That's a Lie

by Victoria Klahr

  Kitten doesn’t like thunder either, and I immediately chastise myself for not checking the weather before we left. I wouldn’t have brought Kitten with us if I knew it was going to storm. None of the other horses have a problem with thunderstorms, but Kitten freaks out every time. Josie and I turn our heads in the direction of the horse who is neighing loudly and kicking her front legs in the air. As soon as she gets back on all fours, she bolts into the forest.

  “Fuck,” I whisper as Josie unwraps her legs and stands back on the ground. “Come on, Pussy Cat… let’s go back to the barn, so you’re not in the storm. I’ll go look for Kitten when it dies down.”

  “I hope she’s okay,” she says, worry replacing the peaceful look in her eyes.

  “She’ll be fine… she does this all the time and comes back.”

  I put the food back in the bin quickly so any unwanted creatures don’t invade our land, and grab my shirt and phone. My shirt is soaked, so I don’t even bother trying to put it on. I do put my boots on though, and I saddle up on Ash. After Josie slips on her boots, she comes up next to my horse to climb on with me. She doesn’t need my help, but I offer her my hand anyway… gotta show her I can be a gentleman sometimes. She giggles and rolls her eyes, and taking my hand, she pulls herself up to sit behind me.

  We’re both slippery from the incessant rain, but that doesn’t take away the heat I feel when she wraps her tiny arms around my body.

  “Hold on tight, Pussy Cat…,” I say before grabbing the reigns and giving the horse a small kick.

  Chapter 9

  Josie

  The first thing I want to do when I climb onto the back of the horse, is lick the length of his back.

  I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I’ve become so absorbed with an ache to be with Seth, not just sexually, but in every way possible. Seth knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and I feel like he knows every single thing I think or feel.

  Have I really been hiding from the truth of my feelings for Seth for this long? Have I forced myself to not pursue the cravings that I’ve had for years?

  I know the answer immediately… Yes, of course I have.

  I’ve always known that the risk is too great. Seth is more than just some friend. Seth is the person who punched a boy in the face for making fun of me for having gay parents… as if there is something wrong with that. He’s the one who shoved Ray Flander against the lockers when he started spreading a rumor about me having an STD. He’s the one who ditched his date at homecoming to dance with me, since I was stood up by my date. He’s the one who saved me. He’s the one who held my hand every night he stayed in my room trying to coax me out of the depths of my sorrow.

  Seth has always been the other half of my being, soul and heart, since we were six years old. That’s more than the fragility of a friendship, it’s something I’m terrified of losing. When Seth was gone for two years, I wasn’t the same. I could barely function, and now I know it’s because a piece of me was missing.

  He wants me to take a chance. I want to take that chance, but I still don’t know if I can. Can I risk losing him again? Am I even worthy of him?

  The skin on my arms scorches against his stomach. The chill of the rain and wind, infused with the heat of his bare chest and back sends a pulsing energy through my veins. I lay my head against him, loving the smell of the rain and hay that he’s wrapped in. I’m not sure how, but I find a way to pull myself closer to him, my crotch completely against his lower back. My arms hold him closer to me, and I splay my hands in the middle of his chest.

  I don’t have to be shy or modest while I’m back here touching him. I brush my mouth against his wet back, grazing my teeth as I continue across the length of it. I feel his heart pounding against my hand, and I feel the vibrations of his chest humming in satisfaction. He slows down the horse, and places one hand on the top of my thigh, squeezing tightly. My breathing is uneven, exhilarated by his touch and with the thoughts of what I want him to do with me.

  Seth was so gentle with me, and that’s exactly why I always thought that our relationship was missing something or that he never liked having sex with me in the first place. I’ve seen the way he is with other girls. I know he isn’t easy with them, and that’s what I want. I don’t want to be treated like I’m fragile.

  Then there are these tiny moments, like when he yanked my hair earlier and the way he’s grabbing my thigh right now that I know the passion between us had a deterrence that needs to be broken down. There are times when I see raw passion in his eyes, but he forces the look away and touches me gently instead.

  What if that doesn’t change? What if I can’t convince him to stop being so gentle with me?

  My questions get lost when the horse stops abruptly. Seth turns halfway in his seat, and looks at me with his gorgeous eyes, heated with a craving that I know all too well. His hand that is clutching my thigh travels to my hip and grips it while he leans into me. There’s a determined look in his eyes as he levels his face to mine. Gripping even harder, he takes my bottom lip between his teeth and bites it before soothing it with his tongue.

  “You better fucking be good, Jos, because I’m seconds away from fucking you right here,” he says huskily against my mouth. I gasp, completely shocked by the way he spoke. He’s never said anything like that to me before. All I know is that a shock of pressure shoots right to my core, creating a wetness between my thighs that has nothing to do with the rain. My mouth parts open, and I pant as he skims my jaw and mouth with his wet lips.

  “Mmm…,” I moan, closing my eyes and pushing my chest out to him.

  “Fuck, Josie…,” he whispers and grabs my breast in his hand, kneading it in sync with his other hand that had moved back to my thigh. I feel daring, so I take my hand and place it on his chest. Using my fingernails, I lightly drag them all the way down until they reach the arousal in his pants. He sucks in a sharp breath, and his hand on my breast squeezes really hard. The pain is subdued as he rubs it softly after. The storm rages on around us, as an even bigger storm formulates within my body.

  The horse starts to move, and we grab onto the saddle in order to stay on. Seth shakes his head, and the look in his eyes turns to one of confusion and anger.

  “Don’t touch me like that while I’m riding, Pussy Cat. My dick will break off,” he says, turning around. It’s an attempt at a joke, I know, but I don’t like the look that he had in his eyes. As if he was pulling away from me again.

  I laugh humorlessly, and decide that it might be a better idea to just hold onto the saddle. Obviously I was too eager with my advances, and he didn’t like it. For a brief moment, I thought and hoped that he had started to find me as sexy and wild as the other girls he’s been with. I thought the barriers had started to come down, but then he built it right back up with that one look. A sharp pain works its way from my chest to my throat, a thrum that reminds me that my heart is still fragile.

  Blake broke my heart a month ago, how can I possibly think my heart is in okay shape to give away again? And especially to Seth, who is the most important person in the world to me. Seth gets the horse to start trotting again, but before he breaks out into a canter, he reaches back and pries my hand from the seat. He rubs it softly and then places it back against his stomach. I wrap my other hand around again, and I hold onto him firmly.

  Sure it’s a mixed signal, but I’m like a puzzle piece that’s found its match, and that feeling of being complete and whole is something I haven’t felt in a long time.

  I don’t tease him for the rest of the ride to the barn, unsure of how he’ll react, and I simply enjoy being close to him. It wasn’t a date, but if it had been a date, riding and going to the lake would have been the best one I could have ever experienced. Blake wasn’t overly extravagant with his dates, but I can tell a big difference in how it would be to be with Seth romantically. Seth and I can do the simplest things, and find humor and fun in them.

  We get to the barn too quickly and I find m
yself having to force my arms off of him. I jump off the horse as gracefully as I can, and give myself a mental pat on the back for not falling. Not that Seth would care, but I’ve already embarrassed myself enough tonight. Seth dismounts, and still doesn’t look at me. Since the storm is still raging with a vengeance, he goes to put Ash back in his stall, knowing he won’t be able to go out and look for Kitten for a little while longer.

  I don’t have my car since Seth brought me here, so I’m stuck in my spot looking around the barn. I remember my first time here when I was a little girl. Seth’s parents wanted my parents to come over, since we had become really close friends at school and since I had started begging to go over Seth’s house. Seth wanted to show me where they kept the horses, so we had raced all the way there. The parents stayed in the house and talked, while Seth introduced me to each of the horses. He had grown up here, so being around the big creatures was no big deal to him. I was a lot more timid than Seth was, but I didn’t want him to see how scared the horses made me.

  We came up to a large black horse and I was frozen in my spot when Seth opened the gate. My feet felt like they were anchored to the ground, and I couldn’t bring myself to pretend like I wanted to actually touch the horse. Seth looked back for me, and when he noticed I didn’t follow him into the stall, he came back out and closed the door. He grabbed my hand in his and walked me to the corral. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t make fun of me for being scared. He just comforted me with his small hand.

  When we got outside, there was a miniature horse in the corral. The horse was tan with a beautiful blonde mane, and she was shorter than I was. I squeezed Seth’s hand, the fear from earlier disintegrating as I found a smaller version of the horses that was nowhere near as intimidating. He looked at me and smiled a smile that showed two missing teeth. I smiled back, and we walked up to the horse.

  “This is Betsy. Dad said we have to take care of her while her owners are out of town. She’s a miniature horse,” he stated, proud of himself for being able to relay some facts. Seth touched Betsy’s nose first, and then rubbed her neck. With my other hand that wasn’t gripping tightly onto Seth’s hand, I reached out and tried to copy what Seth did. Betsy nudged my hand as I pet her, and seemed to like me right away. At least that’s what I told myself. I giggled and did it again.

  “See not so bad,” Seth said. “Once you get used to her, you could try the other horses.”

  “Sorry I got scared,” I said, nervously. I didn’t want to give him any reason to make fun of me, but he was nice about it, so I thought I could tell him the truth. He just shrugged his shoulders.

  “Everyone is scared of something… I used to be scared of the cows.”

  “The cows?” I asked giggling. He laughed with me.

  “Yep… Dad said I should start with the babies and then work my way to being around the bigger ones. Now I’m not scared…. Just keep coming back, Josie, and you won’t be scared anymore.”

  Maybe that advice is something that can be taken beyond a seven year old experience. George Montgomery let me ride on the miniature horse as I continued to come back. Eventually I got to a point, where the bigger horses never scared me anymore. Now being around them is like second nature. I feel alive when I come here, no longer scared of the magnificent animals.

  “What’re you smiling about,” Seth asks as he walks up to me, his southern accent that I love is coming back. I must have zoned out, because I missed the part where he put on a shirt, hiding my view of his toned abs, tattoos, and piercings. I kind of felt like throwing a tantrum, but he really does look just as good with a shirt on. He must have stashed some clothes around here, because his jeans are dry too.

  “Just thinking about the first time I came here.”

  “Ahhhh… right. You were scared of the horses,” he says laughing. I lean my shoulder into him to push him, but he doesn’t budge and wraps his arm around me instead. He moves me so I’m in front of him, and his hand reaches out to push my damp wayward hair out of my face. His eyes search mine, and it does nothing for my certainty to see indecision and hesitation reflected back at me. “I tried so hard to get you out of my head while I was gone.”

  I was not expecting that to come out of his mouth. His thumb traces my jaw, making my skin tingle from the warmth and the roughness.

  “I went away thinking that over time I could get rid of the feelings I have for you. I wanted to forget the hatred in your eyes when you saw those pictures in the gallery. I thought the distance could soothe the ache in my heart. I wanted to forget about the fact that you chose Blake over me-,” he says. I start to speak, but his finger moves from my cheek to my mouth. His finger lingers there, touching the softness of my lips with his coarse hand.

  “Shhh… let me finish, Pussy Cat. I’ve tried to think of every reason why I wasn’t good enough. I was a fucking wreck. I didn’t understand why he got to have your heart, when I could take care of your heart better. I know I can take care of you better, Josie… I was gone for two fucking years screwing every girl I saw-,” I jerk away from him not wanting to hear how he was with other women. How can he think I would want to know that? He grabs my arm tightly, and pulls me to him.

  “Stop it, Josie. Fucking listen to me. You never listen to me. You always think you fucking know everything. You think you know how everyone thinks or feels, but you’re wrong! Just listen!” he says roughly, keeping me firmly against the front of him. I see turmoil, hurt, and honesty in his eyes. He’s been wanting to say this for a while, and I owe it to him to let him speak- no matter how much I hate hearing some of it. Relenting, I nod my head, and I feel his rigid body relax. He keeps his hand on my back, making sure I don’t move away from him again.

  “You’ve always gotten so jealous when I talk about other girls,” he says with a sexy ass smirk on his luscious lips. I roll my eyes, not finding humor in his statement. Have I always been jealous? “Anyway… You were always there, getting in the way. You infiltrated my whole being. My body craved you. My heart needed you. My mind saw you. It didn’t matter how many girls I was with, you consumed me, and it never went away. Can’t tell you how many times I was slapped for saying the wrong name.”

  I laugh under my breath, but don’t look at him. I don’t like hearing about him with other women. It makes me sick. But it’s nice to know that he was slapped while he was with them… especially for saying my name.

  “Josie…” he whispers, grabbing my chin and turning my face toward his. “I ran away because I was scared. I was scared and angry about how I’ve felt for you for years. I know it will be hard. I know it’s risky. I know there’s a chance things could go to hell, but I’m not ok with running or being scared anymore. I will make you mine. Because as much as I don’t deserve you, you deserve to feel the intensity of what I feel for you.”

  My heart flutters at his declaration. He’s telling me he wants me, and he’s being completely open and vulnerable with me, unlike in the past. Before, I was so unsure of what we were, of what we felt, and of where things were heading. Now he’s giving me a direct answer. He wants me.

  “Seth,” I say softly, reaching up to touch his face. “I’m so scared. I can’t lose you again.” I’ve been able to make myself so strong, pushing away all of the sadness and depression that I’ve been bottling up inside. I want to just be angry. But I don’t want to be angry with Seth. I want him.

  “I’ll always be here, Josie. I know it’s hard to believe me and trust me after what happened, but I swear I will kill myself before I ever let you go again.” He grabs the sides of my face, and leans his forehead against mine. He places his lips against the side of my mouth and leaves them there, savoring the closeness. Then he whispers, “Remember I told you to keep coming back to the horses, and eventually you wouldn’t be scared anymore?”

  I nod my head, half delirious with how close he is to me and half raptured by what he’s telling me. “Yes,” I whisper back, my breath mixing with his heavy breathing.

  “Do
the same for me, pretty girl. We’ll go slowly. Keep coming back to me. Let me show you that you’re my other half and that life isn’t worth shit without you here with me.” He softly puts his lips on mine and speaks the last words into my mouth. “Let me prove to you that I can love you the way you deserve.”

  I don’t know where he gets this idea that I am deserving of anything from him, but his words still send a bolt of pleasure through my body. The butterflies in my stomach flurry rapidly. Fuck my insecurities about whether or not this is too soon. My whole body, mind and soul is craving him, needing to reveal exactly how he makes me feel. My mouth opens as I try to take in more air, and Seth’s mouth follows my top lip. He wastes no time pushing my body harder against his and bringing my lip into his mouth.

  A whole shock of feeling assaults my senses. I hear our hearts and breath in rapid cadence with each other. I smell the mixture of our bodies, a perfect blend of rain and hay. I see him completely immersed in what he wants to show me, before I see darkness from closing my eyes. I feel his sumptuous lips playing with and moving against mine in a perfect art, his hands eagerly running through my hair and back, and his body tightening and relaxing as I run my hands across him. I taste his succulent mouth with my tongue, tasting like rain and mint.

  Finally there’s an added sense in my mind- the mixture of all my other senses is creating a connection and an understanding that Seth and I are pieced together in a non-physical way. He said I infiltrated his whole being, but the feeling is mutual. Only this time I welcome the thoughts, not worried about everything that could go wrong if it doesn’t work out. I just let go.