On the Plus Side

by Vargo, Tabatha

  There’s no way she’d ever understand how I felt. She’d never do this to another person. Her heart’s too good for mine. She’s too good for me.

  “I guess I just got my answer,” she said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I asked you if it was me and you didn’t say anything,” she sighed loudly. “Go ahead and go, I won’t be upset, I promise.”

  She turned her back to me and curled up on her side like she was about to go to sleep.

  “Please make sure and lock the door before you leave.”

  I was making her unhappy, and I hated it. I kept screwing things up so bad. Maybe that was why my mom left me. Maybe I was too fucked up for her to love me, just like I’m too fucked up for Lilly.

  Fucked up or not, I refused to give in. I refused to take her first time away from her like that. It should be special and not with a man who’s being paid to be near her.

  Leaving her that way was probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, but I’d never be able to tell her that. As much as I wanted to be completely honest with Lilly, she could never know how this all started.

  It’s not that she wouldn’t understand, it’s more than that. I know that if she ever found out, it would kill her. To find out that her mother plotted behind her back, to find out that I would’ve never noticed her had it not been for her mother’s money, and knowing how much she despised money, I don’t think she’d ever be the same. I never want to hurt her that bad.

  I slipped closer behind her, spooning her and taking in all her warmth. I just wanted to hold her for a minute before I left. Every time I leave her it always feels like it’s the last time I’ll ever see her. Deep down I know it’s the guilt.

  She pressed her ass against me and then started to grind against my crotch.

  “You can’t keep doing that,” I whispered hoarsely in her ear.

  That must have done something to her because before I knew it, she had rolled over to face me and was reaching down the front of my pants grabbing and stroking me. Like a girl freaking out on a handsy guy, I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her hand away from my cock.

  “Holy shit, Lilly, you have to stop,” I practically yelled. “I need to go…oh shit...I need to go.” Her hand felt so good.

  “No!” She growled though her teeth as she rolled me onto my back and straddled me. I love it when a girl takes charge and having Lilly do it was fucking hot.

  “Tell me you don’t want this, Devin. I want to hear you say you don’t want me. Say it, and I promise I’ll never touch you again.”

  She began to move back and forth like a pro. The friction was too much to bear.

  “I can’t…I don’t…” The words were stuck in my throat. Nothing I wanted to say would come out.

  “I can feel that you want me,” she said as she pressed her body down against my hardness. “Just tell me that you don’t want this and I’ll walk away right now.”

  There was something different in her voice. There was some sound I’d never heard before. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was definitely different. I reached up with both hands to touch her face. The wetness beneath my fingers told me exactly why she sounded so different.

  “Are you crying?” I asked. My heart stopped and all the blood left my brain.

  “I don’t cry.” She swiped roughly at her face. “You know that better than anyone…you know me better than anyone,” she whispered. “Devin, you need to leave. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of trying. No matter how close I think I’m getting to you, you just seem to keep pulling away from me, so before what I feel gets any worse, maybe we should stop hanging out so much.”

  Panic slammed into my chest and not because of the money. The thought of not being around her suddenly made me sick to my stomach.

  “What? Why? I’m sorry, baby. I just…I want to be around you,” I said in a rush.

  “I’m just trying to save myself,” she sniffled.

  “Exactly! That’s what I’m trying to do, too. You just make it so hard for me to…”

  She sighed in frustration. “No, that’s not what I mean. I’m trying to save myself, but not the way you think.”

  “I don’t understand. Am I doing something that’s hurting you?” I swallowed hard.

  If only she knew.

  “No, well, kind of.” The room became quiet. The sound of our heavy breaths filled air. “I think…I think I’m in love with you, Devin.”

  Everything stopped, my chest felt heavy. I couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t I breathe? This was the part where I should get up and run for my life, but I couldn’t move. She said the words that a man like me dreaded. She meant them too, I could tell.

  Renee once told me she loved me during sex, but when Lilly said those words it gave me a physical reaction. It literally felt like my heart was trying to burst out my chest, like it was trying to return to its rightful owner…Lilly.

  “I shouldn’t have said that. The last thing I want to do is scare you off.” She started to try and take it back immediately.

  No way in Hell was I letting her take it back. Not when it soothed every painful experience I’d ever had in my life.

  I covered her mouth with mine; kissing her like I never had before. She loved me. Me. The horrible, lying, no good, son of a bitch that I was, and she loved me. God knows I didn’t deserve that love, but I needed it.

  I wrapped my arms around her and turned her onto her back, positioning her beneath me. I pulled my mouth from hers and starting kissing her neck. She moaned a deep, husky whimper and I gave in completely.

  Her announcing her feelings for me did something to me. I don’t know what, but I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to fight it anymore.

  From this moment on things would be different. I’d be tortured and pulled in two different directions. I had my family to get this money for and then I had Lilly, who I never wanted to hurt. No matter what decision I was going to make someone I cared about was going to get hurt. I was fucked no matter what I did.

  Her hands were everywhere. She was touching my face, running her hands down my chest or up my back. It was driving me mad, but I knew I had to take it slow. No matter how bad I wanted to rip her clothes off and screw her brains out, I knew I had to go slow. Lilly had never said that she was a virgin, but I kind of assumed she was. The thought of being the first to claim her made me grow harder.

  “I want you so bad. Are you sure you wanna do this?” I asked.

  I wanted to give her another chance to back out of it. Lord knows I was beyond stopping myself at this point. I helped her as she peeled my shirt off me before she started to kiss my neck and shoulders.

  “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

  I moved to the side of the bed and turned on the small table lamp. I wanted to be able to see everything; every facial expression and every moan. I wanted to see all of her skin. I moved back on top of her and started to unbutton her shirt. She went completely tense and that’s when I noticed the scared expression she was wearing.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Do we have to have the light on? I don’t really feel comfortable…I don’t want you to see me naked,” she finally blurted out.

  I smiled. She was worried about me seeing her naked. She thought I wasn’t going to like what I saw. Well, it was too late for that. I’d already felt her against my body so many times that I could picture her naked and I knew I was going to love every single part of her.

  “I wanna see you, baby. Please, let me see you,” I kissed her softly.

  “But…”

  “No buts,” I whispered. “You’re beautiful. I should’ve told you that a million times already, because it’s the truth. I wanna kiss you.” I kissed her lips. “And lick you.” I licked her lips. “All over your body and I can’t do that unless you’re lying in front of me completely naked.”

  The thought of her lying in front of me naked like some kind of perf
ect sacrifice that I didn’t deserve made my cock swell harder.

  “Please, let me make love to you, Lilly.”

  “OK,” she whispered.

  I started to unbutton her shirt again.

  I took my precious time undressing her, unwrapping her like the gift that she was. I kissed and enjoyed every part of her that became visible. The noises she made stirred my insides.

  Once she was completely naked I got up on my knees and stared down at her. She attempted to cover her breasts, but I quickly brushed her hands aside so that I could admire every part of her body. Every curve, every little dimple, every piece of her warm, soft flesh called to me.

  “Oh my God, baby. Never hide your body from me again. You’re so sexy and soft and warm,” I ran my hands up her sides toward her breasts and once I got to them I ran my thumbs over her perfectly round perky nipples. “And these are perfect.”

  I leaned down and replaced my thumbs with my mouth and tongue. The sound she made caused my entire body to throb. I took my time tasting and sucking her like she had never been tasted before. Her fingers played through my hair and at times pressed my mouth harder onto her. Mine, was all I could think. She was mine and I was never going to let her go. She moaned softly and kept telling me not to stop. I wasn’t stopping, I was just getting started.

  Eighteen

  The Release

  I resisted the urge to cover myself every time he looked down at my body. I still couldn’t believe that I was lying here naked while he pretty much looked at and touched every part of me. No one had ever made me feel so comfortable with myself. No one had ever made me feel so beautiful and sexy in all my life. I knew that after tonight I’d never let him go.

  I had never in my life felt something so wonderful. Everything Devin was doing to me made me feel good all over and I was to the point where I couldn’t control the sounds that were spilling from my lips. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I wanted to feel him all over. His skin was softer than I imagined it would be and he was so hot, like, he physically felt hot against me.

  “Yes, touch me,” he groaned against my body.

  He slowly started to move his hand down my stomach toward the part of me that cried the hardest for him. I could hardly wait for him to touch me. I was starting to ache so bad that it was becoming uncomfortable and I could feel the slide of moisture between my legs every time I moved. Finally, he pushed his hand between us and ran his finger across my clit. I thought I was going to jump out of the bed. The sensation that ran up my body caused me to cry out without any regard for what I would say.

  “You’re so wet for me,” he whispered against my lips.

  He ran his finger up and down just inside the lips of my most vulnerable parts, moving my moisture all around and causing me to breathe in little pants. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a good breath. Then his finger slowly moved inside of me and I thought at that moment I’d never feel something so good ever again.

  Slowly, he moved his finger in and out and I slammed my eyes closed and arched my back for more. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip and tried to quiet the animalistic sounds that were coming out of my mouth. When he slid a second finger into me I thought I was going to die from the pleasure of it. He continued to move his two fingers around in ways that caused waves of sensation throughout my belly. I felt tingly all over.

  “You’re so tight and soft inside,” he breathed against the side of my neck.

  He started using his thumb against my sensitive hot spot again while still moving his two fingers in and out of me and I thought I was about to explode. There was a build up like I had never felt before. It was making me squirm and pant, and I couldn’t even be embarrassed by my reaction. I couldn’t worry about how my body looked—all I cared about was making the ache between my legs stop.

  “Do you ever touch yourself like this?” he asked softly.

  There was no embarrassment, just the sweet ache.

  “Yes,” I moaned.

  “That’s so hot. I love it when a woman touches herself.” His fingers moved faster. “Have you ever made yourself cum?”

  I shook my head no.

  “We should do something about that, shouldn’t we?” he said breathlessly.

  “Yes, please,” I begged.

  I couldn’t even open my eyes. I was so close, I could feel it. So close. He stopped everything and pulled his fingers from me. I heard myself protest the sudden stop.

  I wanted to cry.

  That’s when I heard the zipper on his jeans and then the sound of rustling clothes. When I felt his hot hardness next to my thigh, I finally opened my eyes to look at him. This was really about to happen.

  “Tell me you want me, Lilly. Tell me you want me inside of you.” He kissed me slowly as he positioned himself between my legs.

  I could feel the tip of his heat against me, hard and pressing, and I wanted to thrust my hips for more. I wanted him deep, hard, and now!

  “Please, Devin…,” I heard myself say as I started pressing myself against him.

  “Say it, baby. Tell me you want me inside you—I need to hear it,”

  “I want you, Devin, inside of me,” I whimpered.

  “I don’t have condom, but I’ll pull out, OK?”

  I had no idea what he was talking about, but I didn’t care.

  “Uh huh,” I mumbled.

  It burned and rubbed my ache when he slowly entered me. It felt so good, yet it stung as I stretched to accommodate his size.

  Once he was in completely, he became suddenly still.

  “Look at me, Lilly.” He sounded strained.

  My eyes connected with his.

  “Is this OK?” he asked. “Does it hurt?”

  “Just a little.”

  “Do you wanna stop?”

  “No, please don’t stop.”

  He leaned down and started kissing me as he slowly withdrew and then plunged inside of me again. It caused the nerves in my stomach to flinch. Funny noises that I didn’t recognize spilled from my lips.

  In and out, over and over again and it was amazing. His breath in my ear and the smacking of our two bodies coming together was all I could hear. He seemed to slide into and touch every part that begged to be touched. He was so good at it and part of me knew that he was holding back for me.

  “You feel so good, so tight. It’s been so long and you feel amazing, baby.” He said as he moved inside of me over and over again.

  His pace changed and while he was still deep, he was moving faster. My breathing changed as I sucked in little bits of oxygen. The ache and tingle was slowly working its way up into my hips and down into my legs. There was something just out of my reach. I was pretty sure that I was about to have my first orgasm.

  “Don’t stop,” I said desperately. “Please.”

  I bit down on my bottom lip as the ache and tingle made its way into my lower stomach and sat and simmered. It snaked around my body and slowly started to dissolve. There was a rise…up and up and up and even though I’d never felt the fall before, I knew it was going to be wonderful.

  “Oh my God, baby. I think I’m gonna…don’t stop,” I knew I was being loud, but I didn’t care who heard me.

  I latched onto his ass and pressed him harder against me. I was so close I couldn’t take it anymore. Up and up some more, the rise kept going and I didn’t know how much higher I could get.

  “Fuck. I have to stop now, Lilly.” I heard him say.

  He sounded out of breath and in pain.

  There was no way I was letting him stop. I was about to fall. Everything inside of me was about to melt into something miraculous.

  Instead of letting him pull out, I latched on tighter and pressed him deeper. It was right there. Oh God, it was right there.

  “I have to stop,” I heard him say louder.

  “No! Don’t stop! I’m...”

  I grabbed him and held on tighter as I made noises I’d never heard myself make. My body took on life of its ow
n as the ache and tingle that was simmering in my lower stomach slowly dissolved into pure intense pleasure that poured out of my body. I felt myself tightening around him over and over again as each spasm of delight ripped through my body. I was dying! At least I felt like I was dying and it felt so damn fantastic.

  “Yes, baby. That’s right, let it out.” He strained above me.

  Then he was cursing himself.

  He sped up which only intensified my release. I barely heard him saying something and making his own noises when finally, he let out a loud growling noise. His body jerked as he slammed himself hard and deep into me. Then everything stopped.

  He held onto me like his life depended on it and I felt his whole entire body shaking. My legs were shuttering like crazy as a few more ripples of pleasure rolled through me.

  We were breathing like we had just run a marathon. He lifted is face from my neck and a tiny bead of sweat dripped from his forehead and landed on my chest. Time stopped as he stared down at me like it was the first time he’d ever seen my face. He studied my face so critically that I was beginning to wonder if I’d transformed into someone else during my orgasm. I sure as Hell felt like a new woman.

  He stayed on top of me and inside for a few seconds longer, before finally pulling away. I instantly felt his loss and I wanted to hold him to me, but instead he jumped up and started putting on his clothes. Suddenly, I felt too exposed and the embarrassment started to set in. I grabbed at my blanket to cover myself.

  “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” I asked when he grabbed for his shoes.

  “I said I needed to stop!” He growled at me and it made me jump.

  He had never yelled at me and now he was mad. How could he be so mad after something so wonderful had just happened? I still felt tiny hints of spasm and delight and yet he was standing in front of me putting on his clothes like there was a fire and yelling at me.

  “I’m sorry, I…,” I started.