by Nicole Thorn
Wilson narrowed his eyes at her. “And what is it that you think I’m worried about?”
She looked over at Wilson. “I think that you’re a very sweet boy, but you’re not being very smart about this. I think you may be more concerned with dating than with taking care of her.”
Since this was what almost kept Wilson and me apart, he was sensitive about it. He still wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing, but he loved me, and we decided that was enough.
“All I think about is taking care of Riley. You’ve known me since I was a teenager, Mrs. Cain. Do you really believe I’m in this because I want to play for a while and take off? Do you think that little of me?”
Mom had to look away at that. She felt bad for herself, and I knew it. No guilt over the boy who’d looked to her for help more times than she could count. “Not to play. I just think that you don’t quite see the extent of this situation.”
“And you do?” I asked. “There is no protocol. No rules. I don’t want the structure you’re trying to force on me.”
Mom sighed and rubbed her face. “You’re not getting this. Your father and I are focused on getting you better in the head. You can’t function until you’re normal.”
“I’m not normal,” I bit back. “I do weird things, and I always will. I don’t get social cues anymore, and I’m broken. I’m sorry you can’t fix that, but the fight is over. I’m home. Can’t you just be happy about that?”
I watched her think for a full minute before she started slinking to the door.
“I think you need some time right now. Come talk to me when you’re feeling a little more rational.”
The door closed, and I huffed.
Wilson held my shoulders, kissing my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I looked back at him. “No. I’ll be a thirty-year-old woman, and they’ll still be like this.”
Wilson pulled me back until I was lying on him. “That might be true. At least you’ll be out of the house. We’ll be in our own by then.”
He ran his fingertips down my arms, distracting me wonderfully. “Then your parents will have to call before they come over. We can pretend to not be home.”
I smiled and laughed. “That’ll come in handy.”
Wilson comforted me for another few minutes before it was time to go feed the toads. He told me they both hated each other as much as they loved each other, and that was what real love was when you were a toad.
We were hand-in-hand when we got downstairs, and we were met with my father. Mom was in the kitchen, and I believed with all my heart that she was sending him up to talk to me. He was right by the stairs, and I couldn’t imagine it was for anything else.
“Dad,” I said in the tone of a warning.
“Are you leaving?”
I had no patience. “We have to feed the toads. Then we’re picking the boys up and taking them to dinner. Is that okay with you?” I was not asking permission as much as I was hostilely informing him of our plans.
I hated the way Dad looked at Wilson. Like he did something wrong just by loving me.
“I don’t know. Can Wilson keep his hands off of you in front of the kids?”
Wow. I wanted so badly to defend Wilson properly by saying I was always the one pushing for the physical stuff. That would not make anything better. And my parents might just kick Wilson out of the house forever.
Wilson answered for me. “I don’t do a single thing I think would harm Riley or that she doesn’t want me to do.”
Well, that was a shot fired if I’ve ever seen one. Dad reacted internally, and I watched fire ignite in his eyes.
“What are you saying, Wilson?”
“I’m saying that I take very good care of your daughter and she likes each and every thing I do to her.”
Oh, God.
Dad turned red, and he hissed through his teeth, “Excuse me?”
“Yeah,” Wilson said casually. “You people keep thinking that Riley is this fragile little girl. Guess what. She’s not. She’s a normal nineteen-year-old girl that wants to do normal things. Not once have I pushed her into anything. And since you seem so interested in us as a couple, would you like to know all the things she asks me to do to her?”
I dug my nails into Wilson’s arm and yanked him back to me. “Hey, let’s go get the kids.”
I was shoving him to the door when Dad caught my arm. “Riley, I can’t stop you from dating, but I think you’re making a mistake. This boy is trouble and when he’s done, he’s not going to stick around when you break down.”
When I break down. Because I couldn’t handle this. And he thought Wilson would take off the second he could.
I pulled my arm back, holding it to my chest as if he burned me. “I’ll take my chances.”
Wilson took me out of the house, and I asked him to drive away as fast as he could.
“Why is cake so good?” Jude asked Welly as he poked at it with a fork. “It’s all mushy and yummy.”
My brother nodded. “Because we need cake to keep people happy. No cake, and bad things happen.”
“Like what?”
“People bring their dogs out to the woods and leave them.”
I exchanged a look with my boyfriend, who seemed just as confused as I was, but not at all surprised. He patted my leg under the table at the diner and went back to our ice cream cake. We got double chocolate chip while the boys got a normal chocolate cake that was the size of one of their heads.
“What kind of cake do you like, Riley?” my brother asked.
I put my spoon down. “Um, well when I was little I liked sprinkles. I didn’t like cheese cake.”
“Hmm. I like cheese cake,” Wilson said. “Pumpkin.”
The conversation was light for a while as the boys discussed different kinds of desserts and the benefits of cake over ice cream. I mostly sat and listened, watching Welly make faces that I make sometimes. He was still a shock to me. How much we looked alike and how much I saw myself in the way he acted. It must have been hard for my parents to see that when they thought I was dead. He probably didn’t get treated like he should have in the first few years of his life.
It was something my parents didn’t talk to me about. I wasn’t sure if he was planned, or if he just happened. So I didn’t know why they had him. I think it was because it helped to have him around. He was someone who could soak up all the affection they weren’t giving to me anymore.
And it must be odd for them to have the both of us together. He was so much like I was when I was a kid, but I knew he wouldn’t grow up to be like me. Maybe the version of me that I would have been if I had never been taken. Someone who was lighter. Happier. Whole.
Wilson bumped me when I started looking mopey. He kissed me under my ear and whispered, “You okay?”
I shrugged. “A little worried about my parents when I get back.” I dropped my voice lower so the kids wouldn’t hear. “Maybe not a great idea to start talking about the stuff I ask you to do to me.”
“I wouldn’t have told them. Your dad was just pissing me off. And I felt horrible because they’re doing the kind of stuff that I was doing to you. They’re not letting you make choices because they think they know better than you do.”
“Not much I can do about that, but I bet it wouldn’t get any better if you told them about our activities.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he conceded. With a smile, he leaned closer to my ear. “I promise that everything we do will remain in the bedroom. Like what I have planned for next time you come over.”
I turned my head to him, intrigued. “Care to let me know what that might be?”
He shook his head slowly, smirking the whole time.
Well, I would fall asleep happy.
How is it that I found more comfort in him than with my own family? When I was in The Dollhouse, my every thought was of my parents. I thought about how much I wanted to come home to them. There were endless fantasies about the day th
ey saw me again. How happy we would be to be together again. I dreamt about the hugs and the tears. I never thought it would be like this. I never believed they would have turned as controlling as they did. It was from a place of fear, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse for them to push the walls in like this. I was scared too. I didn’t know how to act or what I was supposed to do with my life. I was worried that I wouldn’t be a good mother when I was older, or a good person for that matter. How would I ever know if they didn’t allow me to be who I was?
I went back to watching the boys playing at their seat. They pretended the cake was some kind of bad guy and every bite got him closer to defeat. Wilson was entertained, so I assumed this was normal for boys their age. I wouldn’t know, since I only ever had friends that were girls. That was until Wilson… and that turned out differently than I thought it would. Oops, we fell in love.
Wilson paid the bill, and then it was time to go home and face my parents. It was a nice few hours of peace, but of course it had to end. There would be long conversations where they did nothing but restate their point, and I would have to pretend to care about what they had to say. I found myself growing less and less kind as the days went on. I couldn’t even try and fake caring about this. I didn’t want to talk to a stranger, and I didn’t want meds. How hard was that?
When I got home, my parents weren’t anywhere to be seen. They must have finished dinner and headed up to their room. I sent Welly up to brush his teeth and get ready for bed, since I was tucking him in tonight.
Once I was in my room and getting ready for bed, I stared at the clock as the numbers grew and grew. I slept better when I was with Wilson, but that wasn’t an option tonight. I was all alone with the thoughts that haunted me. The ones that told me I would never really be free.
ou were right,” I panted. “Plenty of room in the back seat.”
Wilson took my hand and pulled me up, sitting me upright and pulling my skirt back down. “I didn’t crush you or anything?”
“I like the crushing. Though…” I reached into his front pocket and pulled out what was uncomfortably poking me for a half hour. I held a Zippo in front of me, and an eyebrow arched up my forehead. “Really?”
“I haven’t smoked in weeks. I promise.”
He held his hands up in surrender, and I slipped the lighter into my pocket.
“I sure hope not. I bet you taste better without the cigarettes.”
Wilson waggled his eyebrows and pulled me to his lap. “I do.” He buried his face in my neck and did his best to make me giggle uncontrollably at the little brushes of contact he made with my skin. He made an exaggerated growling sound until I was a mess of laughter.
Once I gained composure, I sat on his lap and held his shoulders. “That was fun. Do you have to go in to work now?”
“A few minutes.” He shrugged. Then his face grew concerned as his hands dropped to my hips.
“What?” I asked tentatively.
His fingers thrummed my sides. “I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have you in the backseat of a car with me like this. You deserve better.”
I gave him a look. “I’m fine with the backseat. We were just kissing, Wilson.”
“I know, but still.”
I shook my head. “Don’t feel guilty. This was fun. It felt normal to do this. I’ve seen it on TV a bunch of times, and I think it was just as fun as they made it look. Now, if we were doing other stuff, I could see the problem in that.”
“Okay. Just kissing when we’re in a car.”
“Deal.” I stuck my hand out for him to shake.
He did.
I snaked my arms around his neck, snuggling as close to him as I could. Our noses ended up touching. “Maybe I can sneak out tonight and sleep over.”
Another smile spread on his face. “I didn’t sleep very well without you last night.”
“Me neither. I wish we could just sleep together every night.”
He laughed. “Yeah, me too. But we can one day. Your parents won’t ever approve, but in time they might like me better.”
My nose twitched. “Mom loves you. She just doesn’t want you touching me. They want me all to themselves. Not even the girls get to come over anymore. I haven’t seen them in so long.”
It was uncomfortable not having them around all the time. I talked with them on the phone as much as I could, but it wasn’t the same. I needed to be able to hug them, or hold their hands. These walls were getting tighter and tighter, and I didn’t have anything to hold onto.
“I’ll make sure you see them,” Wilson promised solemnly. “I don’t care if I have to lie to your parents.”
I smiled as I leaned in to kiss him. “I love you.”
Wilson tightened his hands on my sides. “I love you too, Riley.”
Once we were finished with a couple more kisses and I love yous, we got out of the car. We were parked around back of the shop, and it was about five hours to closing. Wilson was called in because his boss wanted to head home for reasons he wouldn’t say. So Wilson missed out on his day off. That was why I was here. Since he would be all alone, I decided to keep him company like the good girlfriend I was. I could sit on the counter and stare at him while he worked.
His boss left just as Wilson and I got in. I had to deal with the stare I got for the dress I was in. I guess it was a little low cut… I shivered when the man grinned at me, and I scurried to get myself beside Wilson. There was careful anger in his eyes, and it was all directed at the man. He was very protective of me, even now understanding that I was more capable than he had thought I was. It didn’t matter when a seedy guy stared at me like I was food.
Wilson had some paperwork to go over before he started getting all messy, so he was beside me while he did so. I poked at his side to get his attention, and then pretended I didn’t know what happened. It only took about four times before he set his clipboard down and picked me up.
He tossed me in the air and caught me again. “And what do you think you’re doing, miss?”
I was hanging over his shoulder, so I couldn’t see his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just reading that book that’s now on the floor.”
“Oh, really? So, this isn’t familiar?”
He began poking at my legs with his fingernails, making me giggle again as I squirmed around for freedom that would only get me on the floor. The dirty concrete would probably hurt to land on, so I settled on kicking my legs.
“Why do you do this to me?!” I demanded. “I do nothing but give you hugs and kisses!”
“Lies!”
I sank down on Wilson until he had my legs wound around his waist. I had my arms around his shoulders for balance, and I was set on the counter for extra security.
I was being stared down, but I refused to give in. “I don’t know what you think is going to happen.”
“I think you’re going to confess all of your sins so I can get back to work.”
I shrugged. “I am the picture of innocence, Wilson. Never a naughty thought in my whole life. So I’m not sure what you think I’ve done.”
“I think you know just what you’ve done, you wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
We both smiled until Wilson’s eyes went over my shoulder. I followed them with a half turn at the garage opening. There was a figure in the light of the setting sun. One that I knew too well for only having seen him once. The picture of casual and pleased with himself.
“Sherman,” Wilson said with great irritation. “What are you doing here?”
The man smiled and took enough steps for Wilson to grab my hips, pull me off of the counter, and subtly shuffle me behind him.
“I’m here to talk business. I don’t stop by for casual hellos. Though”―he smiled at me―“I’m happy to see you again, sweetheart. How’s life been treating you?”
“Fine,” I stated dryly.
“Good.” He nodded. “Can you wait in the back while Sonny and I discuss something? I hate asking you
to leave, but I’m sure this’ll bore you to death.”
Wilson didn’t ask me to leave, so I stayed behind him. His arms crossed. “You can’t keep showing up without a call. Especially with cops on you.”
With a quick look to me, Sherman decided to speak. He played innocent. “I took care of the cop. If he comes by again, then I’ll take care of it differently. You’ve got nothing to worry about. I told you that.”
“And I bet you told a lot of your other guys that too. How many of them are walking free today?”
Sherman laughed through a sigh, slipping his hands into his pockets. “You’re careful. They weren’t. If you just do as I say, then we won’t have a problem.”
Ah, but there already was a problem. One that he wasn’t seeing, but was so clear to me now. Wilson wanted out, and he didn’t know how to do it. Sherman would eventually catch on. If he were smart, then he’d have just taken off at the first sign of Wilson not being totally on board. As it was, he didn’t like it. I was actually surprised that Sherman didn’t seem wary of Wilson’s reluctance. This was supposed to be Wilson on board, yet Sherman didn’t notice that Wilson wasn’t totally okay with this anymore. It only made it clearer that getting out wouldn’t be easy.
Wilson was completely in front of me now, keeping me out of sight. “I was careful the other day. A cop still poked around. I have to protect my interests here.”
With a nod, Sherman said, “Me too. You make me a profit, Wilson. This place makes me more money than any other shop I run out of. I’m not about to just let you slip away.”
“You might need to.”
That did it. Sherman’s smile faded into a straight line of irritation to come. “Meaning?”
Wilson leaned down to speak in my ear. “Let me have a minute, Cookie.”
I’ve never wanted to stay in place more than in this moment. There had to be a reason that Wilson was asking me to go, so what choice did I have? Was it because he was going to threaten Sherman and he didn’t want me to see it? Or was it because he didn’t want me involved at all?
With haste, I dug my nails into his sides, biting at him under his sweater before I scurried off to the back room again. I closed the door most of the way and sank to the floor.