At the Heart of It

by Tawna Fenske

  “I don’t fucking care!” Chase whirled around to face Kate. He pointed one meaty finger at her, sputtering with fury. “You’re still fucking liable. I want you off this set right now before I call the police.”

  Kate nodded once and turned to go. She held her head high, buoyed by the look of encouragement Amy flashed her. By Pete’s supportive nod.

  “And I expect you to turn in all your equipment,” Chase said. “Everything that doesn’t belong to you—”

  “My pride belongs to me,” Kate snapped, whirling back to face him. “And I’m damn sure taking that with me.”

  Then she turned and marched out of the room, shooting a mental apology to Amy for having to deal with the aftermath.

  Behind her, she heard the confused voices of Roger and Abby.

  “Is this some kind of weird therapy?” Roger mumbled.

  “I don’t know,” Abby answered. “Like maybe we’re supposed to recognize how destructive it is to shout all the time?”

  Kate pulled the door shut behind her, heels clicking on Viv’s cobblestone walkway. She’d made it halfway to her car when she heard footsteps behind her.

  “Kate, wait up.”

  She froze in her tracks at the sound of Jonah’s voice. Still, she waited a moment before turning. She took a few deep breaths, wanting to be ready for whatever he had to say. Wanting to be the one to speak first.

  She turned and met his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jonah.”

  It was his turn to freeze. “For what?”

  She gave a hollow little laugh, not sure where to begin. “For betraying your confidence. For fucking up the show. For embarrassing you just now.”

  “It’s not your fault, Kate.” He took a few steps closer, and the warmth in those amber-green eyes was almost more than Kate could bear. “I saw what you were up against in there. And I saw what you tried to do anyway.”

  “For all the good it did.” She shook her head and looked back at the rental car. Crap, she was going to have to turn that in. And check out of her hotel. And book a flight back, which she knew the network wouldn’t pay for. Maybe she’d get lucky and be spared the fines and the legal fight, since Viv had revealed her own secret. Maybe Kate could find another job filming—

  “Kate, I’m sorry, too.”

  “For what?”

  He shook his head, remorse heavy in his expression. “For losing my temper. For not listening to you. For failing to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

  She nodded, grateful they’d cleared the slate. At least they’d have that. “I enjoyed working with you, Jonah,” she said. “Everything else, too. Not just the work, but the friendship. And the rest. That was real, no matter what you believe.”

  “I know it was, Kate.” He was standing close, so close she could feel the heat from his body. God, she’d give anything to touch him one more time.

  “Good luck with the show,” she said. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing meaningful work.”

  He shook his head. “It’ll be more meaningful with you running it.”

  Kate gave a brittle little laugh. “No chance of that happening. Chase made sure of that.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  Kate stopped laughing as Jonah nodded back toward the house. “Right now, Viv’s in there laying it all out for him. She’ll start by pointing out that they have no legal recourse against you since she’s the one who spilled her own secret. That’s why she did it, you know.”

  She frowned, not sure she was following. “For me?”

  He nodded. “We went over it together this morning. Right after we finished the divorce paperwork. For real this time.”

  “But Viv should be furious with me.”

  “She should?” Jonah shook his head. “No one tells Viv how she should feel. And no one manipulates her feelings either. That’s what she’s angry about. At Chase, not you. He’s the one who tried to screw her over.”

  Kate shook her head, struggling to process it all. “Okay, but even if he doesn’t impose the fine, Chase will never keep me on the show.”

  “Sure he will,” Jonah said. “Once he learns both Viv and I plan to walk if he doesn’t agree.” He smiled and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Kate’s ear. “Turns out the one thing my ex-wife and I agree on is that this show isn’t worth a damn if you’re not in charge.”

  She stared at him. “You’re not serious.”

  “I am, actually.”

  “Wow.” She knew she should come up with something more intelligent than that, but her head was spinning too fast to generate more than one syllable.

  “Kate, it’s your passion that makes this show work,” he said. “Viv knows that, and I know that. Deep down, Chase knows that.”

  She ached to believe it. Wanted desperately for it to be true. “I don’t think so.”

  “Chase isn’t stupid,” Jonah said. “He knows it can’t work without the three of us together. The network will never find another world-renowned self-help guru with a surly ex-husband and the award-winning producer he’s in love with.”

  “But he can’t—wait, what?” Kate blinked, pretty sure she’d heard him wrong. That she’d mixed up the pronouns or something.

  Jonah moved closer and lifted a hand to cup her elbow. “I love you, Kate,” he said. “I’m sorry I was too wrapped up in my own bullshit to say it before. I love you and I miss you and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  “Holy shit.”

  He laughed and held out his arms. “Please say you’ll forgive me.”

  “I forgive you.” She hesitated, wondering if this was all a dream. If it was some sort of TV stunt or a cruel prank.

  “Hug me, Kate. I’m getting old here.”

  She smiled and stepped into his embrace. As she looked up at him, his lips found hers. She kissed him back, soft and deep and exactly the way she remembered.

  When she broke the kiss, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

  “I love you, too, Jonah. So much.”

  “Damn right you do.”

  Then he was kissing her again, and Kate slid her hands up his arms, gripping his shoulders and clutching him like her life depended on it.

  When they finally came up for air, Kate saw a flicker of movement. She peered over Jonah’s shoulder to see Pete at the edge of the house, his camera perched on one shoulder.

  A bubble of anger swelled in her chest. “Pete,” she warned. “I need you to stop filming right now—”

  “It’s okay,” Jonah said. “I asked him to.”

  “But—why?”

  He grinned and slid his arms around her, pressing the heels of his hands into the small of her back. His eyes locked with hers, and he leaned close so only she could hear the words.

  “Because,” he said. “When we’re old and gray and sitting in our nursing home together, I want to watch this moment again. I want to tell everyone—the nurses, the orderlies, the guy who shows up to change my diaper—that this is where it all started.”

  EPILOGUE

  “How soon do you think we’ll see them?”

  Jonah glanced over to see Kate squinting at the finish line. She wore a black cotton sundress that reminded him of the one she’d worn the first time they met, and he felt a surge of fondness as familiar as his own pulse.

  “Relax,” he said, sliding an arm around her. “We’ve got another ten minutes at least.”

  Kate tilted her sunglasses up on her head and smiled up at him, giving him a flash of those toffee-colored eyes that had been melting him for almost a year now. “Bike racing is kind of a tough sport to watch,” she said.

  “It’s not a race, exactly,” he pointed out. “Just a fun ride. We’re easing in slowly, remember?”

  We meaning Jossy and her new knee. He and Kate weren’t taking things all that slowly anymore. They’d moved in together four weeks ago, with Kate still commuting to LA once or twice a month. For the most part, she spent her time in Seattle, where they’d just started filming the se
cond season of Relationship Reboot with Dr. Viv.

  Season one was currently the most-watched show in its time slot, with a prime-time Emmy nod for Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program. Even Chase Whitfield had grudgingly admitted they’d made the right call keeping cast and crew intact.

  Kate peered back at the bike course while Jonah admired the sun-slashed glints of mahogany in her hair. “Before I forget,” she said, “I invited Pete and Viv over as soon as we finish unpacking all the boxes.”

  “Given how many boxes it took to hold all your stuff, that’ll be somewhere around the time their baby enters kindergarten.”

  Kate gasped and looked up at him. “Are you serious? They’re pregnant?”

  He laughed and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Not yet, but isn’t it just a matter of time?”

  “I know they’re trying,” she said, making Jonah do a little shudder. “What?”

  “Trying,” he repeated, giving one more shudder for dramatic effect. “That phrase makes me think of them grunting and gyrating like farm animals.”

  “Thank you for ruining the beauty of procreation and childbirth for me,” she said. “And the sweetness of that relationship.”

  “I don’t think anything could ruin the sweetness of that relationship,” Jonah pointed out. “The two of them together are like a teddy bear cuddling a jar of organic wildflower honey.”

  “I’m just glad they’re happy.”

  So was Jonah, honestly. Part of him had expected Viv’s second chance at love to come in the form of someone powerful or pretentious or sophisticated. In the end, it had happened with a guy who was a cross between a grizzly and a walking hug.

  Jonah could appreciate that.

  Kate turned back to face the race course, glancing once at her watch. “I hope she’s okay,” Kate said. “I know Jossy was worried about the last part of the course. Something about technical terrain or hills or something.”

  “Will you relax? She’s fine.” Jonah gave her another squeeze, aware that he was reassuring himself as much as he was her. Despite Jossy’s new independence and new leg, he still hadn’t stopped feeling protective. Would probably never stop.

  A clang of cowbells drew their attention to a bend in the road where the first pack of cyclists came into view. Jonah scanned the crowd, looking for his sister. Good Lord, how many bike racers were there? Big, burly guys with thighs the size of hams, and women who were almost indistinguishable from the men, aside from the pink and purple racing jerseys.

  Suddenly, he spotted her. Jossy wore a yellow top, black bike shorts, and a grin so wide he could see it from two hundred yards away. As she surged ahead and then whizzed past, Jonah saw the Clearwater Animal Shelter logo on the back of her jersey.

  He stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled. “Way to go, Joss!”

  “Woohooo!” Kate called. “Nice work, Jossy!”

  His sister sped through the finish line in a blur of color and big smiles, then stopped to accept slaps on the back from her teammates and the crowd. Jonah’s chest felt too big for his shirt as he watched his baby sister beaming.

  Beside him, Kate slid an arm around his waist and smiled. “She looks so happy.”

  “Yeah. She really does.”

  As the crowd began to thin, Jossy broke away and ambled toward them. Her limp was still there, but barely noticeable now. If Jonah squinted, he might not see the scars at all.

  “Wasn’t that awesome?” Jossy gushed. “Did you see how I passed that guy at the end?”

  “I did,” Jonah said, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing so hard he thought he might crush them both. “Nice work.”

  “That was incredible,” Kate said. “I know it wasn’t a race, but if it had been, you would have kicked some serious ass.”

  “Thanks!” Jossy stepped back and wiped her forehead on the shoulder of her jersey, then took a drink of water from a bright-red bottle. “It’s too bad you’ll miss the event in Eugene.”

  “You decided to sign up for that one after all?” Kate said.

  “Yeah, but don’t worry—I promise I’ll still be an attentive pet sitter for Marilyn. Maybe I’ll bring her with me when I check in on the kitties at the bookstore. It’ll be like homecoming for her.”

  “Oh, she’ll love that,” Jonah said. “Car rides are her favorite. They rank right up there with bath time and getting feline press-on nails.”

  Jossy laughed and took another swig of water. “Okay, maybe she’ll stay home.”

  Beside him, Kate tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Are you sure it’s no trouble? We could find another pet sitter if you—”

  “Please,” Jossy said, waving her off. “Now that I have a little help at the shelter, I have extra time on my hands.”

  “Well, it is Marilyn,” Kate pointed out. “She can be kind of demanding.”

  “I love that I have that in common with my cat-niece,” she said. “Besides, we have fun together. We’ll sit around talking about owls and thinking judgmental thoughts about Jonah.”

  Jonah grinned and reached over to thwack the side of her helmet. “Maybe you could teach her another word.”

  Jossy laughed and wiped her forehead again. “Did you guys decide yet where you’re going?” she asked. “Where your big romantic vacation will be?”

  Kate smiled at Jonah, and he smiled back, hoping his face wasn’t giving anything away. He forced himself not to glance at Jossy, afraid she might spoil the surprise by accident. He’d already shown his sister the ring and gotten Jossy’s input on how to propose.

  “Don’t say anything dumb,” she’d coached. “And don’t look at her boobs.”

  “Thanks, Joss,” he’d muttered, ruffling her hair. “What would I do without you?”

  Now he looked down at Kate and imagined the moment of surprise. Not a huge surprise, of course. They’d talked about marriage, and even discussed rings.

  But this would be his chance to blindside her just a little, and in the best way possible.

  Kate slid an arm around Jonah’s waist and looked at Jossy. “We haven’t picked a place yet,” she said. “We talked a little bit about Utah. I’ve wanted to see the Anasazi ruins for a long time.”

  “They’re definitely beautiful,” Jonah agreed, remembering her words in Ashland. About the importance of reclaiming special places for yourself.

  Kate looked up at him again, those copper eyes flashing in the sunlight. “But I’ve been thinking we should try something new,” she said. “Someplace that can become special for the two of us.”

  “I hear Brasada Ranch resort is nice,” he said. “The Oregon high desert?”

  Kate grinned wider. “I’ve been there once for a friend’s wedding,” she said. “I never even got to stay the night.”

  “It sounds lovely,” he said. “Wild rabbits hopping around at sunset.”

  “Coyotes yipping and the smell of sagebrush in the air.”

  Jonah grinned and slid his arm around her, his heart so full he thought it might explode.

  “It sounds magical,” he said. “Sign me up for all of it.”

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Humongous thanks to my early readers and critique partners for giving me the tools I needed to bring out this story’s very best self. I’m especially grateful to Linda Grimes and Kait Nolan for your awesome insights and suggestions.

  As always, I feel absurdly lucky to have Michelle Wolfson of Wolfson Literary Agency in my corner. Thank you for putting up with my unfunny jokes, my neurotic need to plan, and my freak-outs about things that usually seem trivial the next morning.

  Few things in life make me happier than an e-mail from editors Chris Werner and Krista Stroever saying I nailed it with a new manuscript, and this one made me extra happy. Thank you for loving this book enough to help shape it into an even better version of itself. I’m also grateful to Anh Schluep, Jessica Poore, Kimberly Cowser, Marlene Kelly, Hannah Buehler, Claire Caterer, PEPE nymi, and the rest of the Montlake team for every
thing you did to get this book polished, pretty, and into the hands of readers.

  Just as Kate idolizes the fictional Dr. Vivienne Brandt, I have my own stable of self-help gurus and wise souls whose thoughtful words have gotten me through tough times, given me new perspectives, or inspired me to be a better person. Thank you to Elizabeth Gilbert, Glennon Doyle Melton, Cheryl Strayed, Robert Fulghum, and Mary Roach. Thanks especially to Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman for your incredible relationship workshops and insights on the art and science of love.

  Big thanks to James Dustin Parsons for answering my questions about prosthetic limbs and helping me flesh out Jossy’s story. Thanks also to author Robin Covington for both your legal insights and your super-awesome books. Hugs and kisses and huge thank-yous to Meah Cukrov for being an amazing personal assistant, pet sitter, and all-around human.

  Shout-out to Purringtons Cat Lounge and Club Privata swingers club for offering me what was hands down the strangest and most enlightening weekend of book research in the history of my career.

  Huge props to my favorite trashy-TV viewing companions, Larie Borden, Bayley Killpack, and Maegan MacKelvie, for the evenings of wine-fueled laughter. You’re definitely here for the right reasons, and I’m glad we’ve shared so many “journeys.” Who knew all these years of The Bachelor would come in handy?

  Oodles of thanks to the Visit Bend team for making it possible for me to continue this crazy dual life of an author and a day jobber. This balancing act wouldn’t be possible without you guys. I’m also hugely indebted to my incredible street team, Fenske’s Frisky Posse, for all your hard work and dedication. Love you guys!

  Thank you to my parents, David and Dixie Fenske, and to Aaron “Russ” Fenske and his lovely wife, Carlie Fenske. I love knowing you guys are rooting for me, and that you read my books even when you’re not really required to.

  Thank you to my awesome stepkids, Cedar and Violet, for making me smile and making me see the world differently since you came into my life.

  And thanks always to my husband, Craig Zagurski, for ensuring I’ll never run out of love stories to write. I love you, hot stuff.