Submit

by Leona Keyoko Pink

  I began to shake and cry as I became more lucid, more and more aware of my situation. He reached out, brushing his fingertips against my cheeks and wiping away my tears, “Easy now, easy. This is some pretty powerful shit. I know it can be a bit of a mind fuck waking up from it. But you’re okay. You’re with me,”

  That...that was exactly why I wasn’t fucking okay. My eyes widened as my adrenaline finally started kicking in. I struggled to fight. He pulled his hand away and just laughed. I started screaming but the tape muffled it. He turned the music up and just ignored me as I flailed.

  I don’t know how long I struggled to get free. How long I screamed as loud as I could or how many tears I shed, but eventually I grew fatigued. It occurred to me I was trapped in my current situation...I was wasting valuable energy I needed to save for when I could get free...to get away.

  My stomach ached and my mind reeled as my adrenaline subsided. I began to worry as fear filled my every being. What was he going to do with me? Was he going to hurt me? Obviously...Would he rape me? Kill me...Would he torture me or do it quick? I closed my eyes imaging all the awful things I could think of. Tears streamed down my face.

  I started to shake again and my breathing became...erratic. I started to hyperventilate. He grew annoyed and looked around. He checked his side mirror and rear view before pulling off to the side of the road. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around. I didn’t see any other cars through my tear soaked vision, much to my dismay.

  He turned the car off and then unbuckled himself. I realized then that this wasn’t his sports car...It was another car. He reached out, trying to soothe me. Instinctively I struggled against his embrace but my hands were tightly bound and I realized they were attached to my legs. I hadn’t realized my legs were tied too. I couldn’t feel them.

  I continued to wheeze as snot came out my nose. I felt like I was gonna suffocate. He must have been worried too. He pulled from me long enough to grab a tissue. He wiped my nose and squeezed it. “Blow,” he said.

  I didn’t want to do anything he wanted but I couldn’t breathe with my mouth taped. I weakly blew my nose and then took in some air. Again he demanded, “Blow,” I blew harder this time. Snot filled the tissue and he had to get another one.

  When he was satisfied he pulled the tissues away and tucked them in the center consul of his car. Then he held me again tightly, squeezing me. I wanted to resist but my mind and body were at odds. While I was screaming in my head, my body was beginning to calm down. He knew just where to touch me, squeezing various parts of me until my breathing had evened some. I felt sick...sick that he could do this to me. So many emotions...struck me all at once. My brain was overloaded with stimulation, still coming of the drug...or drugs he’d given me.

  He pulled away and I was filled with dread. I knew I should be happy he let me go...but we were parked on the side of the road with no one else around. If he wanted to right now he could do anything and there was no one that could stop him. My lips trembled. He pulled something out of his pocket. I flinched and closed my eyes when he tried to show it to me.

  “Becca,” he chucked, “It’s just my phone...look at it,”

  I refused. I refused to comply. He grew impatient. Roughly Lynn grabbed the back of my neck and squeezed. He got up close to me and yelled in my ear, “OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES OR I’LL PRY THEM OPEN!”

  I opened them. Though my vision was blurry I could see his phone. He had a picture on it. It took me a few seconds to recognize my own little brother, Tam. His mouth was taped shut and his hands were tied with rope. My eyes widened with horror as several of my teardrops fell on the screen.

  This...this couldn’t be happening, no, no, no. I shook, trying to get free of his grasp, but he held my neck tightly making sure I took in the photo. He slid his thumb across the screen and there were others photos. My brother looking more and more frightened. I hadn’t expected this. I had expected him to a lot of awful thing to me to me but not my family, not my little brother.

  He pulled the tape from my mouth. It burned but I could speak. I screamed in horror, barely understandable. “WHAT IS THIS...WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!”

  “This is my insurance that you will behave yourself until we get where were going. When we’re safe and no one can take you from me I’ll call your parents and tell them where your brother is.”

  He let go of the back of my neck and wiped my tears off his screen before putting it away. I sat there for a moment trying to think clearly but those images were burned into my skull. I turned to him pleading, “Please...please don’t hurt him. He’s just a child.”

  “Don’t make me hurt him,” Lynn said, looking at me sadly. “I...I didn’t want things to be like this. I wanted to keep things simple. But you had to go and complicate them. All you had to do was submit, Becca. It’s still all you have to do,” He made it sound simple like I was being the difficult one.

  I tried to stay focused, thinking of what I needed to do to get Tam free, to save him. He’d said he wouldn’t free him ‘til we got where we were going. How much farther, how much longer was it? “Where?” I trembled, “Where are we going?”

  Lynn eased back in his seat. “We have a ways to go.” He rubbed his chin, “I think we’re a little over halfway now,”

  “Half…” I said. How much longer was that? How much longer would he be in danger?

  “Relax,” said Lynn. “I promise as long as you follow my simple commands, no harm will come to him or you.”

  “Okay,” I said, sniffling. I felt so pathetic in that moment. Pathetic, scared, guilty. My brother was in danger and this was all my fault. I struggled to be strong but felt powerless. I nodded, “Okay, just don’t hurt him. I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t hurt him,”

  He looked at me groveling, seeing the terror, the utter defeat in my eyes, and he smiled. “So much for I’ll never submit,” He chuckled.

  How he could joke at a time like this? I wanted to glare at him but instead turned my stiff neck to look out the window. He watched me for a moment and sighed, “I’d like to cut your bindings...I need to treat them.”

  I barely took in what he was saying. I looked down at my hands and saw they were bloody. The burned and stung but I had so much to take in that they were barely a blip on my radar. It must have been the friction of me struggling to get free.

  I looked back at the window, “Okay…” he could do whatever to me...it didn’t matter. My chest felt like it was going to cave in at the thought. I knew I shouldn’t pity myself but I was scared...I focused it on my brother but I was scared about what was going to happen when this was all over.

  I closed my eyes and stilled myself to not think about it until it was indeed over and Tam was safe. I heard a knife flick open and turned to see he’d pulled a pocket knife out. He brought it over to me slowly. I shut my eyes. I felt pressure on my bindings but he paused, “Just so you know...if you’re thinking about bashing my head in and running off with my phone, I have a system. If I call then your brother is dead and if I don’t check in at certain times your brother is dead,”

  It hadn’t occurred to me that there were other factors at play. That hurting him or taking his phone was even a possibility. I hadn’t thought about how my brother had been taken or even who he was with. Nothing else mattered beyond Tam was in danger...I needed to do whatever it took to get him out of it.

  I nodded but he wasn’t satisfied. “Do you understand? If you displease me or hurt me this will end in a bad outcome for Tam,”

  “YES,” I said louder then I needed to, “Yes,” I repeated quieter, my voice choking on my emotions.

  He sighed still watching me, the knife at my bindings. “I want to believe you. I really do, Bec.” He cut my hands free.

  They ached even more now that they were free. I opened my eyes and looked down at them. It looked like the circulation had been cut off. I moved to rub my wrists and he hissed, “Keep them apart, don’t touch them.”

  It was hard to re
sist the urge to tend to my own wounds. He put his knife away and then reached for a box in the back of the car. It was a first aid kit. He opened it and then one at a time tended to my wrists. He cleaned them and put ointment on them. They hurt even more but I didn’t cry out, feeling oddly numb. Once he was done treating them he wrapped them in bandages.

  “Now let them rest,” he said, “I won’t tie you up again if I don’t have to,”

  I didn’t say anything as he put everything away. I just stared out the window again. I could see the first stars now. I vaguely remembered my dream…It was a new one...but felt familiar.

  I also foggily remembered Julia and Lynn speaking. I couldn’t recall what they said and wasn’t sure if it was a dream as well but I knew she’d been in on this. Had helped this psycho kidnap me. I felt too overwhelmed to fully react just yet but there was a bitterness churning inside me.

  Several minutes passed in silence and we just sat there. I expected him to start moving again but he was just staring at me. I eventually turned to look at him and he smiled. “Damn, you’re beautiful,”

  If that was meant to be a compliment he was crazy. I turned back to the window and he reached out, touching my arm. I flinched and he commanded, “Look at me,”

  I turned, looking at him again. He studied me for a moment thinking, “Now apologize,”

  I looked at him, confused. Without thinking I said, “What?”

  “Apologize for treating me so rudely...and making me have to go this far,”

  I looked at him like he was insane. He couldn’t be serious. He wanted me to apologize...for him stalking me, kidnapping me, and holding my brother hostage. He pulled out his phone and shook it. “This isn’t a great start. If you can’t follow even the simplest of commands…”

  “I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

  He had to know I didn’t mean it but said, “Good. Now tell me you love me,”

  My eyes darted at him and I couldn’t hide the hatred.

  He shrugged, “I know. I know you don’t love me right now. But in time, with enough repetition and training, you will. Now say it,”

  I stared forward, thinking of my little brother. I closed my eyes and imagined I was saying it to him. I softly said, “I love you,”

  There was a long moment of silence. I opened my eyes and looked to see he had his shut a pleasant smile on his face like he had been waiting a long time for those words to escape my lips.

  A few seconds later he sighed and then turned to me, “Okay, one last thing before we get going again. Kiss me,”

  My eyes widened. He leaned into me and I pulled back. He only leaned so far before he closed his eyes and pushed out his lips. I shriveled in my seat, feeling disgusted. I fought the urge to puke. I didn’t want to do this….I didn’t want to do this.

  With his eyes still closed he began to count down, “Five, four, three-”

  I leaned in quickly. Keeping my eyes open I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He hadn’t said where. He smirked, realizing the same thing as I pulled away. “Cute...Becca very cute...On the lips now, kiss me,”

  His eyes were still closed. Again I leaned in quicker this time my lips barely touched his before I pulled back. I hoped that was enough. He continued to stay leaned in.

  “Again,” he said.

  Begrudgingly I leaned in and kissed him harder, longer. I thought that had to count as I pulled back but yet again he said, “Again,”

  “I did it that time,” I said.

  “I know you did,” he said, “Now again,”

  I sighed and kissed him again. When his lips started to part I pulled back. He smiled, cooing, “Again.”

  “I thought you said this was just one last thing,”

  “It’s part of it,” he said, “Now again,”

  I kissed him and he quickly grabbed the back of my head. He held me against his lips putting his tongue into my mouth. I struggled not to pull away, not to bite his tongue and scratch his eyes out. My baby brother was scared, alone and in danger. I had to do whatever it took. Whatever he wanted...

  Chapter Twelve

  I was afraid he was going to ask me to go further and further, but after we shared a kiss that felt like a lifetime he stopped. He put on his seat belt, started the car, and we set out once more. We drove in silence, save for the lull of the road and the light classical music on the stereo.

  It was a struggle not to get swallowed up in what was happening. I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to escape by any means possible. Yet anything I did could cost my brother his life. I didn’t want to believe Lynn would actually kill him. I didn’t want to believe anyone was capable of such a thing. But Lynn was an exception to anyone I’d ever known.

  As it got later and later I began to wonder where we would spend the night. Surely we couldn’t drive on forever. Would we get a hotel room? Would he just pull over? And then what? I began to dread what would happen when the car stopped.

  I focused on looking out the window. Each time I saw a car pass by, I longed for them to notice my distress. I knew we were going too fast for any of them to truly see me, and even then what could they do? What could anyone do?

  Eventually I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I was surprised I hadn’t had an accident with how long it had been and then I noticed my clothes. You think it would be hard to miss that someone had changed your clothes, but with the effect of the drugs and the life or death situation I was in it had been easy to miss.

  I found I was no longer in my pajamas but the purple dress with the flowers I’d seen at Nibbys’. It was a perfect fit and the embroidery felt nice when I ran the palms of my hands over my stomach.

  Lynn saw that I’d finally noticed the dress. He smiled and said, “I saw you eyeing it. Looks good on you,”

  I shivered and threw my head back. Had I seen him that day, when I thought I saw something? Had he been watched Julia and I talking? Had he planned it all, her approach, the sleepover? The thoughts, the weight of everything, felt like it was going to crush me. My stomach made a loud rumble and he nodded, “I suppose it’s about time. We’ll be stopping soon enough.”

  “For the night?” I feared.

  “No,” he said, “Just for gas and dinner. Well, a late night snack. There is a diner along our route. I think you’ll like it,”

  I doubted it. I doubted I could ever like anything that involved Lynn.

  We drove for nearly half an hour before he pulled off the highway and took an exit that went through a small town. I didn’t recognize the name of it. As we passed houses and business it occurred to me there would be other people. I wouldn’t be alone with him anymore.

  The thought must have crossed Lynn’s mind as well, “You’ll have to behave yourself. You don’t leave my sight. You don’t talk to anyone or draw any unnecessary attention. If you try to escape or get a message to anyone then it’s Tam that will suffer,”

  My sudden hope dwindled. Somehow I found a silver lining in the fact that I would at least be getting out of the car. We pulled up at a gas station and he told me to sit tight. I did, holding myself.

  I looked out the window and watched as a woman drove up. She was only a few feet away. I fought the urge to open my car door and call out to her. I was glad that I had because a moment later I saw her two small children in the car. One was asleep and the other waved at me. I didn’t wave back. I just looked at Lynn.

  He seemed relaxed. He got into a light conversation with the woman as they both filled their tanks. He paid and then got back in. We drove for a few minutes before pulling into the parking lot of a twenty four hour diner on the edge of town.

  He told me to wait and I wondered if I wouldn’t get to go in. I told him I needed to use the bathroom. He acknowledged my need but insisted I wait. He got out and grabbed something from the trunk. I couldn’t see what it was at first. I looked in the side mirror and saw it was a wheelchair. I wondered why he’d need one.

  He opened my car door and I was eager to get out. I moved to
get up but found myself caught. I tried to move again but something was keeping me in my seat. I forgot I had a seat belt on. He chuckled as he leaned in and unfastened it for me. I felt like an idiot.

  Then he grabbed my legs. I felt the pressure of him lifting them. They were still tied like my hands had been. They felt strange. He cut the bindings on my feet free and I wondered if their circulation had been cut off like my hands.

  I attempted to move them but couldn’t. I began to panic as he put his hands under my armpits and lifted me. He transferred me to the wheelchair. He’d known I’d need one. Why did I need one? Was I paralyzed? I began to cry and he quickly shushed me. He squatted down to my left and put his hands on both my arms trying to get my attention, “Now, now, there is nothing to worry about. Your legs are just fine. It’s gonna take a bit before everything comes back. Like I said, this is some powerful shit.”

  He pulled out a cloth and I was afraid he was gonna knock me out again but he just wiped my tears away, “Come this time tomorrow I’m sure you’ll be running around,”

  I glared at him but he didn’t acknowledge it. He just finished wiping my face and got up. He wheeled me into the diner and then into the bathroom. It was a single bathroom with handicap accessibility. I wondered if he knew that.

  When the door was shut and locked he came to help me. I pushed him away without thinking. He gave me a look and then came at me again. I didn’t want him touching me. I didn’t want him helping me onto the toilet but at this point I had no choice. I needed to go.

  Once I was securely on the toilet nothing else mattered but relieving myself. I pulled on my dress lifting it up to my middle and reached for my underwear only to find I didn’t have any on. I closed my eyes realizing he’d seen me naked. Of course he had, he’d changed my clothes, but I hadn’t thought about it. It was just hitting me like so many things were just hitting me.