Winter

by Michelle Love

  “Yeah, I know,” I nod in agreement. “So, anyway, after hanging and talking with Max and Lexi for a few days, they talked me into going to see Blake and apologizing for leaving him like I did.”

  “I suppose he took it well, since you two stayed together at his place for a few days,” Peyton says.

  “Yeah, he took it well, and we made up and it was like Heaven. The way he touches me and how he makes me feel so special. His kisses woke me each morning, and they were the last things I felt each night.” I close my eyes and can recall the sensation and my skin burns with the memory.

  Kip taps my leg, making me open my eyes. “If it was so special, why’d ya leave, pet?”

  “A phone call from my mother brought me back to my awful reality. I’m a person who’s on the edge of crazy and loving him is exactly what would send me over the edge, like it did my father, she told me,” I tell them.

  Kip and Peyton exchange a look then Peyton looks at me and says, “Why in the world would you put so much stock into what that woman says?”

  “She knows,” I say with a huff. “She knew him and how her leaving drove him to lunacy. She sees that in me.”

  Kip rolls his eyes. “From what you’ve told us about your relationship with her, she barely knows ya, sweetheart. Why would ya believe her? She’s only ever hurt ya.”

  “I know that. I do, but I can’t hurt Blake like that if she’s right about me.” I hang my head and play with the blanket’s edge.

  Peyton’s soft hand touches my chin. “Rachelle, she doesn’t know you. We do and you’re nowhere near the crazy she thinks you could be. You’re not even really self-destructive. You’re just afraid and confused sometimes, but you aren’t crazy.”

  “You really think I don’t have those tendencies?”

  They both shake their heads and I feel really stupid. Peyton pulls me into her and hugs me. “You should take some time, I suppose. But leaving Blake was a mistake. Do you think you could make him understand everything?”

  As I pull back I catch Kip looking at her with a frown. “Why are you frowning, Kip?” I ask.

  He looks away then back at me. “Alright. It’ll do no good to pull my punches with ya. You’ve hurt the man so badly it may be too late for you two.”

  Though I know what he’s said is true, it still hurts like he’s punched me in the stomach. Peyton hits him in the arm and shrieks, “Kip! Damn!”

  “Well, I’m sorry,” he shouts back. “It’s true though. You don’t want her hopes all up, do you?”

  “Have you talked to him?” I ask.

  He nods and pats my leg. “I have and he was not himself, but he was certain he could take no more. He loves you, but he can’t take anymore.”

  My heart fills with something so much worse than sorrow. “So, I’ve ruined it forever then.”

  Peyton wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Come on. There are other fish in the sea as they say.”

  “I’m not really a lover of fish.” I take a pillow and hug it tight. “I’m better off alone.”

  “No you’re not, sweetheart,” Kip says. “But take some time. Heal your wounds and stop thinking all the time that you may go crazy someday. You’re far from it. Well, you’re kinda quick to make drastic decisions, but that’s not really crazy. And ya look gift horses in the mouth a lot. Again, not crazy, just not smart.”

  Peyton punches him in the arm again. “Kip! Since when did you get so bad at helping a girl out?”

  “I’ll let you two talk,” he says as he gets up and leaves us. “Just don’t go givin’ her any false hopes, love.”

  “I won’t,” Peyton says as she waves him off. “And order a pizza for us. Stuffed crust and every meat available on it. I’m dying for one.”

  “The cravings, already, love?” he asks her as he opens the door.

  “Something fierce,” she answers as she rubs her belly.

  He gives her a smile then leaves and I’m left thinking I will never have this. I will never have a husband and child on the way. I will never have anything but a life of solitude and loneliness. All because of my mother filling my head with fears.

  Kip

  After calling in the pizza order, I find a safe place to call Blake from. I can’t have the women overhearing me. He answers on the first ring. “Hey, Kip. Is everything okay? Is Rachelle alright?”

  “She is, mate. She’s here, and we talked to her. It was her mum who had her running this time. The old bat told her she would go crazy like her looney father if she allowed herself to love you,” I tell him.

  “That bitch!” he says. “I should call Rachelle.”

  “No!” I shout. “Don’t do that. I told her she hurt you too much this time. I told her the chance she had with you was over.”

  “What?” he yells. “What if that backfires? Oh, hell, Kip!”

  “Listen, mate,” I say as I pace and fear he might be right. “You should’ve seen her face. It was fallen, and she was looking into her head for once. Thinking about what she’d done and how it was not reversible. That’s fantastic!”

  “I don’t think so, Kip,” he says, sounding down trodden. “What if she moves on?”

  “That’s exactly what I think she needs to do. Go out with another bloke and see how much better you are than any other man.”

  His silence is deafening, and he finally says. “Do you really think that’ll work?”

  I cross my fingers. “I do.”

  “Aw, hell. I guess go for it. See what happens. Something has to make her see she loves me and only me. Maybe if the guys a real jerk or something it’ll show her I’m the man for her,” Blake says.

  “Okay, so you aren’t going to call her and I’ll find just the right guy for her to go on a date with who’ll make you look fantastic and she’ll come running to you. Or call you at the very least and beg for another chance.” I laugh and he sighs.

  “Okay, let me know how it goes, bye,” he says and we end the call.

  I turn and go back to the kitchen just as the doorbell rings. “Pizza man!”

  I open the door to find a tall, gangly boy with the pizza I ordered. Peyton and Rachelle come to the door and Peyton grabs the box. “Yes! I’m starving!”

  The boy looks around me at Rachelle. “Hi,” he says to her as his cheeks turn pink. “Remember me?”

  She looks at him for a few seconds. “Oh, yeah! You worked busing tables at the restaurant I intern at. Kyle, right?”

  He nods. “Nice seeing you again.”

  “You too. You should come back to work there. We need more hard workers like you,” she says.

  “Maybe I will. Did you ever get rid of the stalker?” he asks with a smile.

  I turn to her. “You had a stalker?”

  She nods. “Blake.”

  “I wouldn’t call him that,” I say.

  The guy nods. “Oh, I would. The dude followed her into the ladies’ restroom and wouldn’t let her out for like thirty minutes. She was all roughed up when she got free of him. I looked out the back door before she left to be sure he wasn’t going to bother her, the creep.”

  “The creep, huh?” I ask as I look at her. “Kept you locked up in the ladies’ room, huh?” Her cheeks turn red and I can just imagine what they did in there for half an hour.

  I run my arm around her little shoulders and smile at the kid. Then she says, “Bye, Kyle.”

  “Bye to you too, Shelly.”

  I close the door and give her shoulders a squeeze. “Now, why on Earth would you tell the people you work with that Blake’s a stalker?”

  “I’m obviously an idiot, Kip,” she says with a laugh.

  I’m beginning to agree with her!

  Blake

  “Sure, I’d love to come down there, Max. I’ll get packed up and get Josh to oversee the remodeling while I’m gone. It’s just what I need to get that girl off my mind.

  Kip’s going to set her up with some jerk and I hope that makes her realize I’m the one for her. But the thought of her
out with another man has been keeping me up at night.”

  Max makes a huffing sound then says, “A jerk, huh? Um, I’ll talk to Kip. When you have abandonment issues, you tend to like to have jerks around. Don’t ask me why, because I sure as hell don’t know, but I know I did that to myself. A bunch of real bitches I kept around until I finally let Lexi in.”

  “Crap!” I say. “Shit! I knew it was a bad idea. Yeah, call Kip and tell him to find a real nice guy, if he knows any. She’ll run from him like he was a mountain lion.”

  Max laughs, but my heart is pounding in my chest. “It’ll be okay, Blake. I’ll take care of it.”

  “Okay, let’s talk about something else. Anything else,” I say as I pace around the swimming pool in the back yard.

  “Did Kip tell you the good news,” Max asks me.

  “What good news?” I stop and listen.

  “They’re having another baby.”

  My stomach clenches. I have to wonder if that’ll ever happen for me. If Rachelle will ever let that happen for us. “Well, that’s nice for them,” I manage to get out of my mouth.

  Max sighs. “Buddy, believe me, I know what you’re thinking. And one day, yes it will happen. And hopefully it’s Rachelle, but it may be another woman.”

  I can’t wrap my head around another woman. Not ever. No one could ever make me feel the way Rachelle does. The way her body conforms to mine. Her laugh and mine combine to make the best sound I’ve ever heard.

  No, there will never be another woman for me!

  “Thanks for the pep talk, Max. I’ll see you tomorrow around noon. Bye.”

  “Bye, Blake.”

  I put the phone back in my pocket and jog over to see Josh and ask him to watch over things for a few days or so. I knock on the door and he smiles at me as he answers it. He backs up and gestures for me to come inside.

  “Hi, Josh.” I walk in and he takes me all the way through the empty house. “Where is everyone?”

  “Out shopping.” He opens the back door and I can see the yard has been sectioned off.

  “Building something?” I ask.

  “A pool,” he says as he grabs a beer out of an ice chest and tosses one to me. He sits on a lawn chair and I take the one near his. “I have to keep up with the next door neighbor or my wife and kids will have my head.”

  “Oh crap! Really? I’m sorry, dude,” I say then take a drink of the cold beer.

  “Nah, don’t be. This old place needs some help too, just like yours did. The whole neighborhood needs revamped. This subdivision has been here around fifty years. Most of the houses are badly in need of upgrades,” he says.

  A lightbulb goes off in my brain. “Hey, you know what? This is exactly the kind of thing Max has talked to me about. Projects I can use some of my money on to help me keep it out of the governments hands and help the things I care about.”

  “What are you talking about, Blake?” Josh takes a long sip of his beer.

  “A neighborhood beautification fund. I can make one for the whole neighborhood and then everyone can make improvements to their homes, courtesy of my lucky money.” I grin and take another drink of my beer. “A park in that vacant lot would be a great addition as well, don’t you think?”

  “Wow! Do you know how great it would be to have this street looking good? Adding a park is a great idea! Do you suppose your remodeling crew could get to it all? I bet they’d give you a great deal if you got them that much work.” Josh stands up and surveys the exterior of his home.

  “New, stone or brick exteriors for all the homes would look nice, wouldn’t it?” I ask. Then another light flashes in my head. “How’s that job at that oil field service company going? I know it’s no business of mine, but you sure have been home a lot the last few months.”

  “The work has slacked off real bad.” Josh takes a long drink from his beer. “I’m about to have to look into doing something other than what I’ve been doing the last fifteen years. The future in oil looks bleak.”

  “Well, I’ll need someone who knows a thing or two to head up something this big. This is, at the very least, a five-year project if it’s to be done right. Don’t you think?” I ask him.

  “Maybe I can think of someone who’d be a good candidate for that.” Josh gets his phone out and starts looking through his contacts.

  I look over at him. “What’re you doing?”

  “Looking at who all I know who might be able to do the job you’re talking about,” he says.

  I reach over and put my hand over the phone screen. “How about you, Josh?”

  “Me?” he asks with wide eyes. “Well, I don’t know a thing about what you’re talking about.”

  “I didn’t know a thing about doing remodeling either, but I learned and I can tell you what I know and you can do some research to find out more. I’m sure I can talk to the boss and get you a hell of a lot more money than your current job is paying you.”

  Josh looks confused. “The boss? Who’s that?”

  I punch his arm, lightly. “Me, you goof!”

  “Oh, I don’t know, Blake.” Josh fidgets nervously. “What if I let you down? I mean, I just can’t… Oh, my what a job though! Boy, everyone in the neighborhood would love me and so would my wife!”

  “Yep!” I say and take a long drink then place the bottle on the little table between us. “So, is that a yes, Josh?”

  “You know what?” He looks at me and smiles. “That’s a definite yes, Blake. I’m your man!”

  “Cool!” I say and grab my beer bottle and tap it to his. “To a long and beautiful association with my right-hand man.”

  “Your right-hand man,” Josh echoes. “I won’t disappoint you.”

  “I know you won’t,” I say. “Your first job is to finish overseeing the remodel of my home. I’ll show you the specs later and you can quit your job ASAP and come to work for me. How soon can you start?”

  “Tomorrow too far away for you?” he asks with a grin. “My company is laying people off left and right. It would be a relief to my boss for me to leave rather than he has to let me go.”

  “Tomorrow is great. I’m actually leaving for Houston. I’ll put that off for a few hours so I can get you all set up.” I tap a number for a yearly salary I have in mind for him into my phone’s calculator and show it to him.

  His eyes light up. “Blake, you sure? That’s a lot of zeros!”

  “Oh, sorry, my mistake.” I pull the phone back and change all the zeros to nines and show him the new number.

  His eyes go even brighter somehow. “No way!”

  “Damn, you drive a hard bargain!” I pull the phone back to add more money.

  He laughs and says, “No! That’s more than enough, Blake! Hell yeah, I’ll be your right-hand man!”

  Josh jumps up and does a wacky-ass dance that has me laughing so hard I nearly fall out of the old lawn chair.

  Glad I can make some people happy!

  Wish it was Rachelle too, but I’ll take what I can get.

  Rachelle

  Shadows dance across my ceiling as I look up at it and think about Blake. The hour is late and my mind is so tired of thinking about recipes and correct food temperatures and I wish like hell he was holding me in his arms.

  All I want is to hear his deep, sexy voice on the other end of my phone. I pick it up off the night stand and look at his name in my contacts list. One push of the button would have me hearing him at the very least telling me to fuck off and that’s better than nothing.

  I look longingly at his name. My finger lingers over his name then I nearly throw the damn phone as it rings. It’s my mother’s name that shines, lighting up the dark.

  A deep breath I take and answer because who doesn’t take a phone call at three in the morning when a parent calls?

  “Hi, Tabitha.”

  “Shelly?”

  “Yes, it’s me, Shelly. Did you accidentally call me?”

  “No, I meant to call you.” She hiccups and I know she’s
drunk. “I’m not a well woman.”

  I want to say, ‘duh’ but that’s too mean. “No, you’re a little broken, and that’s okay after all you’ve been through. You see Grandpa told me about your mother too, Mom.”

  “Mom?” she asks, her voice cracks. “You haven’t called me that since you were three.”

  “Well, my mind and heart didn’t agree on calling you that. But now I kind of think you need me. You may not realize it yet, but you do and I need you too.” My heart hurts as I think about her and her mother in a car as it crashes and my four-year-old mom watches her mother pass on right in front of her eyes. “Wanna talk about your mother and that day or night or whatever it was?”

  “It was nighttime, and it was so scary, Shelly.” I can hear her take a long drink of something then she inhales deeply and I know she’s sucking on some kind of a cigarette. I keep my comments to myself and just let her talk. “The one thing I hold on to is that she was dead and gone right after it happened. She never screamed or cried. I did though. I wasn’t in pain, but I was just so afraid.”

  “Then what happened?” I ask and sit upright in my bed. It’s all I’ve been wanting to hear from her.

  After another long drag off of the thing she’s smoking, she says, “Well, a man broke the windshield and some of the glass glanced across my skin. It stung, and I looked down as I cried that’s when I saw all the blood. I was covered in blood from the waist down. It’s odd I never felt it until I saw the blood.”

  “What was wrong?” I ask and sit up more, leaning over and holding my knees in my arms.

  “Something had flown around in the car as we rolled over and over again. It must’ve clipped me just above my thighs. I was cut deep. I still carry those scars.” She giggles. “That’s why I never wear short, shorts, even though my legs are to die for!”

  I find myself laughing a little too. “Did you have surgery or just stitches?”

  “Not real sure,” she says. “A lot went blurry after that. A man with jet black hair released my seatbelt. I have to say that my mother always made sure she and I always wore our seatbelts even though it wasn’t the law back then.”