Because

by Jack A. Langedijk

  “Well, I am alone...I’ve always been all alone.” She turned to the gym looking at all the small groups of people sharing and pointed at them. “See, look at them. They all have someone listening to them. Who have I got?”

  “Well, who do you listen to, Nancy?”

  “What?”

  Robert questioned in the kindest and gentlest way possible, “Really Nancy, who do you listen to?”

  “It’s hard to listen to anybody when you’re always alone!” Robert heard a little cry in her voice.

  “A lot of times being alone is a choice. Look around you, Nancy. Here’s a whole room of people to listen to! Usually if you want someone to listen to you, you have to listen back. So, Nancy, tell me, who in this room have you ever listened to?”

  Nancy put her hands on her hips and stood there looking at Robert, then sarcastically smiled and waved at the two teachers who were watching the whole conversation. The teachers turned away as soon as Nancy waved.

  “Okay, good point, professor, and what the hell are you anyway? A teacher? A counsellor? What? And why do you do this? I’m sure you’re not getting rich doing this!”

  Robert chuckled. He could see a tiny glimpse of hope that Nancy might be coming back into the gym. He thought about what she had just asked.

  “You know, that is a very good question, Nancy. Why do I do this?” He thought for a second and simply said, “Well, it makes me feel proud of myself. Oh, and you’re right, I don’t make much money. So, will you stay?”

  Nancy raised her head and let out an exasperated sigh, the kind you make when you know you have just lost an argument to a worthy opponent. She turned to Robert and said, “Okay, one hour and really, I mean one hour, so it better be good.”

  “It’ll be as good as you make it!”

  Nancy went to sit back down on the chair near the wall, but Robert quickly snatched her chair up and started walking it over to a small group. Nancy nervously pulled her sweater over her hands as she followed behind him.

  When he got to the nearest group he asked them, “Excuse me, this girl, Nancy is her name. She thinks she’s ready to join a group now. Any of you mind if she joins you?”

  Nancy looked down to the floor, tugging at her sleeves. She did not want to see the signs of rejection she was so sure would come. But the kids were all smiles and moved their chairs to make space for her. Robert put the chair down for her. She awkwardly sat down and looked up at Robert with a little fear in her eyes. But her focus immediately changed when Adam, a Brad Pitt look-alike—one of the school’s chosen ones—a gifted athlete, repeated what he had just shared with the group.

  “Hi, Nancy, I was telling everyone that one thing you wouldn’t know by looking at me is that it hurts me that my dad refused to let me miss a game last week when my hand was badly bruised. But then he really got furious when he found out that the real reason I wanted to miss that game was so I wouldn’t hurt my hand anymore because of the talent show. Because I needed to play guitar...and my dad thinks football is...is more important.”

  Nancy looked up at Robert with a look of pure disbelief. How could this guy be hurting? This talented, good-looking...

  Dearest Love,

  Arrived at Tengboche. Although there is this wondrous, building excitement the closer we get to Everest, today turned out to be kind of scary for the three. They had a lot of trepidation walking along these cliffs lined with incredibly steep drops. All these stunning views surrounding us, yet they spent most of the day looking down and watching where their feet were. And when they did look up, we were being circled by vultures! Despite their ugly reputation, vultures really are quite beautiful. Their wings are so long! Picture Icarus leaping from his cliff. Their wings are more like his feathered arms flapping...But from how these birds are depicted in all those movies back home, Troy and Phil said they were getting worried that they were following us for a reason...and then Ang joked, saying these birds can always detect the weak ones and usually know who will be their next meal. Everyone laughed except Nancy. I told her Ang was just trying to make a joke...but, when she told me that’s how she always felt at school. Scared of the vultures flying around her...getting ready to pick at her bones, I...

  Robert got the room to stand up and put all the chairs along the wall. Earlier in the day, he had them all draw pictures of themselves with their eyes closed. This experiment always had the room laughing playfully. He told them that the reason for having them close their eyes was so everyone had the same disadvantage. No one was asked to be perfect or show a talent. Just like when they were small children, they just drew what they instinctively thought or felt about something. They didn’t worry about how good they were at drawing.

  Robert asked everyone to take their portraits and put them in the centre of the room, side by side, in one long line down the middle of the gym floor. It was quite the sight with all those strange looking, Picasso-like faces sitting side by side. The artwork definitely had everyone seeing each other in a new perspective. In many ways, this next exercise was about to do the same thing.

  Everyone was standing on one side of the line. “I’m going to ask you to do a simple exercise, allowing each of you to tell your story in silence. I’ll ask a question and if your answer to that question is yes, then please cross over the line of faces to the other side of the room and then turn to face the rest of us. I’d like to ask you to listen to everyone’s answer by watching. It’s quite simple. For example, cross the line if you have blonde hair.”

  With that said, every person who had blonde hair crossed the line and faced the rest of the group. There were only about eight kids that crossed the line until three dark haired girls giggled their way across, telling the room they had dyed their hair for years, but they still believed it to be blonde.

  Once the mild laughter settled, Robert said, “You see, sometimes it’s a simple thing like hair colour that makes us different or separates us from everyone else. And those of you that crossed all share something in common and you’re not alone! Okay, all you blondies cross back again, please.”

  Once they got to the other side, Robert said, “Cross the line if you or your parents were not born in this country.”

  Over half of the students crossed the line. The room was filled with comments of “I never knew that.” There was a touch of amazement in their voices, as if they were marvelling over how many of their classmates were not from this country.

  “You know, I have been doing workshops in other schools across this city where I found kids treating other kids like the enemy, simply because they or their parents were not born here. They were being picked on, hurt, because of something they didn’t have any control over.” Robert turned to the group of kids that hadn’t crossed and said, “Look at these people who have crossed over. Ask yourselves, is there any reason to make them feel like they don’t belong just because of their background? And those that have crossed, do you ever do that to each other?”

  At that moment, Robert saw Nancy still standing about ten feet behind everyone else, looking like she was just waiting for the hour to pass.

  “Okay, everyone cross back please.”

  As they did, one kid dragged his feet and stepped on a couple of portraits on the floor, kicking them two or three feet away from the rest.

  “Hey, don’t step on that! That’s Fiona’s face,” a tall black girl shouted out as she quickly walked back to the line, gathered up Fiona’s portrait, along with the others, and put them back in the line. There was a little commotion when a couple of the feet-dragging kid’s friends playfully slapped his back, showing they didn’t like him disrespecting the portraits either. The small gesture of rescuing the portraits caused the room to break into a mini applause and the girl took a moment to turn around to the group and bow. Then Fiona and another tall black girl went to hug their friend and thank her for protecting her picture.

  Robert walked in front of the group. “And could you imagine if we all stood up for each other like this gi
rl did for her friend’s picture? How many would have done that?”

  “Yeah, my bad,” apologized the feet dragger.

  “Wait a second.” Robert then questioned the foot dragger. “My bad?”

  “Yeah, my bad, okay.” The foot dragger shrugged and drifted behind one of his friends.

  “I think it’s great you kids have this expression that acknowledges you did something...well, bad. Yet, how many of you have friends that are quick to say ‘my bad’ but then they go and do the same thing over again?”

  “Look, I’m...sorry about the pictures. It was an accident, okay. It’s not that big of a deal. Sorry, okay?” the foot dragger said as he tried to take the focus off him.

  “I’m sorry all the attention is on you. What’s your name?” Robert asked as he moved beside the boy.

  “Franklin.”

  “Well, Franklin, I think it was just a careless accident, but just because you say that it’s not a big deal doesn’t mean that it isn’t a big deal to someone else. Accidents hurt people. Our carelessness hurts people. It’s all about perspective and being open to listening to how others see things. What hurts them may not be something that would hurt us. That’s why I do this exercise: it’s a way for all of you to show each other what affects each of us.”

  Robert looked up and saw Nancy had moved closer to the line, and though she was still focused on the floor, she was almost, oh, so close to being part of the group!

  “Okay, next. Cross the line if you are an only child.”

  Only four kids crossed the line.

  “Cross the line if you or any of your family have to deal daily with someone who has a handicap, that has to use a wheelchair, a cane, or is autistic, anything...something that needs special care.”

  Seven kids drifted across the line.

  Robert walked behind the seven students and said, “If you ever see one of these seven in the hallway, maybe looking tired, remember, these seven are dealing with something none of the rest of you have to deal with. Handicaps don’t go away, heal themselves or get fixed. To love or care for someone who is dealing with that reality each and every day is not always easy. In many ways, these kids have to sacrifice things that none of the rest of you do.”

  Robert looked directly at the group across the line and asked, “Is there anyone on the other side of the line that would come over to someone here and say, ‘Hey, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.’ Please go and get that person and bring them back across the line.”

  Slowly, one by one, someone came to each one of the seven. They either took their hands or hugged them and then brought them back over to the other side.

  “Okay, notice how it feels to cross the line. And when you are there, look to see who is with you. There is always someone who is going through something like you. And yet there are always others who are on the other side. Notice how we get separated so easily by these things—these simple differences that cause us to cross the line. Some of these differences cause us pain. And you have to do something with that pain right? You can’t just will it away. No one can truly out-smart hurt.”

  Robert looked at Nancy. Yes! he thought with hope. She had not crossed yet, but she was now up front with all the other students. Standing beside the same people she said would never change. And discovering that so much of the pain and aloneness she thought was unique to her wasn’t so unique at all. It was becoming clear that no one in this gymnasium was alone in their hurt.

  “Cross the line if you have ever had someone you love walk away in anger; ever felt excluded because of your looks; wished you were someone else because it would be easier or make you feel happier or more loved; felt betrayed by someone close to you; called a slut or a whore; been whistled at, felt violated, called gay, a fag, a homo; insulted or teased by someone in this room; lost sleep because you were worried for the safety of someone you love; struggled with an addiction; fallen asleep to the sound of violence...”

  The questions were alive! The room was electric! Teenagers were standing up for other teenagers. Nancy still had not crossed the line. But Robert knew the next question was hers: the next question would ask her how honest she was and how much courage she had. Yes, when he asked the next question, she would get her chance.

  “Please cross the line if you or a family member or friend has ever thought seriously of hurting yourself, or has ever attempted or even committed suicide.”

  I remember trying to wish Nancy across that line! But no one moved! ‘Come on, Nancy, seize your moment!’ my heart was screaming to her. I waited for what seemed like eternity. This was her chance...but she didn’t budge. Not one student even looked around the room at each other to see if anyone would cross. The question was just too risky for the group, I thought. Maybe seizing the moment wasn’t going to happen today!

  We hear that line so often in life, don’t we? Seize the moment. And we hear of how everything can change in a split second—people talk about the moment that changed their lives...Is it true? Can one moment—whether it be one blessed golden moment or one frighteningly raw moment—can that really be the reason for a WHOLE LIFE to change?

  Well, Love, I wish you could have been here today. Because up here, under the shadow of Everest, an unexpected line was crossed and I think I saw one of those moments. Nancy had...

  Nancy came up to Troy and asked if he could help her the next time they stopped for a break. If he could ask Mingma to help him do something, she could talk to Satya alone.

  “I didn’t know Richie Rich was your type, Nance,” Troy laughed.

  “Come on, Troy, can you just do this for me? Keep his dad busy for the break, can you?”

  “Nance, Mingma doesn’t even like it when we talk to each other, so how the hell am I going to keep him occupied for a whole break?”

  “I’m sure in your past you had to cause some diversions. Like, how about when you were out stealing...you know, whatever?”

  Troy didn’t laugh. “I never stole anything, okay.”

  “Well, then what did you go to jail for?”

  “Is this how you go about asking for favours?”

  “I’m sorry, Troy. Really, I’m sorry. It’s just Satya...I think I know why he never talks.”

  “Yeah, it’s no big surprise...look at his father!”

  “He’s not like his dad. Come on. Please, Troy, trust me. Can you please just get Mingma away from his son for the break?”

  Troy put his arm over Nancy’s shoulder. “Easy there, girl, easy. I’ll get Phil. I’m sure he can help me come up with some way. You know, I think Satya just doesn’t want to be climbing mountains and he’s trying to piss his dad off by wearing that scarf, looking like some rich kid that doesn’t belong here and—”

  “No, Troy, I do think he’s wearing that scarf for a reason, but it’s not that!”

  Troy put his finger to Nancy’s forehead. “Man, you got a lot of stuff goin’ on in there!”

  “Please?” Nancy begged.

  “Okay...OKAY, I’ll keep his old man busy for the break.” Troy then called out, “Hey, Phil! Come here! Nancy’s got an interesting challenge for us!”

  Nancy watched Troy walk over to Philip and put an arm over Philip’s massive shoulders. After they spoke for a minute, Philip looked back to Nancy, held out his arms and made a “what?” gesture. Nancy just smiled and nodded her thanks.

  A couple of hours later, Ang stopped the yaks, which were about a hundred yards in front of the group, and told everyone it was time for a water break. Robert was talking to some people from another party of trekkers who were travelling with them. Nancy watched Troy and Philip speak to Mingma. Mingma threw his arms up in the air in disgust, but then walked the boys over to one of the yaks. As usual, Satya sat by himself behind a big tree, sipping from his water bottle.

  Nancy waited until she knew for sure Mingma was occupied with Troy and Philip and then she walked around the tree to where Satya sat.

  “Hi there, Satya.”

  Sat
ya looked at Nancy and nodded politely.

  “Would you mind if I sit with you?”

  Satya’s face filled with surprise at Nancy’s request. Like a proper gentleman, he quickly stood up to let her sit. Just as he gestured for her to sit, he abruptly stopped and looked around the tree. He saw his father was with Troy and Phil, unloading one of the yaks.

  “Don’t worry.” Nancy smiled. “Your father is helping Troy and Philip.”

  She plopped down and leaned against the tree. “Come on, sit down, Satya.”

  Satya looked again, hoping his father hadn’t seen Nancy sitting with him.

  “Don’t worry, sit down. They can’t see us! And I asked Troy to keep your dad busy so we can talk.” He gave her a questioning look

  “Because I want to show you something. Okay?”

  He hesitantly sat down. Nancy smiled at him as she pulled her left arm out of her jacket. Satya shyly looked away.

  “No, Satya, could you please look? I just want to show you this.”

  Satya lifted his head slightly and looked at Nancy. She rolled her sweater sleeve up to the elbow.

  “What happened?” he gasped.

  Those were the first words Nancy had heard Satya speak.

  Nancy let out a small laugh as she rolled down her sleeve.

  “I knew you could talk, Satya. I knew you could. I’m sorry if that scared you, but I’ll tell you what happened if you take off that scarf.”

  “Why?” Satya nervously put his hand over the scarf and pulled it closer to his chin.

  “Because I think—”

  He then pleadingly whispered to Nancy. “—No, no, I cannot do that. Now, please...please go away before my father sees us.”

  “Look, Satya, look at your father.” She pointed at the path almost thirty yards away.

  “Your father’s helping the boys and by the looks of it, it might take a while.”

  Satya looked and saw his father slowly and meticulously untying the supplies on the back of the animal. It sometimes would take the Sherpas over half an hour to load and tie the supplies. And Mingma always showed great compassion for the four-legged carriers, making sure the load was completely balanced. He often said that five pounds more on one side than the other could maim an animal for life.