Winter

by Michelle Love

  “Your only real fault is thinking you’re not worthy of love, Rachelle.”

  “And yours is that you are a control freak.” She sits down on the opposite end of the sofa and looks away from me.

  I remain quiet, hoping she’ll calm down and realize this is her issue with being left alone with nothing but strangers as her mother walked away from her, and nothing more than that. She sits back after a few minutes of intensely staring at the floor.

  I scoot over a tiny bit and her eyes go narrow and I wish I would’ve waited a little longer. “Out!” she shouts as she jumps up and points to the front door. She runs into the bedroom and I hear things being tossed around.

  When I go in, I find her throwing my things into my bag. I walk up and nudge her away with my shoulder. “I’ll do it. I’ll leave. If that’s what you really want. I’ll leave, baby.”

  I wish I could be mad at her, but all I feel is a deep sadness as she shoves away her feelings for me. I turn to her after I have all my things packed. She walks away and opens the front door.

  She looks at me with so much hurt and anger in her eyes. “Blake, take a look at your own things before you go taking a look at mine. Figure out how you should move on from the death of your parents before you think about fixing me. I’m not broken, I’m merely a human who has gone through shit, much like yourself.”

  She’s right, and I just realized how right she is. “I’m sorry, Rachelle. You’re right and I can be no good for anyone until I deal with my own issues.”

  I walk towards my car and she makes a little sound that has me turning back to see her sad eyes. “Blake.” She hesitates as tears start to fall down her pink cheeks. “Have a nice life.” She closes the door, leaving me alone with what I’ve done.

  What have I done?

  Kip

  “The kid’s barely walking and already I’m tripping over his shit!” I shout as I hold my toe I stubbed on Pax’s toy truck which apparently is made out of real steel.

  Peyton frowns at me. “I think it’s time to stop using foul language, Daddy.”

  Pax takes his toy from me and looks up at me with a smile. “Dada,” he says. “Chit.”

  I raise my eyebrows as Peyton glares at me. “Gotta go meet Blake. See ya.” I run from the room and out to the garage door.

  I climb into my tall, four-wheel-drive pickup truck. Blake called and wants to meet for drinks at a little bar nearby. Seems he and Rachelle have had a bit of a falling out and he needs some advice.

  His little rental is parked in the parking lot as I pull up and he gets out once he sees me. He waves and I hop out of my truck and make my way to him. “Hey there, bloke. Sorry to hear ‘bout your bad times. She’s a tough one, I can tell ya that much.”

  He looks at me like I’ve said something looney. “I asked you if she had something wrong with her when I first laid eyes on her and you said there wasn’t. You sang her praises if I remember correctly.”

  “Did I?” I ask as I clap him on the back and we walk into the bar. “I’m nearly positive I told ya she has intimacy issues. Didn’t I?”

  “No, you did not, Kip!” Blake says as he walks into the dark bar in front of me.

  “I.D. please,” the doorman asks Blake.

  “He’s of age and with me,” I say and the doorman waves us on.

  Blake turns back, wallet in hand. “No cover charge?”

  “Not for me, mate.” I steer him to a corner booth and he settles in one side while I take the other. “So tell me what all happened.”

  “I have no idea where to start,” he moans and looks so sad.

  “Ya know, it happens to us all, mate.” I tell him as the waitress comes to our table with a bottle of Hypnotic and two shot glasses.

  “You didn’t even order,” Blake says as he looks across the table at me.

  “They know what I like. Do you like this?” I ask with a gesture to the light blue liquor.

  He shrugs. “I’ve never had it.”

  I nod at the young waitress in the tight shirt and short skirt. “That’ll be all.”

  I watch Blake and notice he doesn’t even look at the beautiful girl as she walks away. “Damn it man, you have it bad for our Rachelle. Your work is cut out for ya, I’m afraid.” The way his eyes sag at the corners lets me know he has genuine feelings for Rachelle. “Tell ya what I think will do the trick, mate.”

  He’s all ears for my advice and I cross my fingers I’m not going to make this situation worse with it.

  Peyton

  Pax chews on Rachelle’s cell phone. Thank goodness it’s in a case that’s water proof. “So he had the unmitigated gall to hold on to you like you were his possession as you slept?” I ask her as she’s told me Blake holds her like he owns her all night long. “The bastard!”

  I cover my mouth as Pax looks up at me and laughs then says, “Asturd.”

  My cheeks go red. “Now I have to get Kip to say that word in front of Pax so he never can blame me for that new word that was just added to Pax’s small vocabulary. Crap!”

  “Rap,” Pax parrots.

  Rachelle picks up her drink and motions toward my son. “One day, even little Paxxie Poo is going to be a grown man and how will he treat women? Like he owns them, I bet.”

  “You might want to slow down on the slow gin fizzes there, Shell. Just sayin’ it’s your second and you’re kinda looking a little woozy.” I pick up Pax and hold him on my lap.

  She looks at her half full glass. “How much damn alcohol did you put in here, anyway, Peyt?”

  “One lid full to a whole coke. You’re kind of a lightweight, Shelly. Sorry to break it to you.”

  With a groan she puts the glass down. “Why does life have to be so difficult? Why does the thought of a man holding me as I sleep have to make me so mad? Why is it that the thought of him never holding me all night again makes me so upset? Why, Peyttie, why?”

  “Cause you want him to do that for you, sweetie. We all want someone to care for us. But letting that into our head is hard as anything. I was thinking I didn’t need Kip to take care of our son. Now I can’t think about having to do this all on my own.” I get up and carry Pax with me to go sit by her and put my arm around her.

  She buries her head in my chest. “I love him, don’t I?”

  “I think it’s quite possible you do, sweetie. It’s not all bad, I promise you.” I pat her shoulder and she starts to cry.

  My heart feels as if it’s breaking for her as she says, “What if I let myself fall in love with him and he leaves me alone like my mother did. If she could do it to a little, adorable three-year-old, he could do it to a mean, old, twenty-one-year-old.”

  He could, I know he could and I know it would devastate her, but what is life if you never take a chance?

  “Yeah, you’re right. Don’t risk it. Go it alone. Do what you’ve been doing. Leave love out of it. There was that last guy. What was his name again, Rick? Yeah. Rick. Maybe call him. You could never fall in love with that asshole.” I pat her back and she laughs a little.

  “He was awful, Peyton. I only let you in on about half of what he did. I was afraid you’d go kick his ass.” She looks at Pax and he’s already trying to form the word with his mouth. I thrust her cell phone back into his little mouth. “Oops, I mean, bobo. I was afraid you’d go kick his bobo if you knew what all he did to me. It was degrading, and I allowed it. I allowed that to happen to me. Why? Why do you think I did that?”

  Now she’s really letting me in and I can see she needs more help than she’s let on before. “I tell you what. I do think you need time away from men. Maybe someone to talk to who knows about these things isn’t such a bad idea after all. There’s not a one of us who’s perfect. Everyone needs help now and again.”

  She looks up at me with tear stained cheeks. “But a shrink? I don’t want to be labeled a nut job, Peyt. Do you really think a shrink is what I need?”

  “Let’s not call it that. Let’s call it a good friend who knows a lot about
things, helping another friend out. I’ll find you someone.”

  She shakes her head. “Peyton, I can’t afford that.”

  “You know I’m not going to allow you to pay for this. It’s a friend helping a friend after all. Nothing more than that.”

  The way she lays her entire weight, which isn’t much, on me tells me she needs me more than ever. She saved me once, I can help her now. She’s a good girl with a good head on her narrow shoulders.

  Her words come out soft as if she’s exhausted. “Peyton, it’s just what Blake and I have is so intense. It’s as if I really do need him. My body and mind not only want him, I need him. And why does that make me so angry?”

  “It just does for some freaky reason,” I say as I hold her to me and Pax runs his tiny hand over her long, black hair.

  It would be nice if life was a little bit easier!

  Blake

  The rain is still pouring down as I take the young woman Kip set me up with to make Rachelle jealous into the restaurant she works at. Peyton let Kip know Rachelle went back to work even though she didn’t need to yet.

  Kip found this groupie, and she is hot. Blonde, short, tight, red dress and sky high heels. Not my type at all, but hot none-the less. She checked her make-up on the short drive here not one time but six, count them, six times. Reapplying her red lipstick three of those times.

  If I kiss her it is a fact my lips will slide off hers and look every bit as red as hers are right now. Her boobs and ass are fake as hell too. But hey, I need a little arm candy and she’ll do.

  The restaurant Rachelle is doing her internship at is a five-star thing of beauty. Not according to my date, Cleo, though. She says her name is Cleopatra. I have my doubts, but why wouldn’t a woman who has changed nearly every God-given thing about herself change her name too?

  We sit down and order a couple of drinks and I watch Cleo scan the room. She leans in and whispers as she holds her Champagne cocktail in her long, slender hand with long, red, fake fingernails, “Not too fancy for five-stars. This drink is watered down and I’m not at all impressed. Is that Miley Cyrus? What a dump!”

  “A dump, huh? I don’t know, it looks pretty good to me. And I hear the food is excellent,” I say as I pick up the menu and look for something to eat.

  Cleo sits back and sips her drink. “Order me something, stud. I hardly eat anyway. I have to maintain this figure after all.” Her skinny hand flows over her no curve body.

  “Yeah, that’s a thing of miracles,” I say as I think about how it’s a miracle she’s alive.

  Dark eyebrows arch up at me as she wags the half full glass at me. “Miracles? Now what you have going on is a miracle. But I’m sure you know that. What are the chances that after dinner you and I can play with each other for a little while? I bet I can make you scream!”

  Oh! I know she would!!!

  I smile and wag a finger at her. “Now, Cleo, behave yourself.”

  “Never!” she says and takes the rest of the drink down in one gulp. She snaps her fingers. “Garcon, another please!”

  The night creeps by as my fake date orders drink after drink and curls her nose up at the food placed in front of her. “This will never do! Who made this slop?”

  I nearly fall on the floor and have to take in a deep breath. “Cleo, I don’t think that’s a real good idea.”

  With a snap of her long fingers the waiter walks away. “I’ll get her, madam.”

  Fuck me! He’s going to get her!

  Cleo looks over at me and my plate of delicious chicken and snarls. “Don’t worry, lover. I’ll have the little imp who tortured your chicken fix that as well.”

  “Mine’s fantastic, please don’t bring my food up to her.” I see Rachelle in all black, her hair pulled into a ponytail.

  She walks up to Cleo without noticing me as Cleo stands up and turns to her. Cleo’s finger moves back and forth in Rachelle’s face before she can say a word, Cleo says, “So you think you know how to cook. Let me tell you that you do not! You have no business in that kitchen. The salad was bland, I took one bite and hated it. And how can you call that Salmon? That is Cod, bitch!”

  Rachelle’s eyebrows go way up. “Mam, if you are indeed a mam, let me assure you that the fish on your plate is Salmon. It’s a pink color while Cod is white. But if you prefer, I will make you something else.”

  Cleo’s long arm moves, and she points to me. “And my man’s chicken is raw.”

  I most likely have a deer in the headlights expression on my face as Rachelle looks around Cleo and sees me. I smile and wave a little. Red covers her face and neck and what is showing of her arms. She looks back at Cleo. “Did you say your man?”

  “I did,” Cleo says as her head bobs around. “So, how do you suppose you can fix this?”

  “How could you?” Rachelle asks as she runs away.

  How could I?

  “What’s her problem?” Cleo asks. She sits down and I motion for the waiter to come over.

  “Sir?” he asks.

  I whisper in his ear. “Have a cab take this woman home and I’ll give you a thousand dollars. I swear.” I place a hundred-dollar bill in his palm and he looks at it then grins.

  “Will do, sir.”

  I give Cleo a smile. “Hey, I gotta go use the facilities.” I get up and she waves me away as she slurps down a lot more booze.

  Rachelle barrels, if you can call what a tiny, five foot two woman doing barreling, out of the ladies’ room. Once her red-rimmed eyes catch mine, she turns on her heel and goes right back inside.

  I stop outside the door. It’s been two weeks since she tossed me out of her apartment. Two weeks since I’ve seen her face. Two weeks since I’ve tasted her sweet kiss.

  A woman walks out and I take her by the arm. “How many others are in there?” I ask in desperation.

  “Only one,” she says as she looks me over. “I think she works here.”

  “Good, thanks.” I let her go and run my hands over my white starched button up shirt and my black slacks.

  To the left I crick my neck and place my hands on my waist. Then I repeat the process to my right and open the frosted glass door. My angel stands at the first sink and she has tears running over her pink cheeks.

  My heart breaks into a million pieces and I hold my arms out. “Baby!”

  Soapy water is thrown into my eyes and I’m blinded.

  Rachelle

  “Why would you bring another woman here, Blake?” I scream at him.

  He wipes the soapy water out of his now red dimmed eyes. At least his now look like he’s been crying just like mine do. One hand he throws out and grabs my wrist.

  “To see how you would react and you did a lot more than I thought you would do, Rachelle.” He tugs at me to move into his arms, but I hold my ground.

  “That was cruel. You know it is and I just can’t believe you would do that to me,” I shriek at him.

  His hand on my wrist is sending heat through me and I shake him off. He looks wounded as he looks at his hand. “Baby, please stop this.”

  I turn to walk out of the ladies’ restroom and his hand lands on my shoulder, spinning me back to him. My hand flies out and lands on his tight stomach. My insides turn to mush in an instant.

  Though I’m furious at him my damn body falls into his. His arm runs around my shoulder, pulling me tighter to him. His soft lips touch the top of my head and I start to quake inside.

  With a little groan, I run my hand over his pecs and abs and my knees go weak. “Blake, I…” I stop my mouth from saying what it wants to.

  “What do you want, Rachelle? I’ll give you anything you want.” His hands roam all over my back and through my ponytail.

  Sweet kisses he pecks on top of my head and then I look up and he peepers my face with them. “You,” I say and he picks me up and walks forward until my back is against the frosted glass of the door.

  He presses into me as he moves his lips to cover mine and I’m lost. I can’t struggl
e any longer. I need him. I need him to take me this way. I guess I always will.

  My breasts mash against his hard pecs as his tongue swirls over mine. I cup the back of his head to make him kiss me harder. My other hand pulls at the buttons on his shirt. I have to have my hand on his silky, soft skin which flows over the rock hard muscles he’s hiding under the shirt.

  I melt as my palm touches the first pec. My stomach tightens and I moan with how wonderful it feels. His hands fidget with his pants and I can feel his hard cock as he pulls it out and presses it to me.

  He pushes my pants down in the front and moves my panties to the side and I wrap my legs around him. His massive hard on slides into me achingly slow and it takes my breath away as it does.

  My lips quiver and I pull my mouth from his. Our foreheads touch and our eyes meet as he moves into and out of me slowly. His mouth moves as he says, “I love you, Rachelle.”

  Tears fall over my cheeks and I want to return his words, but I can’t make myself do it. He’s too dangerous to me. Look what he has me doing in the restroom of where I work!

  “Harder,” I whisper.

  “As you wish,” he says then pulls back and pounds into me. Over and over he pounds into me until I can take no more and shatter around him.

  “Blake,” I breathe out his name as I find the orgasm that’s waited for him to bring it on.

  “Rachelle,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “Baby, I love you.”

  He stiffens and groans as he releases his hot juices into me. My body shakes as it knows he has to let me go and it doesn’t want that at all. My feet hit the floor when he releases me.

  With a step back he fixes his clothes as I fix mine and we walk to the sink to wash our hands. He fixes my ponytail which was knocked askew as he pressed me to the door.

  “When do you get off?” he asks as he runs his hands through my hair, combing it down to straighten the little rogue hairs.

  “Ten, why?” I ask as I dry my hands.

  “Why?” His blue, brown eyes dance as he smiles at me in the mirror. “Because I want to spend the night with you, duh! I can pick you up and take you to my hotel room. It’s a sweet set up and there’s room service for breakfast in the morning. They make fantastic crepes. I’m sure yours are much better, but theirs are pretty great.”