Coming Home

by Christine S. Feldman

Liddy smiled sadly. “Baby girl, he’s always been good at leaving. He couldn’t face you back then to tell you goodbye. Don’t expect him to be a better man now.”

  Callie blinked in surprise and then stared down at the name on the paper. “Why did he leave, Mom? Was it something we did?”

  “Don’t ever think that. It was him, not you. It was always him. Oh, honey,” Liddy said, worry in her voice as she reached out to cup Callie’s cheek in her hand. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  All her life she had wanted to do this. She still did, although there was a knot in her stomach now. “I have to see him.”

  “I had a feeling you’d say that.” Liddy sighed. “When will you go?”

  She wanted to go right this second. “Well … you’re getting around pretty well now. I don’t think you really need me to be here anymore, do you?”

  “I’ll be fine,” her mother said quietly, but there was grief in her voice.

  Callie pushed her chair back from the table and went to kneel beside her mother’s chair. “Mom,” she said earnestly, looking up into Liddy’s face. “I’m not Dad, okay? I’m not walking out. I’m in your life for good, and I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

  It had been a long time since the two of them had hugged each other. Callie felt a little rusty and awkward as she put her arms around her mother, realizing how much it must have cost her to say what she had said tonight, but Liddy didn’t seem to mind. She returned her daughter’s hug without hesitation, stroking Callie’s hair as she had done when Callie was just a child. “And you’re stuck with me, kiddo. Go do what you need to do, but always know that home is here for you. Anytime.”

  “Thank you.”

  Her mother sniffed and sat back in her chair, wiping her own eyes. “Bah. Far too much emotion for one night. Look at us! I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.”

  Callie smiled at her mom. Maybe Danny had been right. Maybe they really were two of a kind. But her smile faltered as she thought of him.

  Her mother seemed to have thought of him, too. “So, you’ll want to tell Danny goodbye before you jet off after your father, won’t you?”

  She knew her face had betrayed her when she saw Liddy’s brow furrow. “I … ”

  “What’s wrong? You two didn’t have a fight today, did you?”

  “No. Not exactly.” But she couldn’t look her mother in the eyes.

  “Well, something happened.”

  “I … I screwed up, Mom. I crossed a line with Danny today, and there’s no way to uncross it.”

  Liddy looked faintly alarmed. “What exactly did you do, Callie?”

  “I kissed him,” Callie said heavily.

  “Oh.” Her mother gave a little laugh of relief. “So what’s wrong with that? Sounds to me like this should be good news, not bad. Good grief, Callie. You had me worried there for a minute.”

  “Mom! This isn’t a joke.”

  “Who’s joking? I think it’s high time you two got around to a little action.”

  Callie’s eyes widened and she had to reach out and catch the arm of her mother’s chair to keep herself from falling over. “Mom!”

  “What?”

  “Could you not be so … blunt?”

  Her mother rolled her eyes. “Life’s too short to dance around the truth. I would think that you, of all people, would be in favor of a little frankness.”

  Callie sank back into her own chair and leaned back, covering her eyes with one hand. “Not when it’s my mother discussing my love life.”

  “Fine. I’ll try to censor myself around you. But I still don’t see why you think what happened with Danny today was a mistake. You like him, don’t you?”

  “I like him a lot, Mom. And he likes me. That’s the problem.”

  “That’s a problem?” her mom asked incredulously.

  “It was for you and Dad, wasn’t it?” Callie returned, dropping her hand and looking her mother in the face. Liddy had been the one to suggest frankness, after all. “I mean, I’m sorry for bringing it up, but you said yourself that it devastated you when he left, because you cared about him so much. I would think you would understand better than most.”

  “Danny’s not like your father, Callie.”

  “I know that, but I’m afraid I am.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “He left. I left.”

  “Yes, but you came back,” Liddy pointed out.

  “But for how long? I already want to run, Mom. Everything inside me is screaming to get out of Dodge.”

  “I think that’s because you’re scared, honey.”

  “Yes, I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to hurt Danny more than I already have.”

  “You would never hurt Danny like that.”

  “Do you think Dad thought he would hurt you?” Callie asked softly.

  Her mother was silent.

  “What if I’m just like him? I’m not sure why I can never seem to stay in one place for long, but sometimes I think it’s because I’m trying to understand him. And all I really know about him is that he left us, so maybe that’s why I’m so good at leaving, too.”

  “Then maybe you’re right that it’s time to go see him, Callie.” Liddy shook her head and sighed. “Maybe then you’ll be able to see yourself the way I see you.”

  “Maybe,” Callie agreed, sounding unconvincing even to herself.

  “Well, whatever you do about your father, honey, don’t leave without seeing Danny first, no matter how awkward you might feel. It hurt him the last time you left, you know, and it would hurt him again. He’s got enough to deal with right now.” Then Liddy bit her lip, as if she had said too much.

  Callie frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything. He hasn’t told many people, and it’s his business to share, not mine.”

  “Told many people what?” Her mother hesitated, and Callie repeated her question more insistently. “Told many people about what, Mom?” Her heart sped up. “He’s not sick or anything, is he?”

  “Danny’s not sick, Callie. His grandfather is.”

  “Sick with what?”

  Her mom hesitated again.

  “Sick with what, Mom? Tell me.”

  “He has early Alzheimer’s.”

  “Alzheimer’s?” Callie sank back onto her knees. Her mind went back to the other night in Danny’s truck and to the way he had spoken of his beloved grandfather. “Oh, no … ”

  “It’s in the early stages still, but Miles is a proud man, and the news came as quite a blow to him. He hasn’t wanted to tell anybody about it yet, so Danny’s been doing the best he can to honor his wishes and take care of him himself, but he’s had to enlist the help of a neighbor lately.”

  “Is it … progressing quickly?”

  “I’m not sure. I know Miles is on medication, but Danny doesn’t like to talk about it much. I think it’s too hard for him. He loves that old man, you know.”

  “Yes,” Callie said softly. “I know.” Abruptly, she stood up. “Mom, I have to go. Just leave everything on the table, and I’ll clean it up when I get back, okay? But I’ve got to go.”

  Her mother nodded, and Callie knew she didn’t have to ask where Callie was going.

  • • •

  Evening was not far off. Danny stepped out onto the front porch of the well-weathered house he shared with his grandfather and leaned against the railing to stare out at the trees surrounding the borders of the property. There was nothing extraordinary or fancy about the place, but he still saw it the way he had seen it as a boy the first time he had come up the driveway with Miles, and that was as a paradise. Set back from a winding road outside of town, it was quiet and still, the complete opposite of the jarring noise and chaos that had alw
ays surrounded his mother. Here he was safe. Here he was loved.

  There was a lump in his throat tonight. He had come home from his disastrous day on the river with Callie to find that his grandfather, so calm and grounded normally, had had a meltdown because he had forgotten the name of his deceased wife’s favorite flower, a daisy. Their neighbor, Mrs. Grady, who had been looking in on him regularly, had been unable to calm him.

  Then Danny had come home, and things had gotten worse.

  He breathed the clean, clear air in deeply and tried to ignore the feeling that his world was slowly falling apart.

  The noise of a car’s tires on the graveled driveway made him turn his head. Recognizing the car and the driver behind the wheel, he straightened in surprise. Of all the visitors he might have gotten, he had not expected to see Callie tonight. Not after the way they’d left things.

  She stepped out of the car and into the twilight, and he thought he had never seen anything in his entire life that he wanted more. For a moment, he remembered the taste of her mouth, and the way her fingers had curled tightly around his, and it was all he could do to keep his hands in his jeans pockets instead of grabbing her as she slowly climbed the steps of the porch.

  She stopped at the tops of the steps. “Hi,” she said uncertainly.

  He nodded his head in response, speechless and still astonished to see her there.

  “Oh, Danny.” Her voice was soft and sad. “I’m so sorry about your grandfather.”

  “Ah,” he said flatly, looking away. “Your mom told you.”

  “I don’t think she meant to, but I’m glad she did.” Whatever surge of boldness that had prompted her to come here tonight seemed to desert her. She crossed to the other side of the porch as if needing to put more space between them. “How is he doing?”

  “Most days aren’t too bad, not yet. But he forgot something today that was important to him.” Danny leaned back against the railing again for support, feeling empty and tired. He hadn’t intended to tell Callie any of this since she would be leaving soon. There was nothing she could have done anyway, but the words spilled out of him, and it was something of a relief to be able to share them with somebody. “It scared him. A lot.”

  She took a hesitant step toward him. “I’m so sorry. This must be horrible for you.”

  Watching someone he loved go through this and feeling so completely helpless to help him was torture, especially after everything his grandfather had done to help him. Danny cleared his throat, keeping his face averted from Callie’s. To have her so close right now was both comforting and painful, and if she came much closer, he wasn’t sure what might happen. He had already proven today that he lacked self-control around her, and even now he could feel the muscles in his body tensing. “It scares me, too. There was a moment today when he looked at me and he didn’t know me, Callie. He didn’t know me.”

  He stopped, unable to say more. The moment had passed with his grandfather seemingly unaware of the slip in his memory, but Danny had been deeply shaken to think that there might come a time when Miles wouldn’t remember him at all.

  The touch of Callie’s hand on his shoulder finally made him turn his head to look at her. Tentatively, she slid her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to hug him, and his arms automatically wrapped around her in return.

  Careful, he cautioned himself, but his body didn’t seem to be listening.

  After what had happened between them this morning and the way she had fled from him after that, he tried not to hold her too tightly, but she felt too good not to hold close. The warmth and softness of her were soothing and comforting after the unsettling afternoon with his grandfather. Turning his face into her hair, he breathed in the sweet scent of her.

  Careful, he thought again, and for a moment he was afraid he had said it out loud when she drew back from him. But she didn’t go far. She looked at him with wide, troubled eyes, but her arms remained around his neck. It took all his willpower not to lean in and kiss her when she looked at him like that. “Danny,” she whispered, and his grip around her waist tightened.

  Hesitantly, as if she was warring with herself, Callie tilted her head to kiss him so lightly that he almost thought he had imagined it. Then her mouth opened against his, and he lost himself in the feel of her.

  • • •

  She had not come here intending to do this. Truthfully, she hadn’t come here with much in the way of a plan at all. All she had known was that she had to see him, to see if he was okay. They had been friends long before they had been anything else, and as his friend, she needed to be here.

  The kiss that had begun so gently turned into something else entirely. As Danny’s arms tightened even more around her waist, her own arms pulled him nearer, and her fingers buried themselves deep in his hair. She felt his body tense against hers, and together they stumbled back against the porch railing. Gone was the restraint he had shown this morning, and right now Callie didn’t care if he ever got it back. She should, she knew she should. But she didn’t.

  She tore her mouth away from his long enough to draw in a breath of air, and in the absence of her lips, his mouth found her throat. Tilting her head back, she closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of him. His mouth was hot on her skin, his hands everywhere. Without pausing, he lifted her onto the edge of the railing so she could wrap her legs around his waist and pull him closer. It still didn’t feel close enough.

  His fingers dug into her hips, and she drew her breath in sharply, surprised at the desire it triggered in her. Danny drew back as if startled. “Sorry,” he told her, his breath ragged. “Did I hurt you?”

  She shook her head, unable to speak.

  But he seemed to think otherwise. Instead of resuming his onslaught of her senses, he rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Callie put her palm there and felt his heartbeat racing, nearly as fast as her own. “Ah, Callie,” he whispered. “What are we doing?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered back.

  “I think you know how I feel about you. And I think you feel pretty much the same way about me, too.” He straightened and traced the features of her face with the fingers of one hand as if memorizing them. “But I don’t want to start something we can’t finish.”

  Callie gave a shaky little laugh. “I think it’s a little late for that.” And it was exactly what she had not wanted to happen.

  “Then stay. You don’t have to leave. Stay with me and see what this turns into.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Why not?”

  She dropped her gaze, ashamed. “What if I’m just like him, Danny?”

  He furrowed his brow. “Just like who?”

  “Dad.” She thought of the hurt in her mother’s eyes tonight, still there years after her husband had walked out on her.

  “You aren’t your father, Callie. You aren’t bound by his mistakes.”

  Though it was the last thing she really wanted to do, Callie gently pushed Danny away from her enough that she could slide off the railing and back onto her feet, softening the gesture by twining her fingers through his. “Easy to say, but I need to figure it out for myself.”

  “How? By leaving again?”

  “I’m going to go see him, Danny. Mom got his address. He’s in Chicago.”

  He took a step back from her, and their hands separated. “So you’re going to Chicago?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “As soon as I can.”

  “And after you find him? Then what?”

  “I don’t know,” she said helplessly. “I don’t know what I’ll find there.”

  She could see in his face that he didn’t think she would be coming back to Rockford Falls. Or to him. She hoped she would, but she was afraid to m
ake a promise she might not be able to keep. As it was, she had already gone back on her resolve not to repeat this morning’s mistake.

  They stood in silence for a while as the air grew darker around them and the first stars appeared overhead. “I should go,” Callie said finally, awkwardly. Danny didn’t respond, so she turned to go down the porch steps, each step heavier than the last. She had hurt him again anyway, in spite of her intention not to do so. Just as she reached her car, his voice stopped her.

  “Callie?”

  She turned to look back at him.

  “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

  Me too, she thought pensively.

  As she drove away from the house, she glanced in the rearview mirror, but Danny was gone.

  • • •

  Let her go, Danny thought, letting the front door close behind him as he reentered the house. You go your way and let her go hers. Anything else would just be inviting needless grief. He had enough of that to deal with right now without looking for more.

  As he came into the living room, the sound of quiet singing broke his train of thought. It was his grandfather’s voice, soft and low, and coming from down the hall. Walking with silent footfalls so as not to startle Miles, Danny approached the door of the back bedroom. It was ajar, and through the crack he could see his grandfather sitting on the edge of his bed with a picture frame in his hands. The frame was a familiar one, and Danny knew it held a smiling portrait of his grandmother when she was a young woman.

  The song was an old love song, and as Miles sang it under his breath, his eyes held a far-away look, wistful and sad. There was nothing wrong with his memory at the moment, Danny could tell. The light in his eyes was sharp and clear as he reminisced about the woman he had lost to illness years before Danny had come to live with him.

  It was a sweet moment, if sad, and Danny felt as if he was intruding on it by standing there just outside the door, even if his grandfather was unaware of his presence. He started to close the door, but before he did, he saw Miles lie back on the bed and clasp the picture to his chest.

  His song continued, and the corners of his aged mouth turned up in a smile.