Haven From Hell: Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse

by Won, Mark

  -

  The next complaint came from Tammy, early the very next day. Again, Major picked up. All I heard was Major saying, “He said what? Are you serious? I can’t believe it. Okay, calm down. You have nothing to worry about. I will take care of this.” He hung up and checked his sidearm.

  “Luke, call the Weavers and ask them to come to security.” Then he called Bob and had him come too. Once they had arrived, he had Bob mind the monitors while the other four of us moved to the stairs. Major explained that our brand new pastor was getting violent. Apparently, he had threatened physical harm to Tammy. That didn’t really seem like him. Major agreed.

  He said, “He’s your pastor, Luke, you go talk to him. Leave your comm open so we can listen in. If this is some crazy cult thing just play it cool and we’ll be there. Use the word ‘adequate’ if you’re in danger.” Just like spy stuff.

  So I headed up the last flight of stairs and into the dome area. I found Larry speaking to a bunch of his people in the pool room.

  I expressed my regrets for the interruption and asked if Larry had a minute to spare for a private conversation. When we got back to his room (cell, actually, the quarantine rooms were all pretty small) he asked me what was up. I said, “Tammy just called in a complaint against you, to Major. What happened?”

  Jerry replied, “Donna and Tammy were visibly upset. Angry, even. Donna made some odd and leading comments. I tried to pacify her but she just wouldn’t have it. She accused me of wanting to make her my slave, of all things.”

  “She did what?” That couldn’t be right.

  “At first they asked to talk to me alone. Once we came back here things got strange. The walls are thin and I’m sure any number of people heard her outbursts. Tammy asked me why I thought her lifestyle choice was a sin and why I believe she’s going to hell.”

  Ooh, this ought to be good. “What did you tell her?”

  “Nothing original, I assure you. All the usual information about how all sin is wrong, hers being nothing outstanding. I attempted to reassure her that all humans sin, it’s our natural condition.

  “Fortunately, the grace of God covers all sin, if one will only sincerely repent. They didn’t seem very interested in repentance. Actually, they seemed to want me to speak condemnation.

  “After a bit, they started yelling accusations of my being ‘patriarchal’ and blamed my faith for the lack of women’s suffrage. That’s when the slavery thing came up. And something about, ‘The worst enemy women have is in the pulpit.’ I’m not sure I understood that part.

  “Toward the end I quoted a better mind than my own: ‘There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done’ and those to whom God says, ‘All right, then, have it your way.’ Her parting words were rather vulgar.” I’ll bet.

  “So, did you threaten to beat her up?” I had to ask.

  Jerry seemed stunned, “No! Absolutely not! I don’t even know what to say...” He saw me smirking and, with a confused expression, asked, “Are you joking?”

  “Sadly, no, Pastor. I’m not. It’s just kinda funny, anyway. I mean, from my point of view. Well, thanks for the chat. I don’t know about you, but I found it spiritually uplifting. See ya later.”

  Once out of his room I grabbed Donald, Nancy and Joann, some of the newcomers from the pool room. I took them to Major and asked to split them up for separate talks. They all confirmed the pastor’s story. Not verbatim, but close enough.

  I thought it was funny. Major didn’t see the humor. He was starting to lose his temper.

  Early next morning when I was relieving Bob at security, Bob told me all about the complaints coming in from the Parkers and the Fullers. Apparently, last night, our new cult buddies had lured a bunch of kids into the theater to watch an adult movie, using promises of popcorn. I was outraged! Where the hell did those guys get popcorn from and why wasn’t I invited! Damned religious fanatics.

  With a deep and penetrating sigh I called up the Fullers first. “So Pete, what’s up with your kids getting popcorn last night? That stuff isn’t on the normal ration.”

  “Oh, that. I’m sorry, it was all a big misunderstanding. You see, the Glovers called and told us our kids were sneaking into watch an adult movie with the new crowd. Well, we were shocked, of course. So we called Bob in security right off and then ran down to the theater. Inside they were watching some period piece and eating popcorn. The newcomers were happy to have us join them. We called Phil this morning and he said that by ‘adult’ he meant ‘not a cartoon’. I don’t think he much cares for our visitors.”

  I still wanted to know “Where did the popcorn come from?”

  He didn’t know so I hung up.

  I asked Bob “So did you go down there after the call?”

  “Yes” he said.

  “If you knew this was all horseshit, why did you get me to make that call?” It seemed a reasonable question.

  “Remember that time you switched work details with me? I got the pump room and you got the store? You’re getting off light.” I guess I am, at that. Especially since you don’t know about all the other times...

  I told him, “Get out of here.” Better to let him have his victory.

  I made sure to call the Parkers just to confirm everything. Then I called upstairs and asked the newcomer who answered (Zeke was his name) where the movie popcorn came from. He said that Lewis (another newcomer) had it in his car when they all drove over here.

  “Isn’t his car on the other side of the fence?” I asked.

  He said it was, but since all the rotting corpses had moved on there was no reason not to make a quick trip for the groceries. Lewis was a braver man than I.

  I asked, “Does he got any left?”

  -

  Later that day I noticed, on camera, Donna leading a posse up the stairs. They wouldn’t all fit in the elevator. I thought about calling Major but I had the feeling this was all my fault. I decided to gut it out. The crowd passed by security, which caught me off guard since I had thought they were coming to yell at me, and headed right up to the dome.

  Donna had a real pinched, hateful expression on her face as she burst out upon the newcomers. Nothing physical, just a lot of yelling. Eventually, Pastor Jerry picked up the phone and called the security station. My station.

  After I said, “Hi, Jerry” he said, “Ms. Anthony desires us to leave, Luke. Does she represent the silo in this regard?”

  I thumbed the intercom for the dome. “Neither of my new moms has any business telling anyone to leave, no matter how much they hate the guy who performed the ceremony. You newcomers are all welcome here. I don’t know what horseshit Donna’s been telling you, but you all need to calm down. We can hash this out tonight in the lounge room.” I didn’t think everyone would fit.

  I kept an eye on things. The Fullers started questioning Tammy and the Parkers did the same to Donna. A sudden look of comprehension came over the Hunts. Don and Lorry just looked confused. Phil had gotten into a side argument with someone while Cindy shouted mindlessly. Shine, Bliss and Tammy were just taking in the show.

  It looked like that comment about them being my moms did the trick. Everyone who knew them would be curious about that. I was a bit horrified Donna was willing to basically murder twenty-five people out of spite. Not cool.

  I did call the weavers, and explained the problem. They went upstairs and defused the situation nicely. The both of them just kind of stood there, holding their firearms, looking about menacingly. Nobody wanted to mess with that.

  In the evening, with most folks assembled in the lounge, Major led a kind of informal hearing to see what all the hubbub had been about. I’d already told my side of the story, so he knew the basics.

  Donna stared her hatred right at me. I winked, just to piss her off. I can’t help myself sometimes. I just hate people who hate me.

  She addressed the crowd, “As you all know, our food supply is not what it could be. These strangers are consuming far more t
han was first anticipated. We have to think of ourselves first. Do you want you’re children to starve because of some misguided charity? I think not.

  “In addition, we seem to have embraced some form of cult, which has been abusing our facilities for their unwholesome religious rituals. This must stop! Or the next thing you know they’ll be proselytizing at our doorsteps and seducing our children! The disaster has caused certain weak minded people to turn to superstition and ignorance for a solution to all of life’s problems.

  “If they wish to ruin their own lives, we must let them. But we cannot allow them to endanger our safety or the safety of our children! Something must be done! Now if you’re with me, I propose a vote to ask the interlopers to leave peacefully. I’ve already prepared the ballots.”

  As she began handing them out I spoke up, “I can’t believe you’d murder twenty-five people because your daughter got married, and he,” I motioned to Pastor Jerry, “performed the ceremony.”

  That caused Cindy to get involved, “It’s obviously not about that. Those people eat to much. It’s our food! We shouldn’t share it with a bunch of people who just showed up one day, acting like they belong here!”

  I said, “If we want to get rid of people who cost us half our food we don’t need to go upstairs. We can start with you.” I find it pays to be blunt when violence is on the table.

  Some people looked confused at that. I started to explain but Phil, Cindy, and Donna all chirped up to cut me off. I had to shout to fill everyone in on Phil and Cindy’s stupidity. That changed the dynamic some.

  Dr. Wright raised his hand and Major motioned him to speak. “How much food do we have left at our current rate of consumption?” Major told him two years and six months. I could tell most people thought that was enough for now, at least.

  Of course, Phil had to open his mouth, “Clearly, we can’t just kick those people out.” What he meant was, the consensus had clearly turned against him and he was looking for a way to salvage something.

  He continued, “Perhaps a compromise is in order. It’s obvious that we do not all share the strangers’ antiquated beliefs. I propose that they no longer be allowed to practice their ceremonies in the vault. They are messy, unhygienic, and against preexisting rules.

  “Furthermore, the paradigm I personally heard taught was grossly offensive. An indictment against the whole of humanity, really. I can’t imagine why anyone would even consider such self humiliating pap. The unstated implication of bigotry also cannot be tolerated. Such things erode society and are to be dispelled whenever possible, as I’m sure you’ll all agree.”

  Major looked over to Jerry and asked him if he’d like to comment. Jerry said, “Firstly, I do apologize for all this fervor. I can’t say I entirely understand it. When my friends learned I was a pastor they asked me to perform a service. I felt honored and was happy to comply. The lounge seemed a logical place, so I set aside and hour with Major.

  “We had some grape juice from our rations and that, together with a little bread, formed the Lord’s Supper. The accusation of being ‘unhygienic’ seems unfair. We were scrupulous in our cleaning up.”

  Jerry continued, “Not that it’s an excuse, but I was unaware of any rule against food and beverages in the lounge, at that time. And for that I must apologize, again.”

  Phil was quick to interrupt, “So it’s settled then. No more of that superstitious nonsense. Excellent! I suppose if that’s all we can hope for today, then we might as well pack it up.” That seemed a bit of a stretch, even for him.

  Major spoke over him, “Please continue, Pastor.”

  “Well… Where was I? Oh yes. The sermon Mr. Glover overheard dealt with why trouble comes to people. The original rebellion of the human race and the resultant fall from grace. The need for a Redeemer and the promise of eternal life. I’m sure you’ve all heard of it. I never thought such a thing would cause offense. As for-”

  Donna got into it again, “What about your draconian beliefs regarding the supposed evils of lesbianism?! I see right through you, you homophobic bigot! Everyone knows how you sit there smug and lying while you sneak around proclaiming the sin of other peoples life style choices. You’re just a bunch of misogynistic, patriarchal, fascists. You all act like you care so much about other people, when really your beliefs are just a cover for getting what you want: wealth, revenge for your own insecurities, the enlargement of your ego, domination over the simple. You make me sick, you fucking hypocrite!” Her face had turned the most unhealthy shade of purple. I thought about winking again but decided against it. I didn’t want to kill her.

  Major said, “I think that’s enough!” Both Mr. and Mrs. Weaver stepped into the room. Armed. He went on, “We’ve all heard what we needed to.” To Donna and Tammy “You two ladies need to get used to the idea that your daughter married a man who isn’t good enough for her,” Hey, wait a minute, “You’re not the first people to feel that way.”

  Then to everyone, “This witch hunt is over. The newcomers are in the same boat with us. They’re here to stay. Pastor, you’re welcome to use the lounge for services any time you want. Please submit a schedule. Feel free to perform whichever religious rituals you like. If anyone doesn’t like it, they can leave. We’re done here. Pastor, I’d like to speak with you privately in my rooms, whenever you can find the time.” Good ol’ Major. He really knew how to insult a guy and give him what he wanted at the same time. It’s a fading art.

  Chapter 4: Men’s Fashion, Pleasant Conversation, and Fine Dining

  Everything seemed good for another week or so. Enough time for tempers to cool and for everyone to get back into the rhythm of vault life. Then Tammy called security and asked for Major. I rolled my eyes as I handed him the phone. He listened politely for a moment before saying, “Of course, We’d be delighted. I couldn’t agree more. Okay, thank you, goodbye.” Well, wasn’t that nice.

  I gave Major my curious raised eyebrow look. He took the hint, “We’ve just been invited to a social dinner.”

  Good for him, so I told him, “Well, you and Annabelle have a great time.”

  “You’ve also been invited, Luke. 2100. Dress sharp.”

  My eyes got big, “Are you nuts?! They hate me!”

  He said, “Relax. The purpose of this visit is to smooth things over. Get everybody functioning as a single group. Repair morale. Since you’ve caused most of the trouble you need to be there.”

  “What does ‘dress sharp’ mean? All my clothes look like this.”

  He seemed surprised, “You’re kidding.”

  “No. Why would I need anything different? I’m not even sure what a ‘social dinner’ is. Is it like a masquerade party with charades?” With different people that might actually be fun.

  Eventually Major broke down and agreed to lend me some of his stuff. The next surprise was the venue. We were to all meet at Mr. Magog’s place.

  I felt like repeating myself, “Are you nuts? That guy hates me for some reason.” Honestly, I couldn’t help but feel partially responsible for that.

  Major reiterated, “We’re smoothing things over, remember? Just keep your head on straight. Don’t be antagonistic. ‘If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all’.”

  “Hey, that’s pretty good. Where did you get that from? You old people have all the best lines.”

  “Maybe you should just focus on not speaking at all.” What did I say?

  Everybody was allowed a plus one, so I brought Sue. Major brought Annabelle. Bob brought Joy and the Weavers brought each other. So we made our way to level 8 and knocked. Tammy answered, looking her best. Real nice red dress, red gem ear rings, gold bracelets, pearl necklace, high heeled shoes. You’d never know what she was like just by looking at her. Donna came over and made nice. It was weird. The food looked good, but if Sue hadn’t been there I’d have thought it poisoned.

  Mr. Magog was seated in a wheel chair from the infirmary. He was at the dinner table when we showed up. That w
as one old looking table, but in a good way. All super nice wood, carved by some Old World craftsman, or at least made to look like it. Total clash with the rest of the room. I looked him over as he sat at the table’s head. He didn’t look to happy to be there, which was also weird. I had been under the impression that the party was partly his idea.

  The food was excellent. Obviously they’d been saving the contents of their freezer since this all began. Steak and shrimp, potatoes and gravy. Heaven on a plate, really.

  As everyone made happy sounding small talk, I watched them all closely. Then I tried an experiment. I took Sue’s hand while speaking to Donna, “I’m really sorry about how abrupt the wedding was. If you’d like we could have another. You know, do it up big. Invite everyone. Bride’s maids, best man, all that. You could give Sue away.” She graciously agreed. Her smile never faltered. Tammy’s did, though. That’s when I knew the party was a trap. Tammy didn’t look angry. She looked scared. Since none of us were armed all I could think to do was play it cool.

  I asked Mr. Magog, “Where’s Shine, and Bliss? They’re always so cheerful. They must make delightful house guests.”

  Mr. Magog could barely contain his rage. Major kicked me under the table on one side, Sue on the other. I kicked Major back and kept my hand on my steak knife.

  After that it was all ‘no hard feelings’ and ‘sorry for the bother’ until 10 o’clock rolled around. That’s when Donna, in her cheeriest, greediest, lobbyist voice said, “Well, this has been a-” That must have been a signal, because Mr. Magog brought up a sawed off shotgun from under the table, and let loose with both barrels.

  Mr. and Mrs. weaver were blown back out of their chairs. I grabbed Sue and dragged her under the table. Tammy was right there with us. I still had that steak knife. With it in hand, I lunged forward, grabbed Donna’s ankle, and pulled. By that time she must have drawn a gun because I heard her firing away above me.