Hell On Heels

by peterman, robyn

  Blanche stayed with me through the night. We slept like two little babies curled into balls together. I felt safe, happy and warm. I was so grateful she had shared my experience with Steve and Miss Evelyn. I needed someone to verify I wasn’t insane. I realized I hadn't told her about Hayden, but when I woke she was gone. Sadly I expected that and idly wondered when I’d see her again.

  I yanked on my favorite jeans, a comfy old sweatshirt that said Hell’s Not For Pussies, some purple Uggs and made my way downstairs for breakfast. I was hoping Janet would make pancakes—she was a killer cook. I paused mid-stair. Something was off. . .There was a powerful Demonic presence in the house. I was unsure if it was evil or civil. I cloaked myself in invisibility, took a deep breath and continued to the kitchen.

  Carl, Janet and Myrtle were prostrate on the floor, foreheads touching the ground and hands placed facedown next to their heads. Janet was trembling, Carl’s body was so tense I could see the veins bulging in his neck and Myrtle looked like a coil about to spring. WTF?

  The Demon’s back was to me. He wore a long black cloak with a hood, total bad B movie get-up. The scene was bizarre and somewhat ominous, but his scent was familiar. I floated around him to see who was making my little family bow to him in servitude. As far as I knew my dad was the only one to receive that honor.

  All my fear evaporated and a shriek of happiness escaped me as I shed my invisibility and scared the Hell out of Cole. My father’s second in command had come to see me. He shouted a curse and fell backwards into the kitchen table.

  “Oh, I am so sorry,” I gasped and immediately tried to help him to his feet.

  He pushed my hand away and quickly stood in an attempt to maintain his dignity and authority.

  “Your Highness.” He gave a curt bow and pretended he hadn’t just been sprawled on his ass in my kitchen. I bit back my giggles and curtsied.

  “Cole,” I mumbled, biting hard on the inside of my cheek as his wipeout replayed in my head.

  I moved in with Demon speed to hug him and turn him away from the trio on the floor. Their bodies were trembling. Not from fear. . .from laughter. I was a Demon Princess, daughter of Satan. There was nothing he could do to me, but my little family?. . .I wasn’t so sure. Demons with power could be dangerous and testy. Cole, my father’s right hand man, had a lot of power.

  He seemed taken aback at my show of affection and carefully disengaged himself. I suppose it was a bit out of character for me to hug him. I’d never done anything of the sort before, but it was the first diversionary tactic that came to mind.

  “So I see you have learned to cloak yourself in invisibility.” He nodded, stating the obvious. “What other powers have emerged?”

  “Well, I can transport, but no matter where I’m trying to go I always end up in the bathroom.” I grinned. He didn’t. “What are you doing here?”

  He adjusted his cloak and looked disdainfully at the Demons on the floor before him. “I was making rounds on Earth and came by to check on your wellbeing, Your Highness.” He spoke with rigid formality.

  “Cole, it’s me, Dixie. What’s with all the Your Highness stuff?”

  “Of course.” He smiled. “Dixie. How are you?”

  “Okay, I guess.” I paused and looked down at my hands. “Are there any messages for me?”

  “No, I’m sorry. None.” His tone was gentle. I wondered if my dad had decreed no messages. Satan was such a wad. Cole continued, “I want you to know there are many on this plane that would wish you ill.”

  “I already got that message loud and clear.” I sighed, feeling lonelier than ever.

  Cole became alarmed, his voice clipped. “Has anything unusual happened?”

  “Um. . .no.” His manner made me uncomfortable. Did he know something I should know? “Well. . .”

  “Yes?” He waited.

  I mulled over what I was going to say in my head for a moment. What in the Hell wasn’t unusual about my life right now? I was about to tell him about Miss Evelyn, but then I’d have to explain Blanche and her silver skin, the book, the tornado, my black magic, drinking blood from Grandpa and how my tears healed a wolf that I thought was going to be my new dog named Steve. Although what really made my mouth stay shut is that I knew anything I said would get back to my dad. I was pissed at my dad. If he wouldn’t let me have access to my old life, he couldn’t have access to my new life.

  “The girls at college don’t like me.” I figured I had to say something. Vapid and clueless felt right, so I went with it.

  “Oh,” he laughed, clearly relieved not to have to deal with anything serious. I could tell he also thought I was a spoiled rotten brat. I’d never noticed his attitude in Hell, but I was never around him very much. “You’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure they’re jealous.”

  There was an awkward pause. He stared at the ceiling while I stared at him. He was a very handsome Demon, but he paled in comparison to my father. Then again, who didn’t?

  “How’s my dad?” I asked quietly.

  “Very well,” he replied. “Does this house have a security system? Is it warded with magic?” he inquired.

  “Yeth, my Lord,” Carl muttered from his floor-licking position.

  “Good,” Cole said, barely acknowledging Carl.

  “Is Dad still dating Sandra?” I was desperate for any gossip from Hell. I remembered Cole keeping an eye on her as she tried to claim her territory at the Dark Palace. I was hoping to have a laugh about the silicone piece of trash that my father was involved with. Cole wasn’t a real talkative Demon but I was hoping for something.

  “Amanda—her name is Amanda,” he corrected me. “And yes, he is. We are very fortunate that Lucifer has chosen a consort as accomplished and as powerful as Amanda. It is a miracle that she carries his son. You should treat her and speak of her with the respect she is due.”

  That was the longest group of words I’d ever heard Cole string together in my entire life. You’d think he had the hots for Amanda. Hell, he probably did. Demons were like that. Whatever my dad had everyone else wanted. Each time my father ended an affair the line of potential suitors for Satan’s ex-gal-pal was miles long. Literally.

  “Um. . .sure,” I shrugged. I didn’t like her and I never would, but being polite probably wouldn’t kill me. I didn’t believe she would have a boy. If she did, I’d like to see some DNA test results.

  “I must take my leave now.” His tone was clipped and formal again. Was it because I made fun of the surgically enhanced consort? I knew Cole took his job seriously, but come on. “Remember, there are many who want you dead. Stay alert.”

  “For what, exactly?” Could anyone from Hell be specific or was I just going to keep getting these generalized death threats?

  “You’ll know when you see it.” He wrapped his flowing black cloak tightly around his body. I wondered if Dad had any idea how cheesy his minions were looking in their bad Demon attire. He began to turn to mist.

  “Wait,” I yelled.

  He paused, half of his body had already disappeared into a mist, but the top half was still corporeal. Damn, he was a powerful Demon.

  “Will you tell my dad I love him?” I felt dumb sending a message through Mr. Life of the Party, but my need was great.

  “Of course, Your Highness.” He smiled and disappeared.

  The silence in my kitchen was long.

  “Ith he gone?” Carl whispered.

  “Yep,” I helped them up. “Why were you guys on the floor?”

  “Becauth heth an athhole,” Carl muttered as he brushed the dust from the floor off of Janet’s dress.

  “He forced us,” Myrtle said through clenched teeth. She pulled out a frying pan and slammed it down on the stove. Oh shit, was she going to cook? Last time she cooked the smoke alarm went off, the indoor sprinkler system came on and the Eden Volunteer Fire Department showed up.

  Janet’s head was bowed and she was staring at the floor.

  “Janet, are you okay?” I asked, trying
unsuccessfully to take the frying pan from Myrtle.

  “No, she’s not.” Myrtle’s pretty features hardened in anger. “Look at her.”

  I approached Janet and gently lifted her chin. Her eye was swelling shut and there was a deep ugly laceration on her cheekbone. My stomach clenched and Janet refused to meet my eyes.

  “What happened to you?” I had a difficult time reining in the fury that was about to set my fingertips on fire. My hair began to float around my head.

  “Nothing,” she whispered and turned her head away from me.

  “What happened to her?” I turned on Carl and Myrtle. It was a huge effort to hang onto my fragile control.

  “He slapped her,” Myrtle hissed. “With a Hell Fire ring on his hand.” She began to crack eggs into the pan a mile a minute. I winced at all the shells she was adding to her egg concoction, then refocused on Janet.

  “Why did he hit you?” I squatted down so we were face to face. Her eye looked hideous. I knew it would heal, but it must hurt tremendously. The ring Cole wore carried poison inside it. While it couldn’t kill a Demon it was said to be excruciatingly painful. It was fatal if used on a mortal. Worse than the pain was the humiliation of being struck. A Hell Fire ring was a large piece of powerful jewelry, only worn by a few. I hadn’t realized Cole had earned one. Janet shuddered and big tears rolled down her delicate cheeks.

  I contemplated trying to heal her with my own tears, but they had burnt Grandpa. I was worried I would burn her. I realized my healing powers might only work on animals or possibly mortals. I didn’t want to risk causing Janet any more pain. I knew she would heal on her own even if it would take a while. The poison was evil.

  Carl wrapped his arms around Janet and rocked her back and forth. “Janet told him we bow to no one but Thatan,” Carl said. He handled his mate with exquisite tenderness, but his voice was laced with hatred.

  “But that’s true,” I said. “Why did he make you bow to him?”

  “A few of your Dad’s flunkies are like that when Satan’s not around to control them,” Myrtle spat as she shook a ton of salt, pepper and Tabasco into her eggs and shells. I thought she was a vegetarian.

  “This happens often?” My stomach roiled and my fingers began to dance with sparks.

  “Yes Dixie, this happens often.” Myrtle’s voice was flat and lifeless. “We’re Demons, it’s the nature of the beast. The strong prey on the weak. Period.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I shouted. My fingertip fireworks show set the tablecloth on fire. “Damn it.” I quickly clapped my hands, grabbed the salt from Myrtle and dumped it all over the flames. I certainly didn’t want to be the reason for another fire department visit. That was Myrtle’s newest hobby.

  I paced the kitchen like a caged animal. How dare he abuse his power like that. It was one thing to punish evil. It was another altogether to beat up on someone weaker.

  “I’m finding a portal and going to Hell. I’m going to ask my father to have that son-of-a-bitch destroyed. No one hurts my family,” I hissed. That’s what they had become, my family—and I loved them.

  “NO,” Carl roared and stopped me dead in my tracks.

  “What do you mean, no?” I challenged, turning my ire on him. The room crackled with tension and aggression.

  “You will do no thuch thing,” he insisted, not backing down. “You are a Princeth, your life has been theltered. You have no idea what life ith like for uth.” He shook his head sadly. “If you go to your father about thith, it will be a death thententh for uth.”

  “He’s right,” Janet agreed. “When we are done on Earth and go back to Hell, Cole will kill us.”

  “But I’ll have him thrown in the Basement. He attacked my guardians. Royal Guardians. That’s a capital offense.” I frowned in exasperation. I wasn’t getting through to them.

  Myrtle’s expression was tight with strain. “Dixie, you are twenty-one years old. I am two hundred and three. Janet is three hundred and sixty-one and Carl is one hundred and forty.”

  “I’m a cougar,” Janet piped in as she giggled through her tears. Carl kissed the top of her head and grinned.

  Myrtle rolled her eyes and tried to suppress her laugh without success. She regathered herself and continued. “My point is that we’ve been around for much longer than you have. We know what it takes to survive in Hell. Why do you think Carl and Janet and I gravitate together?” She waited. I was silent. “We protect and care for each other.” She lifted her head and her eyes bored into mine. “If you’re comfortable condemning us to death, then go. Have at it. Go to Hell and try to impart justice, but someday you’ll learn. There is no justice—no balance.”

  I dropped into a kitchen chair. All the energy drained from my body. I was growing up fast and right now I hated it.

  “I’m so sorry,” I told them as I stared at the burn marks on the tablecloth. I was too ashamed to look at them.

  “You’ve done nothing wrong Dixie.” Janet gently rubbed my back.

  “I want you to know that I love all of you.” I glanced up at their familiar perfectly imperfect faces. “And I want you to know that if anyone tries to hurt you again, Cole or whomever, I will kill them.” I knew for the first time in my life I meant it. They knew too.

  Another piece of the puzzle clicked. Cole. Cole had randomly come up in my conversation with Grandpa. Cole was up to no good. Way to go, Gramps. Either I was getting smarter or I'd gone insane. I was leaning toward insane. It would take going nuts at the very least to be able to decipher Grandpa's ramblings. Whatever. I was going with it. I would keep an eye out for Cole.

  The silence was loud and long. Janet broke it.

  “Thank you, Dixie. You are a good girl.” She leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

  “Well.” Carl found his voice after my violent proclamation. “In that cathe we better get back to training.”

  “I have to go to class,” I said. “I’ll meet you after.”

  “No,” Janet said, trying to rescue the egg travesty Myrtle had created. “The community college is closed for three days.”

  “Why?” I was surprised. Was there some human holiday I didn’t know about?

  “Apparently,” Myrtle crowed as she grinned from ear to ear. “Fifteen hot pink, lime green and neon yellow skunks got locked in the school last night. They have to fumigate.”

  "And how did that happen?" I asked her, already knowing full well how it happened.

  "I have no clue," she answered.

  She was so delighted with herself I didn’t have the heart to tell her how wrong that was. So I didn’t. I laughed. I laughed hard.

  Chapter 23

  "What the Hell is that?" Myrtle asked as we gaped at a huge manor exploding with foliage.

  "I don't know, but this is the right address," I muttered.

  "I think the GPS is smoking crack. No way your cousin lives in that," she continued.

  "I have a bad feeling this is exactly where my cousin lives."

  Three days off from classes meant I could finally visit my cousin Astrid. Carl, Janet and Myrtle joined me as they'd met her and loved her when she'd visited Hell six months ago. I'd had a horrific dream that Mother Nature met us there. Turns out it wasn't a dream at all. . .

  We cautiously approached and pushed open a huge door covered in ivy and purple parrots.

  "I can't find my ass with both hands," Ethan, my cousin's Vampyre mate, bellowed from somewhere deep in the mansion.

  "Well, too bad," Astrid screeched. "I haven't seen my hooha in months because my stomach is the enormous house for our four-headed son that is going to live inside me for the next ten years."

  "Help me, Jesus," I heard him mutter from somewhere in the jungle that I was sure used to be a gorgeous compound.

  "Maybe we should come back another time," Myrtle whispered frantically as she tried to untangle herself from a vine with teeth.

  "Who invited your grandmother?" Ethan shouted. "This is a fucking mess."

  "I can hear you,
Vampyre, and I don't like your tone," Mother Nature's voice boomed so loudly I winced. Maybe we should come back later. . .

  "Mother humpin' shithats," my cousin hissed. "I think a flower just grabbed my boob."

  I had no clue where we were. The mansion looked like a multi-level jungle complete with monkeys and waterfalls. I could hear Ethan, Astrid and my grandma, but had no real indication as to their whereabouts.

  "I really really want to leave," Myrtle grumbled as she choked and beheaded the vine that was trying to eat her.

  "Me too," Janet whispered.

  "Okay. Carl, take the girls to the car. I'm going find Astrid, say hi and get the Hell out of Dodge." I pushed them toward what used to be the front door.

  "Be careful, Dixie," he said as he ushered my little faux family out.

  "Will do."

  Using my nose I headed toward my cousin, carefully avoiding the quicksand and random bottomless cliffs. Mother Nature had done a doozy on Astrid's abode. I couldn't remember her doing anything this drastic to my dad. . .ever.

  "God damn it," Astrid yelled. "Dixie, do I smell you? Are you here in this leafy shitstorm?"

  "Um. . .yep," I called out. "Not sure how to find you."

  "I'll just magic your ass to me. Stay still. It might hurt."

  "Awesome," I mumbled as I wrapped my arms around myself and prayed to Satan I wouldn't lose a body part.

  "Astrid, don't worry about it," Grandma Gigi shouted. "I have her. We'll come to you."

  She did have me and I wasn't sure if it was any safer than having my cousin magic me. Violently I was yanked inside a glittery teal tornado funnel and ended up plastered against a cackling insane woman.

  "Are we going to die?" I asked my grandma.