I hug her and promise I will go home, then I head down to Jase’s room. When I get in, a young nurse is fluttering around him with a bowl for him to be sick in, but she keeps moving it as he throws up. She’s only new and I know she’s nervous. Seeing Jase hunched over, throwing up over and over has something inside of me dying just a little. I don’t let it affect me though, I promised him I would be there and I will. I won’t let him down. He needs me and I will find whatever strength I can muster up to make sure he has me. I drop my purse and rush over, touching the nurse on the arm. She’s only new, so I don’t know her name.
“Hey, I’ve got it, go and do your rounds.”
She gives me a grateful smile. “Thank you, it’s only my first week and I’m a little nervous.”
I pat her arm. “It’s fine, I have just finished my shift so I’ll take care of him until another nurse comes.”
“Thank you,” she smiles gratefully before rushing out.
I turn to Jase, and he’s trembling so violently it concerns me. I reach across and touch his back, rubbing gently. He groans and throws up again, even though there’s nothing left in his stomach. Then he begins coughing violently. Laying him back, I put the oxygen mask over his face and rub his chest. “I’m here, Jase, it’s ok. You need to focus on your breathing, it’s ok.”
He doesn’t speak, probably because he can’t. When he waves a hand at me, I remove his oxygen and he throws up twice more. When he seems to have completely emptied his stomach, I lay him back and put the bowl on the nearby bench and gather a cloth, running it under cool water before rushing back over. When I reach Jase, he has his eyes closed and tears are thundering down his cheeks. I take his clammy hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing it softly. Then I run the cool cloth over his forehead. He opens his bloodshot eyes and looks directly at me.
“I don’t want to die…” he whimpers.
Feeling my wall break, I climb into the bed next to him. What do you say to someone in this situation, when you know that there just may be nothing you can do? How do you make them feel ok? How do you make them find peace? I wrap my arms around Jase’s head and pull it down to my chest, where I proceed to wipe his face with the cool cloth and stroke the place where I know was once a mass of thick blonde hair. This is all I can do for him right now. It’s all I have to give. I can only be there and offer him a place to feel some comfort.
“We’re going to fight, Jase,” I whisper, gently stroking his head. “We’re going to fight.”
He wraps his arms around me and holds me so tightly I struggle to breathe. I continue stroking his hair as the night nurse, Janice, comes in. She smiles at me and walks over, changing the bag on Jase’s drip. He doesn’t move, I think he might have finally passed out. She takes his arms and does his pressure and observations. I sit, just holding him while she goes over everything and marks it all down in his chart. When she’s done, she turns to me.
“Do you want me to bring a cot in for you?”
I think about Tanya’s words, and I know Jase needs his rest. The last thing I want to do is leave, but after the chemo session, Jase really does need to let his body come down from it. If I stay, he won’t get the rest he needs. Sighing and closing my eyes, I answer her. “No, I should let him get his rest. Please call me though if he needs me, it doesn’t matter what time, just call.”
I slide out of the bed and Jase groans. I tuck him in and lean down to kiss his head, he doesn’t open his eyes. I stroke his cheek and then stand. Janice smiles at me and I follow her out. When we get out, Doctor Wilson is standing at the desk. When he notices me, he calls me over. I can see the sympathetic smile on his face as I near closer, I hate smiles like that, I know they’re only a kind way of offering comfort but I never realized how much they hurt. It’s like someone saying ‘I know your loved one is dying, but there’s nothing I can do. I hope you’re ok.’ When I stop in front of him, he reaches out and places his hand on my shoulder.
“Nev, I know you and Jase are close and at this point it seems you’re the only support he has, so that’s why I’ve made the decision to take you off his service.”
I open my mouth, and then close it again. “Why?”
He smiles at me. “You know why Nev, I can’t have you on his service and be support for him, it will interfere with your work.”
He’s right, I know he’s right and honestly, at this point, my only concern is Jase.
“I understand,” I say in a small, tired voice.
He smiles and touches my shoulder. “You’ll swap beds with Tanya, ok?”
I nod, exhaling a deep breath. “Thank you Doctor Wilson, I appreciate it.”
He nods and picks up the chart he was holding. “I know what it’s like to have someone you love sick, so long as you keep up with your job, I don’t mind you spending time with him.”
“Thank you.”
I gather my things and say goodbye to everyone, then I head home. I live in a small unit that I manage to pay for on my own, without a house mate. It’s a little two bedroom, two bathroom set up, but it’s mine and it’s my place to get away. When I get in, I turn on the lights and stare around the small space. It’s simple, but modern. A small cream coloured kitchen, a small lounge with maroon couches, a long hall that breaks off into the bathroom, bedrooms and laundry.
I drop my purse and walk down the one long hall until I reach my room. As I change into some comfortable clothes, I think about Whiskey. It surprises me that he hasn’t spoken to Jase, I know that they had a fight, but nearly five years? That seems excessive, even for him. I think about the boy I once knew and loved so deeply. He was always hot tempered and flew off the handle far too easily but that’s what we loved about him. Jase always had a way of calming him down. They just seemed to fit each other, they worked with each other and they calmed each other. It was a crazy strong bond.
“Where’s Whiskey?” I ask, gripping Jase’s arm.
He turns and smiles at me with that beautiful, dimpled grin that stops most girls.
“He ran off when he saw you dancing with James.”
I roll my eyes. “Did he not see that we were like…a full meter apart? I was being nice to him, I felt bad.”
Jase laughs and shrugs his large shoulders. “I know that, but you know Whiskey, he has fire in his veins.”
I nod, unable to argue that one. “He does. Were you jealous too?” I tease.
Jase wraps an arm around me. “Nah, I know I’m the only man you have eyes for…well Whiskey too, of course.”
I playfully shove his shoulder. “Oh you know that do you?”
He nods and gives me that big, cheeky grin. “Heck yeah I know that.”
I giggle, and finish it with a sigh. “I suppose I should go and find him.”
“He’ll be on the sand, pummelling the closest tree.”
“How am I ever going to control that temper of his?” I sigh, kissing Jase’s cheek before rushing out of the party.
I cross the road quickly and step down onto the beach. This time of the year in Brisbane, Australia is warm. It’s a mix of humidity and heat, with an occasional downpour of rain. I rush across the sand, letting my eyes scan quickly over the vast area as I go. I finally see Whiskey sitting down by the water. He’s sitting on the sand letting his fingers trail through the shallow water. He’s getting wet, but he doesn’t seem to care. I stop a moment and take him in, letting my eyes travel over every perfect inch of him. Whiskey is gorgeous, he’s not beautiful, he’s not stunning, he’s just downright gorgeous.
His hair is dark and messy, it drops over his eyes so seductively at times, making my heart liven up every single time I lay eyes on him. His eyes are the same brown as Jase’s, it’s the only feature they share. Whiskey’s seem darker though, deeper even. He’s taller than Jase, and his body is well muscled and broad for his age. Jase is leaner, but his muscle is just as toned. I’ve always had a major crush on Whiskey, there’s just something about that bad boy nature that gets me every time. I love them both though,
and I am really not sure I could ever choose between them. They’re so beautifully different.
I sit down beside Whiskey, letting the cool water wash over me too. I let off a little squeal as it washes up over my legs. Whiskey turns to look at me, his brown gaze searches my face. I reach over and take his hand, stroking my fingers over the rough skin on his palm. Whiskey is a mechanic, and a damn good one at that. He works hard and he plays harder, yet I always seem to be able to tame his wild moods. It’s just the way with us, sometimes it seems I am the only person who can calm him down, aside from Jase. Whiskey grumbles something and turns to face me fully, I can see the anger in his eyes.
“What’s up, Whisk?” I ask, staring out at the ocean.
“You know what’s up, Heaven.”
I shrug, not turning to face him. “I was dancing with James.”
He grumbles a curse and then says, “Yeah.”
“You know I’m not interested, we were just dancing, Whiskey.”
“Doesn’t mean I like it,” he huffs, stretching his legs out.
I turn to face him and give him my best sigh. “I know, but we’re not together and…”
“We might as well be Heav, we all hang out, we spend nights in each other’s beds, we live and breathe each other. The only thing we haven’t done is fucked.”
I flinch, when put like that it’s so…brutal. “It’s not like that, Whiskey, you know I love you both but I can’t…I’m not…”
“You’re not going to date two men and because you can’t choose, you leave us at arm’s length,” he says in an empty tone.
I turn to him, hurt. I love the boys, I’ve never hidden that but I’ve never lead them on, not once. “That’s not true, I’ve never lead you on.”
He leans closer, reaching up to stroke my cheek. “No, that’s the damn problem. You’re so god damned perfect all the time. You never tease us, or give one more affection than the other. You just fit between us so perfectly, so flawlessly, and you make it impossible for us not to love you.”
“You know we can all never be more than friends, I can’t be with two men. It’s just something I can’t do and I certainly can’t pick one of you.”
Sighing, he drops his fingers. “Haven’t you ever thought about it Heaven, even for a second?”
“Thought about what?” I whisper, even though I know exactly what he’s asking.
He leans closer, his lips are inches from mine. “Thought about what it would be like to have your naked body under mine while I gently fuck you. Thought about my lips on your body. Thought about how good it would feel to kiss me?”
My cheeks flush and I open my mouth, but my words come out as a stammer. “Of course I have, Whiskey, but I can’t hurt either one of you and I don’t want to have to choose. I can’t. It’s better if we just stay friends. Eventually, you boys will meet a wonderful woman and she’ll sweep you off your feet…”
“And that won’t bother you?” he murmurs, looking at my lips.
“Of course it would, god, I love you two. You’ve been my everything for so long, of course it would bother me.”
Truth is, I honestly don’t know if I could handle it, but I would never tell them that and give them false hope. I love them too much, I would let them go if it meant they were happy. I truly would. Even if it broke me.
“Heaven, you can’t fight this forever.”
“Jarrod…”
His lips curl and he leans closer. “You know I love it when you say my name.”
He reaches across and takes my hand, bringing my fingers to his lips. He gently kisses each one, then he lowers my hands and reaches forward, cupping my cheek in his hand and bringing my face closer to his. I want to pull away, because I know if I feel those lips against mine I’ll never be able to turn back but I can’t…I can’t make myself pull back. When his lips close over mine, every bit of restraint I have, melts away.
Kissing Whiskey is like Christmas. His lips are so soft, so alluring, so dammed perfect. The way his mouth moves over mine, the way his tongue strokes and probes has me clenching in ways I have never clenched before. I can’t help my hand when it slides up to tangle in his hair so I can deepen the kiss. He tastes like beer and something else, something all of his own. Our kiss deepens until we’re tangled in each other, pressing against one another and groaning with each heated flick of our tongues.
Finally gathering my strength, I pull back panting. “Whiskey…”
He stands, his chest rising and falling deeply. “Don’t you pretend that didn’t feel so fucking amazing. Think about what you could be giving up Heaven, you can have this, if you really want it.”
Then he walks off into the darkness leaving me more confused than ever.
I feel the warm tears leak down my cheeks as I remember that first kiss between Whiskey and me. Of course, Jase knew about it and decided to try his own first kiss on me a few days later. All that did was confuse me even more because it was equally as amazing. The boys were ok to share me between themselves, but they weren’t ok sharing me with anyone else. They also both knew I would never be in a ménage relationship, which meant eventually, I would either have to choose between them or let them both go. They ended up making that choice for me.
I pull out my laptop and throw a container of spaghetti into the microwave. I don’t even know where to start looking for Whiskey. Where do you find someone that doesn’t want to be found? When my dinner is ready, I sit down at the kitchen table and fire up the laptop as I scoop pasta up on my fork and pop it into my mouth. Yum. I connect to the internet and decide the first place I would search for someone, would be social media. Facebook, Twitter, things like that. Maybe someone knew where he was, an old friend from school or an old flame. He had enough of those to last him a life time. Surely one of them has seen him around.
I sign into my Facebook account and first search his name, when that comes up empty, I decide to start searching the names of all the people we went to school with. I begin adding them as friends, hoping that maybe one of them knows where he is. Once I’ve done that, I do a Google search. That turns up nothing too and just as I’m about to give up, a few friend requests are accepted. I quickly send them all a similar message, hoping I don’t sound too desperate. I don’t want to freak them out, but I need to know if Whiskey is ok, or even if they’ve seen him at all in the last five years.
Hi guys,
Wow, I can’t believe you’re all on here. How have you been? Where do you work now? I am actually looking for someone we went to school with. Jarrod Levanox? Do you remember him? He went by Whiskey? I haven’t spoken to him for a while, I was hoping to catch up with him and his brother Jase. We were all such good friends and I lost contact.
If you know anything, do let me know.
Nevaeh.
Four replies come back instantly, all saying they haven’t seen Whiskey for years and then proceeding to tell me what they’ve been up to. I respond to them all with well wishes and congratulations on their new jobs and families. It’s the fifth reply that opens a door for me. It’s from a girl named Sarah, who had more than one fling with Whiskey. I remember because deep down it used to drive me wild with jealously, though I never told Whiskey that. I click on her reply and confusion washes over me, I have to read it a few times, to be sure I am reading it right.
You shouldn’t be looking for Whiskey, you don’t want to find him. He’s not who you remember. I would stop looking, you really have no idea what situation you’ll put yourself in if you keep searching for him. Trust me on this one Nevaeh, don’t look for him.
Confused and a little worried, I reply.
Jase needs him. I really need to find him. Do you have any idea where he is, anything at all? I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t have to, trust me.
She replies right away.
He doesn’t want to be found Nevaeh, if he did he would have stepped forward and seen you and Jase. You need to drop this.
Feeling a little frustrated, I type back.
I’ll risk it. Jase is dying, Sarah. I honestly don’t care if he wants to see me or not, I need to find him for his brother. You have to help me, please?
A moment passes and then her reply pops up.
Your funeral. Give me your contact details, I’ll see what I can do. Don’t you mention my name to anyone, I didn’t tell you anything. Do you understand me?
My funeral? What is she talking about?
Of course, if that’s what you want. Please, just help me let him know Jase is sick.
She gives me a basic ok, then her name goes offline. A moment later, her account completely disappears. Feeling a little queasy, I search her name. Gone. She deleted her account. Why would she delete her account? Was her speaking to me so dangerous she had to remove it just like that? Shake my head in confusion, I power down the laptop and put my head in my hands. What sort of trouble has Whiskey gotten himself into? It’s obviously not good, because Sarah was determined that I should drop it. Why would I be in danger over looking for someone, unless that someone was in serious trouble themselves?
I shove the laptop aside and roll my now aching neck. Worry fills my chest. What has Whiskey done? Is that why he really left all those years ago? Is he hiding from Jase because he doesn’t want to put Jase in danger? Is that why he hasn’t contacted him? So many questions run through my mind, so many that I can’t answer. I’m worried for Whiskey, something deep inside my chest is telling me I need to drop this, I just have that horrible feeling it won’t end well but I made a promise to Jase. I can’t not fulfil the last promise, I won’t do that to him. So whatever the cost, I will find Whiskey.
Chapter 3
“Sorry ‘bout the attitude I need to give when I’m with you, but no one else will take this shit from me,” Is the soulful sound I hear, it’s the deep, husky purr of Whiskey’s voice filling my ears and travelling through my body.
He’s perched on the stage at our local pub, looking divine. His black shirt stretches across his chest, his dark jeans hug his legs and his heavy black boots tap against the wooden floor as he fills the room with that delicious voice. His eyes never leave mine. Whiskey has been singing this song to me since he first heard it. He always said it made him think of me. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how it could possibly remind him of me. Jase grips my hand and we both stare up at Whiskey, admiring him. He was blessed with one hell of a voice..
Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) Page 3