Beautiful Disaster

by Rye Hart

  I was willing to talk to him, but I wasn’t willing to hug him like nothing ever happened between us. Joshua’s face fell but he quickly recovered and sat back down. His smile was familiar and sweet. He looked like he was genuinely happy to see me, which was not what I’d been expecting. Not after all the ugly accusations he’d hurled at me the other night.

  “Thank you for coming,” Joshua said. “I didn’t think you would.”

  “Neither did I,” I said honestly. “But you said you wanted to talk.”

  “I do,” Joshua said with a nod. “Let’s order first.”

  “Okay.”

  Our waiter came over a few minutes later. We ordered our food and then fell into an uncomfortable silence. Joshua stared at my face, barely looking anywhere else. My eyes scanned the room slowly. I found it hard to meet Joshua’s gaze.

  “So,” I finally said. “Tell me. What did you want to talk about?”

  “I still love you.”

  Joshua’s confession was blunt and unapologetic. I jerked my head up and stared at him in disbelief. His dark blue eyes were the exact shape and color as Michael’s. I didn’t know how I’d missed it before.

  “You’re not serious,” I scoffed.

  “Of course, I am,” Joshua said. His voice was soft and gentle. He leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. “I still love you, and I think we made a huge mistake when we broke up.”

  “You dumped me,” I said firmly. “We didn’t break up, Joshua. You dumped me without a second thought.”

  “That’s not true,” Joshua said. “I was torn. Ending things with you was the hardest decision of my life.”

  “Then, why did you do it?” I asked boldly. “If it was so damn hard, why do it at all?”

  “Because…” he said, trailing off slowly. “I thought it was for the best. My life became so hectic and insane. With my residency starting, I just thought it would be better if I let you go.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I said.

  “It’s not,” Joshua said. “It’s the truth.”

  “Well, it doesn’t work that way,” I said. I was so angry that my vision was blurry. “You can’t just come crawling back after I’ve moved on and expect me to jump at the chance to be with you again.”

  “Moved on?” Joshua asked with a laugh. “You mean, my brother?”

  “Look,” I said. “I’m sorry if it’s weird for you. Okay? It’s weird for me too. And for Michael. But I really like him.”

  Joshua glared and sat back in his chair. All the kindness vanished from his face. Suddenly, he was the same Joshua I remembered. The same guy who broke my heart into a thousand pieces and then sent me on my way.

  “You don’t even know him,” Joshua said.

  “That’s not true,” I said. “We may have only known each other for a short time, but I do know him. We have a connection and—”

  “A connection?” Joshua scoffed. “Julie, you and I have two years’ worth of history. We were in love. We practically lived together. We had a real relationship. You and Michael, you don’t have anything.”

  “It’s new,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”

  “And you think he feels the same way?” Joshua asked. “You really believe he cares about you?”

  “Yes,” I said firmly. “I do.”

  Joshua shook his head and laughed darkly. He looked away from me as if he couldn’t stand the sight of me for another second. I thought about leaving, just standing up and walking outside, but I felt frozen in place. There was something about Joshua that sparked all my insecurities. With just one conversation, he already had me doubting myself.

  Maybe he was right. Maybe things between Michael and me weren’t as serious as I believed. Maybe it was all just some casual fling. Maybe Michael never wanted anything real with me.

  “I’m sorry if this hurts you,” I said. I was no longer angry, but I wasn’t going to cave. “But I like Michael and he likes me. We’re together, and you’re just going to have to get used to that.”

  “I can’t believe you would sink this low,” Joshua said. He shook his head again and glared at me. I’d never seen so much anger in his eyes.

  “What is so bad about what I did?” I asked. “I moved to Ennis, Joshua. And when I did, I met Michael. Where is the harm in that?”

  “You’re dating my brother!” Joshua said. “After everything you and I went through together, you’re sleeping with my brother. That’s so fucked up, Julie.”

  “I didn’t know who he was,” I said. My anger was beginning to come back. “You ended things with me, remember? You broke my heart. I left town to try and get over you. And you know what? It worked. I did. I got over you, and I moved on. I’m sorry that it just so happened to be with your brother.”

  “You had to have known who he was,” Joshua said. “You did this just to get back at me.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Trust me. I never would have gone out with Michael if I knew who he was. But I didn’t know. And I did go out with him. And I don’t regret it.”

  “Why the hell not?” Joshua asked. He was furious now. He wasn’t used to being told no, especially when it came to me.

  “Because he’s amazing,” I said.

  “You really had no idea who he was?” Joshua asked skeptically. “No clue?”

  “How would I have known?” I asked, frustrated now. “You never let me meet him. Even after I helped you find him, you refused to let me be involved. I never even knew his name, Joshua.”

  Joshua glared at me, trying to decide whether he believed me. He didn’t want to. It was easier for him to be angry if he thought I was being malicious.

  “Well,” he said. “Michael sure as hell knew.”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “You may not have known who Michael was,” Joshua said slowly. “But he knew about you from the very beginning.”

  Before I could even process his words, my head was shaking from side to side. He was wrong. There was no way Michael knew I was Joshua’s ex. It wasn’t possible. When we met, he was just a stranger in a café. I was just some girl he saw. He never knew I was connected to his brother. He couldn’t have.

  “You’re lying,” I said boldly. “Michael told me he didn’t know who I was. After we had dinner with you, he said he didn’t know.”

  “He lied to you,” Joshua said simply. “Michael’s known about you since he and I first met.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I said.

  “You don’t have to,” Joshua said. A satisfied grin spread across his face. I longed to reach across the table and slap him.

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked weakly. “Because I said no? Because I’ve moved on? Because I’m happy without you?”

  “No.” The smile fell from his face. “Because it’s the truth, Julie.”

  “It’s not.” It couldn’t be. I refused to believe him.

  “Look,” Joshua said. “When I said I still love you, I meant it. I love you, Julie. I always have, and I think I probably always will. Nothing can change that.”

  “That doesn’t matter anymore,” I snapped. “Not to me.”

  “Maybe not,” Joshua said. “But it means I wouldn’t lie to you. I just wouldn’t.”

  I stared at him in disbelief. Why was he doing this to me? After he broke my heart, I spent so long just trying to crawl out of my hole. When I finally did, I felt stronger and more like myself. Meeting Michael was a breath of fresh air. It was like the universe had given me a gift. Now, Joshua was hellbent on taking that away from me.

  “Michael wouldn’t lie to me,” I said weakly.

  “He did.” Joshua’s voice was firm. “When he and I first met, I told him all about you. He knew your name, Julie. First and last. He even told me he looked you up on Facebook, so he knew what you looked like, long before you ever stepped foot in Ennis.”

  I shook my head slowly. This was insane.

  “No,” I said.

  “I’m sorry,” Jos
hua said softly. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but you should know the truth.”

  I couldn’t listen to another word. I jumped out of my chair, leaving my food untouched. Without looking back, I ran out of the restaurant and didn’t stop until I reached my car. I slid myself behind the wheel and cranked the engine. As I sped out of the parking lot, I caught a glimpse of Joshua hurrying outside. I didn’t slow down. I pressed harder on the gas and disappeared around the corner.

  My heart was racing in my chest as I hurried toward home. I’d planned to go to Michael’s immediately after my dinner with Joshua. I wanted to see him, to talk to him, to kiss him. I just wanted to be with him without the memory of his brother hanging over our heads.

  Instead, I knew I couldn’t see him. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

  As much as I wanted to ignore Joshua’s words, I couldn’t. I knew Joshua almost as well as I knew myself. He wasn’t lying. He was telling me the truth.

  My stomach churned painfully as I continued to race toward home. Just a few days ago, my life felt perfect. I had a job, a great house, and a great guy. Everything had finally fallen into place. Now, I couldn’t stop things from spinning out of control.

  CHAPTER 22

  MICHAEL

  Friday was the longest day of my life. I planned to drop by Julie’s house after work that day. Christmas was right around the corner, and I wanted to give her the gift I’d found at Annabelle’s. She still hadn’t called me, so I assumed her article was taking longer than she expected. Still, I couldn’t wait another day to see her. So, when five o’clock hit, I ran out of the office and hurried home to grab Julie’s present.

  I took a quick shower and got dressed, hoping Julie would either ask me to stay or want to go out to dinner. Either way, I didn’t care. I just wanted to spend time with her. This week had been terrible. Between the drama with Josh and the distance between Julie and me, I was miserable. Work sucked, too. All I wanted was to bury myself in Julie and let the rest of the world disappear around us. I only hoped she felt the same way.

  As I drove through town, I kept a firm hand on the crystal Christmas tree. It was safely tucked away inside its box, but I didn’t want to take any chances. Annabelle said she’d had it for years, so it was old and fragile. The last thing I needed was for it to break before I even made it to Julie’s front door.

  I stopped right outside Julie’s house and stared at her front door. We hadn’t seen each other in days. I missed her so much that it made my chest ache with need. I threw open my door and grabbed the tree from the passenger seat. Tucking the box safely under my arm, I jogged up to the front door and rang the bell.

  At first, I didn’t hear anything. The lights were on inside, and Julie’s car was parked in the driveway, so I knew she was home. I waited a minute before I rang the bell again. Still, I heard nothing. I frowned and took a step closer to the door. I peered through the window, trying to see if there was movement inside. I couldn’t see anything, so I stepped back and knocked hard.

  Finally, I heard hurried footsteps inside. I smiled when I saw Julie’s face appear behind the glass. She didn’t return the smile. When she opened the door, she was staring at me with disinterest. My smile faltered for a second before I pushed myself forward.

  “Hey,” I said. “How’s it going?”

  “Fine.” Julie lips barely moved when she spoke.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I don’t really want to see you right now,” Julie said firmly. “Maybe you should just go.”

  “Go?” I blinked. “Julie, what are you talking about? What’s wrong?”

  Julie shook her head and looked away from me. Her eyes fell on something to my left. She fixed a fake smile on her face and then lifted her hand to wave. I followed her gaze. Her next-door neighbor was sitting on the porch, staring at us with beady eyes. She was clearly trying to eavesdrop on our conversation.

  “Just come inside.” Julie sighed. “I don’t want anyone to hear us.”

  I still didn’t know what was going on, but I followed her inside all the same. The house looked exactly as it did the last time I was there. The only difference was a small tree in the corner of the living room. I smiled when I saw it, thinking about the crystal tree I was holding.

  “Let’s just make this quick,” Julie said. “What do you want, Michael?”

  “To see you,” I said. My confusion was growing by the second. The last time Julie and I spoke, everything was fine. She’d kissed me, had straddled my lap and groaned against me. Now she was completely shut down and I didn’t know why.

  “I don’t want to see you right now,” Julie said again. “In fact, I’m not sure if I’ll ever want to see you again.”

  “What?” I blinked and stared at her. “Julie, what are you talking about? What happened?”

  “What happened?” Julie scoffed. “As if you don’t know.”

  “I thought everything was fine,” I said quickly. “Last time I was here, you kissed me and said we could make this work. You said we wouldn’t let Josh come between us and now—”

  “That was before,” Julie interrupted. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from me.

  I still didn’t know what was going on. I watched Julie as she stared into her kitchen, looking anywhere but at me. With a sigh, I set down the gift I’d brought and walked slowly over to her. I was scared to touch her, but I knew I had to try. I couldn’t just leave without understanding what had upset her so much.

  Gently, I ran my fingers down her arms.

  “Julie…”

  She jerked away from me, jumping forward and spinning around to glare at me. I immediately held up my hands and took a step backward. Touching her was obviously a mistake. Her pale blue eyes, usually so soft and kind, flashed with rage.

  “Don’t touch me,” she growled.

  “Okay,” I said, losing my patience now. “What the hell happened?”

  “I had dinner with Joshua,” Julie said.

  When the words left her mouth, my heart stopped. My worst fears had been realized. She went to dinner with Josh. She still cared about him. She still loved him. They were going to get back together.

  “You had dinner with him?” I asked. “Why?”

  “He texted me,” Julie said simply. “Said he wanted to meet up and talk.”

  “And you actually went?” I asked in disbelief. “After everything he put you through?”

  Julie shrugged. “I figured it couldn’t hurt, especially if you and I were going to try and make things work.”

  “What does that have to do with Josh?” I snapped.

  “He’s your brother,” Julie said. “In my head, I thought he and I should smooth things over if we were both going to be in your life.”

  “And?” I asked. “Did you smooth things over?”

  “Well, it was a real eye-opener, that’s for sure,” Julie said.

  I tried to keep my anger in check. I couldn’t believe Julie would have dinner with Josh without telling me, that she would sneak around behind my back with my brother. Still, that didn’t explain why she was acting so cold. Unless she and Josh…

  “Are you getting back together with him?” I asked bluntly. “Is that what this is about?”

  “Are you kidding?” Julie’s eyes flashed. “How the hell could you even ask me something like that?”

  “Well, I don’t know!” I threw my hands up in frustration. “I came over tonight to see you, and you’re practically throwing me out the door. Julie, what’s wrong? What happened at that dinner?”

  “Josh and I talked,” Julie said. Her voice was low. Eerily calm. “He told me he still loves me and that he wants us to try again.”

  Again, my stomach tightened with rage. I knew Josh would pull something like this. I’d never felt so ready to hit someone in my life. If it weren’t for Julie, I would have jumped in my car and driven to Dallas just to take a swing at my brother.

  “Is that what you want?” I asked softly, terrified
to hear her answer.

  “No,” Julie said. “Just like I told him, that’s not how it works.”

  “Good,” I said firmly. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

  “Who does?” Julie asked, raising her eyebrows. “You?”

  “No,” I said. I shook my head. “Honestly, I don’t think anyone deserves you.”

  Julie’s face softened for a split second. It didn’t last long, but I saw it. Her eyes unfroze, and her lips went slack. She stared at me closely, and it was like nothing bad ever happened. It was just her and me, standing in her living room, hating the distance that existed between us.