When Mel walked into Julia’s, I was sitting at a table by the window, stuffing my face with one of the famous sandwiches. Right before she approached the table, I took a humongous bite, splattering the sauce down onto the table, onto my hand, and all over my face. Secretly, I was upset that Mel had showed up right then. I didn’t want to focus on her. I wanted to continue gorging.
She took a seat across from me and handed me a stack of napkins.
“Seriously, I thought Jess would have had you trained by now. She never makes a mess of herself.”
“Yeah, but there’s something odd about that, don’t you think? Too perfect.” I grabbed one of the napkins to begin the cleanup process, quickly realizing I would need more than one.
Mel wrinkled her nose. “Even Wes has more manners than you.”
“He must have grown up in the cleanest barn ever then,” I muttered.
One glimpse of her face told me I’d hit a sore spot. Mel didn’t like that Wesley was poor.
“I’m sorry. Would you like one?” I gestured to the sandwich. “The food at school sucks, and I’m starving. I may even have another.”
“Is that your first? Be honest.” She leaned forward, resting her hands on the table.
“Yes, but it won’t be the last today. Jess will be here later.”
“How is she?” Her voice sounded cold. “Since you left for school, I barely see her.”
“Uh, she’s good. Just been busy, that’s all.” Was Jess avoiding Mel?
Mel caught Julia’s eye and motioned that she wanted a sandwich. I waved frantically, too, but Julia didn’t see me. Damn. I really wanted a second one.
“How are things?” I asked as I picked at some pork scraps on my plate.
“Good…I mean, okay…” Tears formed in her eyes.
“What’s going on, Mel?”
Her focus darted to a couple walking through the door. “I have to ask you for something, and I don’t want to.”
She wanted money. People get the same look when they need money, a look of desperation and anger.
I took a swig of my iced tea to wash down my feelings. “How much?”
“At least three hundred.”
She continued to avoid eye contact.
“What’s the max?” I forced down another swallow of iced tea.
“One thousand.”
I clicked my tongue. “I can only get three hundred out of the ATM today. I can get more tomorrow, but I’m not sure about the whole amount.” I looked away, wishing I hadn’t agreed to give her any money.
The first thing that jumped into my head was abortion, but Mel was on the pill. That wasn’t one hundred percent, though. One thousand bucks—that didn’t add up.
“Before I get the money, can you tell me why you need it?”
“Because I need it.”
It was a shady answer. And it hurt. We used to tell each other everything.
“Look.” She squeezed my hand. “I would appreciate if you didn’t ask. If I could tell you, I would.”
Why couldn’t she tell me? Before I could ask, Jess rushed in, all smiles. She took one look at Mel and her expression registered trouble.
“Oh, goodness, I know watching Paige stuff her face is awful, but I didn’t think I’d find you crying. She doesn’t mean to be such a brute, that’s just how she is. It’s one of the ways she rebels against her parents.”
Rebels against my parents? I had to ponder that one. Messy eating as an act of rebellion?
Mel laughed, and I think she slightly meant it. Julia arrived with three sandwiches. Maybe she had sensed that Jess was near.
“What’s going on here? Paige, what did you say to Mel?” Julia held my sandwich out of reach, waiting for me to explain myself.
I stared at Jess and then at Julia, speechless. Mel dabbed her eyes carefully so she wouldn’t smudge her mascara.
“I…I don’t really know. I thought she already knew Santa Claus didn’t exist.” It was a feeble attempt.
Both of them took the hint. All of us suspected Wesley, I think. None of us liked him.
Julia sat down and wrapped Mel up in her arms. That was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.
“Oh, Julia.” Mel burst into tears. I mean the whole waterworks. Tears poured out of her eyes, snot flowed freely like the Mississippi, and her shoulders heaved up and down like pistons on a steam engine.
If I weren’t starving, I might have lost my appetite. Jess shot me such a nasty look when I picked up my sandwich for a bite, that I stuck my tongue out, but I didn’t dare take a bite.
“There, there,” whispered Julia, as she stroked Mel’s back.
I hadn’t mentioned the money to anyone. Causally, I excused myself from the table so I could hop across the street to grab the dough. By the time I returned with the wad of bills, Mel was picking at her food.
Thank God! I could eat.
When no one was looking, I slid the money into Mel’s hand. The look in her eyes wrenched my heart. Picture someone who has lost all hope after crash-landing on a deserted island filled with crocodiles. Well, she looked worse than that. Her eyes reminded me of Alex’s eyes in the days leading up to the rehab incident. I determined right then and there to be a better friend to Mel.
Julia and Jess did their best to cheer up Mel, and actually got her to laugh some, mostly at my expense. Jess told them all about my fight with Minnie. Jess is a great storyteller, even if she embellishes things. She has a knack for making me look even more like an ignoramus than I actually am. I’m not saying that’s hard, but she manages it. At the end of her version of the story, everyone was in hysterics.
And all of them agreed that I had to apologize to Minnie in person.
“Seriously, I’m no good at it.” I pouted.
“Don’t do what you normally do,” suggested Julia. Julia messed with her typical Midwestern hairstyle: short and grey like a football helmet. She tugged on her white apron, which was speckled with sauce, and flashed her best stern-mother look.
“Which is what?” I tried not to sound defensive.
“Get all nervous and start to ramble. Do it quick, like a Band-Aid. Say you’re sorry, and that’s all. Whatever you do, don’t overdo it.”
“I just have to say sorry?” That thought hadn’t crossed my mind: no explanation, just utter the word.
All of them shouted, “Yes.”
“None of you think I can actually do this, do you?”
All eyes suddenly darted away.
Jess started to giggle. “Remember when you accidentally broke my bowl I made in high school. You hid it and then took me to the zoo. While we were watching the otters, you blurted out, ‘I’m so sorry—I broke your bowl!’”
“I thought the trip to the zoo would ease your loss. Otters are really cute.”
Mel perked up in her chair. “Last year, Paige took me to the fanciest restaurant I’ve ever been to. During dessert, she said, ‘I’m really sorry I said that shirt looked hideous on you.’”
“Didn’t the dinner make the apology easier?” I squeaked.
“No. You didn’t have to go to such lengths. You like to hide behind things instead of facing them head on.” Jess held my chin and stared into my eyes. “Just say sorry. That’s braver, and it’s the polite thing to do.”
Jess turned to the other two. “Don’t you wish we could watch?”
All of them sniggered.
I shoved half of my sandwich into my mouth.
Mel didn’t linger long with us. After she had finished her meal, she skedaddled.
I could still hear the tinkle of the bell on the door when Jess pounced. “How much money did you give her?”
The woman was like a hawk. Nothing got by her.
Julia chimed in. “Spill it. I saw the handoff as well, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of Mel.”
“I guess my future in the CIA is out. Three hundred—do you think it’s for an abortion?”
Both looked
troubled. Jess spoke first. “No, I wish it were that simple.” She flushed. “Not that an abortion is simple, but I think Wesley is in serious trouble with some bad dudes.”
I set my third sandwich down. “What do you mean, ‘bad dudes’?”
“I heard he’s gambling.” Her voice sounded far away.
“Gambling! We don’t live in Vegas. How does Weasel gamble?”
“For someone who has seen a lot in such a short life, I forget how naïve you actually are. If a person wants to gamble, there’s a way. I bet Wesley could figure out a way to gamble in heaven.”
“If he gambles, would he go to heaven?”
Jess shot me a look that said, “Are you really that stupid?”
“So, I just paid off a bookie?”
“Something like that.”
“She was in the restaurant last week, and I sensed she wanted to ask me something but couldn’t. Be careful, Paige. I don’t think this will be the last time she asks. We know you’d give the shirt off your back, but this is way over your head.” Julia lifted her tired body and went back to work.
“I promised her another three hundred tomorrow.” I whispered to Jess.
Jess patted my arm. “I know you mean well, but you can’t fix all problems with money. Mel has to figure a way to leave the guy. He’s no good.”
“How do I say no if she asks for more money?”
“Tell her your parents are getting suspicious about all the money you’ve been spending and you need to save it for therapy.” She whacked my leg. “Which you do by the way. One year.”
Forty more sessions.
It might work, but I felt crummy about lying.
“It will be for the best. Tough love. If she doesn’t leave this guy, she could get hurt.”
Jess didn’t say how, but images from gangster movies played in my head. Gambling! I never would have guessed that.
“Come on, sweetie. There’s a foreign film I’m dying to see.” She tugged on my arm.
I looked at the remnants of my sandwich. Finally, my appetite was shot.
“Fine, but then we’re seeing one of my films.”
“Deal. I could use a nap.” She winked.
I slipped some money under my plate to pay for all of the sandwiches. Julia never gave me a bill, but I couldn’t let her feed all three of us for free. Business was business. She’d complain the next time I saw her, but she never handed the money back. She just had a way of chewing me out. Instead of getting ruffled, it only made me smile. Julia would get flustered by this, and then she’d give me a hug.
Chapter Twelve
When I entered the hallway to my dorm room on Sunday night, I felt queasy. I had lingered as long as I could at Jess’s apartment, but she’d kicked me out around five so I could apologize to Minnie and start the week fresh. That’s what she said, “You don’t want to begin a new week with this hanging over your head. Start fresh.”
Baffled, I protested that it would be nice to spend one more night with her, but Jess refused to budge. She was obstinate, and I felt as if she wanted some alone time.
Fine. I’ll go say sorry and start fresh. Heaven forbid that Monday morning dawns before I say, “Minnie, I was an asshole.”
Probably should say her real name, though. Even Jess was calling her Minnie now. It was only a matter of time before I slipped up.
No one was in the hallway so I marched to my room. Why was it so hard for me to apologize? It was simple really, just say, “I’m sorry.” Or better yet, “Sorry.” Boom. Done!
On the other side of the door, I heard two voices: Karen and Minnie. Minnie was crying, or I think she was. Shit! Was she still crying about the other day?
Leaning in, I tried to hear what they were saying. All I could make out were muffled sobs.
“Paige! What are you doing outside of your room? Are you eavesdropping on your roomie?”
I hadn’t heard Jewels enter the hallway. Emily soon popped into view, too, with a cat-that-just-ate the canary grin on her face.
“Nope. I can’t seem to locate my keys.” I fumbled in my backpack, hoping she hadn’t seen me drop my keys from my hand into the bottom of the bag. As I continued to fish around in the bag, I heard Minnie blow her nose.
“Oh, here they are.” I raised them up for Jewels to see.
She wasn’t buying it. She harrumphed, and crossed her arms. “Yeah, right. Can we go in now?”
I opened the door and stood back to let Jewels and Emily enter first. With all of the bodies in the room, there was no way I could apologize. Not in front of everyone. Shouldn’t it be a private deal?
Avoiding eye contact with everyone, which was a challenge in a room that was twelve feet by nine feet, I busied myself emptying my backpack. There wasn’t much in there, since I kept spare clothes and a toothbrush at Jess’s. But I wanted to look like I had important things to do, like I was in a rush and didn’t have time to stand outside the door and listen in on their conversation.
“So, I hope you two weren’t talking about family secrets or anything. We found Paige eavesdropping.” Jewels gave them a look of satisfied amusement. She apparently hadn’t picked up on the fact that all of us were uncomfortable.
Emily put her arm around my shoulder. “Yeah, we’re going to have to keep an eye on you, Tricky.” She gave me a friendly squeeze.
Karen fidgeted on my bed. “Yeah, we heard you talking outside.” She was doing her best to act normal, which was never easy for her. I glanced at Minnie, noticing her swollen eyes and crimson nose. She must have been crying for some time.
“Audrey, have you been crying?” Jewels collapsed on the bed and enveloped Minnie in her arms. “What’s wrong?”
No matter how hard I tried, I could not hate Jewels. She was the type of girl I hated, don’t get me wrong. She fell in love with a new guy each day, even though she had a boyfriend back home. Sometimes, she played the ditsy blond, yet she was in the honors program and was valedictorian of her high school. Basically, she had two personalities, and that drove me nuts. However, she did it with such panache. Watching her switch from one persona into the other was like watching an Oscar-winning actress. She was our Meryl Streep.
And now I studied her third personality: caregiver. Minnie nestled her weary head on Jewel’s shoulder and sobbed about her boyfriend. Jewels kept murmuring, “Poor Audrey,” and patting her head. If I tried that, it would come across as insincere. Jewels looked like Pollyanna.
As it turned out, Minnie and Jeff had had a huge row that afternoon. She didn’t go into details about the actual cause of the fight, but I remembered what Karen had told me on Friday night. Do I have to point out that I felt like the world’s biggest heel right at that moment?
The three girls took turns saying things like, “What an asshole!” or “You’re too good for him” or “I’m so sorry, Audrey.” None of the phrases dripped with brilliance, yet they sounded heartfelt.
I sat on my desk chair, frozen. It wasn’t like I didn’t know what to say. Sentences kept invading my head, but when I tried to speak them, nothing came out. I knew the words would sound flat. Unfeeling.
When a knock on the door interrupted the little pity party, everyone turned to me and I assumed it was my job to answer the door.
I regretted that decision instantly.
“Hey, Paige! Your troubles are over, the beer has arrived.” Tom, Minnie’s friend, held up a thirty pack of Keystone. Good thing it was a Sunday night, or he may have lugged in a keg.
He sauntered in, followed by two boys I hadn’t met. Each gripped a beer in their hands. I glanced up and down the hallway to see if anyone had noticed. The rules were simple: no underage drinking.
Our hall adviser popped her head out the door and I said a friendly hello and slammed my door shut. Smooth. Real smooth. I held my breath until I heard her door close again.
Looking out the peephole, I realized she had disappeared back into her room. She didn’t venture outside of her room much—fortunately.
Tom was introducing his buddy Ben and his roommate, Aaron.
Ben, the hippie, wore torn jeans and a smelly T-shirt. He sported a scraggly beard and continuously flashed a goofy but sincere smile.
Aaron surprised me. He resembled a Marine. His jeans looked starched, his polo was tucked in crisply, and his hair was cut short. Biceps bulged out of his shirt and his chest puffed out like he was on the parade ground. How often did he work out? Once again, I marveled at the university’s roommate matchmaking skills. Not in a million years would I have placed Tom and Aaron in the same room. Tom, the sensitive NFL fan, and Aaron, the militaristic Neanderthal. Would Aaron knock Tom over the head with a club?
I looked over at Tom, whose blue eyes sparkled under his Broncos hat. He was wearing a John Elway T-shirt. Elway’s horsey smile grinned broadly at me; it gave me the willies.
Jewels leaped off the bed and shook hands with Aaron. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that he would be her man for the night. Chuckling, I made eye contact with Minnie. She had stopped crying and it appeared she was also getting a kick out of Jewels fawning all over Aaron. When Jewels asked him to flex his biceps, he did. I have to say, even my eyes bulged out of my head. Jewels squealed. Aaron turned a brilliant red, but I could tell he loved it. I wondered if he could blush on command so he didn’t come across as conceited.
“Where do you live, Aaron?” Jewels batted her eyelashes at him.
“G3.”
“Really, you’re right on top of me.”
Aaron choked on his beer.
Having received the desired reaction, Jewels added, “I mean, I live on G2.” She blinked foolishly again, and Aaron ate it up.
Tom cleared his throat. Was he jealous? “We thought we would watch the Broncos game with you ladies.”
Ben, who had never been in my room before, flipped on the TV. None of the men noticed that Minnie had been crying, which I think was a good thing. She looked relieved to forget all about her troubles for the moment.
“Tom, there’s some snacks in the cupboard by the fridge. Help yourself.” Minnie gestured to my cupboard, which was filled with my snacks.
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