Bolivar

by Caitlin Ricci

  I decided to keep that in mind. “Why here? Why are you meeting in a hotel? Why a gay resort?”

  Landon laughed. “Why? Because I own this resort, and I enjoy seeing all of the men walking around in hardly anything. Which, speaking of, Bolivar, you’re looking good for your age. Enjoy it now, because you know, pretty soon you’re going to be too young for most of the men out there. You’ll have to start looking at the barely legal crowd, and I know how much you dislike them.”

  “Wesley’s in that age group and I don’t mind his company at all. He’s a good boy. But, you’re right, I may only have another few months of looking like I’m in my twenties before I become younger again. Fortunately though, I’ll age again. Slowly, I’ll grant you, but I won’t be this young forever. And soon enough all of you will be going through this same thing. It was just my luck that I was born first.”

  I knew how dragon aging worked, and still I had to force myself to remember that I wasn’t watching a guy in his twenties playing a game with a bunch of senior men. It was hard to see Bolivar as being the oldest man in the room, but he was, despite how young he looked. “Can I ask another question?”

  Bolivar threw a tile at me. “Stop asking permission. Just ask your questions. State your curiosity, boy.”

  I stood and handed him the tile. I could have made him get it himself—after all, he had thrown it at me—but that seemed to be the wrong thing to do in a room full of dragons.

  “I have a question first, if you, human, can wait,” Veles spoke up.

  I nodded to him. For a dragon, I’d do a lot more than wait when one asked me to.

  To my surprise, Veles got up from his chair and came over to me. He ran his dry, wrinkled fingers down my cheek to finish at my chin, where he lifted my face up to look at him better. He had the same intense otherworldly gaze that Bolivar had, though Bolivar used it on me a lot less now. I swallowed thickly and tried to hold his gaze, but after a few seconds I had to look away. He let go of me then, but only to move his hand to the top of my head, where he started rubbing my hair. “Bolivar, is your boy in school?”

  “He hasn’t expressed an interest in college yet. I haven’t had him that long.”

  Veles made a low noise in his throat and I snapped my gaze back up to his. “You should be in school,” he told me.

  “I plan to go, sometime,” I quickly explained. I didn’t want them to think less of Bolivar because I wasn’t in college. It hadn’t really come up and it wasn’t important to me right then.

  Veles let go of me completely then. “Make sure that you do. We’re a dying species. Your grandfather made a career out of traveling the world and doing whatever he wanted, but Bolivar won’t be a dragon long enough for you to have that kind of a lifestyle handed to you. So go, get an education, and enjoy your life after he’s human.”

  He had a lot of good advice, and I knew that I’d follow it, but my life was with Bolivar right then until he decided he no longer needed me. “Thank you,” I told Veles, because I needed to tell him something.

  I caught Bolivar rolling his eyes. “You think I wasn’t going to pay for him to go to college? He can do anything he wants to. I’ve got the money to send him off to do anything he wants. That’s not in question. We simply haven’t talked about it yet. But that conversation is coming. Clearly, the assistants aren’t needed anymore. I only have Wesley because Imrel is so impossible for me to deal with, but all of you let yours go years ago, and I will too, soon enough.”

  “None of you have assistants?”

  Veles shook his head. “We all, except for Bolivar, of course, and Imrel, let our assistants go years ago. My last one was over thirty years ago. He was happy that he, along with his future child, and their child, would never again be in the service of a dragon. It’s not a bad thing to no longer be needed. It is a terrible thing, however, to be held onto far longer than needed simply because someone isn’t okay with the idea of being alone yet.”

  I looked to Bolivar, to see what he thought of what Veles had said. I wanted him to argue, to say that he wasn’t keeping me around simply because he didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to know that I was wanted, and needed, at his side. But, deep in my heart, I already knew that wasn’t true. When Bolivar hadn’t spoken after five minutes, I left.

  He found me in my room late that night. I didn’t want to be seen, and I didn’t want to have his company, but he was there anyway, quietly knocking on my door, asking to be let in instead of demanding that I allow him into my space simply because he was a dragon.

  I went to the door and laid my hands on the smooth wooden surface. “Am I only around to keep you from being alone?”

  “Can I come in?”

  I wanted his answer first, then I would see if I wanted to talk to him again or not. “Am I?” I repeated.

  I heard him sigh. He sounded sad and maybe a little frustrated with me. That feeling was more than mutual. I just wanted to know where I stood with him. If he had an actual use for me, then I was happy to stay. But if I was only around to make sure he had company then... Then I wouldn’t have any choice but to stay anyway. I worked for him, but it was more than that. I was indebted to him. My whole family was, and if I ever had children in the future, then they would be too. Two hundred years ago that might have meant something, but now? Now I only knew what I saw—that I sat around watching TV and eating junk food and Bolivar read and walked on the beach. That was our life together, and while that would have been fine in my retirement, I was twenty. I wasn’t ready for retirement. I wanted college and love, and I couldn’t have either of those while I was stuck in Maine working for Bolivar, not changing anything about my life except for getting through my Netflix watch list.

  “Bolivar?” I prompted him.

  “If you let me in, I’m going to release you from your burden, but I won’t do it out here in the middle of the hallway with a half dozen nearly naked men staring at me.”

  I opened the door, mostly out of shock, and he handed me an envelope. It was so thick it bent in my hands. “What is it?”

  “Ten grand, in cash.”

  I nearly dropped it. “What the hell?” He was just walking around with that kind of cash on him? Why?

  Bolivar pushed past me. He was wearing slacks and a button-down shirt now, as if he was going out to dinner. I wanted to ask who he was going with, but I didn’t bother. It wasn’t my business, and, more than that, I just didn’t care anymore. He could do his own thing from here on out. “So, that’s it? You don’t need me anymore and now you’re done with me?”

  He smirked, but I saw the sadness in his gaze. I wasn’t blind to how he felt. “I do need you, but not for anything you may think, and taking care of me is certainly not what you signed up for when you came to live with me. I like having you around. I like not being alone all the time. I got used to you being there, just down the hall or just a text away. But that’s not your job. You’re not here to keep me company, not here in the Keys or in Maine. So take the money, there will be plenty more, that’s just to get you started.”

  “I don’t want your money,” I mumbled.

  He reached out and ruffled my hair. “Take it anyway. You were supposed to be under my care for a minimum of twenty years. I think I’m getting off easy. Your college, your apartment, your first car—I’m taking care of all of it. You’re free, be happy about it. Go find someone, fall in love.”

  I hugged him. We’d never hugged before, but right then I needed to hug him. He was giving me my freedom, and my future, and all I wanted to do right then was cling to him. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Do you have dinner plans?”

  I stepped back from him and shook my head.

  “Would you like to?”

  One last dinner with Bolivar? I wanted to. “Give me a few minutes to get dressed?” He looked good, and I wanted to look just as nice.

  “Sure. Come get me when you’re ready.”

  He left me
then, and I got ready for what I knew was likely the last time that I was going to be seeing Bolivar.

  He was quiet during dinner. I had a ton of questions for him, but I held back on them. Still, I couldn’t just sit in silence with him. “Are you coming back to Maine with me?”

  He stopped eating his fish and put his fork down for a moment. I’d been in the middle of slathering warm honey butter over my fourth roll of the night. “I wasn’t going to, no. I thought I’d stay down here through winter and then go back up when the weather is warmer. You have plenty of things at the house though, and your own key, so please feel free to stay there as long as you like. You don’t even have to remove your things all at once, or even at all right now. I’d don’t expect that room to become your storage space, but I’m in no rush to see you and your things gone either.”

  “I’m going to miss you,” I mumbled. I’d barely known him, but I was still going to miss him.

  “I’ll miss you too.”

  He smiled at me, and then we were back to eating.

  I left the Keys the next morning and went back to Maine. I’d barely spoken to my father since leaving to go live with Bolivar the first time, but now it was time to call him and let him know what was going on. He’d always been so busy at work, even when I’d been home in December, that I really hadn’t been able to sit down and talk to him. But now, as I took the long taxi ride from the airport back to Bolivar’s house, I decided to pull out my phone and call him.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Dad,” I said. I sighed and glanced at the driver. I’d have to be careful with what I said. “So, Bolivar let me go. I’m on my way back to his house right now and then I figured I’d spend a few days there packing up and cleaning my space and stuff and then come back home. Okay?”

  He was quiet for far too long before he finally spoke again. “What did you do to upset him? Can you go apologize?”

  It really wasn’t my fault, and I hated that he instantly thought that it was. “He just doesn’t need anyone anymore. It’s not like before where we were really important and they needed us. So I’ll see you in a week or so?”

  “No. I don’t think so. I’ll talk to Bolivar. I’ll get this straightened out. He’ll take you back. This is all our family has ever done. And this, you giving up, that’s not the honorable thing to do.”

  He hung up on me, and I stared at my phone until the driver pulled up to Bolivar’s house. I paid him, with Bolivar’s money, and then I went inside where I lay down on my bed and sighed heavily.

  Over the next few weeks I tried to call my dad, but he never responded. However, I did get a box of my things in the mail delivered to Bolivar’s house. I was hurt, but I wasn’t angry. I was more just confused than anything. I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I was pretty sure that Bolivar wouldn’t have said anything to him either, but without him answering his phone I didn’t really know what to think of any of it.

  I registered for classes at the University of Maine, and within a month I was moving into the dorms. I was hoping to get a degree in science, maybe studying astronomy or something. It was enough that I was going to classes. I really could have gone anywhere, but I liked Maine and, in some small way, I liked being close to Bolivar. His house on the coast was just a few hours away from my dorm room.

  I ate lobster rolls and I thought about him and that first time that he’d made them for us. I’d had lobster rolls dozens of times since then, since they were one of his favorite foods too, but sitting there at the restaurant just blocks from my school and eating a lobster roll always took me back to that first time I had them with him.

  A month into my first semester I realized that I needed friends, so I joined a crafting group. I didn’t really know what to expect, but they met at the library during a time when I didn’t have any classes and usually wasn’t busy.

  The group was ten bucks a time to cover supplies and they met every week. I figured it wasn’t a bad price to pay if I was having fun and I had plenty of money from Bolivar anyway.

  I found them easily enough. Two girls and a guy already making something with small metal tubes and fishing line. “Hi. I’m Wesley. Can I join you?”

  The guy smiled at me and waved with a hand that had a metallic rainbow ring. He wore it on his thumb and I instantly had questions, mainly about where he’d gotten it. “Sure. Normally it’s ten bucks each time because we have to buy the stuff, but we have extra this time so if you don’t have the cash on you now it’s no big deal.”

  I pulled out a ten and handed it to him, and he gave it to the girl with the braided black hair and purple eyeshadow. The other girl had brown hair and freckles. They were sitting close to each other, so I assumed that they were all friends and I envied them. Maybe they’d been friends for a long time. Maybe they’d grown up together. They probably had no idea that dragons existed, and they probably had never had any huge burdens placed on them like I had.

  I sat down beside the guy and he pushed some tubes toward me. “We’re making wind chimes this week. Next time we’re going to color some postcards. I’m Jeffrey.”

  “Hey.” I bent over my tubes and wires and started to copy what they were doing. I’d never made a wind chime before, but I figured it couldn’t be too hard to do.

  “I’m Megan,” the girl with the braid said. “That’s Sarah. We’re half-sisters.”

  “Did your parents name you after Wesley from The Princess Bride?”

  I actually had no idea. “Maybe. I don’t really know.” And since my dad wasn’t exactly speaking to me I’d probably never know, actually. I looked at Jeffrey’s ring again. “Where’d you get your ring? I’d like to get one like it too.”

  His smile grew a little bit. “There’s a place at the mall that sells a bunch of rainbow stuff. I got some cool t-shirts there over the summer. If you want to go sometime, we can.”

  “I’d like that.” I also liked how he blushed.

  He ducked his head. “Cool,” he mumbled.

  I was smiling as I focused back on my wind chime.

  Since I wasn’t Bolivar’s assistant anymore, I really didn’t have to add to his collection, but I still sent him the wind chime. It was pretty simple, just a few pieces of metal tubing, some beads, and fishing line attached to a wooden ring on top. But I thought it was pretty good for a first time, and besides, he had a deck to hang it from. I didn’t have anything more than an open window in my dorm room.

  I started dating Jeffrey about a week after we’d made wind chimes together. I didn’t talk about my family or my past, and it seemed to bother him, but I couldn’t really tell him that I’d been an assistant to a dragon and now that I wasn’t one anymore my dad didn’t want to have anything to do with me.

  He was sweet. He held my hand when we went out together, and he was always making something. He made me a card out of thick paper and an old lace dress he’d found at a thrift store on our way back from the mall. That was a present for our second date.

  Jeffrey didn’t make me crazy about him, and I didn’t need to see him all the time but I liked being around him. He was nice and he only ever wanted to hold my hand.

  We kissed for the first time on our third date. We’d gone out for lobster rolls. He liked them, too. And then at the door to my dorm room, he stopped and I kissed him. I tried not to let it bother me that he pulled away quickly.

  “Do you want to come up?” I offered.

  He shook his head, and that was harder to let go of but I tried my best.

  “So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  Jeffrey smiled at me, then he kissed my cheek. “Yeah. Tomorrow.”

  He waved bye and I went up to my room. I didn’t know why I wasn’t crazy for him. Or why I hadn’t been for Jack, either. They were both really good guys. But for me, they were just eh, and I didn’t have any idea why.

  Maybe it had something to do with Imrel, or even Bolivar. Maybe Imrel had screwed me up somehow when I’d been with him, or m
aybe it was that I couldn’t stop thinking about Bolivar. It made sense, though, why he would be on my mind. He was a dragon, and for twenty years I’d studied up about him and read everything I could about him to make sure that I served him well. It wasn’t my fault that I’d lasted less than a year with him.

  Christmas vacation came much sooner than I had anticipated. I had kind of expected that Jeffrey and I would spend at least some of the break together. That was, until I went to his dorm and found his parents there.

  “Hi,” I said, as I awkwardly stood in his doorway. The day before I had been welcomed by his hug. Now he gave me sort of a half wave.

  Jeffrey looked between me and his parents before turning back to shoving his things into the bag black suitcase stretched across his bed. “Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Wesley. He’s in the chess club with me.”

  I understood instantly and I wondered why Jeffrey had never mentioned to me that he wasn’t out with his parents. He couldn’t even tell them that he was in a crafting group. I hoped his parents didn’t ask me anything about chess, because all I knew was that there were a bunch of different pieces and half of them were black and half of them were white and one was a horse. I knew that the term checkmate had something to do with chess but what it actually meant or how I make it happen were mysteries to me. I had to get out of there quickly if I had any chance of keeping Jeffrey’s cover in front of his parents. As annoyed at him as I was, I didn’t want to out him in front of them. He wasn’t out, and he probably had a pretty good reason for choosing not to be.

  “I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and have a good time.” I looked to his parents and knew I should say something to them too. But I couldn’t help assuming that they were some horrible homophobic, hugely judgmental couple that had made Jeffrey’s life miserable since the time he realized he was gay. “It was nice to meet you,” I blurted out. Then I was gone, hurrying back to my own room. It wasn’t long after that I was in a taxi headed to Bolivar’s house.