of no use to her niece if she ended up in prison. When her desperation got the better of her, she considered confiding in Salvatore, but then decided to keep him out of it. She didn’t want to owe anybody anything.