Redemption (Forgiven Series)

by Brooke, Rebecca

  “Don’t look away from me. I heard what you said, but I don’t want you to be ashamed of what happened between us. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  He took a deep breath. “Lauren something happened that night, something I never thought would happen to me.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I finally found someone that I wanted to spend more than one night with. I tried to tell myself that wasn’t true, that nothing had changed, and I even went out last night to try and prove it to myself… but when I saw you talking to that guy at the bar, it took everything I had to not come over there and smash his face in.”

  He clenched and unclenched his fist, as if he was trying to calm himself down. “I was still convinced that everything was still the same so I carried on dancing,” he winced, “hoping to feel something with her. But I didn’t.”

  He was talking in circles and I had no idea what the point of the conversation was. Surely, his five minutes had to be up by now?

  “Josh, I’m exhausted and I have no idea what this conversation is even about. Don’t worry about what happened last night, or last week. It’s fine. Look, I’ll talk to you later.” This time I stood quickly, turned, and practically ran to the exit.

  The fresh air helped clear my senses. I was so focused on the relief I felt at finally being able to breathe, that I didn’t realize that someone was behind me until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and turned, throwing my hand over my heart when it felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

  Josh threw his hands up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “What do you want from me?” I sighed wearily.

  He took hold of my hands. The warmth of his hands on mine was both soothing and frightening all at once. I wanted to pull my hands from his grasp but I could only concentrate on the feel of his skin on mine. Years of softball meant that my hands were slightly calloused and I winced as he ran his thumb back and forth across my palm, wondering if he’d noticed that they weren’t smooth like he might have expected. Realizing I wasn’t paying attention, he gave my hand a squeeze and I looked at him. “I told you I wasn’t good at this stuff. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”

  “What?” I breathed.

  “Forget this,” he growled. He pulled his hands out of mine and I thought he was going to walk away, but instead he weaved his fingers into my hair and captured my lips with his.

  The kiss started slow, but although I still wasn’t sure what was happening, it didn’t take me long to catch up. The feel of his lips against mine melted all of my resistance and I moved my lips, opening them and allowing him to slip his tongue along mine.

  Time seemed to stop and everyone around us no longer mattered. After a few moments, Josh slowly pulled away to look me in the eye.

  Did that kiss really mean what I think it did? Wait a minute, what was I thinking? Josh was a walking one-night stand and even if I was right and he did want me, it wouldn’t last long. Eventually he’d get bored and be back to his old ways.

  “Lauren, I want to take you out on a date. I want to kiss you and make love to you, and I want to be the only man in your life. I realized last night that I compare every woman I’ve been around since Saturday night to you and I’m tired of fighting my feelings.”

  I wanted more than anything to do exactly what Josh was saying, but I was tired of getting hurt by guys. I wanted a guy who was worthy of me, not someone who would throw me away at a moment’s notice, and I wasn’t sure if Josh could be that guy.

  “Josh,” I sighed. “What you’re saying is everything I’ve wanted to hear since Saturday night.” He looked so hopeful that I had to swallow the lump in my throat to continue. “But I’m not sure that this is a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because for some strange reason today you want to be with me, but I don’t think it’ll be very long before you want to go back to a new girl every night.” It hurt to admit this and I felt the tears building up in my eyes. “I’ve been hurt enough lately. I don’t think I can take anymore, especially not from you.”

  He looked down for a moment. “I don’t want a new girl every night.” He took a step towards me so that our chests were touching. “I only want you and I promise that I will never do anything to hurt you,” he vowed, brushing my tears away with his fingers.

  The doubt must have been evident on my face because he resorted to begging.

  “Give me a chance to prove myself. I’ve already tried pretending that I don’t want you, and it didn’t work. You need to let me show you that you are all I want. It’s more than physical. I’ve never enjoyed a conversation with a girl in a bar as much as I did the other night.”

  Every beat of my heart was telling me to do one thing, but my head was telling me to do another. I wanted so bad to believe him, I just wasn’t sure if I could do it. Then again, I knew that if I didn’t give him this chance I would regret it for the rest of my life.

  “Okay,” I said, before I had a chance to change my mind.

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. Kissing me on the temple, he leaned down to whisper in my ear, “You’ve made me so happy. I promise to make every moment special.”

  The words had hardly left his mouth when he pulled back and lowered his lips to mine. Just like the last time the world around us melted away and the only thing that mattered was the man standing in front of me with his lips on mine. There was no hesitation when he ran his tongue across my bottom lip. I opened and let him explore my mouth with his. After what seemed like forever, he slowly pulled back and we both panted, trying to catch our breath.

  “Let me take you out tonight? Come over after class and we’ll hang out, maybe go out and grab a pizza?” he asked excitedly.

  “I can’t,” I said, and when his face dropped I rushed to explain. “Not that I don’t want to, but I have practice till five thirty. But I can come over after that,” I offered.

  He weaved his fingers through mine and brought my hand up to his lips. “With all of my nerves about whether or not you would listen to me, I forgot all about softball. Come over afterwards,” he suggested.

  “All right.”

  I played with the strap on my bag and my stomach churned at the thought of heading back to his apartment, but if we were dating it was something I was going to have to face. I looked down at the time. Damn, I had to get to class. “Josh, I hate to run, but I have to get to my next class. I can’t afford to be late.”

  “Where’s your class?”

  “Muller.”

  He turned in the direction of the building and, keeping our hands linked, began to walk. “Do you have class this afternoon?” I asked, wondering if he was making himself late.

  “I do. Actually mine is in the building right next door to yours, so I get to walk you to class and not be late for mine.”

  I shook my head, still trying to process this whole turn of events. Last night I’d cried myself to sleep because I thought that this was never a possibility, but here I was walking to class hand and hand with Josh.

  As we made our way across campus, I couldn’t help but notice the surprised and sometimes angry looks being shot in our direction, but I was so focused on Josh it was hard to pay any real attention to them.

  When we reached the door to the building, Josh turned me towards him and planted a light kiss on my lips, making me feel warm and tingly all over. He pulled away. “I’ll see you tonight.” He winked before turning and walking to his own class.

  It was hard to pay attention during class, since my mind kept straying to thoughts of Josh. After class, I made my way quickly to the changing rooms to get ready for practice. Tugging on my jersey I thought about Ryan. So far I’d been able to avoid him and I’d hoped my luck would hold, but I should’ve known better because as I headed towards the field, someone stepped into my path. I looked up and there he was.

 
Shit.

  Deciding that I didn’t feel like dealing with him, I tried to step around him without saying a word.

  “Lauren,” he said, grabbing my arm and spinning me back around to face him.

  “Let go of me,” I snarled as I tried to yank my arm free of his grasp.

  “Not until you listen to me. You’ve been avoiding me all week.”

  The fingers wrapped around my upper arms tightened and my mouth dropped open in shock. “Seriously? You don’t think that I had good reason for avoiding you?”

  “Look, I can explain. If I let go, will you listen to me?”

  Rolling my eyes, I nodded my head and he let go of my hands. Not wanting to be touching him in any way, I pulled my arms up to cross them over my chest.

  “I didn’t mean for that to happen. You’re the one I care about,” he said softly, reaching out to brush his fingers across my cheek.

  I flinched and took a step back. “You can’t really believe that I would want to be with you after that, do you?”

  The distance between us was closed when he took one long stride toward me. “You have to know how I feel about you? We’re perfect for each other. You’re the queen of the softball field and I’m the king of the baseball diamond. It doesn’t get any better than that. And I promise nothing like that will ever happen again.”

  Was he delusional? Did he really not get that cheating was a deal breaker for me? I looked down at my watch. I needed to get to practice. Besides, knowing Josh was waiting to see me tonight gave me another reason to walk away from this ridiculous conversation.

  “Ryan, what happened Friday night was a deal breaker for me. I can’t trust you and to be honest, if you’re going to cheat then you don’t deserve me.” I took another step back. “And now it’s time for me to get practice so I can be, as you put it, ‘the queen of the softball field’.”

  I turned and walked toward my teammates, when I heard him call out, “This isn’t over, Lauren. I’ll get you back.”

  I shook my head at his arrogance. Apparently, he was crazy enough to think that I was enamored enough with our ‘status’ as a couple that I would just ignore him screwing another girl. What an asshole.

  Once warm-ups were complete, Coach Gardner sent us to our designated practice areas. “Jones, Sykes, Powell, and Baldwin, you need to head inside for batting practice. Work on the follow through of your swings. We need to get more distance on our hits. Coach Daniels is waiting for you.”

  She turned to face me. “Pierce, I want you and Rogers to work on your cohesion. This is a new pairing for you and I need you to be able to read each other by the first game.”

  Rogers was a freshman who’d been brought up to catch for me since Gabby was out with a knee injury and Julia had graduated last year.

  “Everyone else is on the field with me,” she finished.

  Turning to my new catcher, I offered my hand to her. “Hi, I’m Lauren.”

  She smiled. “I know, you’re one of the best pitchers on the east coast. I can’t believe I actually get to play with you,” she said in awe. Then she flushed. “Oh, sorry, I’m Kendra. Sorry, I’m in fan-girl mode and forgot to tell you my name.”

  I laughed. “Nice to meet you, Kendra, and don’t worry about it. There’s not much to fan-girl over anyway.”

  I always felt uncomfortable in the spotlight. I played because I loved the sport but it didn’t hurt that I played well. It didn’t matter to me that I was good because the excitement and satisfaction that I got from playing was all the reward I needed.

  “I’ll try to control myself but trust me, you’re one of the best pitchers out there. I’ve followed your career since you were in high school. I even heard you got invited to try out for the national team,” she gushed as we walked over to the practice mound on the side of the field.

  Now it was my turn to blush. I’d been invited to try out for the junior Olympics my junior year of high school, but Mom had thought I was too young because, usually, they wait until your senior year or freshman year of college. I was pissed at the time but I realized she was right—it would have been too much for me.

  Now there were tons of rumors flying around about me being invited to try out for the national team this year. It was exciting, but I tried to ignore it for the most part because I didn’t want to let it go to my head and interfere with my game and my team.

  “Not that I know of, right now they’re just rumors.” I moved my right arm in a windmill rotation, warming up my arm and my shoulder while Kendra walked over and started to suit up in her padding. Even though I worked out and practiced year round, the first few weeks of practice still left me feeling stiff.

  Kendra stepped behind the plate and crouched down. I threw my first pitch and watched Kendra throw up her facemask after catching it, shock written clear across her features. “Sorry, I forgot to mention that I usually start out with slower pitches and move up in speed the more I throw,” I called out across the field.

  She chuckled and nodded. “Okay, you had me a little worried there.” She pulled the mask back down on her face and threw the ball back to me.

  Once we got into a rhythm we moved onto different drills to improve accuracy and speed, but all I could think about was my upcoming date with Josh. Even so, I was still able to get in a good practice with Kendra. We laughed all the way to the locker room and I knew that we were going to get along well.

  Rushing to get showered and changed, within ten minutes I was heading out to my car. Unfortunately, baseball practice ended the same time as softball and Ryan was waiting for me. Hadn’t he gotten the hint earlier? He looked up as I approached.

  “Hey, babe, you wanna grab something to eat?” Ryan asked, reaching out in an attempt to pull me to him.

  Once again I quickly stepped out of his reach. “Umm, no. I have plans,” I answered with disgust.

  “With who?”

  He stepped in front of me and blocked my path. “That’s none of your business,” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “You better tell me who had the nerve to ask my girlfriend out on a date.” As if the thinly veiled anger in his tone wasn’t enough, he reached out to grab onto both of my upper arms.

  “Fine, I have a date with Josh Walker, and for the record, I’m not your girlfriend,” I seethed as I flipped my arms up to dislodge his. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

  He next statement stopped me dead in my tracks. “You know he only wants to have sex with you.” Too late, I thought and turned to face him. “What happens between Josh and I is none of your business.”

  Even though I didn’t care much about what Ryan thought anymore, seeing the look of fury on Ryan’s face I quickly climbed into the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

  Despite being so sure all day, in the quiet of the car, I began to question the wisdom of going to Josh’s tonight. Pulling up outside his apartment I started to open the door but stopped myself. What the hell was I doing here? Leaning my head back against the seat, my head began to throb as my brain warred with itself. I couldn’t decide if I should go in, or if I needed to get the hell out of there. Finally, I got up the courage to get out of the car and walked to the door. As I stood there waiting, I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind there was the fear of getting hurt again, which was to be expected given that I’d already experienced a lot of that in my life. But I hadn’t let that fear control me before, and I wasn’t going to start now.

  That decision made, I lifted my hand to knock on the door and as I waited for Josh to answer, I prayed that I wouldn’t live to regret it.

  Leaving Lauren at the door to her class had been hard as hell. It’d taken more than I’d thought it would to convince her to give me a chance. Arriving slightly early for my “lunch” with Angie, I couldn’t believe what I’d heard her say and it killed me to think that she was ashamed of what happened between us. I hadn’t lied to her because what had happened between us was one of the best nights of my life. Lauren had a way o
f making me feel things that no other woman had ever brought out in me.

  Walking into class I saw Andrew sitting there smirking, waiting to hear what happened after I’d walked out on them, no doubt. Unfortunately for him, I was more interested in his sappy ass comments to Emily last night. Sitting down in the seat next to him, I turned and beat him to the punch.

  “What in the hell was that with Emily last night?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing. I was just trying to help you.” I noticed he didn’t look me in the eye when he answered me.

  “Bullshit. That was more than trying to help me. Even Nick noticed, and he’s a pussy when it comes to girls’ feelings.”

  “Fine,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I love her, and if me being a little sappy makes her happy, then so be it.”

  What? Andrew was in love with Emily? When I’d told him to get his shit together last Saturday night, I never imagined that he might actually be in love with her.

  “Holy shit, dude!” I said smacking him on the back. “I never thought I’d see the day you admitted you loved a girl. So, you’re thinking long haul?”

  “Man, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yeah. I have to admit that when I first asked her out last year, I just wanted in her pants, but who didn’t?” He shook his head ruefully. “I’d never imagined that her feisty attitude would be my undoing. Damn, I do sound like a girl.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, you do. All that matters, though, is that you make her happy. She’s like a sister to me so you better not hurt her,” I warned.

  “I’m not gonna hurt her. I want to marry her,” he said simply.

  “Oh, you’re kidding me. What the hell is going on here? First Caleb, now you. Are you sure you don’t want to see what else is out there?”

  “Dude, I’ve already done that. I can’t see my life without her in it,” he replied.

  “So you’re really going to ask her to marry you?” I asked, my eyes as wide as dinner saucers.

  “No… I mean yes, but not yet. I want to make sure she feels the same first.”