Free to Love (Noella’s Life Unleashed Book 2)

by Lillianna Blake

  As we approached the fire, I started to release my grasp, but his fingers remained snug around mine.

  He glanced at me, held my eyes, then let go.

  As he joined the others around the fire his attitude was as jovial as ever, but the memory of the way he’d looked at me was burned into my mind.

  Nicole gave me a knowing smile as I sat down beside her. She must have caught sight of us holding hands.

  But I didn’t even know what that meant.

  As the afternoon wore on, it became more and more clear to me that Wes just might have feelings for me as well. Unfortunately, that didn’t solve anything. In fact, it only made things more complicated, because even if there was something between us, that didn’t mean that there should be.

  It didn’t mean that I, a mother of two, was meant to be with him, a young man who had so much life ahead of him. Passion wasn’t everything. I still had to make the right decision for my boys, not just me.

  Chapter 14

  I watched as Wes held a marshmallow over the fire.

  “You’re going to burn that.” Melody looked up at him with wide eyes.

  “It’s okay, it’s almost ready.” He winked at her.

  “But it’s going to burn. Look!” She pointed out the flame that began to form on the end of it.

  I stifled a laugh as Wes gasped and began to comically blow at the flame on his marshmallow.

  “You were right!” He groaned once the flame was out. “I should have listened to you.”

  “See?” She rolled her eyes, then held out some graham crackers. “Don’t worry, it’ll still taste good.”

  Wes’s eyes glowed as he thanked her.

  Was it the fire, or did he really enjoy interacting with Melody that much? He seemed at ease with her, even more comfortable than my ex had been with our own kids.

  “Do you have nieces and nephews?” I smiled as Melody ran off to chase her brother around the backyard.

  “No, no siblings. It was just my mom and me.” He handed me the s’more. “For you—if you don’t mind the burned parts.”

  “Not at all. Thank you.” I took it from him. “You don’t talk about your mom much.”

  “We’re not too close. I mean, I call her on birthdays and holidays, but she has her own life. She wasn’t really the maternal type, if you know what I mean.”

  “Oh, I do.” I nodded. “My mother wasn’t either. You seem so comfortable with Melody, I just figured you must have some experience with kids.”

  “Here and there. I’ve volunteered at some after-school programs as a big brother, and I organized a big event at a school. I just find kids so easy to get along with. They’re honest about everything.” He met my eyes as he continued. “They let you know exactly how they feel, with no desire to hide it. It’s hard not to like that.”

  “That’s so true. I always encourage my boys to be as honest as they can be. Of course sometimes it comes off as rude, but I’d rather they be rude than feel like they have to hide who they are.” I broke the graham cracker in half and offered him some.

  He took one half, but the marshmallow goo stretched between the two halves. We both leaned down to catch it with our mouths at the same time. I gasped as I felt the subtle graze of his bottom lip on mine, then quickly leaned back.

  “Oops.” His cheeks were bright red as he looked at me. “Sorry about that.”

  I stared at him, unable to think of what to say. It seemed like a genuine accident. It also seemed impossibly romantic, and the worst part was, now I could only think about how much I wanted to feel his kiss on my lips.

  “It’s okay.” I finally mumbled and looked back at the fire.

  “I should probably head home.” He stood up.

  The moment he did, I felt my stomach flip. There it was, that dread of saying goodbye to him. I knew it wasn’t normal to have it, but I couldn’t find a way to make it stop.

  “I’ll walk you.”

  My heart raced as I thought of how close we’d been in the bedroom and the sensation of his hand around mine. He hadn’t wanted to let go. That meant something, didn’t it?

  My head spun as I realized there was another possibility. Maybe he wanted to spend so much time with me while I was here because he was hoping for some quick and easy fun. Maybe he thought he could con an old lady into bed with him so that he could put another check mark on his sexual bucket list. Sex with older woman, check. The thought made me queasy.

  Was I just playing into some kind of ploy? I didn’t think that Wes was like that, but I didn’t really know him, did I? I knew what he allowed me to know, nothing more.

  “Do you like it here, Wes?” The question drew his attention as his elbow brushed against mine.

  “Sure; it’s just another place, though, not home.”

  “Where’s home?” I gazed at him as twilight painted shadows across his beautiful face.

  “I don’t know.” He smiled as he looked back at me. “I haven’t found it yet. But I imagine when I do, I’ll know it.” He turned to face me and an instant later his hand was wrapped around mine. “I’m interested in finding it, though.”

  “I hope you do.” I forced a smile to my lips.

  Alarms were ringing in my mind. No, his comment didn’t mean that he was hoping it would be with me. I was reading way too much into things. It was getting out of hand.

  I pulled my hand away, but he held it—tighter than before. For an instant I was thrilled, but then a little irritation surfaced.

  “Wes.”

  “What?” He ran his fingertips along the back of my hand. “Why do you keep running away from me, Noella? Haven’t I made myself clear?”

  “No.” I held my breath as I stared at him.

  “I want to explore what’s between us.” He stared into my eyes. “I don’t want you to go back home without figuring this out. I know you feel it too.” He smiled some as my cheeks grew hot. “It’s okay, I didn’t expect it either. When I started to have feelings for you, I knew that you would never even consider me an option. I sent you on that awful date…” He cringed. “…because I was hoping it might make me look better to you. I’m sorry for that.”

  “Wait, this started before I came here?”

  “Yes.” He glanced down at my hand cradled in his and then back at me. “I know you think we should just be friends, but I can’t go on pretending that I don’t feel the way I do. I know you’d rather be with Justin.” His jaw clenched for a moment, then he shook his head. “I know you probably think it’s unfair of me to hold your hand or not be able to take my eyes off you. Are you angry at me for it?”

  “No, I’m not angry.” I sighed as I looked away from him. “I just wish I didn’t feel this way.”

  “Why?” He pulled me a little closer, so that only our hands filled the space between us. “What’s so wrong with feeling this way?”

  Chapter 15

  I could feel his presence all around me—the warmth of it, the intensity of his touch, and the subtle sweet scent of his breath laced with marshmallow and chocolate. I wanted more than anything to taste those lips. I couldn’t recall experiencing this unbearable sense of longing before.

  Logically I knew that kissing Wes would be the worst thing I could do. I didn’t want to stir things up even more. Yet the rest of me believed that if I didn’t kiss him, I might never be able to breathe again.

  “Noella.” He murmured my name so gingerly that it sounded like a song.

  I shivered as I drew back from him.

  “Wes, you’re an amazing person—”

  “But?” He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky as he drew a long breath. “But I’ll never be good enough for you.” When he looked back at me his eyes were full of hurt. “Or your sons.”

  His words shocked me. It seemed far more complicated than that in my head, but was he right? Was that all it boiled down to? Was I treating him as if he wasn’t good enough?

  “I don’t believe that, Wes. That’s not w
hat I mean.” I tried to form my words correctly but I was so confused that I couldn’t.

  When his palm curved along my cheek, my head spun even more and for an instant I believed that he was going to kiss me. My lips parted slightly, welcoming him, without my permission.

  “All I’m asking for is a chance, Noella.” He gazed into my eyes, his own as heated as the fire we’d just been sitting beside. “I know that your first priority is your sons and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I truly thought I’d do anything to hurt you or them, I wouldn’t even ask for a chance. But I don’t think that. You look at me and see what I’m not, but have you ever noticed what I am?” He traced his fingertips in a slow stroke along the slope of my neck before he let his hand fall back to his side.

  A rush of memories flooded through my mind.

  Wes, when I had to rush Brady to the emergency room with a high fever—his sweet voice on the phone coaxing me through all my anxiety and assuring me that everything would be fine. He’d even sent me all the good reviews of the hospital and doctor that had been treating him. He was there first thing the next morning, checking on me and Brady.

  Wes, who’d made sure that I was welcomed at a new job where I felt out of place.

  He’d been my cheerleader every time I felt as if I couldn’t do the single mom thing, and every time I put myself down he’d corrected me in a positive way.

  I’d taken all of that as friendship, but now I could see that it was much more than that. He was part of my life—a huge part of it.

  “I see you, Wes.” I caught his hand in mine and held it for longer than I’d planned.

  He leaned his forehead near mine, not touching, but close.

  “If you tell me it’s not what you want, I’ll never mention it again. I promise.” He glanced up enough to meet my eyes. “Just tell me I’m alone in this and things can go right back to the way they were.”

  My chest tightened at the thought. Could I ever see Wes as just a friend again?

  He looked at me so expectantly, waiting for an answer.

  I already knew the answer, but could I admit it?

  “Noella!” Melody shouted from the front door. “We’re going to watch a movie! Hurry up!”

  “Melody!” Nicole shrieked from somewhere in the house. “Get in here!”

  We both looked toward the door, then back at each other with amused smiles that broke the tension between us—at least for the moment. He looked at me a moment longer, then released my hand and opened the door to his car.

  “You’d better go.” He settled in his car and started the engine.

  I felt frozen, caught in the memory of his touch. A memory that was about to disappear.

  “Wait!” I placed my hands on the frame of his rolled down window. “Wes, you’re not alone.” I met his eyes as a slow smile spread across his lips. “Are you free in the morning tomorrow? Nicole is going to be busy all morning. We should really figure this out before I go home. Don’t you think?”

  “Yes, absolutely.” He placed his hand over one of mine, then nodded. “Can I pick you up? I want to take you somewhere.”

  “Yes.” My heart raced with both relief and excitement. “I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

  “Good night, Noella.” He stared at me for a few more seconds, then shifted the car into drive.

  As the car pulled away, I realized it was too late for logic. I was in way over my head. There were only two options. I could dive deeper or I could shut it all down and make it clear once and for all that I wasn’t interested.

  When I turned back to the house, I caught sight of Melody peeking out the window. At only eight, she didn’t know about the chaos that adult relationships could be. I had two sons and never really ached for a daughter, but with her eyes on me, I suddenly wondered what advice I would give her if she was in the same situation. Would I tell her to ignore her feelings and focus on what made the most sense? Or would I tell her to believe in magic and the possibility of miracles?

  Chapter 16

  After the kids had gone to bed, Nicole and I poured ourselves a glass of wine. We chatted about a few things before she jumped right in.

  “I’m so sorry that Melody interrupted you two. I thought for sure you were going to kiss.”

  “You were watching us?” I laughed.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” She grabbed my hand. “So what did you say? Did you break things off or heat things up?”

  “He’s picking me up tomorrow. I figured since you’d be busy at Melody’s school and her doctor’s appointment, we could have a little time together.”

  “Perfect, now I don’t feel as guilty.”

  “You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. I’ve had the best time being here. I can’t wait to return the favor and have you visit me sometime.”

  “I’d like that.” She smiled. “The thought of meeting all your friends sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “Speaking of back home, I should probably check in with Hanna and the boys before I go to bed.” I hugged her tight. “Nicole, I’m so lucky to have you as a friend, I hope you know that.”

  “I’m the lucky one.” She hugged me back, then spoke in a quieter tone. “But please consider what true happiness can be like, Noella. I’d hate for you to miss out on it.”

  Her words remained within me even after she went off to bed. They lingered as I waited with phone in hand to be connected on video chat with Hanna and my sons.

  They looked so happy as they filled me in about their day. I realized that maybe we needed a little more time apart just to appreciate one another. But my heart ached with eagerness to get back to them.

  After the boys ran off to bed, Hanna took over the video chat.

  “So did you take Zoe’s advice? Did you kiss him?” She grinned.

  “Hanna, the boys.” I winced.

  “Don’t worry, they’re having a pillow fight with Jake. They can’t hear a thing.”

  “Oh boy.” I laughed.

  “They’re having a great time. Now tell me!”

  “No, I didn’t kiss him.” I hesitated, then looked into her eyes. “But I really, really wanted to.”

  “Oh wow!” She squealed. “This is so amazing. Who would have thought that he might be under your nose the whole time?”

  “Hanna, I’m still not sure about this. I think he really wants to give it a try, but what does that even mean? He lives here, I live there, how could that ever work? I’m not sure I’m up for a long-distance relationship. Being away from the boys this long has been hard enough.”

  “I know it has.” Her expression softened. “I’m starting to understand what that feels like.” She stroked her rounded stomach. “I’m nervous to even let this little person be out of my tummy.”

  “I remember how that felt.” I smiled. “I was so excited for them to get here, but so nervous about not being able to protect them as much. Trust me, it will get easier.”

  “And the same applies to you. Noella, you deserve to be happy and your boys won’t always need you every single second. I know how much you love them and they know how much you love them too. You don’t have to sacrifice your chance at happiness to prove that to them.”

  “But what if it’s not?” My stomach flipped at the thought. “What if it’s all one big mistake? What if I give up a man who is exactly the type I should be interested in for a man who isn’t ready for a real relationship with me? He says he is, but how can he know that?”

  “How can you know that Justin is? The same risks apply, Noella.” She bit into her lip, then nodded. “I think you should try things out with Wes, then come home and have another date with Justin. It’s the only way to know for sure.”

  “Don’t you think that’s a little underhanded?” I frowned.

  “Not at all. Wes can’t expect you to be exclusive when you haven’t even been out on a date. If he does, then he’s definitely not the right guy for you.”

  “I don’t think he would. But I’d still feel a little
funny about it.”

  “Because you know it’s Wes you want to be with?” She grinned.

  “Ugh! You are too good at this.” I laughed. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was coaching you through all this relationship nonsense, was it?”

  “I’m glad I can be here for you; and just like you told me when I wasn’t sure, yes, it is a risk, but the bigger risk is missing out on something amazing.”

  “I said that?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “Goodnight, Noella. Good luck tomorrow. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Thanks. Love you.” I hung up the phone and leaned back against the couch.

  Tomorrow would come fast and I needed to have an idea of what I was going to do, what I was going to say. But, as I settled into bed, the only thoughts that floated through my head were of how sweet his lips would taste.

  Chapter 17

  I woke the next morning with a sense of anticipation racing through me. At the same time I felt instant dread. What if he didn’t show up? What if he did? What would any of this lead to?

  Luckily, the house was already empty. Nicole had left me a note beside a plate of fresh fruit, promising to be back in time to take me to the airport.

  I enjoyed breakfast, cleaned up, and did my best not to think about Wes arriving in just a few minutes.

  When I heard his car pull up, my heart raced. My instincts told me to rush right out there and join him, but I couldn’t bring myself to open the front door. It seemed clear to me that once I did, there’d be no turning back. All the desire I felt around him would rush over me and I had no idea what that might lead to.

  I reached for the knob just as he knocked.

  When I opened the door, he looked at me with such a warm smile that my nervousness melted away.

  “Hi, Wes.”

  “Hi.” His smile spread even wider as he offered me his hand. “You look beautiful.”

  “I do not.” I rolled my eyes but took his hand. I hadn’t brought along much, other than jeans and t-shirts, as the plan was to spend the weekend with a friend, not spark a new romantic interest.