Reason to Believe (White Lace)

by Gina Gordon

  “Don’t worry, doll. I sent Max my order—large pineapple, bacon, and hot pepper.” I winked. “I’ll leave you to your cleaning. Just make sure my bed is clear before bedtime.”

  “What do you mean your bed?” Grace looked none-too-pleased, throwing down the sweater that she’d had in her hand.

  When I’d gotten the invite this morning, I’d laid claim to the futon. Knowing there would be drinks involved, I didn’t want to risk the one-hour drive to my house.

  “Max didn’t tell you?” I was looking at Everly now. “He said I could stay over tonight so I don’t have to drive home.”

  “But I’m staying here tonight.” Grace fisted one hand at her side.

  We stared off. It didn’t look like either of us was going to cave. And I didn’t even know why we were competing in the first place.

  “Let’s just worry about that later.” Everly reached out and placed her hand on Grace’s forearm, and finally she broke eye contact with me.

  I was totally screwed. When Grace and I were together, I had no control over my libido. How the hell was I going to sleep under the same roof as her? I couldn’t risk another momentary lapse in— No. It hadn’t been a momentary lapse of anything. I had given in to raw, sexual desire. The kind that I’d only captured on film a handful of times, and the fact that I’d found it with her had knocked my world off balance.

  There was something about Grace Nolan that made me want to know her. Maybe it was the subtle way she carried herself and the secrets I knew were hiding behind her stunning smile. Or maybe it was a connection that stemmed from the similar way we made our money in the sex industry. Whatever it was, it had filled a hole I hadn’t even known existed until that afternoon in my office.

  Right now my world was turned upside down and I couldn’t afford the time and energy to figure out how she fit into my life, if at all. Grace Nolan was a distraction. And if I had any hope of discovering how I was going to move forward, I needed to keep her at a distance.

  No matter how much I wanted her.

  Chapter 3

  Grace

  This was not the situation I’d agreed to.

  I had thought I’d been invited to my best friend’s house to clean out the junk we’d accumulated in the few years we’d lived together, thinking the hardest choice I’d have to make was whether to keep, donate, or trash.

  But now Ben Lockwood sat across from me, and the only choice I had was to avoid eye contact, because I knew the moment I looked at him, my nipples would immediately harden into razor sharp points ready to cut glass. His long, blond hair was always out of control. I loved it. Loved the way it fell over his eyes, making him mysterious. Loved the way it had tickled my neck and chest when he’d paid attention to my nipples.

  Because I knew how that felt.

  Because we’d had sex six months ago. I’d let him own me, and it had been the best sex of my life.

  But that was then.

  I was no longer that girl.

  I was moving on with my career, and I didn’t have time for frivolous sexual encounters.

  No matter how good the memory.

  “Not that I don’t enjoy the chitchat, but what the hell are we doing here?” Ben asked, leaning forward to place his empty beer bottle on the glass coffee table.

  Everly was currently snuggled up on the couch in the family room with her boyfriend, Max Levin. They had been together for about six months now, the very dictionary definition of a whirlwind, opposites-attract romance. But she was happy. I saw it every time she looked at him.

  Who knew the son of a porn star had it in him to sweep my friend off her feet?

  And I wanted the same thing, damn it.

  “I need all hands on deck.” She stood, releasing herself from Max’s embrace but not before giving him a kiss on the cheek. She paced the small room, moving to the long end of the coffee table to address us. “The grand opening party is only three weeks away and you two are going to help.”

  Max had spent weeks renovating the hotel and it was now open for business. Most of the kinks had been worked out, so Everly was planning a grand opening event in the lounge attached to the hotel.

  Ben groaned. “Everly I appreciate the magnitude of the event, but ever since asshole left to pursue his dreams I’ve been swamped. I’m not sure I have any minutes to spare.”

  Selfish ass.

  If Everly wanted to ply me with work, so be it. Idle hands were currently my worst enemy.

  “Evs, you need a job or to go back to school or something.” Ben’s observation, although over the line, was dead on. “You’re practically vibrating from stress.”

  “Just for that, you’re on swag duty.” Everly looked none too pleased. “Both of you.”

  “The two of us?” Ben looked nauseated. “Like…the two of us?” He pointed between us with his index finger. His shoulders now taking up residence by his ears.

  My relationship with Ben was amicable, but usually he played the part of jerk to perfection. And not once had we ever brought up the elephant in the room—the smokin’ hot sex session we’d had six months ago. Luckily, we were always in a group. So there was always a buffer.

  “You need to make five hundred bags.” Everly sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, her own way of keeping herself in check. “I’ll have everything delivered to White Lace so you’ll have enough room to get it done.”

  “Five hundred is a lot, Ev.”

  She waved me off. “Totally doable.”

  “So you want us to do this together?” Ben still wasn’t dropping the togetherness factor.

  I was just as nervous at the potential of having to spend time with him, only the two of us, but I would not let him know it. Because I shouldn’t be nervous. Not one little bit.

  “Get a grip, Ben.” He was just a man. But considering my loins were practically vibrating, this development wasn’t going to do anything to keep my libido in check. “I think we can handle making up some bags.”

  We were adults. We could shove stuff in bags in awkward silence. Although…

  The only thing you want him to shove is his cock in your—

  I turned, giving him my best friendly smile. “I’ll bring the beer, you bring the snacks.”

  “Thank you, Grace.” The fact that I’d handled Ben was evident in the release of tension from Everly’s shoulders. I would do anything for my best friend. Even spend time with the one man I wanted to stay far away from.

  I shoved a couple more beers and two more slices of pizza down my throat then everyone called it a night. I was finally alone, settling into my bed for the evening—the couch in the family room. But I wasn’t tired. My brain and body were revved up and my hands itched for action.

  I fiddled around on my computer, doing a search on Elle Cosmetics. Tomorrow I had a meeting with the CEO. I hadn’t planned on working for someone else, but business had dried up. Considering that I had zero prospects and no idea where my next paycheck was going to come from, I couldn’t say no.

  But knowing that Ben was just upstairs stole my focus.

  I rummaged in my bag and pulled out my knitting needles. Just another one of the hobbies I had taken up to try and keep myself occupied, and my mind off sex.

  Loop. Pearl. Loop. Pearl.

  I focused on my breath. It usually did the trick, a few deep, cleansing ones and all was right with the world. But not tonight.

  It was no use. Not with Hottie McLockwood sleeping right above me.

  I hated that he brought out the worst in me. He brought out Jade—the only means I had to protect myself, and my heart, from him. But there was one thing I did know. There was no way I was going to sleep tonight, not without release.

  I threw the needles down, opening my laptop and searching through my downloads. There was one file that I had promised myself I’d only watch once.

  It was an old White Lace scene with Ben as the lead male, but you don’t see his face. It was only his voice, his hands, and his unmistakable cock. I p
layed the video, replacing my face with the redhead’s.

  What level of pathetic was watching your crush screw another girl in a legitimate porn film? And how much higher on the pathetic scale did it put me if I admitted it turned me on?

  With a groan I let my hand travel down my stomach to find the hem of my tank top. I slipped my fingers underneath, finding bare skin, and moved them up over hot skin to my breasts. I kneaded one through the cotton of my bra, while my other hand had a mind of its own. It went the opposite direction and slipped below my pajamas right into my panties.

  I was already hot and slick, my fingers penetrating—

  “Shit!” A startled voice sounded from the doorway. “I’m sorry. Shit.”

  I froze, hand still inside my pants, eyes still watching Ben’s big hand squeeze the girl’s breast as his cock thrust inside her. He’d just caught me red-handed. With my fucking hand down my fucking pants, watching a video of him and some random chick fucking.

  Fuck!

  Unfortunately for me, I had my head to the door and he could see the screen perfectly, but thank God for small favors. I hadn’t put the sound on.

  I craned my neck, finally mustering the courage to look in his direction. He’d wrapped his hand across his eyes like a five-year-old, which was charming, considering he’d seen a lot more of me in a much more compromising position.

  He’d manhandled me that afternoon. And I’d loved it.

  My embarrassment, coupled with my frustrated memory of how easily I had caved to his demands, brought out a certain rage, and I yelled, “Don’t you fucking knock?” I slammed my laptop shut. “You can’t just watch me.”

  “You don’t have a door.”

  I let out a heavy breath, and sat up, pushing the laptop off my legs.

  He finally looked at me, and when our eyes locked, my entire body heated. I felt them everywhere; on my face, on my chest, and between my legs. They were always so intense. Always scrutinizing. Always drinking me in. Like he was trying to find my best angle or my greatest attribute, as if he was trying to figure out how to make me look good on camera.

  He sauntered over to the couch and I scrambled, tucking my legs under my body as he lowered on the opposite end. The casual way he carried himself was also something I was drawn to, because for the last four years I didn’t have the luxury of being casual. There was always something nagging at me, something that kept my mind and body in flight mode.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” His blond hair fell over one eye—and it was sexy as hell. “I was coming down for some water.”

  I closed my eyes and breathed him in, letting him fill my lungs, and for the first time in a long while, it felt like I’d taken a deep breath.

  “Why can’t you sleep?”

  He shrugged. “Just trying to figure out my life.”

  Aren’t we all?

  “Are you seriously knitting?” He leaned over, picking up the needles and the scarf I was attempting to make.

  “Yes.” I grabbed at them, trying not to unravel my work. “It’s calming. What’s your hobby? Finding a cure for STD’s?”

  I cringed. I hadn’t meant to be mean. Somehow he just brought it out of me.

  He laughed and settled deeper into the couch, one arm stretched across the back. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

  “You probably need a lot of hobbies since you’re no longer screwing guys.” I heard him suck in a breath and his hand tensed on the arm of the couch. “I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “With you there’s no in-between. I’m either an asshole or I have no idea what to say.”

  Somehow that made me feel better, because I was definitely going to pretend that his response meant he was just as mixed up about our relationship, about this thing between us, as I was.

  But right now, all I could think about was the way Ben’s big hands had gripped my hips while he thrust inside me. How those blue eyes had locked on mine, taking me to a place I still hadn’t recovered from.

  I’d been on my own for years now, and it scared me how easily I had given in to his needs. It was even more scary how easily I had let him figure out mine and give me exactly what I’d wanted.

  I wasn’t sure I liked that woman. So I did the only thing I could think of to keep her locked away, especially when it came to Ben Lockwood. Jade was ever-present whenever he was near, the woman I wanted to be not even a blip on my radar.

  “So…” I leaned forward, letting my finger trail down his arm to his wrist. “Are you going back to bed, or do I need to lock myself in the bathroom to finish?”

  My answer was him bolting from the couch. But instead of leaving, he hovered in the doorway. Looking over his shoulder, but only giving me his profile, he said, “You do know you’re not going to be able to finish without thinking of me.” This time he turned his head all the way, and I saw his grin. “Download episode thirty-four. It’s the only one where you see my face.”

  Even from the doorway he’d recognized his scene. I groaned, smashing my head back to the pillow.

  Sex with Ben had been the best of my life, but if I was truly going to move forward and leave my escort days behind, I needed to stay far away from everything having to do with the sex industry.

  Ben Lockwood was my past.

  And he was going to stay there.

  Chapter 4

  Ben

  I felt like I was here under duress, but I had to admit that I was curious about this meeting.

  The moment I’d walked into the small waiting area surrounded by a grouping of offices on the third floor of Shaw College, an immediate sense of terror had washed over me. This room reminded me of the principal’s office and the many times I had been summoned over the PA system to confess to a crime I’d probably committed.

  “Mr. Lockwood. Thank you for stopping by.”

  I looked up, not expecting an attractive women in her fifties to greet me. Not because I was sexist, but because I never would’ve guessed that a woman would go out of her way to get a porn company on the list of approved internships.

  “Professor Hughes?”

  She nodded.

  I stood and walked toward her, holding out my hand in greeting. She gave me a sweet smile. A genuine smile. Not one laced with judgment or disgust like I was accustomed to.

  This meeting had just gotten even more interesting.

  I followed her inside and sat on the dark wood chair across from her desk. She settled into a brown leather one.

  “I assume Cory gave you the short version of why you’re here?”

  I nodded, even though I still really didn’t believe it. There was no way Cory had successfully gotten this approved. I was sure I was here to get a talking-to, to be told that only a fiend would think a respectable college would allow their students to intern in porn. Why else would I have to meet the head of the film studies department?

  Without even looking at me, Professor Hughes said, “Although he’s only in his first year, Cory has already proven more experienced than the rest of the pack.” She slapped a stack of papers on her desk, letting them sift through her fingers to even them out. She placed them in a pile on the edge of her desk and finally looked at me. “Cory is eager. Hardworking and has real vision. His entrance film was light-years ahead of the other first year students so I had him enroll in a few third year courses to keep him engaged.”

  “Your idea of keeping him engaged is with porn?” I scoffed. “There’s a first for everything.”

  “I’ve worked really hard to get this program to the top. It’s close to becoming the best in the country.” She sat back in her chair, like a queen sitting on her throne addressing her subjects, and I had to stop myself from squirming under her stare. I was the VP of a multimillion-dollar company, for Christ’s sake.

  Professor Hughes was all business, and her office was just as uptight—white walls, no pictures or decoration, and a couch that looked like it’d been rescued from a war zone and offered asylum in her office.

/>   “Part of the reason why there is a list of hundreds of students waiting to get into my program is because I’ve made the effort for flexibility, tailoring a student’s education plan, making it their own.”

  My teachers in high school had been eager to get rid of me. And my instructors during the one and only semester I’d attended college had been mediocre at best.

  “While I think the decision might raise some eyebrows with our alumni, I’m ready to take the heat.” There was no flinch. Her hands were clasped on her desk so there was no way she was crossing her fingers behind her back.

  “You do realize he’ll be watching people have sex. Auditioning people to have sex for money. Viewing film where people…have sex.”

  She nodded.

  I blew out a hard breath and ran my hand through my hair. “I really don’t know what to say.” This woman was too good to be true, and so was her outlook. “I’m a little shocked. We’ve had interns, but never have they been affiliated with any type of school curriculum. Most people frown upon what we do.”

  “I’m not most people, Mr. Lockwood.” She sat forward, letting her forearms rest on the desk. Her blond hair fell over her shoulders and hung limply. “I’m willing to sanction Cory’s placement as long as you can agree to a few conditions.”

  Here we go. I was wondering when the “conditions” were going to make an appearance.

  “Lay them on me.” I sat back, getting comfortable.

  My seeming disinterest didn’t go over well and she pursed her lips and raised one eyebrow, immediately forcing me to sit up straight.

  “I’m really not concerned on the ‘what’ but more the “how.” I expect that you’ll deliver on the five principles outlined in this packet. It details each module and the components we’d like you to include in your program.”

  She slid an envelope across the desk. I flipped through it, focusing on terms like “composition” and “sequence.” And that’s when it hit me. This was so not going to work. I didn’t know any of these principles.