So that’s why all my food kept disappearing: football parties.
Karen grabbed a beer and nestled into the beanbag. She gulped it like a drunken sailor—fast—and then swiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
I grabbed a Coke from my fridge. Beer was not my go-to drink. If I was in a pinch and that’s all that was available, I’d drink it. But cheap beer, no way. I preferred fancy drinks. Jess always made fun of my umbrella drinks, but we hardly went to places that served them. Jess believed that dives always had the best food, and most dives only served beer, but usually not cheap beer like Keystone; that was only for broke college kids.
Everyone else had a beer except for Emily. When I offered her a Coke, she seemed relieved. I noticed that while everyone broke into cliques to chat and gossip, Emily sat on the outside of the group. I hadn’t really thought of it before, but she was nothing like Jewels. Jewels could be nice when she wanted to be, but she could be the devil as well. Emily was sweet—the girl next door. She probably got good, not great grades, dated the same boy for years, and volunteered at her church.
For several months, Jess had been doing her best to train me to read people. At first, she would pick someone and then tell me her observations, such as that a couple hidden in the back of the restaurant were probably having an affair, or a girl who excused herself right after eating a massive dessert on a date was probably in the bathroom puking it up.
Jess felt that it was important for me to learn these things. She thought I was too isolated. I needed to learn some people smarts so I wouldn’t get conned by someone, so she said.
I decided to fish for information, to see if I was right. “How are your classes going, Emily?”
She colored. I think she was used to fading into the background. It was typical Emily to make random comments and then disappear quickly. Around the girls, she looked more relaxed, but as soon as Tom and his buddies arrived, she clammed up.
“Oh, they’re okay. I have a test tomorrow so I’m a little nervous. We have a quiz each week. I got a B-minus last week. I’m hoping to do better tomorrow.”
Yes! I got one right.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a B-minus.” I gave her an encouraging smile. Then I probed again, “Have you been home lately to see your family and boyfriend?”
“I was there this weekend. I actually just got back when Jewels forced me to come here.” Her face was scarlet, looking like it might burst into flames. “Not that I didn’t want to see you and Audrey. It’s just I wanted to study for that quiz.”
“No worries. I understand. I have a French test tomorrow.”
“French. I could never take another language course. Do you have to speak a lot in class?” She looked around nervously, as if a teacher might suddenly appear and demand that she speak to the group.
“Yeah.” I hadn’t thought of that when I had signed up for the course. I’d just thought it would impress Jess.
“How long have you and your boyfriend been together?” Was my probing too obvious?
Her face relaxed and she leaned up against the wall. “Oh, Brad and I started dating when we were freshmen in high school. We even went to elementary school together.”
Her innocence told me that she and Brad were still virgins. Was I surrounded by them?
Now for the kicker. “Do you go to church?”
She cocked her head and stared into my eyes. Had she heard about the argument with Minnie?
I continued, “For one of my classes I need to do some volunteer work and I was thinking of finding a local church that would allow me to volunteer.”
Once again, the tension melted from her face. “Oh, that’s cool. I volunteer at my church back home, but I haven’t had time to find one here yet.” She pondered something for a couple of seconds and then said, “Maybe we could find one together, next Sunday.”
Oh shit!
“Y-yeah,” I stammered. Then I remembered that Jess wanted to drag me to different churches to broaden my horizons. “That sounds great.” I’m sure I didn’t sound that enthusiastic, but I hoped Emily hadn’t detected that.
My church date dampened my mood. I was impressed that I had pegged Emily correctly, but now I had to pay a price. Jess would have been successful at sussing Emily out without getting stuck with a church date! I needed more practice.
“Hey, Paige! Where did you go this weekend?” Tom yelled across the room. I glanced in his direction. He was casually leaning against the heater by the wall with his arms crossed and his head cocked in a manly way, but his smile showed a softer side.
He was on his second beer, but the slight glaze in his eyes told me he had consumed others earlier that day.
“I went home to see some friends.”
“Would any of these friends be of the male sex?” He seemed pleased with the question.
Karen and Minnie fixed me with their eyes. They wanted to know.
“There was one boy in the group.”
“Is this boy cute?”
“Some might think so.”
I was getting the feeling that Tom was asking for himself and that no one had put him up to it. Did Tom like me? At first, I wanted to laugh, but then a thought occurred to me.
“Not as cute as some.” I winked at him.
I thought Minnie and Karen were about to explode. Would this work?
Tom smiled and turned his attention back to the game. It took several seconds for the group to resume their chit-chat, and the silence and the glares were unnerving me. When they did, Jewels raised her beer in my direction in a girl-type salute. Even Emily gave me a pat on the back. If only they knew.
Soon, Tom made his way over to where Emily and I stood and casually entered the conversation. Surprisingly, he didn’t exclude Emily at all and even acted interested in what she had to say. If I were looking for a boy, Tom would be a great catch. He had a kind of sweetness to him that I bet most girls overlooked. Nice guys struggled in a post-James-Dean world. Girls from my generation wanted a rebel, wanted excitement, and they wanted the knowledge that their man could protect them.
But at that moment, I was looking for a sweetheart who would be too afraid to try to kiss me, since I didn’t want to kiss at all. Tom fit the bill. He would be fun to hang out with and I could get the roommates off my back. Besides, he liked football and so did I.
Before the end of the night, I learned that he majored in international finance, his parents had season tickets to the Broncos, and he had four sisters. Oh, and he had never had a serious girlfriend. I was almost drooling at the opportunity he presented. If Jess wasn’t so out of the closet, I think she would have been impressed by my plan. Part of me felt guilty for purposefully using Tom. But the bigger part of me felt that getting Karen, Minnie, and Jewels off my back was worth it. Maybe I could slip Tom into a conversation with Liddy and throw her off the scent as well.
Emboldened by my new project, I began to drop hints that I would like to go on a date. Unfortunately, I had no idea what I was doing. I had never asked someone on a date, and the only person who had ever asked me was Jess. And she had asked me to see a foreign flick. I knew that wouldn’t be Tom’s cup of tea.
I had to think of something, so I resorted to what I knew: sports. I turned our attention back to the game. To be honest, I was impressed that Tom the Broncos nut allowed himself to be distracted by a conversation with two girls. Of course, he was probably thinking he might get sex out of the deal, so I didn’t want to give him too much credit.
“Uh-oh, Tom, the Broncs are down by ten.” I placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
Tom glanced at the screen. “Don’t you worry, Paige. My boy, Elway”—he pointed to his shirt—“will take care of the Eagles.”
“Care to make a friendly wager?” I smiled into my Coke can as I took a drink. This was too easy.
“Sure. Ten bucks!”
His excitement was cute. Ten dollars wasn’t too rich for my blood, but I was aiming for something else
. “How ’bout loser has to take the other to dinner.”
Tom’s eyes brightened. He was catching my meaning and he looked like a kid in a candy store. If only he knew.
He stuck his hand out and we shook on it. Did he notice my hand was clammy? Everyone in the room had heard our bet, and the focus of the room turned to the game. Karen and Minnie exchanged a few looks, but I was struggling to figure out what they meant.
Emily and I sat on the foot of my bed, watching the second half. Every time the Broncos made a mistake, Emily cheered. She was on my side. But I think she was the only one. Everyone else in that room was born and bred in Colorado. To make a bet against the Broncos was sacrilegious and I hadn’t factored that into my plan. Aaron didn’t say anything, but I could feel his loathing. Ben watched the game, although I’m not sure whether he was following any of it because his eyes had glazed over completely by the start of the fourth quarter. How much had the boys had to drink before they came over?
The girls didn’t seem impressed by my bet either, but they were too busy trying to speak without words. Jewels kept studying me. Was she trying to determine whether I was serious about hooking up with Tom?
Tom couldn’t contain his excitement. He really wanted the Broncs to win, but losing meant he got to pick the restaurant and take me on a date.
A date.
What had I done? Did this count as cheating? I wasn’t attracted to Tom at all.
As the seconds ticked by on the game clock, I started to regret my scheme.
Aaron muttered, “Fucking faggots,” and everyone else in the room became quiet.
What would Jess say? “Come on now, Aaron, don’t be a sore loser. Some might consider you a fag—a baby, I mean,” I said.
Jewels covered her mouth to stifle a laugh.
“Are you calling me a fag?” Aaron flexed his muscles and started to cross the room toward me. Was he going to hit me?
“She was just teasing, Aaron. Give it a rest.” Tom rescued me.
Aaron continued to stare me down, menacingly. I wondered what thoughts he entertained. Torture?
After a few tense moments, Tom turned to me. “Well, little girl, it looks like I’m taking you to dinner.” His grin stretched from ear to ear.
I paused, thinking of the best response. “Yeah,” I whispered, shell-shocked. I had a date with a boy. I tried to convince myself that acting aloof was the right thing.
Tom looked crestfallen.
“So, what night do you want to go?” I acted more excited, which perked him up.
“Tomorrow.”
“Oh, shucks, I have class tomorrow. How about Thursday?”
He nodded like a conquering hero. “Thursday works.”
I had forgotten that Thursday was the beginning of the weekend in college. It was like going on a date on Friday—The Real McCoy date. It was like I was stating, “This is my man.”
Everyone in the room took notice.
After lingering for a few minutes after the game, the group started to clear out. Aaron hoisted Ben onto his shoulder to carry him back to Ben’s room. I couldn’t tell if Tom was embarrassed that Aaron didn’t need any help. It was obvious that Tom couldn’t compete with Aaron in the muscle department. I hadn’t seen him without a shirt on, but I was certain that Tom had never seen the inside of a gym.
Before I knew it, Minnie and I were alone. It was now or never. She sat at her desk and as I raised my head to say something, Minnie blurted out, “I’m really sorry for how I acted on Friday.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Minnie hopped off her chair and headed to the bathroom. I heard her turn the shower on. Really? That was it? I didn’t even have to drag her to the zoo or to some fancy restaurant.
All in all, it was not a bad night. I got the Minnie thing off my chest, and I had a plan to get everyone to think I was straight. Now, if I could finagle a way for the parents to see a picture of Tom and me together, all would be perfect. I was not sure how to accomplish that one, but I was still feeling pretty good about myself. And I couldn’t wait to share the news with Jess.
I dialed her number. She wasn’t home. Where was she on a Sunday night after midnight? Maybe she just didn’t hear the phone.
I was amped up on Coke, so I left a note for Minnie saying I went to the library to cram for my French test. Actually I had no intention to study, but I wanted to spend some time doing research. During the day, the microfiche machines were crowded. I learned early on that no one used the room late at night, even though it was open twenty-four hours.
The student who worked in the department nodded hello. He was used to seeing me scouring newspapers and magazine articles at odd hours. What I liked most was that he didn’t partake in idle chitchat. A nod was the extent of his social skills, and mine for that matter. I assumed he was a grad student and preferred these hours because, besides me, no one ever showed up. As for me, I preferred the quiet. Having insomnia paid off sometimes; I was more productive at this time of night.
Chapter Thirteen
As I walked up to Liddy’s door, I noticed it was slightly ajar. Usually, it was wide open, inviting her clients to take a seat and wait for her. I peeked in and noticed her sitting in her chair, writing on her notepad. I stepped back to check the nameplate. I squinted and ran my fingers over the name.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m sorry. I must be in the wrong place. I could have sworn this was Dr. Elliot’s office, but I guess not. Sorry to inconvenience you, but I’m off to find a dark and deserted office to sit in all by my lonesome.” I turned and headed down the hallway.
“Very funny, Paige. Get back in here. You’re not going to escape that easily, especially now that we are starting to make some progress.” She darted out into the hall.
“Progress?” I held my hand up to my ear. “Did I hear that correctly?”
She crossed her arms. “Don’t ruin it now.” Her voice informed me that I wasn’t in trouble.
“Why are you on time?”
“If you come into the office, I’ll tell you.” She pretended to dangle something in front of me.
“Not until you tell me.” I planted my feet firmly on the ground.
Liddy stepped behind me and started to push me into her office. For a tiny thing, she was strong, and her jasmine perfume made me giddy.
“Oh, okay, you don’t have to manhandle me.”
“Manhandle!” She retreated to her chair. “My, aren’t you in a good mood, today? What did you do, run over a small child on your way over?”
“Ha! Who knew you could be on time and funny all on the same day? You must be exhausted. We can call it a day if you want.”
She lowered her head and her devilish smile turned me on. “Tell you what, it’s gorgeous outside and you’re obviously in a good mood, so why don’t we grab a coffee or something and talk outside? A change of pace might do you some good.”
Emerging from the bowels of the building with Liddy at my side gave me a sense of pride. Did she think I was fit for human society again? If only she knew the whole truth.
After stopping to buy two coffees, Liddy’s treat, we headed out of the building. It was late September, and the sun blazed, not too hot but just perfect for a fall afternoon. We found a picnic table and sat across from each other. It didn’t take long for the warmth to get to me, and the hot coffee didn’t help.
As I rolled up my sleeves, I noticed Liddy peeking at my scars.
“I’m kinda glad you’ve seen them,” I remarked.
“Why’s that?”
“It makes it easier. It’s bloody hot, and I’m tired of always hiding them.” I noticed a dog that was frantically chasing down a tennis ball. “I guess I didn’t think my plan through. The—”
“The what, Paige?” Liddy’s sweet voice pressed me.
“I didn’t think I would have to deal with…the aftermath, I guess.” I scratched my head.
“How many people have seen the scars?”
<
br /> “Less than a handful. My roommates tease me because I won’t change my shirt in front of them. They’re always getting undressed in front of me. I wish they wouldn’t.” I sipped my coffee. “I’m sure they think I’m the biggest prude.”
“It must be hard to hide so much from them. What do you think they’d do if they saw the scars?”
“Oh, geez. Minnie would flip out. She’s Catholic—and I found out recently that she’s a virgin.” I tapped the tabletop with my fingers.
“Are you?”
Shit! I hadn’t been expecting that one. Logically, I should have seen it coming. I fidgeted with the zipper on my backpack. How could I get out of this one?
“I…”
She watched me closely.
“Can I pass on that question for now?”
“Of course.” She placed her hand on my arm. “Paige, we can go as slow as you need.”
Her touch soothed me. I tried to remember the last person who had touched me to reassure me, besides Jess. Alex. Shit. That was four years ago. Four years.
“Where did you go?” Liddy hunched her shoulders to make eye contact with me.
I colored. “Oh, sorry. I was thinking of a friend.”
“What triggered the memory?”
“You, actually. When you touched my arm, I tried to remember the last person who had touched me in a friendly way.” I laughed nervously. “I guess I’m not the type who puts out the ‘I want a hug’ vibe.”
She smiled, but not in a mocking way; it was genuine. “I don’t know about that. When I first saw you, my first instinct was to hug you.”
“But you didn’t.” I raised my coffee cup in a victorious salute.
She chuckled. “True, but not for the reason you think.”
I looked back at the dog, which was still playing fetch. “Why, then?”
“We have rules we are supposed to follow. No touching.”
That made me burst into laughter. “But you just touched my arm.”
“I’m not good at following rules.” She smiled bashfully.
“Ah, so you’re a rebel.”
“Not sure about that, but I like to think for myself.”
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