The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1,001 Nights: Volume 1

by Penguin; Robert Irwin; Malcolm Lyons; Ursula Lyons

  She told him to strip, and he got up in a daze and took off all his clothes until he was naked…

  Morning now dawned and Shahrazad broke off from what she had been allowed to say. Then, when it was the thirty-second night, SHE CONTINUED:

  I have heard, O auspicious king, that the old woman told the barber’s brother to strip and he got up in a daze and took off all his clothes until he was naked. THE BARBER WENT ON:

  ‘Get up now,’ the lady told my brother, ‘and when you start running, I’ll run, too.’ She, too, stripped and said: ‘If you want me, then come and get me.’ Off she ran, with my brother following. She started to go into one room after another, before dashing off somewhere else, with my brother behind her, overcome by lust, his penis rampant, like a madman. In she went to a darkened room, but when my brother ran in after her, he trod on a thin board that gave way beneath him, and before he knew what was happening, he was in the middle of a lane in the market of the leather sellers, who were calling their wares and buying and selling. When they saw him in that state, naked, with an erection, a shaven chin, dyed eyebrows and reddened cheeks, they cried out against him, slapped him with their hands and started to beat him in his nakedness with leather straps, until he fainted. Then they sat him on a donkey and took him to the wali. When the wali asked about him, they said: ‘He fell down in this state from Shams al-Din’s house.’ The wali sentenced him to a hundred lashes and banished him from Baghdad, but I went out after him and brought him back in secret. I have given him an allowance for his food, but were it not for my sense of honour, I could not put up with a man like him.

  My third brother is called the Jabberer, and he is blind. One day, fate led him to a large house, at whose door he knocked, hoping to speak to its owner and to beg some alms from him. The owner called out: ‘Who is at the door?’ but he made no reply. He then heard the owner calling loudly: ‘Who is there?’ but again he made no answer. He heard footsteps as the owner came to the door, opened it and asked him what he wanted. ‘Alms for the love of God Almighty,’ my brother replied. ‘Are you blind?’ the man asked and my brother said yes. ‘Give me your hand,’ the man told him, and my brother did this, thinking that he was going to give him something. Instead, holding him by the hand, the man led him into the house and, taking him up stair after stair, he brought him to the flat roof. My brother was saying to himself: ‘Surely he will give me some food or some money?’ But when the owner reached the top of the house, he repeated: ‘What do you want, blind man?’ ‘Alms for the love of Almighty God,’ replied my brother. ‘May God open the gates of profit for you,’ the man said. ‘Why didn’t you tell me that when I was downstairs?’ said my brother. ‘Scum, why didn’t you speak the first time that I called?’ replied the man. ‘What are you going to do with me now?’ asked my brother. ‘I have nothing in the house to give you,’ said the man. ‘At least take me down the stairs,’ said my brother. ‘The way is in front of you,’ replied the man. So my brother moved forward and went on down the stairs until there were only twenty steps left between him and the door, but then his foot slipped and he fell down as far as the door, breaking open his head.

  He went out, dazed and not knowing where he was going, until he was joined by two blind companions of his. ‘What did you get today?’ they asked, and he told them what had happened. Then he said: ‘Brothers, I want to take out some of the money that I still have and spend it on myself.’ His companions agreed to do the same. The owner of the house was following them and listening to what they said, although neither my brother nor his companions realized this. My brother then came to his lodgings and as he entered, unbeknown to him, the man slipped in behind. My brother sat down, waiting for his companions, and when they came in he told them to lock the door and to search the house, in case they had been followed by some stranger. On hearing this, the man got up and clung to a rope that was dangling from the roof. As a result, although the blind men went around the whole room, they found no one. Then they went back and took their seats by my brother, after which they brought out what money that they had and this, when they counted it, turned out to be twelve thousand dirhams. They left it in a corner of the room; each man took what he needed, and what remained was buried. They then produced some food and sat eating, but my brother heard the sounds of a stranger chewing beside him. He warned his companions of this and, stretching out his hand, he caught hold of the house owner and he and the others fell to beating him.

  After a time, they called out: ‘Muslims, a thief has got in, wanting to steal our money.’ A large crowd gathered, but, for his part, the house owner seized hold of the blind men, accusing them of what they had accused him. He closed his eyes until he looked so like one of them that no one doubted that he was blind. ‘Muslims,’ he cried out, ‘I appeal to God and to the sultan. I appeal to God and to the wali. Listen to what I have to tell.’ Before my brother knew what was happening, all of them had been surrounded and taken to the wali’s house.

  When they were brought before him, the wali asked what the matter was. The house owner said: ‘Ask as much as you like, but you will find out nothing except by torture. So start by torturing me and this fellow, who is our leader’ – and he pointed at my brother. They stretched the man out and gave him four hundred painful strokes on the backside. He then opened one eye, and when they went on beating him, he opened the other. ‘What’s this, you damned fellow?’ said the wali. ‘Give me a guarantee of protection,’ said the man, and he went on: ‘We four pretend to be blind and we prey on people, entering their homes, looking at their women and corrupting them. This has proved very profitable and we have collected twelve thousand dirhams. I told my companions to give me my share, that is three thousand dirhams, but instead, they beat me and took my money. I take refuge with God and with you, but I have a greater right to my share. I want you to realize that I am telling you the truth, so beat each one of them more than you beat me and they will open their eyes.’

  At that, the wali ordered the blind men to be beaten, starting with my brother. They tied him to a whipping frame and the wali said to them all: ‘You evil men, do you deny the grace of God and pretend to be blind?’ ‘God, God, by God,’ cried my brother, ‘not one of us can see,’ but they beat him until he fainted. ‘Leave him until he recovers,’ said the wali, ‘and then beat him again.’ He went on to order that each of the others be given more than three hundred lashes, while the house owner kept urging: ‘Open your eyes, or else you will be beaten again.’ Then he said to the wali: ‘Send someone with me to fetch the money, for these men will not open their eyes as they are afraid of public disgrace.’ The wali did this and, after getting the money, he gave the house owner three thousand dirhams which he had claimed as his share, keeping the rest for himself, and he then exiled the three blind men. I went out and caught up with my brother and asked him what had happened to him. When he told me the story that I have just told you, I took him back into the city secretly and, still in secret, I gave him an allowance for food and drink.

  The caliph laughed at the story and ordered that I should be given a reward and allowed to leave, but I told him: ‘By God, I will not take anything until I tell the Commander of the Faithful what happened to my other brothers, for I am a taciturn man.’ THEN I SAID:

  My fourth brother, who is now one-eyed, was a butcher in Baghdad who sold meat and raised rams. Men of importance and wealth used to seek him out and buy meat from him, as a result of which he became very wealthy and acquired both riding beasts and houses. This good fortune lasted for a long time. Then one day, when he was sitting in his shop, an old man with a long beard stopped beside him, gave him some money and asked for its value in meat. When the exchange of money and meat had been made, the old man went off.

  On looking at the silver that he been given, my brother saw that the dirhams were glistening white, so he stored them by themselves. For five months, the old man kept coming back and my brother went on putting his dirhams in a box by themselves. He then wanted t
o take them out in order to buy some sheep, but when he opened the box, he found that all it contained was white paper cut in pieces. He struck his face and cried out, and when a crowd gathered around him he told them his story, which filled them with astonishment. Following his usual practice, my brother then got up and slaughtered a ram whose carcass he hung up in his shop, while the meat that he had sliced from it he hung up outside, saying as he did so: ‘O God, let that ill-omened old man come.’ In fact, some time later, the man did arrive, bringing silver with him. My brother got up and, holding on to him, shouted: ‘Muslims, come here and listen to what I have to tell you about this evil-doer.’ When the old man heard this, he said to my brother: ‘Which would you prefer – to leave me alone or to be publicly shamed by me?’ ‘How can you shame me?’ asked my brother. ‘By showing that you are selling human flesh as mutton,’ said the old man. ‘You are lying, you damned fellow,’ my brother replied. ‘The one who is damned is the one who has a man hung up in his shop.’ ‘If that is so,’ said my brother, ‘then my money and my blood are lawfully yours.’

  At that, the old man called to the bystanders: ‘If you want to check what I say to find that I am telling the truth, then come into his shop.’ The people surged forward and found that the ram had become a man, whose corpse was hanging there. When they saw that, they laid hold of my brother and shouted at him: ‘Infidel, villain,’ while his dearest friend started hitting and slapping him and saying: ‘Do you give us human flesh to eat?’ The old man struck him on the eye and knocked it out. Then the people took the corpse to the chief of police, to whom the old man said: ‘Emir, this man slaughters people and sells their flesh as mutton. We have brought him to you, so do you punish him in accordance with the law of the Omnipotent and All-powerful God.’ My brother tried to defend himself, but the police chief would not listen and ordered him to be given five hundred lashes. All his money was confiscated, and had it not been for the money, he would have been killed.

  He then fled away as fast as he could and eventually he reached a large city where he thought it best to set up as a shoemaker. He opened a shop and sat working for his daily bread. One day, he went out on some errand. Hearing the sound of horses’ hooves, he asked what was happening, and he was told that the king was going out hunting. My brother was gazing at his splendour when, on noticing him, the king lowered his head and said: ‘God is my refuge from the evil of this day.’ He turned his horse about and rode back with all his retinue. He then gave orders to his servants, who got hold of my brother and beat him so painfully that he almost died.

  My brother didn’t know why they had done this and returned home in a state of near collapse. Later he approached one of the king’s household and told him what had happened. The man laughed until he fell over and then said: ‘Brother, you must know that the king cannot bear to look at a one-eyed man, especially if it is the right eye that he has lost, in which case he doesn’t let him go free, but kills him.’ On hearing this, my brother made up his mind to flee from the city. He got up and left for another part where no one knew him, and there he stayed for a long time. Then, while thinking over his situation, he went out one day to see the sights, but on hearing the sound of horses behind him, he cried: ‘My fate has come upon me!’ He looked for a place to hide, but could find nothing until he caught sight of a door. Pushing it open, he went in. There he saw a long hallway, which he entered, but before he knew what was going on, two men had laid hold on him. ‘Praise to God,’ they said, ‘for thanks to Him we have laid our hands on you, you enemy of God. For three nights now, thanks to you, we have had no sleep and no rest, and you have given us a taste of the pangs of death.’ ‘What is the matter with you people?’ asked my brother. ‘You have been raiding us,’ they said, ‘wanting to disgrace us, scheming and trying to murder the owner of the house. Isn’t it enough for you that you and your friends have ruined him? Hand over the knife that you have been using to threaten us each night.’ They then searched my brother and found a knife in his waistband. ‘For God’s sake, show mercy,’ implored my brother, ‘for you must know that mine is a strange story.’

  They asked what his story might be, and he told them in the hope that they would free him, but when they heard what he had to say, they paid no attention but struck him and tore his clothes. When they found the scars of the beating on his sides, they said: ‘You damned man. These are the marks of a beating.’ They took him to the wali and my brother said to himself: ‘My sins have caught up with me and only Almighty God can save me.’ ‘You villain,’ said the wali to him, ‘what led you to do this, to enter this house with intent to kill?’ ‘Emir,’ said my brother, ‘I ask you in God’s Name to listen to what I have to say and not to judge me hastily.’ ‘Am I to listen to a thief,’ asked the wali, ‘a man who has reduced people to poverty and who still bears the scars of a beating on his back? You would not have been beaten like this except for some serious crime.’ On his orders, my brother then received a hundred lashes, after which he was mounted on a camel, with guards proclaiming: ‘This is the reward, and the least of the rewards, for one who attacks the houses of others.’ He was then expelled from the city and he fled away. When I heard of this, I went out to him and asked him what had happened. He told me his story and I stayed with him. People kept shouting at him, but they eventually let him go and I took him off and brought him secretly to the city, where I have made him an allowance for food and drink.

  As for my fifth brother, whose ears have been cut off, Commander of the Faithful, he was a poor man who used to beg from the people by night and spend what he got by day. Our father was a very old man and when he fell ill and died, he left us seven hundred dirhams, of which each of us took a hundred. When my fifth brother got his share, he was bewildered and didn’t know what to do with it. Still in a state of confusion, it occurred to him to get glassware of all kinds and make a profit from it. He spent a hundred dirhams on buying this glass, which he set out on a large tray and, to sell it, he sat down beside a wall. As he sat, leaning against the wall, he thought to himself: ‘This glass represents my capital of a hundred dirhams. I shall sell it for two hundred and then use the two hundred to buy more, which I shall sell for four hundred. I shall go on buying and selling until I have great wealth, and then I shall buy all kinds of goods, jewels and perfumes, and make an enormous profit. After that, I shall buy a fine house, with mamluks, horses and saddles of gold. I shall eat and drink and invite home every singer in the city, whether male or female. My capital, God willing, will come to a hundred thousand dirhams.’

  All this was going through his mind while his glassware was spread out on its tray in front of him. He went on to musing to himself: ‘When my capital reaches a hundred thousand dirhams, I shall send out the marriage brokers who can arrange alliances with the daughters of kings and viziers. It is the hand of Shams al-Din’s daughter for which I shall ask, as I hear that her beauty is perfect and that she is marvellously graceful. I shall offer a dowry of a thousand dinars for her, and if her father accepts, well and good, but if he does not, then I shall take her by force to spite him. When I have her in my house, I shall buy ten little eunuchs for myself, together with a robe such as is worn by kings and sultans, and I shall have a golden saddle made, studded with precious gems. I shall mount, with my mamluks walking around and in front of me, and as I go about the city, people will greet me and call down blessings on me. I shall come into the presence of Shams al-Din, the girl’s father, with my mamluks behind and in front of me, as well as to my right and my left. When he sees me, Shams al-Din will get up and seat me in his place, while he himself sits below me, as he is to be my relative by marriage. With me will be two eunuchs carrying two purses, each of which will contain a thousand dinars. I shall give him a thousand as his daughter’s dowry and then I shall hand him another thousand so that he may learn of my chivalry, generosity and magnanimity, as well as my scorn for worldly things. If he addresses me in ten words, I shall reply in two.

  ‘Then I
shall go to my own house, and if any messenger comes to me from my bride, I shall give him money and a robe of honour, while if he brings me a gift, I shall return it to him, refusing to accept it, so that people may know that I am a proud man and only allow myself to relax when it is appropriate. My servants will then be told to dress me suitably and when they have done that, I shall order them to arrange for the wedding ceremony. My house will be splendidly decorated and when the time comes for the unveiling of the bride, I shall wear my most sumptuous clothes and recline in a robe of brocade, looking neither to right nor to left because of the greatness of my mind and the soundness of my understanding.

  ‘My bride, with her jewellery and her robes, will be standing before me like a full moon, but in my pride and haughtiness, I shall not glance at her until all those present say: “Master, your wife, your servant, is standing before you. Spare her a glance, because this standing is tiring her.” They will kiss the ground before me a number of times and at that I shall lift my head, cast a single glance at her, and then look down towards the ground. They will then take me to the bedroom, where I shall change my clothes and put on something even more splendid. When they bring the bride a second time, I shall not look at her until they beg me many times, and after looking, I shall again look down towards the ground and I shall continue in this way until her unveiling has been completed.’

  Morning now dawned and Shahrazad broke off from what she had been allowed to say. Then, when it was the thirty-third night, SHE CONTINUED: