Her Only Chance

by Cheryl Anne Porter

  But she knew that she had to be okay with herself first before she could be of any help to others. She couldn’t be like the dentist with bad teeth. Or the beautician with awful hair. She had to be the therapist with her head—teeth, hair and all—on straight. And that meant…she had to deal with Kellan Chance. Just his name made her shiver with wanting. It was so masculine, so strong. Gaelic for warrior. Jamie put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. “Oh, man. What have I got myself into?”

  She jumped up off the sofa and stood there, her hands on her waist. Kellan Chance. He made her body do the craziest things. She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself. Why could she never forget him? In the past year, she’d dated a lot of other men. Greg. Hank. John. But they hadn’t been able to measure up. Her memories of Kell had ruined every relationship. She’d hardly got past the initial attraction stage with the other guys before she lost interest. And they’d been nice men, too. Sharp. Professional. Funny.

  Everything Kell was…but less than him somehow.

  Jamie’s eyes widened with insight. Apparently she’d tried, in each new relationship, to find Kell all over again. Only she’d looked for men who either didn’t feel they needed to risk their very lives every day or didn’t have professions that required it. Like Kell’s did. Yet, in comparison, they’d bored her to tears, with their talk of advertising, stock brokerage, yacht-building. Yawn.

  “Great. I am one sick puppy. I hate the fact that Kell risks his life and yet I don’t want anybody who won’t take chances.”

  Disgusted with herself, Jamie padded over barefoot to the sliding-glass doors at her narrow balcony that overlooked the briny blue waters of the bay. She opened the door and stepped out onto the railed enclosure. Surely, over four billion tourists a year couldn’t be wrong. This place was supposed to be inspiring. She closed the door behind her and plopped down on a patio chair. Maybe just enjoying the atmosphere would help.

  After a few moments, Jamie realized that she did feel a little better. The sky was blue. A slight breeze stirred her hair. Like a day at the beach. There it was again. Jamie frowned. On a Monday? She couldn’t get past that. What was he doing off work? He’d sounded as if he could come get her at the moment.

  That was something Kell would do, too. He wasn’t one to take no for an answer. She smiled, and found herself half wishing he’d come anyway. Then Jamie realized what she’d been thinking. She was hoping that Kell would force the issue, rather than have her take responsibility. Jamie leaned forward, resting her crossed arms along the wrought-iron railing. What do I want? What will happen if I’m around Kell again? But she knew. She’d lose control. She always did. Just one look, one touch…and she ended up in Kell’s bed—naked. She didn’t know how it happened. It just did. Every time. Hi, Jamie. It’s Kell. Bam…she was naked. Emotionally, if not literally.

  And that was the part that scared her the most. The emotional exposure. She sighed. That damn Kellan Chance. Maybe this time she needed to take a different approach…like being a friend. Well, they’d been friends first. Couldn’t they do that again? Tell each other their hopes and dreams. Talk about the future. Things like that. That’s how it had been when they’d been younger, before their raging hormones had taken over. Could they recapture some of that innocence?

  Jamie knew that the past was behind them. But they could still talk about what was going on with them now. She sure had a few problems she wouldn’t mind discussing. Maybe Kell did, too. But would he accept her as just his friend? Didn’t he have Melanie for that? Maybe. But Melanie didn’t know him like Jamie did. Melanie hadn’t seen him through all his bruises and broken bones. She hadn’t known him when he’d been a skinny boy with a dirty face who tried so hard to live up to his family name. Jamie smiled, suddenly filled again with love for the boy that Kell had been. Couldn’t she still be that boy’s friend?

  Jamie straightened up…excited, energized. That was it. Dr. Hampton was right. She and Kell would go back to being friends. She would have to initiate it, though, since she’d just turned him down. So, what was the plan? Well, the first thing she needed to do, she decided, was to tell him they needed to talk. Then she would make him understand what was at stake here—the book deal. Then she’d have to apologize for dumping him twice. And if she was lucky, her friend, would go with her to tell Dr. Hampton “mission accomplished.” One simple conversation. That should be all it took to get her licensing.

  Jamie put a hand to her forehead. Oh, Kell, I don’t think I can do it. She wondered how she could pretend to feel only friendship for the one man whose touch made her bones melt. Okay, so she wasn’t over Kell. But that wasn’t what this was about. You could love someone but not have him in your life because he wasn’t good for you. Wasn’t that the crux of her research, anyway? What she needed to do was accept that Kell was the one—the wrong one—and move on.

  Yeah, right. The man can burn me up with one look. Yesterday in the airport, his dark eyes had bored into hers and when he’d said she looked good, she hadn’t been able to breathe. Jamie blinked, rousing herself. She didn’t have time for this. If she wanted her license she was going to take the biggest chance of all.

  THE DOORBELL RANG. Still not quite awake, and cursing softly at the interruption in what for him was a rare afternoon nap, Kell went downstairs and opened the door. There stood Jamie Winslow. Even dressed in nothing more exotic than khaki shorts and a white sleeveless blouse, she looked like all of his favorite fantasies come to life. His heart skipped a beat. “Jamie.”

  “Hi. We have to have sex.”

  Kell stared at her. It took him a second to filter what she’d said. He leaned against the doorjamb, crossed his arms over his bare chest and forced his gaze to remain on her pretty girl-next-door face. “Tell me you’re not going door to door with that line.”

  She grinned brightly. “Oh, but I am. And you’re my first stop.”

  “Well, lucky me.” Kell snatched her right off his sun-baked front porch and into his town house. Toeing the door closed behind her, he took her into his arms, crushing her against him. With her face lifted to his and her mouth opened—no doubt, to protest—Kell gave her no chance to speak. At this moment, he wanted nothing between them. Especially not words.

  Heatedly, with a kiss every bit as hot as his need for her had been since seeing her yesterday, Kell claimed her mouth. He couldn’t seem to help himself. Nor did he want to. His thumping heart had nearly leaped out of his chest when he’d opened the door to see her standing there. Even now he couldn’t stop himself from devouring her. He needed her more than he needed his next breath. But though she responded, he felt her tense against him, pushing him away.

  Kell pulled back, looking into her face.

  “My purse,” she said breathlessly. “It’s in the way.” With that, she carelessly tossed her bag down and again melted against him, kissing him feverishly, her soft breasts pressing provocatively against him, her palms running up his bare chest and sliding across his shoulders.

  Kell felt her possessively wrap her arms around his neck, just as she’d wrapped her them around him in his late-night dreams. Dreams that always ended with him in a sweat and his sheets twisted around his legs. Dreams that left him, aching for the one sweet body denied him, the one sweet woman he could never seem to hold on to. But now, here she was. In his arms. In his town house. Exactly where he wanted her.

  A moment later, Jamie broke off their kiss. “Oh, Kell. Wait. I can’t catch my breath.”

  Kell gripped her arms, holding her out from him as he looked down into her face, one he’d loved all his life. “I can tell.” His adrenaline surged. “And you’re not the only one, Jamie. Wow.”

  She extricated herself from his grip and stepped back, taking a deep breath and fanning her face with her hand. “Wow is right. We still do that well, don’t we?”

  “We always did. It was the rest of the stuff that kept us at each other’s throats.”

  She sobered. “That’s so true. An
d that’s why I’m here. I really wish we—” She bit down on her bottom lip and frowned.

  Kell called himself a stupid jerk for attacking her. What the hell is wrong with me? But he knew. Around Jamie Winslow, he lost control. Every time. And lately, it seemed as if he was losing control in every aspect of his life, including his career. Maybe he was getting too old. Kell ran a hand through his short-cropped hair. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. I had no right.”

  They were still standing in Kell’s tiny foyer. Jamie shrugged. “Hey, I’m not upset. It wasn’t like I didn’t want you to kiss me. I mean, what were you supposed to think, given my opening line?”

  Kell grinned. “You’re right. And, by the way, I’m on board with the two of us having sex. If you say we have to, then we just have to. I’ll consider it my patriotic duty.”

  Jamie’s expression relaxed. “Very funny.”

  “Yeah, well, since looks aren’t everything, I’ve been working on my social skills. That kiss was my new greeting. What’d you think of it?”

  Jamie’s eyebrows raised. “I think if you greet everyone that way, then I’ll bet you have trouble getting a pizza delivered. Or not…if your delivery person is female.”

  Kell chuckled, but couldn’t look away from her blue eyes. It struck him that here they were, talking innocently while their eyes were sending heated messages and making love. He tore his gaze from her face, only to find himself staring at her hardened nipples, which were not the least bit hampered by being bound in a lacy bra and a thin white blouse. “So, Jamie, it’s nice to see your, uh, sense of humor is still intact.”

  “Thanks.” Jamie pointedly crossed her arms over her chest. Kell met her gaze but couldn’t quite kill the grin on his face. Jamie retaliated by lowering her gaze to his…below-the-waist area. “Well, look at this. This is certainly progress for us. We’ve been together for five minutes and you’re still wearing your pants.”

  Kell looked down at his navy-blue sweatpants, and was glad to find that his desire wasn’t quite as evident as it had been a moment ago. “Keeping my pants on is part of that social-skills thing I was telling you about. I’ve instituted a new policy of not answering the door in the buff.”

  Jamie’s eyebrows raised. “That is a good policy.”

  “The pizza delivery guy thinks so. So do the police.”

  She laughed. It was what Kell had been waiting for—neutral territory. “So, you want to start over?” he asked.

  Her grin faded. “Start over how?”

  Kell held up a hand. “Easy. I mean like having a normal conversation. Like, ‘Hi. How’re you doing?’ A conversation that had nothing to do with sex. Regrettably.”

  Jamie seemed surprised. “That’s exactly what I came over here for, believe it or not.” She grinned and crossed her arms. “So, Kell, how are you doing? How’s the family?”

  Kell shrugged. “I’m good. The folks are good. They were just here.”

  “They were?” Disappointment clouded her features. “I would have loved to see them. A social call, I hope?”

  She knew him too well. “No. Not completely. I was in the same, uh, accident that Jeff Camden was.”

  Jamie’s gaze swept worriedly over him. “Oh, God, Kell, are you all right?”

  Her concern for him heartened him. “It was no big deal. Just another stupid stunt of mine.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call anything you did ‘stupid stunts.”’

  “Well, I told you, I’m a changed man. Hey, did you know that Brandon and Serena got married? They’re on their honeymoon right now.”

  Jamie smacked at his arm. “I know. Donna told me. I couldn’t believe it. I never knew they were more than just friends. And what’s T.J. up to nowadays?”

  “Hell, he’s as bad as me. He’s off on some extreme adventure somewhere. Aunt Tillie told me, but I forget the details.”

  Jamie shook her head. “I don’t know who’s worse. You Chance men or your Aunt Tillie.” Then she roused herself and became all business. “Look, about this visit…well, I need to talk to you and come to some kind of closure.”

  Kell crossed his arms over his chest. “Closure on what?”

  “Us.”

  “I thought we already had that.”

  “Not as much as you’d think.” Looking hesitant, Jamie glanced around. “You mind if we sit down?”

  “Oh, hell, I’m sorry.” They were still standing in the foyer. He’d gotten so caught up in her being here, and in kissing her, that he’d forgotten his manners. “Sure. Come in.” He waved a hand toward his overstuffed sofa. “Have a seat.”

  Jamie grabbed her purse and preceded him. Kell unabashedly watched her walk toward the sofa. Long-legged. Slender. Curvy. Just the way she moved, like a torch song come to life. Kell had to make a conscious effort to be in the moment. It was damn hard because he just couldn’t believe she was here, or how her presence rattled him. Some things never change, he lamented. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll just go put on a shirt. Then I’ll fix us a drink or something.”

  “That sounds great.” Jamie sank onto the cushions, put her purse to one side of her and then rubbed her temples.

  “I’ll be right back,” Kell said, but for some reason his feet wouldn’t move. It seemed his gaze was riveted to hers—and she wasn’t looking away. A storm cloud of emotion billowed between them. Kell inhaled against the tightness in his chest and managed to get a single word out. “Right.”

  It was enough to break the sensual spell…for the moment. Turning away, he stalked over to the stairs and, despite his sutured thigh, sprinted up them to the second floor. In his bedroom, he spied his discarded T-shirt on the bed. Snatching up the black shirt, he pulled it over his head and tugged it down his torso.

  In only moments he was back downstairs, sitting next to Jamie. “So, what’s this sudden need for closure?”

  Jamie looked down at her lap a moment and then at him. Concern edged her blue eyes.

  Overwhelmed by a sudden fear for her, Kell swallowed hard. “Are you okay, Jamie? Is something wrong? You’re not sick, are you?”

  She frowned. “No, not physically. I’m fine. It’s just that…well, after your call today, I guess I just got a little worried about you.”

  Kell stared at her, not knowing what to think. His emotions, always off-kilter around her, flared…and came down on the side of perturbed. He sat forward. “I see,” he finally said, feeling more than stupid now for having kissed her. “So this is a sympathy call?”

  She frowned. “Do you need sympathy, Kell?”

  He sat back. “No, I don’t. Just what the hell did I say that made you think I might?”

  “Now you’re getting defensive.”

  “I probably am. Because this visit of yours doesn’t make sense. I call you, you blow me off, then you show up here saying you need sex and closure. Now you’re here out of sympathy for me. What the hell gives?”

  “I’m trying to explain. But apparently I’m not doing a good job of it. It’s just that it struck me as odd that you would call on a weekday, and want to take a ride to the beach. That’s not like you. I got worried after I thought about it, so I came over.”

  Kell nodded. “Yeah, you did. But with a line about us having to have sex.”

  “I was just…trying to be funny. Get over it.”

  “All right. I’m over it. What next?”

  Jamie exhaled sharply. “I swear, you can be so—I just want to know if you’re okay. Is that so hard?”

  In the grip of rising anger, made all the worse given how her proximity affected him, how her nearness made him want to touch her, Kell sprang to his feet. “Hell, yeah, it’s hard, Jamie. I told you a year ago that if you left, it was over between you and me. And you left. Now, here you are again. Damn, that’s not fair.”

  Kell watched as Jamie squeezed her eyes shut. Her chin quivered. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her. But he didn’t. He couldn’t,
even though her slenderness seemed painfully fragile somehow.

  A moment later, she opened her eyes and sought his gaze. “Kell, I really didn’t come here today to fight with you. Or to jerk you around. Or even to try to start something up between us again. But…well, do you suppose I could have a soda or something, please?”

  Kell frowned at her switch in subject. “A soda it is.” It took an act of will, but he walked away from her, going to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. He got out two cold sodas and twisted the tops open. But keeping his hands busy didn’t stop his thoughts from churning. Weren’t his career problems enough to bear? Did she have to show up now, too? Jeez, why had she been the first person he called, when she was the last person he needed to see? He walked back into the living room and handed her the drink. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” She took it and held it, not drinking, just watching him.

  Feeling under the gun, Kell again sat next to her. He took a long swig of his soda. Then turning to her, he ran his gaze over her face again, taking time to note her fine-boned features and their contours, every one of which he knew intimately. His gaze met hers and held. Electricity sparked between them. She hadn’t said a word as she’d watched him. Watched him what? Reveal that all he wanted to do was hold her and have her tell him it was all going to be okay—when he knew it wasn’t? Not with her and not with his career. Pulling back from his thoughts, and how they made his gut knot, Kell indicated her untouched drink. “Thought you were thirsty.”

  “I am.” She took a drink and then surprised him by slipping her free hand into his. “Kell, seriously, are you all right?”