Roses & Thorns: Women

by Bry Ann

  Adrenaline fuels me. I sprint out the door, barefoot in nothing but shorts and a tank top. I make it all the way to the edge of the motel. I hear catcalls as I round the corner, but I ignore every word.

  “Come here baby we can show you a good time.”

  *Whistle*

  “Dang baby. Where you headed off to in such a hurry”

  A hand wraps around my wrist before I can leave the property edge of the motel.

  “Let me go!”

  “Jesus, you’ve lost your mind since I lost saw you.”

  “Then stop pining after me and let me go!”

  “Let you run down a dark road outside a motel half dressed in the middle of the fucking night? Yeah sure. Why not. Fuck decency.”

  I whirl around to face him, filled with a rage I know isn’t directed at him. He’s still in his white t-shirt wearing his usual smug expression, eyebrow cocked.

  “What do you know about decency! You’re in the fucking mafia! You commit crimes. You do bad things!”

  “Doesn't mean I'm gonna let a girl I actually care about parade herself around, mentally unstable, half-naked on a road full of creeps!”

  I drop straight to the ground with no warning. My knees crash into the cement pavement, and I start to sob. The burning in my thighs doesn’t even register beyond the insanity raging in my mind.

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  There’s footsteps. Faintly, I can see Nix standing at the corner, watching, with a sad look on his face.

  Sven lifts me to my feet. He wraps on arm around me, while I tuck my head into him, hiding my shame. I let him lead me.

  “You should leave Sven, while you can. I'm losing my mind.”

  Sven chuckles, his breath warm against my ear. “Don’t worry. All the best people are.”

  Chapter 14:

  Boss:

  I glance around the corner. Lacey wasn’t in bed when I woke up this morning, but for some reason, I'm not overly concerned about it. I searched the room, closet, bathroom, before making my way over to the kitchen, where I'm currently at. I peek around the corner, leaning quietly against the doorframe. I can’t remember the last time I left my room looking like this. Bedhead. White shirt. Grey sweats. Lacey’s favorite. Her expression every time I wear it makes her feelings obvious. She can’t keep her eyes off me. And I like that. A whole fuck of a lot. It amuses me too. Of all the looks to turn her on, this is the one that does. Of course.

  Lacey is in the kitchen in a large purple sweatshirt, oversized mismatched blue sweats and totally barefoot. On the counter is all sorts of shit. She’s got oats, banana, eggs, coconut oil, cinnamon… she has flour all over her cheek and a pen in her mouth. She’s staring at a piece of paper like it’s a mystery she needs to solve. I don’t think any sight has ever softened me more. Everything she’s been through, and given the right material to thrive, here she is. In the kitchen, on her own, making a mess, fully focused on a meaningless task instead of a life or death one. Days ago she was scared to leave the room, but with a little support, she’s started to fight that fear. She’s starting to feel safe here. That does something inside of me.

  I watch her. She’s completely unaware of me standing here. She twirls the pen in her mouth a few times before going back to the ingredients, measuring something out and then going over to furiously copy down what she did. This goes on for several minutes. At this moment, seeing her conquer her demons and try and turn them into something beautiful, I don’t feel like the Boss. I feel like a man, just a man, watching an incredible human being.

  Lacey turns to the oven to shut it off. That’s when she sees me. She screams as she leaps back, throwing her hand over her heart.

  “You scared me,” she whispers. Her tangled hair is all over her face, sticking up everywhere. Total bedhead. The corner of my lip turns up.

  “What are you doing Lacey?”

  She goes to open her mouth but immediately stops when she takes me in. Her eyes running slowly over my body. When her eyes find mine again I see the surprise there.

  “You’re wearing that.”

  I laugh and push off the doorway, taking a seat at the barstool across from her.

  “Yeah, don’t get used to it.”

  She turns and blushes. That makes me laugh. I really do turn her on dressing like this. Well, that’s easy. Still chuckling, I lean forward.

  “What are you doing?”

  This is when some of her fear creeps back in.

  “I… I don’t want you to be mad,” I look down and see her hands shaking. That makes me frown. Two steps forward one step back Adam. She’s not one of your men.

  “I… you said I could get snacks. You also said I could cook if I want. I just... well, um…”

  “I'm not mad. I'm curious Lacey. Looks like a lot of stuff for one person. Are you feasting? Or planning breakfast for the week?”

  Her cheeks turn red. She still seems unsure.

  “It’s not for me,” she mumbles.

  “What?” What? “Who the hell’s it for?”

  She looks like she wishes she could disappear. Her whole body closes off.

  “I was hoping to be done before you got up. But it, well, um, it’s for you… and your men.”

  She fidgets, only sparing me a quick glance. My jaw hits my chest.

  For me? No one has cooked for me who wasn’t paid since my mom. And she did it for my men too? They scare her. They hurt her. How does she always manage to render me awestruck and speechless? I'm not an easy guy to disarm, and she manages to do it every. damn. time.

  “I… you… you’re cooking for me? My men?”

  She nods subtly, looking at the floor. I push off my chair and stalk over to her. She cowers, but only slightly. I come to stand in front of her, gently holding her still in my arms. Affectionately, I rub my thumb up and down her forearm. I feel her relax into me. She feels safe when I'm gentle, and I find I want to be gentle with her.

  “No one’s cooked for me little dove. Not without money. What are you making?”

  My voice comes out in a whisper. Not on purpose. I'm just so overcome with emotion I can’t think straight.

  “Cookies. Breakfast cookies,” she clarifies. “They are healthy. I made sure. I changed some things around since I know you like you and your men to be in top shape. I… well, um, before I was sent away I used to cook all the time. It was my chore at home, but I loved it. I'm probably bad now, but I wanted to try.”

  “You like cooking?”

  “I used to. I think I still do. I feel like Lacey when I do. The old me. I miss her,” she whispers like it’s a secret.

  “My men will be over the moon.”

  Her whole damn face lights up. “Really?”

  “Hell yeah, little dove.”

  I begrudgingly pull away from her and sit back down on the bar stool.

  “Well little dove, you promised me cookies. You know how I love a good promise.”

  She smiles. “Yes, I do.”

  “Well then, show me what you got.”

  “You make me nervous watching me like that.”

  “I make you nervous?” I grin. I can’t help it.

  “No. I mean, well, no, yes… Stop teasing me.”

  Her mouth forms a tight line. I can’t help but laugh. She’s the fucking cutest thing in the world.

  “I won’t tease you, but I do love watching you. Don’t be nervous. I’ve been here for a while.”

  She throws me a disapproving look she thinks I don’t see. Then gets to work. She’s lucky I feel things for her because she’s doing nothing to spare a mess and it’s driving me fucking crazy. Finally, she’s done. Trays and trays of mashed oat cookies later. Hair covered in who knows what. Hands filthy. Clothes, a plethora of more powders than I think she even used. But more than anything, is the look of pride in her eyes. In herself. She’s really, really proud of herself, and I’ve never seen her look that way before. She can dirty my kitchen anytime if it means seeing this look on her face again.
>
  Slowly, she grabs a cookie from the tray and hands it to me. She won’t even look at me she’s so nervous. But not the kind of nervous I'm used to from her. No. She’s not scared, she wants my approval. She wants me to be proud of her.

  I take the cookie from her outstretched hand and bring it to my lips. A mix of flavors rocks my taste buds. Sweet, savory, salty, fuck she can cook. Bake. Whatever. She’s talented at this. Is there anything she’s not good at? And she has no freaking clue.

  “Shit. This is good Lacey. No one’s going to want you to leave.”

  “You think?” She bounces on her toes, eyes boring into me.

  “I know Lacey.”

  She turns from me, smiling. Her hands start scrambling around the kitchen scooping up the dishes, bowls, pans. She immediately starts cleaning.

  “I know you hate messes,” she rambles as she cleans, “but I can’t cook and clean at the same time. I get weirdly focused,” she says, cheeks red. She spares a glance over her shoulder and lets out a nervous smile before going back to cleaning.

  “But anyway, I always clean up after myself.”

  Suddenly, watching her, listening to her, I feel a dark cloud come over me. This woman, this amazing woman, who is my equal in every way, who’s funny and strong and shy and the bravest, smartest fucking person I’ve ever met, I can’t keep her. The universe fucking blessed me, because right before I could say something I’d truly regret, something cruel, something cold, to push her far, far away from whatever heart I have left, my phone starts buzzing. With a groan, I push off the stool and pick it up.

  “Sven.”

  “On our way up. Guards are informed Rose is coming in a separate car along with the make and model. I know shit went down earlier so I want you to know too. I’ll text it to you.”

  Click.

  This is why Sven is still alive. Despite the highly immature, ‘life’s a game’ persona he throws up, he takes safety and smarts just as seriously as I do. Which is rare. Especially when it comes to the things that matter to him. Not to mention, I knocked him down quite a bit when I easily kicked his ass and showed him why he’s not boss. And I am.

  I look over to see Lacey staring at me. Wanting to know what Sven said. My lip quirks up doubt still swirling around in my brain.

  “They’re on their way,” I say casually. “I need to change.”

  I start to walk out but the sound of a pan slamming against the counter has me swirling around. Lacey’s bent over the counter with her eyes closed tight.

  “Lacey? Lacey?”

  Her eyes open and she stares directly at me. Pinning me with the intensity of her gaze.

  “If you hurt them, Nix or Rose, I will cross you. I will tell everyone who you are and how to break in here. Because I do know how. Do you understand? You can’t hurt them. I love them.”

  I stiffen. I can’t get a single muscle in my body to move as reality smacks down on me like a hurricane. I always said she was my equal. In that demeaning, she could be my girl way. But no. I now realize, she’s my equal in every way. She has the power to destroy me, and for that alone, I should end her. That’s what I’d do if she was anyone else and she threatened me in this way.

  “Do you hear me?” she repeats, sounding brave, but I see her body shaking.

  It’s admirable really. Terrified, but brave when it comes to her friends. Completely unaware of her smarts until she needs to be. Then she somehow finds it in her to do what needs to be done, without realizing what a feat it is.

  “I… hear you,” I grit out. I can’t kill her, but I can’t hide how much I don’t like this either.

  Fantasy’s over.

  Lacey continues cleaning up but addresses me as she speaks. Her voice is detached and quiet like it was in her cell and in all the audio tapes. I shudder and take in the enormous amount of clothing hiding her body. Clothing that wasn’t there when I first met her. Fuck. She puts me at war with myself, and that’s something I can’t afford.

  “Look, I understand who you are,” Lacey continues in that same silent, detached voice. “I get that what I just said is… well that you could kill me for it. But I don’t care. I just want my friends safe.”

  She thinks I can’t see it, but I see her tears fall into the soapy water of the pan she’s weakly cleaning. It’s like her muscles have quit working. Gone limp. She’s now carrying her body like it’s a load she has to bare. I picture her just a few minutes ago. With the pen in her mouth. Focus in her eyes. Going in the kitchen on her own. Right now she looks like she wants to be hauled up somewhere, anywhere, that’s safe.

  I run a hand over my face, and quietly walk over to where she’s scrubbing the pan, quietly sobbing. Before I can doubt myself or give her time to panic, I wrap my hands around her waist. The second my hands gently touch her skin her whole body goes limp and starts to shake. The tears she was holding back come pouring out of her.

  “It’s okay. It’s okay little dove.”

  She turns in my arms, tucking her head into the crook of my arm. I’ve never seen her cry so hard out loud.

  “It’s okay. It’s okay,” I say, rubbing her hair back, “I’d never kill you. Never, okay? And if your friends mean that much to you, then they are safe.”

  “I’ve always been most mad at you for hurting Rose. It’s what gave me the push to run. I’d never cross you on purpose, but Lacey and Nix are family. You protect family,” she whispers, pushing her face further into that nook between my arm and shoulder.

  You protect family.

  I squeeze her tighter. “I know little dove. I know.”

  “Can we get ready?” I finally ask when her crying dies down to choking. She nods slowly against me. She wiggles out of my grasp before I can let go. When I see she’s headed straight back to cleaning, I reach my arm out to stop her.

  “Let the housekeeper clean it up.”

  “Okay,” she says quietly, clearly feeling guilty. “For today. Tell her I'm so sorry.”

  “You made cookies, remember?”

  The barest of smiles crosses her lips, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s sad.

  “Come here.”

  I drop my tone so she knows I'm serious. Slowly, she walks back over to me. I wrap my arm around her and quietly usher her out of the room. She keeps her face fully covered the entire time I lead her through the house to our room. My room. Shit.

  Leading her through the house I can’t help but feel standing up to me took everything out of her. Everything out of both of us to be honest. We’re on two opposite sides of the spectrum here. Total darkness and total light. The attraction was bound to happen, but the problem is we are both getting burned in the process.

  Once we are back in the room Lacey pulls away. She doesn’t say or do anything. She sits on the bed and waits. She doesn’t change. She doesn’t brush her hair. She’s completely shut down. Rose and her brother, Nix, are gonna think I'm fucking abusing her again. That shouldn’t bother me. But it does.

  When I'm changed; suit, tie, watch, rings, gel… the whole thing, I look at her. She’s still sitting on the bed, staring at the floor. Completely gone.

  “Are you excited to see Rose?”

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t seem excited.”

  “I am.”

  She stands and goes to the door, looking back at me questioning my readiness. I don’t know what the hell to do. I hurt her with my silent thoughts. She reads me like a book and that’s so fucking dangerous for her.

  I walk over and open the door. When we get to the living area, a place Lacey’s never been, I see Sven sitting on the couch ankles crossed, Nix is here as well, looking highly alert, pacing the floor. Rose looks pissed as fucking hell leaning against the wall.

  We’re one fucked up bunch.

  The second Lacey walks in Rose livens up.

  “Lacey!” she screams, running at her.

  Rose goes in for the hug, but Lacey sheepishly ducks back and squeezes her wrist instead.

  �
��I'm so glad you’re okay Lacey.”

  Lacey looks between Rose and Nix. I see Nix subtly nod.

  “How are you doing?” Lacey asks with those all-knowing eyes of hers.

  “You knew too! Didn’t you?! Who the hell didn’t know that asshole is my brother!”

  “Apparently just you,” Lacey says with one of those small smiles I’ve come to know she gives when she finds her own jokes funny.

  Rose glares at Lacey, but it’s full of love, not malice.

  “You’re lucky you sacrificed yourself for me so many times or I’d be seriously mad.”

  Lacey smiles, still sheepish.

  “I always knew that would come in handy one day,” Lacey whispers, flicking her dancing eyes up to Roses.

  This girl. I want her like I’ve never wanted anything. Possessiveness washes over me like a flood.

  Sven’s watching Rose, but he seems more relaxed with their situation now. He doesn’t seem terrified Rose will run off the second he leaves her alone.

  We spend the entire night talking casually. Rose hates me. Lacey doesn’t seem to trust Sven at all. Nix doesn’t trust a damn single one of us, with the exception of Lacey. That’s one thing Nix and I have in common. I don’t trust people either.

  Sven, Rose, and Lacey are bickering playfully when Nix throws me a look. I know it well.

  We need to talk.

  “Okay,” I say cutting them all off. I turn to Lacey, knowing she’ll catch my drift, “Would you and Rose like some time to catch up?”

  Lacey freezes. It’s so abrupt that even Rose takes pause.

  “It’s up to you Lace.”

  “Yeah, let’s go. I’ll take you to the... um… uh…”

  Realizing how little of the house Lacey has seen, I help her out.

  “Outside. Why don’t you take her outside?”

  My lips curl up when I see Lacey’s cheeks burn bright red, which doesn’t escape Sven or Nix’s notice, but luckily it does Roses. Lacey’s thinking of the moment we shared together in the greenhouse.

  “The koi pond,” I clarify with a grin.

  We will need to repeat that moment. Soon. I want her right now, desperately. My body is like a live wire, completely aware of only her and her body.