Burnt (Blood and Fire Book 1)

by Michelle Wheet & Lyn Lowe

over and started kicking them both.

  Sojun grabbed her foot, tugging her down, too. In short order, all three of them were entrenched in their very first wrestling match. He knew what came after that. Both boys were entranced with the screaming, swearing, spitting girl who lost her temper at a baby sparrow. She resisted their overtures at friendship for a while, but they were accustomed to getting their way.

  He blinked again and the room was dark. The fire, still burning in the middle of the shack, was the only light left. He rubbed his eyes, making sure the sudden change was not a mistake of his vision. But the darkness stayed.

  There was a blanket around his shoulders. Kaie was afraid it was one from his home, one that would still smell of Amorette. But it wasn’t. It was newer, thicker. And it didn’t smell like bread. His shoulders slumped with relief.

  A bowl dropped down in front of him. He couldn’t tell if it was one that Amorette used. There was salted pork inside. He couldn’t remember the last meal he ate without any pork. There were vegetables, too. That was new. And… fruit?

  A soft noise came from the back of his throat at the sight of the orange in the bowl. Gods. Fruit! His fingers were in the bowl, fishing out the soft, fleshy substance and popping it in his mouth before he even finished processing this impossibility. Sweet juice exploded on his tongue, and for one blissful second, Kaie didn’t think about anything else.

  “It’s called tangerine.” Peren was hovering over his shoulder. For some reason, Kaie expected her to be sitting across the fire. “Vaughan brought it to me for my Birthing Day yesterday.”

  “Your birthday?” It was hard to focus on now, when the past was so close. But he felt like he should, for her. She got hurt because of him.

  Peren nodded and plopped down beside him. She hit him twice in the process, but it didn’t bother him as much as usual. “Yup.”

  “How old are you?” She must be young. Twelve, maybe. Just a girl. All sharp angles and awkward movements. Except she seemed so old when she talked. Wise. Like his mother, before the fire. And the way she looked at him…

  Peren chuckled. “You got my name. You haven’t earned that one yet.”

  He blinked. Another puzzle. He tried to sort out if he liked it this time. “Where’s Vaughan?”

  She pointed to the rest of the food in his bowl. Not seeing any reason to do otherwise, Kaie obeyed her unspoken order and continued to eat his food.

  “He doesn’t stay here.”

  “Isn’t this his house?” He asked around a bite of pork.

  She nodded. “Since we were children.”

  It was like pulling out fingernails. “So why doesn’t he stay here?”

  She tilted her head, the way she did whenever he asked something she didn’t expect. “Because he stays with Master Peter.”

  Kaie blinked. “Uh…oh. I didn’t know.”

  “It’s not like that,” she said quietly. “Well, it is. But not really. It’s how he protects me. That’s why I don’t share this house, and how he gets me fruit for special days.”

  He grimaced. “Vaughan’s a whore.” It was just a word before, one he heard others bandy about but one that meant little to him. Now it was more.

  “No.” Peren pulled away from him. She wrapped her arms around her knees. She should be angry at him but she wasn’t. Somehow, Kaie knew she wasn’t. “There are only two ways to survive this life. Either you’re important to someone with power, or you are invisible. I’m invisible. Vaughan tried to be invisible, but that didn’t keep me safe. So he found a way to be important. He’s not a whore, Kaie. He’s a survivor. Just like you. Just like me.”

  “Amorette…”

  “She wasn’t,” Peren answered before he could finish his thought. “She cared about the wrong things. You have power. She was important to you. But she wasted that on things that don’t matter. Things that aren’t real.”

  “She was trying to hurt me. Because I hurt her.”

  Peren shook her head. “No. Life hurt her. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Kaie laughed. It sounded brittle. Like Amorette’s laugh, at the end. He dropped the bowl and shrunk down into the blanket. “It was. Just like the man, Samuel, and Keegan before that. I killed them all.”

  Her arms were around him. He wasn’t sure when that happened. He didn’t want to need it. After a minute of trying not to, though, his eyes pressed closed and he leaned into the comfort she was offering. “No.”

  “I said I didn’t care. When Vaughan asked. When she did. I told her I didn’t care about her.”

  “But you loved her.”

  “Not all the time.” He let out a long breath. “Gods, I killed her. If I loved her like I used to, like Sojun loves her…”

  “Then she would still be dead.” Peren’s fingers were in his hair. She stroked his head, the way his mother did when he was small and sick. “What she did, it wasn’t something you could stop. You need to know that. The man who hurt me, your Amorette, those deaths are because of her. Not you. Never you.”

  He was lying down. When did that happen? His head was in her lap and she was still stroking his hair. Just like when he was little. He didn’t want to need it. “I’m alone. I’m going to wake up and be all alone. Every day.”

  “No,” Peren murmured. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll always be here. I promise.”

  Thirty-Two

  She was there when he woke up. With breakfast in another bowl. Not a bowl Amorette ate out of. It was a different colored wood. He ate the tangerine first. Then she peeled off his clothing, stiff with dried blood. She cleaned him with a cloth and water from another bowl. One that Amorette ate out of. She wiped a patch of his body, dropped the cloth into the bowl, wrung it out, and then wiped another patch, until he was clean. He was naked and her beautiful, intense eyes took in every bit of him. But there was no sexual element to it. She was taking care of him because he needed it, even if he wished he didn’t.

  When he was clean she dressed him in new clothes. They weren’t the same as his old ones. They weren’t made out of the same soft material. They were thicker and itchier. Made for winter weather. But his right shoulder was still uncovered. She draped the blanket over him again. Kaie laid back. After a while she climbed under the blanket with him. She pressed up against his back, wrapping her arms around him. He didn’t want to need her there. But he did.

  The days bled into each other. He spent most of them locked in the past, losing himself in one vision after another. All of them were of Amorette. Most were of himself and Sojun too. The worst ones were of her and Jun alone. Their moments together were nothing like what he imagined.

  The first time was right after Sojun’s mother left. That day was burned into his memory as intensely as if it were his own family that fell apart. He recognized the clothing they wore, the colorful ribbons decorating the village for Spring Festival and the panicked animal look in his best friend’s eyes. He didn’t know they met on the hill, though, after he went home to bed.

  They spoke for a while. Or, rather, Amorette talked. Jun sat there, staring off into space. It was all the boy did that whole day. He and Ams spent hours trying to coax a word, but Sojun was somewhere else. Right up until the kiss.

  He wanted to pull away from the vision then. Watching her tenderness for his heart’s brother was like a knife shoved through his gut. But that was good. He was supposed to hurt. So he forced himself to watch.

  The kiss brought Jun back to the world with a visible start. “What was that for?”

  “Because you were hurting,” Amorette murmured shyly. “And because I am sorry.”

  Sojun shook his head. “I don’t have anything to give you tonight, Ams.”

  “I’m not asking you for anything, Sojun. Not tonight. Tonight I just want to be a girl and a boy on a hill.”

  The words burned like ice pressed against his flesh. He knew everything between himself and Amorette was a lie. She told him so. But knowing that even the words she used belonged to another ti
me, another boy…

  And they worked as well on Jun as they did on Kaie. The two were kissing again.

  “I love you Amorette.” Sojun seemed surprised by the words. Kaie wasn’t. He knew his heart’s brother was in love with her just as long as he was. Amorette wasn’t either. She smiled knowingly and slid her long fingers through light brown hair.

  “Do you love me best?” she asked at last.

  “Best?” He was as confused by this question as Jun looked to be.

  “If you had to pick, if it were me or Kaie, would you chose me?” She slid her hands into Jun’s pants as she asked. By the groan that came from his friend, Kaie didn’t need to guess what was going on.

  “Yes,” Sojun rasped. Amorette beamed. After that they lost their clothing the way snakes shed their skins. Kaie forced himself to watch. Every kiss, every thrust, sent ripples of icy agony through him but he wouldn’t turn away.

  When that was done he pressed the glass against his thumb again, seeking another vision. Over and over, he found them. He watched Amorette tease her sisters until Esme ran crying to their mother. He watched the girls fight over their interest in him and Sojun. He learned how territorial Amorette was over the both of them, and how dogged Esme was in her crush on Jun.

  He watched the three of them – Kaie, Sojun and Amorette – on their hill. So many hours spent up there, talking and wrestling, coming up with pranks and plans, scaring each other with stories about the vault behind them. Imagining what it would be