At the Heart of It

by Tawna Fenske

  “Okay.” Kate licked her lips. Hadn’t Jonah praised her for her way with words? But somehow it seemed harder now. Was it because she was talking to Viv, or because she wasn’t talking to Jonah?

  “So, Viv—”

  “They’re canceling the show.”

  “What?”

  Viv lifted her head, blinking. “That’s what you’re here to tell me, right?”

  Kate shook her head, not sure if the news she’d come to deliver would be better or worse. “No. Um, not even close.”

  “But after yesterday—”

  “No, Chase loved it. He saw parts of the footage last night, and Amy and I gave him a full report on the phone this morning.” Kate stopped there, not wanting to share too much. Not wanting to feel her gut churn at the memory of Chase’s delighted laughter.

  “This is solid fucking gold right here,” he’d said. “The ratings are gonna go through the fucking roof with this epic blindside.”

  Of course, that might all be in jeopardy if Jonah really did walk away. The lawyers had told her to stay out of it for now, insisting they had things under control. That they were making progress with Jonah and his attorney.

  Kate had been more than happy to step away. To leave the tough stuff to someone else for a change.

  Viv looked at her, uncertainty etched between her brows. “So what did you come here to tell me?”

  Kate licked her lips and took a breath. “It’s about Jonah,” she said. “See, the thing is—” Kate cleared her throat, annoyed with herself for bumbling her words. “There’s more to my relationship with him than you realize.”

  “Ah.” Realization dawned, and Vivian gave a sage nod. “I understand.”

  “You do?” Her stomach rippled with unease, but maybe this would be easier than she’d thought.

  “It’s okay, Kate.” Viv smiled. “Believe me, you’re not the first.”

  “What?”

  “If I had a nickel for every woman who’s developed a little crush on my husband—”

  “No, that’s not it.” Kate dug her nails into her palms, thinking Viv had a point about just spitting things out. “I—we—” She took another deep breath and looked Viv in the eye. “I slept with him.”

  Viv blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

  Okay, so there was a more delicate way to say that.

  But Kate pressed on. “It’s true. I didn’t mean for it to happen, and I never meant to hurt you, Vivienne.”

  Viv pressed her lips together a moment, digesting the information. “In Ashland, when you met before?”

  Kate shook her head. “No. It was true what we told you at that first meeting. That whole thing was just a stupid coincidence. I mean, we kissed, but that was it.”

  “You kissed in Ashland,” Viv said, her expression still uncertain. “But more happened after that?”

  “Right,” Kate confirmed, wishing there were a way to just fast-forward through this conversation. To not spell out every last humiliating detail. “But as we got to know each other, we started to grow closer.”

  “I see.”

  “But I swear to you, I had no idea that you still had feelings for him when he and I slept together.” The first time, her conscience whispered.

  “The first time,” Kate said aloud, and forced herself not to look away.

  Viv stared at her. She didn’t speak for a very long time. Kate ordered herself to sit quietly, to give her a chance to process things.

  “Holy fuck.”

  Kate swallowed. “Right.”

  Viv sat and breathed for several long moments. Then she looked up at the ceiling, her perfect, pointed chin tilted toward Kate like an offering.

  I can see up her nostrils, she thought, and then felt guilty.

  Another wash of guilt hit her when Viv met her eyes again. “You know, if there were a camera in the room and this were all part of an unscripted television program, this is where I’d smile sagely and assure you that I knew all along,” Viv said. “That I always had a sense about this, and that the two of you belong together.”

  “I—”

  “But that’s bullshit.”

  Kate jumped a little, and Viv sighed. “I don’t mean whether you belong together. I have no idea about that. Although now that I think about it, this makes sense. The way he’d always look at you when he didn’t think you were watching. The way his face lit up when you walked into the room.”

  Kate shook her head as a pang of loss rippled through her. “Not anymore. He hates me.”

  Viv gave a small smile and shook her head. “Joe isn’t like that. He has a hot temper sometimes, but he’s not capable of hate. It only looks that way because he loves so deeply.”

  Kate looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry, Viv. I could give you some excuse about how I never meant for it to happen, but it’s like you wrote in chapter seven of On the Other Hand—”

  “Kate.” Viv clapped her hands together, and Kate looked up sharply. “Please stop quoting me to me.”

  “Right.” Kate nodded. She needed to just say it. To spell out the rest of the story and live with the consequences, no matter what those might be. To stop skirting the facts.

  “I knew you loved him and I slept with him anyway and I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s what I came here to say.”

  Vivienne nodded. She picked up the cup of tea in front of her and started to take a sip, then seemed to change her mind.

  She probably thinks it’s poisoned, Kate thought, and felt worse than she already did. How was that possible?

  “I appreciate you telling me,” Viv said. “Coming clean. That takes courage.”

  Kate nodded and gripped the armrests of her chair. “For what it’s worth, it’s over between us,” she said. “Jonah and me, I mean. Having me betray him like that—there’s no recovering from that.”

  Viv lifted one delicate eyebrow. “You mean the part where you did your job and kept my secrets from him and his secrets from me?” Viv shook her head. “That’s not betrayal.”

  “It is to Jonah,” she said. “And sleeping with my idol’s ex-husband when I know she’s still in love with him—” She stopped, not sure she wanted to go any further. “That’s betrayal, too. A different kind.”

  “You’re the one putting labels on things, Kate. Not me.”

  Kate swallowed hard and picked up her tea. The paper cup was still warm, but the liquid inside had turned tepid. She took a sip anyway, trying to wash the taste of guilt from her mouth.

  “You want some unsolicited advice from a professional?”

  Kate looked up and her heart picked up speed. Clutching the cup a little tighter, she nodded. “Yes, please.”

  “Stop looking to me for advice,” Viv said. “It’s time to start trusting your own instincts.”

  Kate choked on a small, bitter laugh. “My own instincts just led me off the end of a pier with a pocket full of rocks.”

  Viv laughed, too, but hers was real. It was tired and a little sad, but it was a laugh just the same. That made Kate’s heart ache even more.

  “So here’s your opportunity, Kate,” she said. “Your chance to learn to swim.”

  Three days later, Kate watched as Jonah tugged at his shirt collar and glanced over his shoulder at the towering studio light behind him.

  Even Kate had to admit the glare seemed extra hot today, or maybe it wasn’t the light at all. Maybe she was feeling the gaze of Chase Whitfield, who’d shown up on set to watch the glorious return to filming after their short hiatus.

  “Nice work, Kate,” Chase murmured as he leaned close enough for Kate to smell onions and expensive aftershave. “I knew I could count on you to do what it took to keep the cameras rolling.”

  Kate grimaced, not sure what he was implying. “Thanks, but it wasn’t me,” she said. “His sister told me—”

  “Quiet on set!” Pete shot them a pointed look and gestured to the mike.

  “Sorry,” Kate mouthed, and edged away from Chase. Across the parlor, Amy
flashed her a sympathetic look. Kate sighed and directed her attention back to the center of the room.

  Jonah was seated next to Viv, close enough that either of them could touch the other if the mood happened to strike. Kate hadn’t spoken to Viv since that day in the parlor. She had no idea if Viv had told anyone about their conversation, but Chase had been in constant contact.

  “I’ve been working my magic with Vivienne,” he’d told her on the phone that morning. “I’m making sure she doesn’t back out on the plan to seduce Joe.”

  The thought made Kate’s stomach churn.

  She’d tried texting Jonah once since the night he’d slammed the door in her face, but the message had gone unanswered.

  “He’s processing things,” Jossy told her when Kate stopped by the animal shelter with a short promo clip to share. “Be patient. He’ll talk to you again as soon as he comes around.”

  Kate wasn’t convinced.

  She shook her head and ordered herself to focus on the set. Viv was dressed in a fitted purple tunic and black leggings that somehow made her look both regal and comfortable. Kate envied her on both counts.

  As Kate watched, Viv leaned forward and spoke in earnest tones to the new couple she and Average Joe were tasked with helping.

  “Roger, I can see you’re hurting very deeply,” Viv said. “You, too, Abby. I want you to know I understand where you’re both coming from. Mistakes have been made on both sides.”

  Roger started to open his mouth, but Jonah cut him off. “If you’re about to offer a tally of who committed the most errors, so help me God, I’ll take that list, tear it into a thousand pieces, light it on fire, and force you to stomp out the flames with your bare feet.”

  Roger blinked and shut his mouth.

  “Metaphorically speaking,” Jonah added. “Was there something else you had to say?”

  Roger shook his head and looked down at his lap. Abby looked triumphant for a moment, but Viv shook her head. “None of this is about winning or losing,” Viv said. “Being right doesn’t make you happy. There’s very rarely a correlation between winning an argument and finding joy.”

  “Let’s just agree that you’ve both fucked up,” Jonah said.

  Viv nodded, not even wincing at Jonah’s word choice. “The thing that’s important to understand here is that everything happens for a reason.”

  “And sometimes,” Jonah added, “the reason is that you’re an idiot who makes poor decisions.”

  A few people on set chuckled, and Chase gave him a thumbs-up. But Jonah didn’t look at him. He kept his focus on Roger and Abby, and Kate’s chest ached from the compassion in his eyes.

  “I’m including myself in that,” Jonah added. “God knows I’ve made plenty of dumb choices over the years. But I’ve always tried to learn from them.”

  “And that’s what’s most important,” Viv added. “Moving ahead instead of spinning your wheels.”

  Abby sniffed and glanced at her husband from behind a curtain of caramel-colored hair. “I just don’t know if I can trust him again,” she said. “I know things weren’t always great in the bedroom, but I never expected him to—to—to go looking in someone else’s bedroom.”

  Roger put his face in his hands and shook his head. “I told you, Ab—it was a mistake. And it wasn’t actual sex. I swear to God, I never even took my pants off all the way.”

  Kate glanced at Chase, unsurprised to see he was eating this up. God, there were some great sound bites. At least Abby and Roger were getting help. In the end, that’s what mattered.

  “Intimacy is something you treasure,” Viv was saying. “Something special that—”

  “Cut!” Chase waved a hand in the air, though none of the cameras stopped rolling. The crew knew damn well that the exciting stuff usually happened when no one thought they were being filmed.

  Chase moved forward, bumping a camera with his shoulder and earning a glare from Pete. “You all sound great, but I was wondering what this would feel like if we moved the scene someplace more intimate,” Chase said.

  “Intimate?” Viv looked confused.

  “Right. Since Roger and Abby here have been having trouble in the bedroom, maybe you and Joe could take them back there and show them a few things.”

  Jonah frowned. “Seriously?”

  “You don’t have to take any clothes off or anything.” Chase waved a hand like that was the furthest thing from his mind, though Kate didn’t doubt the thought had occurred to him. The whole thing gave her a sour taste in her mouth.

  Chase leaned close to Viv, easing into his role as her BFF. “Just being together on the bed, maybe offering a few tips about how you might go about—”

  “Stop!”

  Kate felt her throat vibrate and her mouth form the word, so she must have been the one to say it. Everyone turned to look at her, and she could hear blood pounding in her head.

  She stepped forward, heavy with the sensation of making her way through a swimming pool while wearing snowshoes. “Enough,” she said.

  The second she said the word, she knew it was the right one. She kept going, directing her attention at Chase so she wouldn’t have to look at Jonah.

  “You can’t keep doing this,” she said.

  Chase stared at her. “Doing what?”

  There was a challenge in his voice, something daring her to take it a step further. Kate stared back, telegraphing her own message.

  I know you’re trying to get Jonah and Viv in bed together. I know what you’re doing, and I won’t let you.

  Chase didn’t blink.

  Kate took another step forward. “People aren’t playthings,” she said. “You can’t stand here pulling puppet strings while the two people who have the most to lose just flail their arms and legs around with every tug of the handle.”

  It wasn’t the most artful metaphor, but it made Chase scowl. “Be careful, Kate.” His voice was low, the threat implied.

  A few feet away, Roger and Abby glanced at each other. Viv was frowning, and Kate wondered if she had any idea what this was about. If she still thought Chase had her best interest at heart. That he wanted to help her win back her ex-husband.

  Kate didn’t dare glance at Jonah, but she knew he was confused, too. God, he still had no idea. Not a clue that Viv wanted to win him back, or that Chase planned to make a spectacle of him all over again.

  Taking a shaky breath, Kate took another step closer. “I can’t let this happen, Chase.”

  Chase shook his head and folded his arms over his chest. “You’re treading awfully close to the edges of your contract.”

  “Fuck the contract,” Kate snapped. She turned to face Viv, steeling herself for what needed to be said. “Vivienne, he’s not on your side. The things you’ve confessed—the feelings?” She shook her head, trying to convey her message without humiliating Viv. “It’s not going to pan out. They’re playing you, but this won’t go down the way you want it to.”

  She stopped there, wondering if she was starting down the wrong path. Why would Viv believe her, anyway? The woman who’d confessed to sleeping with the object of Viv’s affection. Viv probably saw her as a jealous rival.

  But she had to try. She had to warn Viv, to warn Jonah—

  “Jonah, I know you hate me right now.” Kate swallowed hard and met his eyes. Those mossy amber orbs speared through her, taking her breath away. She knew he wouldn’t argue about hating her, but she needed to keep going anyway. “I know how much you hate blindsides,” she said softly. “And there’s another one coming.”

  Behind her, Chase growled. “Stop this right now, Kate,” he said. “Or there will be consequences.”

  She looked back at him and knew he damn well meant it. A million dollars, she thought, staring into those steely eyes. Kate stared back, unblinking.

  My soul is worth more than that, asshole.

  She turned back to Jonah and Viv.

  “Go,” she said. “Both of you need to leave the set right now and find a privat
e place to talk.” She shot a warning look at Pete, who nodded once.

  “No cameras,” she said to Viv and Jonah. “And no coming out until the two of you have had the conversation you need to have without anyone else standing to gain from it. Do you understand?”

  Viv pressed her palms together and looked at her. A small, serene expression was painted on her face. Kate couldn’t tell if it was a smile or a frown. The studio lights were so bright.

  “Are you finished, Kate?” Viv asked.

  “Oh, she’s finished, all right,” Chase barked, moving close enough for Kate to feel the waves of fury radiating from him. “You’re done. Pack your things and get out of here. You’ll hear from the legal team within the hour.”

  Kate started to move back, but Viv’s voice stopped her. “I need everyone else to stop talking now.”

  Everyone froze. Even Jonah, who was probably the last person on earth to want to follow Viv’s orders.

  But he was watching his ex-wife with something that looked like pride. Viv looked back at him, then reached out and took Jonah’s hand. As she squeezed it in hers, Kate’s heart clenched, too.

  Jonah met Kate’s eyes again. “I already know.”

  Kate stared at him. “Know what?”

  “Know Viv’s plan to win me back,” he said. “To rekindle our marriage.”

  Kate looked at him, uncomprehending. She turned to Viv. “I never said a word. I swear to you.”

  “I know you didn’t,” Viv said. “I did.”

  “What?”

  “I told him everything,” Viv said.

  “I—so—wow.” Kate swallowed. “So you’re getting back together.”

  “Jesus, no.” Jonah frowned, then looked at Viv. “No offense.”

  “None taken.” Viv smiled, bigger this time, more certain. “I had a moment of clarity when I was telling Jonah about my feelings. I realized I only wanted to resume our relationship because I was scared of the alternative. Of spreading my wings and learning to swim on my own.”

  “That’s a god-awful metaphor,” Jonah said, but gave her a fond smile anyway. “But I’m proud of you. For figuring it out. For owning your shit.”

  “Beautifully put,” Viv said. “I feel like I finally have closure.”