Spectral Vibrations

by Mercy DeSimone

  Uncomfortable silence reigns once again and I find myself wishing a void would open and swallow me whole. Instead, I stare out the window and wonder when this interminable ride will end.

  Chapter Eleven

  I’m in awe as I stand before the city center. The stately buildings with tall spires and angular turrets give me a thrill whenever I see them. Knowing that these structures have lasted thousands of yarns makes me feel small, and my power insignificant.

  I'm always a bit astounded by the beauty of our planet. I'm sure that there might be others that are just as beautiful, but I often find myself breathless at the light show during certain times of our moonsphases. I particularly love sunphase when the light glints off the structures and casts mini spectrums of light across the surfaces of the streets and walkways.

  As a small offshoot, when I lived in the Violet Pod with my mother, every morning I would go out and try to jump from color to color as it was reflected off the street, wondering if I could actually jump 'into' a new color. It's not that I didn't want to be Indigo; I just wondered what the rest of the world was like and how amazing it would be to feel the vibration of every color if only for a time. Little did I know that one yarn I would become a Violet.

  I like living in the Quarries. Each of us have our own cells, and they are more than comfortable for a single being. Laz still keeps a cell of his own although we’ve discussed merging our quarters many times. I know he’d like to always be with me but especially now, I need some separation from other emotions for at least a small part of each moonsphase. I also find the bright chaos of his cell unnerving after a long phase of healing. My own cell is decorated in soft, muted tones to calm my senses when I come home feeling overstimulated by too much mental contact with others.

  Even in my clothing, I try to keep to muted tones to avoid notice. Unfortunately, my Violet aura and my now intensely Violet eyes seem to unwittingly draw attention from other beings no matter what I do. Like a beacon of power, I attract them like small, wicked creatures in the night seeking the light. They all want to touch me as they’re instinctively drawn to my energy. When I let my guard down, the amount of emotion that pours from them seems overwhelming. Most of them follow me respectfully although I can also feel the bad energy when it comes my way, usually in the guise of envy or greed. I am always quick to note the energy signature of the beings who that wish me ill, or want to use me. In fact, I have my own mental notebook of troubling vibrations to avoid.

  Laz has been my comfort and my construct for more than twenty five yarns, although we came to full frequency together only seven yarns ago. He lost his mother when he was about ten yarns and was sent to the orphan’s quarry. I was barely six, and Laz was twelve, when I was sent there after the death of my mother. I don’t remember her very well although I remember the sense of warmth I felt when she was near. The echo of my Mother’s vibration used to lull me to sleep cocooned in a sense of happiness and well-being, and the loss I felt when that energy disappeared from my life was devastating.

  Laz seems to have greater memories of his Mother, but of course, he spent more time with her. As part of the last generation, we are both considered somewhat freaks of nature. There were less than one hundred fifty offshoots born in the last hundred yarns when we were birthed. Sadly the stress on the physical structure of those who birthed us caused irreparable damage to the silica of most of the hosts. For those who survived, many like Laz’s mother Unlightened prematurely in the yarns that followed. Neither of us had a father, although in my case, I caught whispered rumors among some elders that made me question my origins. They implied that I was an experiment, a lost cause, and that my vibration would diminish over the yarns. Instead, I grew in strength and took on a secondary tone before morphing fully to Violet.

  I was relegated to the orphan quarry shortly after the loss of my mother and neighbors. One night I went to sleep, safely tucked into my Mother’s side, the next I remember the shouts and loud sounds as if my world was being ripped apart.

  Flashback - Year of Enlightenment 2064

  “Tanzy, you must not move until I come back for you. Promise.”

  Pressing her lips to my forehead and her finger to my lips, my mother pushed me under the sleeping platform and ran from the room, into a world on fire. Blazing light cut through the darkness and discordant sounds reverberated through the walls as wails and choked gasps rose and fell from the shadows. The sounds went on for what felt like forever as I clutched my pillow, drowning my sobs in its depths, choking for air and the warmth of my mother’s vibration.

  I don’t remember much else but fat tears rolling down my cheeks as I curled into a ball under the platform waiting for the chaos to end. And the relentless silence that eventually came after as I slept and woke, and slept some more. I wanted to find my mother but she told me to wait for her; so I waited. For two moonsphases I waited until finally, hunger gnawed at my insides and I realized she wasn’t coming back for me.

  The room still looked as tidy as when I first fell asleep; cover turned back on the sleeping platform, my tunic folded neatly over a chair next to my mother’s, her favorite wrap fluttering merrily in the breeze from the open door as I crept from beneath the platform. I always loved the varied blue tones in that wrap as they swirled and danced in a pattern of concentric circles, each one drawing the eye and pulling you into its mysterious depths.

  Staring at the pattern, I ran my fingers across its soft surface before winding it around my body and turning toward the door. Each step brought me closer to the remnants of chaos as my small, bare feet padded across the floor.

  Broken doors hung from their frames in a line down the corridor like an angry, broken smile that beckoned me toward the common yard where our neighbors gathered to share meals and stories. The silence was deafening as I gingerly stepped through the rubble to try to find my mother and bring her back to our cell.

  The piles of shattered bodies that met me in the courtyard left me stricken and terrified. I’ve pretty much buried the faces in my memory, all but that of my mother, whose beautiful body lay thrown among the wreckage, her spirit shattered and her light clearly depleted. A wail began to build in the back of my throat as I stood transfixed by her colorless shell; rocking as I slumped against the wall, inconsolable in my grief.

  That was the first time I saw Amet. Drawn by the discordant hum of my vibration, I’m told that he and a young Red guard found me huddled against the wall, surrounded by bodies and wailing for my mother. All I remember is a sinking feeling, like I was suffocating and about to choke from the lack of air, when the comfort of two vibrations wrapped around my tiny body as strong arms scooped me up and carried me from the wreckage, never to return.

  Group dwellings were established to house and teach the young offshoots of our society, while elders who had lost their mates were appointed our wardens and mentors. They all lived up to their responsibilities by trying to serve honorably, but the atmosphere was toxic with grief in many ways as we all struggled to deal with our losses and move on. It’s not that they deliberately detached themselves from bonding with us emotionally, it’s just that some were more shattered in spirit than they appeared.

  I didn’t realize that until much later when I developed my gifts as an empath. Now, I can sense the fragility of their silica, and realize what dedication it took to become responsible for our care and tutoring when their own personal energy had been so drastically depleted from the loss of their bondmates. Whether they lost connectivity after the Sealing of the Souls, or prematurely Unlightened, there were many in our society who simply found that any status or power they once held diminished with the lessening of their frequency. At least the Blues, the natural mentors of our society, remained steadfast in their desire to teach the histories and customs which needed to be passed down.

  It was inevitable that all of us had at least some emotional scars.

  Matched by age and molecolor, we were placed in monitored clusters, although in such small
quarters it was unavoidable that the groups would mix. In the beginning I would watch Laz from a distance, drawn to his energy. Being six yarns older, he was already being given responsibility to help care for some of the younger offshoots, most likely as a test of his potential leadership skills. His good-natured, sunny smile drew me in every time.

  Among the orphans, some offshoots became aggressive, as if trying to relieve their anger and fear by dominating others. Others tried to fight against an enemy that no longer existed; taking it out on the weaker beings who were available as proxies.

  I coped by withdrawing into myself. Watching and waiting, always observing my surroundings for signs of danger, I lived on the breath’s edge of panic. I knew what possibly lay in wait when light turned to dark, and I walked on the edges of crowds, always in perfect view of a predestined escape route.

  At the time, we infrequently met other colors except in sanctioned activities and mixers. It was felt to be too confusing to young beings who were learning how to harness their vibrations and didn't know how to test each other's boundaries politely. Outside of the orphanage, we met colors of all classes at the learning center. With such a dwindling population of offshoots, the need for multiple learning locations was considered unnecessary. It was decided that our chances of finding bondmates were stronger if all possible frequencies were exposed to each other in the early stages of development.

  One sun phase when I was eight, I quickly learned why the protections were necessary, and what greed and ambition were made of. It was the day a young Orange crossed my path and decided that he wanted to impress his pod by testing the strength of a different color. Males like Lian looked for the weakest being in the room as easy prey to prove their dominance.

  As usual, I was lost in my own world of thought when I suddenly realized I was surrounded by three large bodies, their simmering energy sending my instincts into overdrive. Gathering my books, I quickly ducked between them and scurried for the closest exit from the hololibrary, straight into the arms of Laz.

  “Tanzy, what’s wrong?” Laz dropped to his knee before me, his head even with mine, hands holding my arms to keep me from squirming away.

  “I need to go,” I whispered, hearing the steps coming from behind as I twisted to get out of his grip.

  Watching Laz stand quickly, I squeezed my eyes shut as he put his arm around my shoulder protectively, tucking me firmly into his body as Lian and his friends rounded the corner.

  Coming to an abrupt stop, Lian looked annoyed as he taunted me. “Tanzy, why did you run off? We just wanted you to play a game with us.”

  My breath caught at the angry light in Laz’s eyes as he pushed me gently behind him, his bright smile betrayed by the brittle quality of his voice as he said, “Really? Don’t you think you’re a bit old to play games, Lian?”

  “What do you care, Laz? Don’t you need to go bury yourself in a hologram?” Lian sneered.

  Grabbing my hand firmly with his own, Laz turned to head down the opposite hallway, tugging me with him, before saying brightly, “Zirc! You’re right. Tanzy and I have an adventure planned in the hololibrary. I guess you’ll have to go play with yourselves.”

  As I was tugged away, a small smile played on my lips as I peeped up at Laz through my lashes to find an answering grin beaming down on me. For the first time in two yarns I felt the tension relax from my shoulders and a sense of light tickling my vibration until I giggled delightedly, my hand tight in his; my Champion.

  Chapter Twelve

  With Laz as my protector, I came out of my shell. He was rarely serious, even when I was at my most terrified. We spent our days reading in the hololibrary or sunning in the courtyard. We even shared custody of a chameleon that we found hiding in the branches of a tree in the garden one day, its color banding from green to blue.

  Pulling her gently from the tree, she began to turn shades of blue as I reached out to stroke her knobby head, when bands of purple suddenly appeared. Fascinated, I watched her color waver from blue to purple as Laz and I took turns stroking her back. After naming her, Laz told me that I could have custody of Karma at night to protect me. I created a habitat next to my bed and kissed Karma every moonsphase before I went to sleep.

  One moonsphase when I was eleven, I woke in terror, a buried memory of light and fire and chaos catapulting me from my bed. I searched the room frantically for signs of Laz, just as I had my mother, certain that he was in danger. Hearing only Karma making light, scratching sounds as she rooted around in her bedding, I poked my head into her habitat only to be met with a vibrant orange and red glow emanating from her body. With a sense of foreboding, I crept from my room and headed toward Laz’s hall, only to stop short as I saw Lian and some of the others quietly trying to ease open the panel to Laz’s cell.

  Rage, like I had never felt before, seared through my senses as my vibration quickened and thrummed, its frequency directed squarely at Lian. My eyes narrowed in satisfaction as I felt him flinch, shaking his hand as if sparked by an electrical shock, and backing away from the door before banging his fist against it in frustration. Meanwhile, a discordant chime echoed before fading silently into the dark.

  Seeing me standing at the end of the hall, bare feet and legs peeping from my night jumper, and a ferocious look on my face, his gaze became more assessing, before turning my direction as if to head my way.

  As the panel to Laz’s cell hissed open, Lian quickly turned and walked the other direction as Laz’s groggy voice called, “What’s happening?” before turning my way, a look of surprise crossing his face.

  “Tanzy? What are you doing here?”

  “I couldn’t find Karma. Everything’s fine now. Go back to sleep.” I assured him, fleeing in the opposite direction back to my room, avoiding any questions.

  Laz never asked me what happened that moonsphase and surprisingly, Lian became quite conciliatory around me after that. No more teasing or torment, just an assessing glare that followed me whenever he was near. I breathed more easily watching him flirt with other girls and ignoring me when Laz was near. It seemed that he was no longer interested in my being and for that, I could only be grateful.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Tanzy

  My final placement in the labs several years later, where Laz and I trained as healers, was the beginning of my real journey into society. That's why I often spent time alone, reading about our history and foreign lands. I was hungry for experience. Amet was quite proud of my thirst for knowledge. I believe it was one of the reasons he took me on as a student. In Laz, I think he saw the quiet potential of someone who has the integrity of purpose.

  Laz was always very serious, even when we were younger. He radiated the sense of responsibility needed to complete tasks that others would find dull or routine. His sense of purpose never wavered and once he committed to something - he was in it for the full journey.

  And while I began to enjoy meeting new beings and the pleasant buzz of energy that tested my own occasionally, I never felt true power until the day Laz and I synced vibration. Having been raised as friends, the shift in our frequencies was unexpected, but not unprecedented. No one truly questioned it; if anything, it was something to be celebrated.

  I hoped that he would be content with whatever assignment we were given. As the partner of greater power, his needs would now forever be subject to mine. The fact that he accepted that reality with good grace and his normal sober but sunny nature made me smile inwardly, knowing that everything would surely be okay.

  I’m not certain why Laz and I were both so surprised the day that his energy unexpectedly sparked with mine. In hindsight, it seemed so obvious that it would happen, except we were so bonded by friendship it never occurred to us that we could be even more connected. The mere thought would have felt like tempting fate to grant us something greater than that which we already felt was a divine blessing.

  Occasionally, we would tease each other about random beings who had been bold enough to test our freq
uency, (and bemoan the lack of connection we felt in their energy field) and then we would immediately smile, content in the knowledge that we still had each other. In fact, I harbored an irrational fear that Laz would match frequency with someone and I would be left alone to miss my friend and confidante. I definitely had abandonment issues.

  Being several yarns older than me, Laz had experienced vibrational intimacy with others quite a bit of time before I ventured into the field. It was expected that all of us would indulge in seeking pleasure since our livelihoods essentially depended upon making a vibrational match. For some beings, they treated it almost as their mission, a quest for power and pleasure that drove almost everything they did.

  For Laz and I, we were much more relaxed. We spent our time focused on our quest to become healers, and we dabbled sexually when someone came along who piqued our interest. Laz was always very forthcoming about recounting his intimate adventures, and explaining the different energy signatures that appealed to him. For all his gentleness, I was quite surprised to find that he had a penchant for Orange energy. There was something about their dominance that appealed to him, although I used to caution him about toying with too much of that energy since it always seemed to leave him somewhat depleted.

  Personally, I found pleasure in the friendlier Yellow or Blue energies. They were more similar to my own and could magnify my pleasure centers without too much effort. Laz always laughed and asked me what I would do when I found the energy that matched my frequency; would I embrace it fully, or would I casually nod and ask that being to wait until I had finished my current equation or project.