Believe

by Natalie Gayle

  Dane

  “Geez Mum, drop a bloke in it!” I complained.

  Ari looked at me with confusion in her eyes. “What’s going on?”

  Shit this was awkward. Mum and dad knew some of the stuff that was happening at the moment but not everything. Maybe I should have told her? I’d debated telling her so many times in my mind, but I didn’t want Ari to have any more stress than she already had.

  “I’m supposed to leave for Vegas with Xander in about two weeks,” I let out on a sigh and braced myself for the outcome.

  “Oh.” Her mouth was that perfect O shape. I much preferred that look when she was in my bed rather than from shock.

  “I’m his training partner; Reed’s going, and I need to be there. I know the timing’s bad but…” All that was true but it didn’t sound any better.

  Ari nodded at me resignedly.

  Dad walked in with Isaac and cast a glance over all of us.

  “What’s going on?” His eyes travelled between mum and me looking for either one of us to answer.

  “Let’s sit down and get dinner done before we talk about this further.”

  Ari looked really uncomfortable and I knew it was because she wasn’t used to sharing.

  “Look Mum, with all due respect, this is something between Ari and me. I don’t think we need to discuss it any further at the moment,” I tried to smooth over as I took my seat with Ari to my left and Isaac to my right.

  “Have you got a problem with Dane going to Vegas?” Macey came straight out and hit Ari with it between the eyes.

  Ari flinched as if she’d been hit. “Macey!” I growled. Mum glared and dad was searching for a way to smooth it over.

  “Well, does she? I don’t get the impression she likes you fighting.”

  “I don’t.” Ari had regained a little composure. “But that’s not what Dane’s getting at. Look you’re his family and you’re obviously very close. You deserve the truth and I’ll fill you in later.” She made a subtle nod to indicate when Isaac wasn’t around. Silence descended momentarily around the table and there were a few nods of understanding as everyone went about filling their plates.

  “Is this about the bad man? I hate him.” Isaac broke the fragile quiet.

  Every member of my family’s eyes went wide.

  Ari dropped her head and shook it slightly in what I could only interpret as a fuck my life kind of gesture.

  I slid my hand under the table and gave her thigh a squeeze of support.

  “Yeah, man it is about him. But we’re not going to talk about it anymore. We’re going to enjoy this awesome BBQ that you just helped us cook. Cool?”

  Isaac smiled up at me. “Cool.” He reached for the tongs on the platter of steaks and happily went searching, completely oblivious to the fact that he’d dropped a bomb on the table. “I want that one. That’s the one that I cooked.”

  “All yours buddy. Enjoy!”

  “Ari dear, would you like some salad,” Mum said thrusting the bowl in Ari’s direction. That was mum’s safe response. If in doubt, shove food at it until everyone was in a food coma, then tackle it.

  “Thanks, Cathy.” She took the bowl and put some on her plate then did the same with mine.

  “We left the dressing off so you wouldn’t need to worry Dane.” Mum passed the jug of dressing to Ari.

  “Thanks, Mum.”

  “There’s plain potatoes as well for you. Or should I have done sweet potatoes? I can quickly put some in the microwave.”

  “It’s fine Mum. Stop worrying.”

  The silence settled over the table again as everyone began to eat.

  “I’m so excited about you helping me with the Maths, Arianne. Maybe you can actually explain it so I understand it?” Maddie obviously couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

  “I’ll try. I’m sure it will be fine. Maths is really logical. You just need to understand the strategies for the different types of problems, then know which one to apply where.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “It is! Maths is my favourite,” Isaac piped up with. “I like doing algebra.”

  Maddie looked at him as if he was from another planet. “You do algebra already? I can’t remember doing that until high school.”

  “Mum taught me and gives me the problems to do. I get bored otherwise. The stuff at school is way too easy.” Maddie’s eye narrowed, not in a mean way but more in a I can’t believe I’m hearing this, kind of way.

  “What grade are you in?”

  “I’m in grade four.”

  “And you do algebra already?”

  “Yep!” Isaac said proudly.

  Maddie huffed resignedly. “I’m so dumb.”

  “I strongly doubt it. Isaac has just inherited my love of numbers.”

  “But Maths is easy, Mum.”

  “Probably for you geniuses mate, but mere mortals like Maddie and I struggle a little more. Good thing I’m ace with a mouse and a spreadsheet.” I winked at Isaac.

  “Why don’t we finish up our dinner? Then Arianne can help Maddie with this Maths assignment. Macey, you and Dane can help me clean up. You too Isaac, I think there’s a tea towel with your name on it.”

  “Really? How did that happen?” His eyes went wide and mum realised her mistake.

  “I didn’t quite mean it like that.” Cathy giggled a little.

  “But you said there was one?” Isaac pushed with a confused look on his face.

  “It’s a figure of speech, Isaac. We’ve talked about those before.” Arianne was firm with him, but not unkind about it.

  “Oh!”

  And that, oh about summed up the dinner. There’d been quite a few big oh’s but the worst was yet to come.

  Chapter 17

  Arianne

  Cathy had done dinner early because it was Sunday and she knew everyone had a big week in front of them. On the way home Dane got a message as he drove. We both glanced down at the console and saw it was from Mark. Isaac was fortunately listening to something on his iPad as we made the short drive.

  My belly immediately started to churn. Could the day get any worse?

  Worse wasn’t really the right word but dinner at the Roberts’ sure hadn’t been like anything I’d experienced and then there was the discussion after dinner. I was still cringing.

  “I’ll call Mark back when we get home.”

  “Okay.” I hoped it wasn’t more bad news. I really couldn’t deal with much more. It was so embarrassing having my failures laid out for Dane’s family to see. They seemed to take it all in their stride and with grace, I could only imagine what Cathy and Gary must think. What the devil was their only son doing getting mixed up with a woman like me?

  A child with challenges and a crazy abusive ex-husband.

  Thank God Dane hadn’t mentioned my gambling.

  That would have just topped the night off beautifully! It must sound horrific to a real family like the Roberts. They were like no other family I’d ever met and I was envious. The love, fun and genuine enjoyment of each other was just there.

  “Maddie seemed to really get something out of your help.”

  “You’re surprised?” It came out sounding bitchy and sarcastic. I was at my last nerve, it wasn’t an excuse just the truth. I felt inadequate in so many areas of my life, but this area I knew I really excelled at. This was what I could do.

  “That’s not what I meant. Just that you’re obviously a really good teacher. She was flying through those problems in no time.”

  “She wasn’t doing much wrong. She’d just missed a tricky little step. If you miss that the whole strategy falls apart. Once I pointed it out, she was away.”

  He nodded. “For the first time in forever though, she looked confident with Maths.”

  “When was the last time you saw her do Maths?” I somehow doubted Dane was keeping tabs on Maddie’s school work.

  He chuckled. “Good point. I’m sure I’m right though.” Dane didn’t lack for co
nfidence. “It was obvious to anyone how much you were into helping her.”

  “Thanks. I do enjoy demystifying Maths for kids.”

  “I reckon I’d have done a lot better if you’d been my teacher.” He reached over and gave my thigh a squeeze.

  “I’m not sure that’s the case.”

  “You’re right I would have been too distracted thinking naughty thoughts.” He lowered his voice to that sexy rumble as he pulled into the drive.

  My skin was starting to tingle at the thought of what I’d learned that voice meant.

  Isaac was out of the truck and up to the front door before I could even say anything further. “I’ll um put him to bed,” I managed.

  “I’ll call Mark.”

  Fifteen minutes later Isaac was in bed and hopefully close to sleep.

  Dane was flicking through the TV channels. He looked relaxed and comfortable lazing on the sofa like a big sleepy tiger.

  “What did Mark want?” There was no point in prolonging the wonder any longer.

  “Marcel made bail. Mark couldn’t hold up the paperwork any longer.” The bottom fell out of my stomach and my pulse started to race.

  Dane reached out and pulled me down to lay along the length of the sofa in front of him. His arm came over my waist and pulled me back hard to him.

  “But I thought they would have locked him up until the hearing with what he did? How could someone aggressively break an AVO and not be locked up? The fact that he had an AVO out against him in the first place indicated the nature of his behaviour, surely?”

  “I know, sweetheart. It’s incomprehensible, but that’s the system. The watch houses can’t handle the volume of cases and the system can’t process them fast enough with hearings, so they walk. The best bit of news, is he’s currently on a flight back to Melbourne. His lawyer collected him and took him straight to the airport. Mark called the Federal police at the airport and they made sure he got on that plane.”

  That was a relief. “How long do you think he’ll stay away for?”

  “Mark made it very clear apparently, that his presence wasn’t welcome around these parts until the hearing. Which won’t be for about three months at the earliest. If his lawyer is worth his salt, he’ll also be advising him to stay away from here. It won’t look good if he’s continuing to stalk or harass you.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Mark is also going to make some calls down to Melbourne. He’s not without a few friends on the force down there. A couple of them train with us when they’re up here on vacation. Let’s see what he comes back with before we worry anymore about it.”

  It pained me to admit it to myself but right about now there was a big part of me that wished Dane had done a lot worse to Marcel the other night. I was so tired of living with a thundercloud over my head, but there was also the little matter of him not telling me that he was off to Vegas in a couple of weeks.

  The silence between us stretched for a little longer before I finally asked the question that I deserved an answer to. “When were you intending to tell me you’re off to Vegas? You’ve obviously known about it since the beginning.”

  He sighed and I immediately knew I’d hit a nerve. In fact, it seemed every time we talked about the fight he got moody and irritated.

  “I kept waiting for the right time. I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you, at the beginning I didn’t know what we were. Then when we became more I guess I didn’t want to give you more to worry about with Marcel”

  “Marcel is my problem, Dane. I appreciate the help you’ve given me but you’re not obligated to help babysit Isaac or me. If I hadn’t met you, then I would have been dealing with it by myself.”

  “That’s just the point! You did meet me and I’m not happy about leaving you here unprotected while I jet off to the other side of the world.”

  “We’re still not your problem, Dane. People have to go away for work all the time. They even go to war! The people left at home just have to deal.” I wasn’t going to wear the blame for him not feeling comfortable about heading off. No way did I want him to feel obligated to stay here. “I’m not going to have that thrown back at me.” The last bit I mumbled more to myself.

  “What did you say?” His voice had taken on a dangerous edge and every hair on my body was on alert. I sat up abruptly.

  “I said that I don’t want you to feel bad about going to Vegas or whatever, because you’ll only hold it over my head later on. If you need to go, go. I don’t want you to change your plans based on me or Isaac. You’re not responsible for us.”

  His face looked like it was suddenly set in stone. “That’s a really low blow, Arianne. In fact, I can’t believe you just said that. I thought you realised you meant more to me than that. The bit you should be really pissed at me is the fact I kept it from you.” If his face looked like stone, then his voice sounded like ice. Dane was sitting up now and his body had a tension running through it that definitely wasn’t there a few moments ago.

  He was pissed.

  “I’m just trying to make sure you don’t feel obligated. Don’t tell me what I should be upset about.”

  “Well, I do feel obligated,” he spat back at me in a harsh whisper, to avoid disturbing Isaac. That bit I was grateful for.

  “Well, I don’t want you to.”

  “You can’t just tell me that and then it happens.” He was shaking his head as if he was struggling to understand what I was suggesting.

  “What do you mean? I’m telling you to go with a clear conscience.” Isn’t that what guys wanted?

  “The next thing you’ll be telling me to go and have fun and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

  Oh, if he wanted to argue, I was up for it. Marcel had walked all over me. Never again.

  “Well if that’s the way you feel…Don’t let me stop you.” We were both throwing insults now in whispers that should have been shouts. It was ironic really.

  “That’s my point!” he snarled. “I don’t feel like that. It’s the way I feel, that is making this so fucking hard. Will you stop judging me on your past? I’m not Marcel in any way shape or form. Don’t treat me or judge me as you would him.”

  Dane leapt from the sofa and was halfway to the front door before I managed to open my mouth. “How do you feel then?”

  He stilled and looked back over his shoulder. “If you can’t figure that one out, then perhaps you’re not quite as smart as I thought.”

  His words bit at me, but the wounded look on his face hurt me even more. I’d obviously hurt him deeply and I was trying to get my head around it.

  The door closing sounded so final.

  And then it started to register with me. I had no idea when I came to dealing with any of this shit. Nothing in my life had ever been given to me without a price tag. I’d vowed I was going to avoid price tags as much as possible. I wasn’t stupid enough to think I’d ever be able to avoid them totally.

  Dane was telling me they didn’t exist for him. Was that it?

  I replayed the last few sentences in my head. “Don’t treat me or judge me on your past. I’m not Marcel.” Oh shit. I had been doing that.

  But that’s all I knew. Marcel did it.

  His father did it. Leo did it.

  Could I trust Dane not to hold animosities towards me for Vegas? That’s what he was asking, no telling me.

  “I don’t feel like that…If you can’t figure that one out…”

  I was such a fool.

  He was right!

  How could I be so stupid?

  Dane

  God, she was impossible!

  Why the hell did she have to be so bloody dogmatic about something that was simple? It didn’t have to be this way. I hopped in my truck and drove.

  A few minutes later I found myself back at mum and dad’s. Ironic really, where else was I going to go? I couldn’t talk to Xan at the moment. I wouldn’t burden him with my stuff when he had enough of his own demons to deal with. />
  Tonight I needed solid advice not the shit that stupid dumb mates talked when they were pissed as parrots—mum and dad were it.

  They didn’t even look surprised as I walked in and sat down in the lounge room.

  Dad flicked off the TV. “Trouble in paradise?”

  I nodded. “Something like that.”

  Mum was nodding knowingly as well, and I suddenly I didn’t feel like a man who was almost twenty-seven years old. I felt much more like a confused teenager.

  “She hid it well Dane, but it upset her a lot to have her business laid out for us all to see. She was embarrassed big time about Gary and I knowing about her ex-husband and what’s going on,” Mum said solemnly.

  “That’s not even what we argued about.” I leant forward, rested my elbows on my knees and buried my head in my hands. “She was pissed over me not telling her about Vegas. I tried to tell her that I did it so she wouldn’t worry. I don’t want her here alone if that animal is hanging around. Mark spoke to me just before. Her ex has made bail.” They both sucked in a concerned breath. “Yeah, but he’s on a plane back to Melbourne right now and Mark’s calling in a few favours down there.”

  They took a few seconds to make sense of all that.

  “And you didn’t want to antagonise the situation by brining up the fight…” Dad offered and scored a direct hit.

  “I guess.”

  “There’s no guessing about it, Son. The MMA worries the hell out of her.”

  “I get that, but I’m not him. Shit, there was a part of me that wanted to kill him on Friday night. When I saw her front door open and then when I got to the bedroom…I’ll never get that image out of my head.” My gut churned with the thoughts of Friday night and the unease from our argument. “She was terrified. I could see it in her eyes, she was reliving whatever the hell he put her through before. She hasn’t told me the extent, but I know she ended up in hospital for a week. That means it had to have been bad.”

  “Pity you didn’t put that fucker out of commission permanently.” Dad was pissed. He hated violence towards women. My father was from the school of thought that a man’s woman was sacred in every way, just like his family.