Mending the Doctor's Heart

by Sophia Sasson

  “So how did you convince him?”

  “Well, the fake security thugs had a very nice Smith and Wesson that I threatened to use on a certain sensitive body part.” Maria could picture it. Luke’s sparkling blue eyes probably seemed very menacing when they were ice-cold and he was pointing a steel barrel.

  “Well, whatever you had to do, it was worth it. You most likely saved that baby’s life.”

  “No, Dr. Atao is saving that baby’s life. And none of this would be possible if Kat hadn’t put herself on the line by getting ASPR to commit the funds and sign that letter. She could get in a lot of hot water if word gets out that she did that.”

  The admiration dripped from his voice, and Maria wondered whether Kat and Luke had been an item.

  “So you and the congresswoman are close?”

  He turned his attention back to Maria. “We have history.”

  “Were you involved?”

  It wasn’t any of her business, but she wanted to know if he was in love with a married woman. It seemed relevant to her current predicament.

  “We met in Iraq, and I was interested. But it was obvious she was in love with the guy she was traveling with, Alex. He’s now her husband.”

  “So how did you deal with her being in love with another man?”

  “There was no point in putting my heart on the line when she’d given hers to someone else.”

  It was like someone took a hammer and hit her right in the solar plexus, releasing every ounce of air she had in her chest.

  “Listen, it’s okay, I’m over it. Kat and I are good friends now. I would much rather have genuine friendship from her than halfhearted affection.”

  “How do you know it would’ve been halfhearted? She could have grown to love you.” Her voice was thick and the slight frown and warmth in Luke’s eyes told her he understood this was about more than just him. He turned to her, giving her his full attention.

  “Love is a complicated thing, but it is a two-way street. Someone doesn’t love you with their whole heart, you let them go. My mother was the daughter of a general and she got set up with my father because he was going to be a future general. Now, most people would say we were a happy family—she cared for us, my father adored her. Picture-perfect army family. But let me tell you, I saw my mother wiping away tears when she thought no one was looking. She took pills that she hid on the high shelf in the medicine cabinet. When my father was deployed, there were nights when she left the house after she thought we’d fallen asleep and came back really early in the morning. My father was not the true love of her life, and she paid the price for it.”

  “What happened to her?” She could barely sputter the words, her throat was so tight.

  “She killed herself. I guess there came a day when she couldn’t take it anymore.” He stopped and Maria could tell there was more to the story, but she didn’t want to push him. Luke had shared more than any stranger deserved. And she didn’t want confirmation of what she already knew to be true.

  “I had a girlfriend once, and I told her I had enough love in my heart for the both of us.” He hung his head and joined his hands, as if this conversation was as painful for him as it was for her. She waited, giving him the space to formulate the words.

  “She told me that love doesn’t work that way. Said I’d be miserable if I didn’t have all her heart.”

  The question of what had happened with his girlfriend was on her lips, but she held back. When he looked up, his blue eyes were shining. Mr. Tough Guy had been hurt, badly.

  Nothing was more painful than heartbreak, and Maria was setting herself up for a monumental one.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  TEARS SPRANG TO Anna’s eyes when she saw Baby Emma pink up, her oxygen saturation rising on the monitor. The ECMO machine had not only miraculously arrived thanks to Luke Williams, but it was in working order. The neonatologist and a mainland technician had talked her through how to set it up and use it on Emma. It had taken a few hours but the machine was taking Emma’s blood, oxygenating it and then pumping it back through her body, a substitute for a heart and lungs to give the hole in her heart a chance to heal.

  Maria had made all this happen. Anna would never have gotten the machine running without the Skype connection. When Anna tried to thank her, she had shrunk into the background. Anna wished with all her heart that she could convince Maria that she and Nico were done. There was no machine that could heal her heart.

  Anna sank into a nearby chair, every cell in her body totally depleted. At least things looked good for Emma. Troy and Aurelia were back at their baby’s incubator, holding her impossibly tiny hand. She’d lost weight, but that was to be expected.

  “Why don’t you get some sleep? We’ll watch Emma and call you if anything changes.” That was Linda Tucker. Anna smiled gratefully at her. It was now a matter of time. Emma’s heart needed to heal, and there was nothing more Anna could do but wait. Some tents outside had been set up for temporary staff housing. There were more people than cots, so there were no assignments. She found an empty one and sank into it.

  Despite the black night outside and the relative quiet of the tent, sleep wouldn’t come. Somehow, she’d gotten roped into agreeing to come to Nana’s breakfast the next morning. Kat had cornered her, and after everything the congresswoman had done for Baby Emma, Anna could hardly refuse. Nico had been discharged and suggested they go to the Tumon house after breakfast. It was time to say goodbye to her life on Guam.

  * * *

  LOOKING AT NANA’S HOUSE, one would never know that two disasters had recently hit the island. Anna had been through enough Chamorro events to know they were always over-the-top, with more food than the entire island could eat, but even she was blown away.

  The front lawn was clear of debris. Anna recognized the tent that had been set up. Nana’s house was modest, so she put up a tent every time she hosted a party. There was a long buffet table filled with dishes that close friends and family had contributed for everyone to share. As with any disaster, there was a shortage of groceries on the island. The Red Cross and other relief organizations had been distributing flour and sugar so the table was full of baked goods. The mismatched dishes included everything from casseroles to plain, hard-boiled eggs.

  The community wasn’t going to let Nana take sole responsibility for hosting Kat, or for thanking the relief workers. Tears welled in Anna’s eyes as she recognized some of the houses around Nana’s. Walls were caved in, roofs were collapsing. Nana’s own house had wood boards where windows used to be. And yet there was a tablecloth covering the table and proper plates, some glued together.

  Nico had come by the hospital to collect everyone who could be spared to join the breakfast. All uneaten food would go back there for those who couldn’t make it.

  “Are you okay?”

  She turned to Nico, who put an arm around her waist to lead her in. This used to be her home. When she and Nico had gotten engaged, Nana wouldn’t hear of Anna renting a room in someone else’s house. She’d insisted Anna move in with her. It had been her not-so-secret dream that Anna and Nico would move in with her after they married. Nana had inherited a large plot of land to go with the house and suggested they build a house for themselves on the property. But two months in Nana’s home had driven Anna crazy. She wasn’t cut out to have neighbors and distant relatives constantly in her life, suffocating her with advice on everything, from how often she should go see her mother to the type of tea to drink.

  On the pretense of greeting one of the neighbors, Anna stepped away from Nico. He and Maria were moving into the house soon. Anna was never going to make Nico’s dreams come true. She had always been the wrong woman for him and should have seen that from the beginning.

  Nico and Nana said the meal prayers so everyone could begin eating. It didn’t matter what religion you wer
e. Everyone either prayed or stood silently in respect. It was a custom before any meal, even in large groups. Food was not eaten without saying grace. As they went through the words, Anna noticed tears flowing down people’s cheeks. Until the relief organizations had arrived, several of the locals had gone hungry so the children on the island could get what little there was.

  “Are you okay?” This time it was Kat who pulled her aside while everyone was busy lining up to dig into the food. Anna hadn’t had a chance to really chat with Kat and was glad for the distraction.

  “You’re asking about me? I’m pretty sure you have some news to share that involves how you should not be traveling or standing on your feet so much.”

  Kat blushed. “I should’ve known you’d figure it out. Aside from Vickie and Alex, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

  Anna gave her a hug. “When are you due?”

  “I’m only four months along. The OB assured me it was safe to travel, and I brought a lot of bottled water and protein bars.”

  Kat’s eyes were full of hope and Anna’s heart welled up with joy for her.

  “Thank you for everything you’ve done for Guam. I know you didn’t have to do any of it, especially as a new congresswoman, but...”

  Kat touched Anna’s arm. “I ran for Congress because I want to make a difference in the world, and I’m glad you brought me to Guam. When I came here last year, I fell in love with the people and the island. There is such a great sense of community here.”

  Anna knew what she meant; she’d experienced the same thing when she first arrived. In fact, as she looked at everyone laughing and teasing each other, she couldn’t help but want to be a part of it.

  “Alex must be so excited.”

  Anna had only met Kat’s intense husband once, when he was the chief of staff for Kat’s father, Senator Roberts.

  “He is over the moon and his mother has been spoiling me rotten. We finally convinced her to leave her little house and come live with us once I deliver so she can help me take care of the baby. I was so stressed trying to figure out how I was going to run for Congress again right after the baby is born, but Alex’s mom is going to be a savior.”

  Anna knew what that was like. Nana had come by every morning after Lucas was born. She’d changed diapers, cleaned the house, washed clothes and cooked. Anna’s own mother would never have done that. She hadn’t even come to visit when Lucas was born. Instead, she’d asked Anna to fly to California when Lucas was older because the trip was just too much for her. But Nana had been there. She hadn’t just looked after Nico and Lucas. Nana had taken care of Anna, too.

  “What’s Alex doing now that your father isn’t in office?” Anna hadn’t really followed the election, but from the little she’d read, she knew Kat’s father had been a long-time senator with talk of one day becoming a presidential candidate. But he’d lost the last election, partly because Kat chose to run.

  “Oh, he quit before my father lost. He’s working for a law center that helps abused women. And hovering over me now that I’m pregnant. The only reason he didn’t get on that chopper with me is he’s fighting this big case against the former governor of Virginia. Apparently that sleazeball abused a number of his domestic staff and the women are finally coming forward to press charges. Alex used to live in that man’s house when he was a kid, so it’s really personal for him.”

  “How can the guest of honor not eat!” Nana handed Kat a plate piled high with food. Kat looked at her sheepishly. “This is too much, I can’t eat all this.”

  “I made sure everything was safe for your condition.” Nana winked at Kat, who turned a deep red.

  “How did you know?” she whispered.

  Nana smiled. “A mother knows these things.” She turned to Anna. “And you, this is your home, must I bring you a plate too?”

  Nana’s smile was so warm, Anna wanted nothing more than to give the woman a long hug and hold on to her as tightly as she could. Instead, she walked over to the buffet and got herself a plate. She returned with it empty and Kat looked at her gratefully as she pushed some of her own food onto it. At a time when people literally had no food, they couldn’t waste anything.

  When everyone was done eating, Nico offered to drive people back to the hospital. They all piled into his truck, which Tito had thoughtfully fixed while Nico was in the hospital. Anna hung back; he was going to return to take her to the house in Tumon.

  “There’s my girl.” Bruno draped an arm around her. “Come on, we have something for you.”

  She looked up at Nico’s uncle and shook her head. What did he have up his sleeve now? It was hard not to like the bear of a man. He was often obnoxious and usually irritating, but Anna knew he would give his life for Nico and Nana.

  He ushered Anna into the house, which hadn’t changed much in the past five years, though there were a few signs of damage from the storm. The rooms were pitch-dark from the boarded-up windows. They walked into the living room with the deep maroon corduroy couch where she and Nico had announced that they were getting married.

  The entire extended family was there. Nana’s best friends, Bruno, of course, and the immediate neighbors, all of whom Anna had greeted earlier. The couch was covered in plastic wrap, likely because it was damp and damaged. Anna was sure Nana would make Nico fix it rather than buy a new one.

  They all stood and came up to her one by one and hugged her again.

  “Sit,” Nana directed. What is all this? The last time they’d done something like this was when they threw her a baby shower. On this very couch, she’d sat with a big belly while the women bestowed gifts of hand-knitted clothes they’d spent months creating just for Lucas. Her feet were so swollen at the time that she could barely walk, so some of the women had used a local oil to rub them while she sat eating cake. Why had she found that suffocating?

  Everyone seemed to be talking, but Anna couldn’t process their words. They were reminiscing about her wedding to Nico, and the baby shower.

  “Bruno, how could you lose your shoes right before you had to leave? We had to wait half an hour with the sun baking us, waiting for you to show up.” Nana jabbed Bruno in the side.

  “Hey!” He pulled away from her, looking hurt. “I’m an old man, my memory isn’t what it used to be. To this day, I know Mae moved them and didn’t tell me. Besides, you got a chance to work on your tan.”

  Given Nana’s milk chocolate complexion, everyone laughed. Suddenly, Anna realized that she hadn’t visited Aunt Mae’s grave when she went to see Lucas. She made a mental note to go drop off some flowers. Her heart clenched at the thought that she’d never see the woman again and hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye. All because she’d been too stubborn to read Nico’s emails.

  As the conversation continued, Anna relaxed into the chair, content to enjoy the banter that filled the room, to watch the love flow between everyone. Nobody seemed to care that the windows were boarded up and the carpet was damp. Or that the glasses they were drinking out of were badly chipped. The weather was nice and they were taking a moment to relax and enjoy each other’s company. It was the way weekends and evenings were often spent on the island. Having come from the mainland where coming home meant retreating to her room to check emails, Anna had been perturbed when she moved in with Nana and had company nearly every night. Someone was always at the door with a homemade dish and a story to share. As much as it had annoyed her back then, she enjoyed it now, drinking it in for the last time.

  “Anna, we made something for you but didn’t get a chance to give it to you before you left.”

  Nana handed her a folded blanket. Anna stood and shook it loose, then gasped.

  “After Lucas died, we each embroidered a patch in his memory then made a quilt,” Nana explained.

  They had embroidered messages of love and hope into the squares. Wishes and prayers for
Lucas and for her.

  Sobs shook her body. Several women stood and held her while she cried, their own tears flowing with abandon. She clutched the quilt, convulsing with a pain unlike any she’d felt before.

  A guttural moan escaped her lips. Bruno stood and wrapped his large arms around the whole group. She shuddered, her chest gripped in a crushing vise. Her heart wouldn’t pump, her lungs wouldn’t breathe, her legs couldn’t hold her up. Yet she remained standing, fortified by Nico’s family. They didn’t rush her, didn’t murmur platitudes or tell her it would all be okay. They let her cry, they let her scream.

  Then they let her go, and a pair of strong arms enveloped her and her face was buried in Nico’s chest. She pounded on it, asked him why Lucas had to die, why their perfect life had to be ruined. He squeezed her tighter and she felt the hiccupping sobs in his chest. They stood there, sobbing together. When the blood finally stopped pounding in her ears, she heard soft prayers. She lifted her head to see that everyone had joined hands and were silently praying. For her. For Lucas. And for Nico. Everyone in the room had lost or suffered damage to their homes. Many knew someone who had died. Yet they were praying for her. They were asking the Lord to bring her peace, to save her soul.

  Nico’s blue shirt was stained with tears, and so was his face. He bent and kissed her forehead, his wet lashes sprinkling her nose. Anna had grieved when Lucas died, and so had Nico. They had cried together, but never like this. As Anna pulled away from him she found her fingers still clutching the quilt. She spread it on the couch. Nico wrapped his arm around her shoulder and brought her close. Silently, they read the condolences on the quilt. In the middle was an embroidered likeness of Lucas. His sweet roundness was perfectly captured along with the small little divot in his chin.

  For the first time since his death, Anna didn’t feel the deep, dark ache that lived permanently in her soul. That knife that was permanently embedded in her heart had been removed. She was free. Finally, she had the release she’d been searching for.