Bolivar

by Caitlin Ricci

  I stared down at his fingers on my knee and wondered what was really going on here. “Are you asking me to have sex with your or something?”

  He snorted, very clearly laughing at me. “First of all, you only just recently broke up with your Jeffrey, and secondly, if I want to have sex with you I would say something. Besides, I’m not in a body I want to be sexual with yet. No. What I was asking you for was company while I went swimming. You can swim too, or you can sit by the side of the pool and drink Pina Coladas for all I care. Would you like to join me?’

  I felt stupid for jumping to such a majorly wrong conclusion with him, but I was happy to be included in his offer. “Yes. I would. Sorry for thinking you wanted me or something.”

  “I never said I didn’t want you, but I don’t want to have sex with you right now. In a few years when this body matures more and if you’re single at the time, then maybe we’ll see.”

  He got up from the bed and my breath was stuck in my throat as his words sank in.

  I went back to college right on time three days later. I got off the plane at just after ten, and by two I was in my first class. I wasn’t happy to be back, but I kept Bolivar’s words with me. I needed to have a plan—no, more than that. I needed to have a career there for me well before he cut off his money. He wouldn’t be my sugar daddy forever, and I didn’t want him to be. It was more than enough that he was taking care of me right now.

  I wasn’t trying to find Jeffrey, but I did see him one afternoon, a month after classes started up again. I was in line at the sub shop for lunch and he was walking back from a class I guessed. I waved to him and I didn’t expect him to even acknowledge me, but he surprised me by coming to stand next to me in line.

  “Hi,” he mumbled, looking at the floor. He seemed sad, not the pissed off that I’d expected him to be.

  “Hey.” I could have been nice or something. I could have just kept my mouth shut. But since he was there and obviously wanting to talk, I figured I could say what I wanted to as well. “So you guys moved the group huh?”

  “Yeah. Uh...”

  I shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.” I could find other friends. Ones that didn’t ditch me just because I refused to hide who I was. But he looked so damn sad. “You okay?”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t do what you wanted.”

  It shouldn’t have been about me at all, at least not to me. But maybe that’s how he saw it. “It’s fine.” I blew out a breath. “Look, I’m sorry too. You are a nice guy, and I was having fun with you. But I was hurt. Like seriously hurt that you didn’t even give me a heads up that your family didn’t know anything about us or that you couldn’t talk to them about you. If you’d told me that you weren’t out when we first got together maybe I wouldn’t have cared so much. I would have probably still had a problem with it, but that’s on me. You come out when you’re ready to, not when I want you to. A friend drilled that into me pretty hardcore.”

  “Sounds like a good friend,” Jeffrey said, his voice quiet. And maybe he even had a bit of jealousy going too. He didn’t need to be jealous, though. Not of Bolivar.

  “He is. Thanks for talking to me about this. I mean it. It’s nice to get the closure.”

  Jeffrey nodded. “Yeah. I guess it is.” He bumped my shoulder, and then he was gone, back into the crowd of people also trying to get something quick to eat in between their classes.

  I went to my classes, I did my homework, I even studied here and there. I did well enough to pass my tests, but I was never going to be one of those perfect students, and that was okay by me. I was just trying to get by and do enough to keep going. By the time spring break came around, I was ready to go back down to the Keys and get away from the cold. But I still checked with Bolivar first just in case he didn’t want me there.

  Hey. So, I’m on a break from school. Can I come down to the resort?

  He took nearly four hours to get back to me. It felt like forever. How are your grades?

  I really wished that he hadn’t asked me that. Mediocre. There was no way that I’d get away with lying to him. But I am passing everything. Just not by a lot.

  That’s fine. I’ll get a room rented for you. If you were failing though I’d tell you to stay there and study more. Imrel is here though, if that matters to you.

  Ugh. I definitely didn’t want to see him again, but I did want to see Bolivar, and I definitely wanted the sun and the coast. That’s fine. I’ll stay out of his way.

  I’ll make sure he doesn’t come near you either. See you soon. I missed you.

  I smiled down at my phone. He missed me. That was really sweet of him. I missed you too. I’ll be there tonight. I wasn’t very good at waiting, especially not right then, since I really wanted to see him.

  Bolivar hugged me as soon as I stepped into the lobby. His hair was green now, and underneath the green it was brown. “How often do you dye your hair?” I’d never seen someone play with colors as much as he did.

  He touched his short strands. “About every week or so. Depending on my mood.” He let go of me to take my hand. He looked older, but not a few months older. He looked closer to my age now.

  “How does the aging thing with you all work?” I quietly asked as he dragged me to the elevator. We were surrounded by humans, and I didn’t want to start tossing around the word dragon casually in case anyone actually thought I was serious about it.

  Bolivar smirked, and then he flat out laughed as we got into the elevator. We were alone there at least. “I’m accelerated, but not by much. You won’t see me this summer and think that I look forty or anything, but it is nice to not have people think I’m using a fake ID to get into a club anymore.”

  The elevator doors opened, and he took my hand again, pulling me down the hall to a room. “This is where you are,” he explained, handing me a key card.

  He’d been hugging me and holding my hand. I half expected him to start kissing me here soon. Or at least definitely before my week-long vacation was up. “Where’s yours?”

  “Next door. It’s better than having some noisy stranger sharing a wall with me. I hate that.” He took the card back and opened my door for me, then I got the card back and he went to my window.

  I leaned against the door and had no idea what we were now. Were we just friends? Were we together somehow and I’d missed it?

  He was still looking out the window when I came up behind him. I touched his shoulder, and then ran my fingers down his spine. I didn’t even know where to begin with us. Or even how to ask him if there was an us in the first place. We were friends. I knew that. And I didn’t want to mess that up, but I couldn’t quiet my thoughts. I did want to be with him though. In the last year he’d been a solid constant in my life. Even if we didn’t talk for a month, I knew there wasn’t any change in us.

  “Bolivar?”

  He turned and looked up at me. “Think carefully about what you’re doing here, Wesley. No matter what, the next twenty years of your life are taken care of. Even if you break my heart, I won’t ever take your future from you. But I’m old, despite how this body looks, and I don’t play the games humans do. I don’t think the way you do, either. You’ve had two very short-lived relationships that I know of. I was with someone for two hundred years. I know what love is, and I’m not someone to play with. So if you want to wait, if you want to explore who you are and what relationships are like, then there are plenty of people here to do that with. I’m not a jealous person and I won’t stand in your way. But don’t come here expecting to be with me and then thinking that getting bored of me is going to be fine.”

  I stopped touching him. I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t ready to settle down with someone, maybe not ever. I wanted to have sex with him—he looked good, and I wanted to see what he would be like in bed, but that was about it. I liked him, but not in the way he was talking. Not in the way he deserved.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Bolivar shrugged. “Don
’t worry about it.” He came up and kissed my cheek. “Come down to the pool with me later. Maybe we can hit a club or something. Miami isn’t that far away and there are some great clubs there.”

  He left me then, looking out the window and feeling like crap. Bolivar definitely deserved better than me and what I wanted for us.

  After a few hours of hanging out in my hotel room and feeling like crap, I knocked on Bolivar’s door. He opened it, but I was surprised to see Imrel in there with him. They were dressed and everything, so I shouldn’t have felt so instantly jealous or pissed off, but I was.

  Bolivar just rolled his eyes and stepped aside, though, letting me into his room. “What’s up?”

  Imrel snorted and Bolivar shot him a dark look. “I’m trying out more human phrases,” he snapped at Imrel.

  “Whatever. That’s one you should definitely pick up. Can I expect your answer in the morning?”

  Bolivar nodded, and then I was glad to be alone with him as Imrel left, though I had no idea what I’d interrupted. “What was that about?”

  Bolivar flopped down on his stomach on his bed. “Imrel is an idiot. I guess I’m the bigger idiot, though, for staying with him as long as I did. You were smart. Just one night and be done with him. Clean and easy. Get in and get out. Robbing the bank.”

  “Uh...” The other phrases had made sense, but not that last one. “That’s not a thing.”

  Bolivar turned over and ran his hands over his face. “Fine. Not robbing the bank then. He wants Maine. Or, rather, he wants my house. I love my house. I love my view. Not so much in winter, but in summer with the wild blueberries everywhere, and then there’s the lobster rolls and the clam chowder. No, I’m not selling my house just to make him happy. And I’m not coming down here to join some kind of gay man sex club or whatever it is that’s here.”

  He groaned, and I sat down next to him. “What do you want then?”

  “More wind chimes from you.”

  It was the most random thing I thought I’d ever heard him say. “Really?”

  He had his hands over his face, but he still nodded. “I need my treasure. Human body, dragon personality. Give me treasure. Gah. And chocolate. I miss truffles.”

  I laughed and lay down beside him. His bed was comfortable, and I really liked being there next to him. He was really the only friend I had left in the world. “I suck at making wind chimes, though.”

  “Yeah, you really do. Do it better next time.”

  I reached over and punched him lightly in his arm. “Okay. I’ll get you one.”

  “No, you’ll make me one. You either find it or you make it, but remember what I said about buying them? That doesn’t count. I want you to make me a wind chime, and I want it to come from your heart.”

  He was being sappy and romantic, but I still reached over and took his hand anyway. “Sure. I’ll get right on that.”

  “But after we go swimming.”

  “Yeah. After.”

  Swimming with him was always fun, but that afternoon I stared at him more than I did any swimming of my own. I sat there with my legs in the water, but my gaze was focused solely on Bolivar as he swam close to the bottom of the pool. We were in the private pool again, and I wished that I could be what he deserved. I wanted him. I couldn’t help it. He was sleek and beautiful, and now that he was human I thought he was just like me. I didn’t fear him or think of him like my boss anymore. He was just someone I knew. Someone I had lived with for a few months. Someone I wanted to spend more and more time with now.

  I was still staring at him and thinking about how much I wanted to be with him when he came out of the water beside me. He was dripping all over me and I forced myself not to look at him. I stared right ahead, even when he so casually took my hand in his.

  “You’re not swimming.”

  “I’m thinking,” I mumbled. Then I realized that I’d said exactly the wrong thing. Because of course then he said—

  “Thinking about what?”

  I swallowed thickly and wished I hadn’t said that at all. “Nothing.”

  Bolivar snorted. “You know I’m old right? A thousand years or so? I can tell when someone is staring, or when someone wants me. When I was a dragon I could even smell it on them. I know you’re attracted to me. You don’t have to try to hide that.”

  I needed to remember that about him. I could be honest with him. I took a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah, I do like you. And I do want you. But it’s like I’m here trying to figure out how to be this person that you want, and I don’t know how to get there at all. So I’m stuck.”

  He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You’ll get there. And, maybe by the time you are, I won’t be who you want anymore anyway. You’re young. Go have some fun.”

  I tried to do just that for the rest of the afternoon. I even went swimming with him and it was fun, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said, and about how much I wanted to be a good guy for him.

  I headed back to school and I focused on my studies. I tried to be mature. I tried to be good enough, to be what Bolivar deserved, but I wasn’t even sure what his standards were. I didn’t even know what he liked or what he wanted me to learn or to do. I was lost just trying to be a good guy.

  That’s what I kept in my head the rest of the semester. I got my grades up. I bought some wind chime kits online and made them for him. He never sent me a text saying thanks, but I had tracking on them, so I know they were delivered. I kept my head down, I studied, and I got through the semester.

  When summer vacation came I wanted to go see Bolivar again, but I didn’t know if I was ready to. Or if he would have even wanted me there. In the end, I decided against seeing him again. I figured that I knew what would happen anyway. I would tell him I still liked him and he would tell me to grow up. I didn’t need that repeated to me again.

  I waited another year to go back to the Keys. It was summer again, and I was surrounded by tourists looking for a week of sun and good times with other men. I wanted to be just like them, but my mind was solely focused on Bolivar.

  I got a room and settled in. I planned to spend most of my time in the pool, like I usually did, but first I wanted to text Bolivar. I didn’t expect him to be at the resort too. I hadn’t talked to him in over a year. He could have been anywhere else on the planet for all I knew.

  Hi. I’m at the resort. Any chance you’re here too? I wanted him to be and I really wanted to see him again, but I wouldn’t be holding my breath for it either.

  I am. I saw you check in. You haven’t changed at all.

  I was surprised but glad, that he was there. I had no idea why he’d thought that I would suddenly be different at all. Want to go swimming?

  How about we talk for a bit instead?

  Sure. No sooner had I sent that text than someone started knocking on my door.

  I got up, expecting him, but it was still good to be surprised all the same. His hair had turned to purple now, though he had blond streaks between the lavender strands. He still stood only up to my shoulder, but at least he looked old enough to drink now. “Hey.”

  His hair fell into his eyes as he cocked his head to the side. “Hi. How’s school?”

  “Good.” I got nearly straight As and I went to all of my classes. “How’s...” I wasn’t really sure what he did all day actually. “How’s living in a gay resort?”

  Bolivar rolled his eyes. “I don’t actually live here. I just spend a lot of time here. I do still have my house in Maine.” He leaned against the wall across from me. “Are you dating anyone yet?”

  “It’s a little hard to think about someone when I’ve only wanted you.” There. I’d said it. I hadn’t planned to. I hadn’t even planned on seeing him when I’d come back to the Keys. I’d just missed him and wanted to be close to some part of the world that was us again.

  Bolivar fisted his hand in my shirt and pulled me close to him. “Is that so?”

  I shr
ugged. I’d wanted him for almost two years. He’d kept telling me off. I didn’t think what I had to say now would matter too much more anyway. But there Bolivar was, for once leaning toward me. He brought his lips to mine, and it took me far too long to catch up to what was going on as his soft mouth moved over mine.

  I didn’t know how we got to this point, or why he’d decided that we could be there now, but I wasn’t going to start complaining, not when I was getting a chance with the one person I’d been wanting for so long.

  He was only wearing a pair of swim trunks, which were easy for him to slide off. I was still dressed, though, struggling to get out of my clothes as he stood there looking me over with his head cocked to the side and his hair falling in his face.

  Once I was naked too we were back to kissing. I couldn’t get enough of him.

  On the bed, I fumbled, though. I didn’t want this to be like Imrel. I didn’t want the pain and the feeling that I’d been used to come from Bolivar like it had from him. I had to stop us. “Bolivar?” I pulled back and he instantly went still beside me.

  “Yes?” His lips were swollen and his eyes were bright, but he was focused.

  I didn’t know how to begin saying this, so I figured that I’d just jump right in. “I need a lot of lube. Imrel didn’t—” His twisted, hard expression was enough to get me to shut up right then.

  Then he seemed to come back to himself. He sighed and his expression softened just like that. “I’m not Imrel, and not all dragons are the same, just as not all humans are. Imrel can be cruel with the virgins he collects. That’s why I tried to warn you away from him. Do you trust me?”

  I nodded. I did. I just needed him to be gentle with me. I started to turn over, to prepare myself for what I was sure would be another painful experience, but Bolivar put his hand on my hip. He pushed me back on the bed, and then he was there, lying beside me on the comforter as he put his mouth over my cock head. I stared at him as my mind tried to connect what was happening to what I had always heard about the dragons. He was supposed to be my boss, and my master, and I was supposed to have taken care of him in all things. I’d thought that would mean in bed too, assuming we ever got that far. But here he was, going down on me.