The Cruiserweight

by L. Anne Carrington

  Brett’s eyes widened and he grabbed his phone. “Holy shit, Karen should be here for this!”

  “Hurry up, get some video.”

  “Got it. Come on, Little Bit. Give Daddy another smile.”

  “This is so cool, man,” Patrick said. “We got to see your kid smile.”

  “Yeah, but Karen’s going to be disappointed that she missed it.”

  “You got the video for her, right?”

  “Sure, but it won’t be the same as her seeing it in person. Damn, of all days I offered her some alone time.”

  “Well, you didn’t know little cutie here was going to reach a milestone.”

  “Little cutie? Does this mean you’re finally warming up to her?”

  Patrick nodded and grinned. “You know what? If we visit enough back and forth, I could get used to this.”

  *****

  “Her first smile? The baby smiled, and I missed it?” Karen went over to pick up the baby. As if she knew what was happening, Autumn gave her mother a toothless grin.

  “Look at my pretty girl. Oh, sweetie, Mommy’s sorry she wasn’t here.”

  “Don’t worry, we got it all on video,” Brett replied. “She was probably laughing at Pat’s funny face.”

  “He’s just jealous because his own kid smiled at me first,” Patrick said.

  “Then you can entertain her for a while longer while I start dinner,” Karen said when she placed Autumn on his lap.

  “Cool.”

  “Sounds like someone’s warming up to his goddaughter.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Brett replied. “We spent all afternoon with her. So did you enjoy your shopping trip? I see you hid something in your locked closet. Already starting on Christmas?”

  “No. I found a dress for the wedding. While I was out, I also chose one for Autumn. Of course, she’ll grow between now and then, so it’ll be altered in the process.”

  Brett pouted. “I can’t have a peek?”

  “It’s bad luck to see a bride’s dress before the wedding.” She pulled a pan of lasagna she’d baked earlier in the week from the freezer. “Lasagna good?”

  “You made lasagna this week? I think I died and went to heaven.”

  Karen turned on the oven and slid in the pan. “Glad you approve.”

  "What the hell was that noise, and what stinks?" Brett asked. “Doesn’t smell like lasagna. Dude, did you let one rip?"

  “No," Patrick replied. "It’s the baby. I think she loaded her diaper.”

  "That’s nice," Karen said. "Blame the baby. Next you’ll blame your flatulence on the cat.”

  “He’s tried that trick too. Pat, I know when you’ve farted, man. I can identify your bombs when I smell them,” Brett said.

  "It’s Autumn," Patrick replied. He lay the baby on a changing pad and opened her diaper. “Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus! What the fuck are you two feeding her?"

  “Patrick Michael Sanchez-Garcia,” Karen said in a sharp tone. “Language.”

  “Sorry. Seriously, what crawled in this kid and died?”

  “Baby formula,” Brett said, and took over changing his daughter. “You make a federal case out of everything.”

  He was just about to place the fresh diaper under Autumn’s bottom when she began to pee on the changing table. “Aw, now, come on, Little Bit. Why didn’t you finish when you had on the dirty diaper?”

  Patrick started laughing.

  Brett glared at him. “Say one word, and I’ll slit your throat tonight while you’re sleeping.”

  Autumn let out a little giggle. "You think that’s funny, huh?" He smiled. You’re lucky Daddy loves his Little Bit so much.”

  “What happened?" Karen asked, standing in the doorway. She’d heard them from the kitchen and decided to check on the commotion.

  "She pissed everywhere," Patrick replied, howling.

  “Well, you can stop being a butt and help him clean up the mess,” Karen said, handing him cleaning supplies. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

  CHAPTER 75

  Brett was off the following week since there weren’t any house shows or a TV taping scheduled, and if he wasn’t already occupied with Patrick the previous weekend and then his mother coming to town, he’d been annoyed that he wasn’t included on the next pay-per-view’s card.

  “Why are we here?” he asked while watching Pilar searched through a rack of suits during their visit to a men’s store. “I don’t see you dragging Nick to do this kind of bullshit.”

  “You do remember you wedding’s in six weeks and you don’t have a suit, correct?”

  “Yeah, Ma, but everything’s either too big or too long for me in this store.”

  “That’s why they made tailors, and Nick had a few errands to run for me.”

  A salesperson who appeared to be in her early seventies spotted the pair. “Are you looking for something special?”

  “Yes,” Pilar answered. “This is my son. We were trying to find an appropriate suit for him to wear for a wedding.”

  The salesperson studied Brett. “Oh, aren’t you a cute little man. Aren’t you a bit young to be thinking about weddings?”

  Brett glared at his mother and gave a low growl under his breath.

  “Don’t be a grouch, Brett Donald,” Pilar said. “Let the lady help us find something.”

  “Ma, I’m telling you, there’s nothing here.”

  “You’re not in a position to decide that.”

  Rule number one. Never try to reason with Ma, even though I know I’m right.

  They went through several more racks. Brett rolled his eyes, groaned, and sighed the entire time, which only received responding glares from Pilar. After what seems to be the hundredth trip to a fitting room, Brett came out in yet another suit.

  "I think we found one, honey!” she said, excited.

  “Please say you’re kidding,” Brett replied. “The sleeves on this jacket are like a mile too long and I can swim in the fucking pants legs.”

  “Watch your mouth. Celia says there’s a tailor service in the store for no additional charge.”

  “Black? Ma, I’m getting married, not buried.”

  "A wonderful tie and the perfect white shirt will make you such a handsome groom. Really, though, what do you think?" Pilar asked, turning him around in front of a mirror.

  “I look like a kid dressed in his dad’s clothes.”

  "Karen won‘t be able to keep her eyes off of you once it‘s altered. That settles it; we have your perfect wedding suit.” Pilar pulled out her credit card.

  “What are you doing? I can pay for my own suit.”

  “Of course, but this is my treat.”

  “Ma, I’m not twelve.”

  Pilar kissed his cheek. “I know. You, your sister, and your brother grew up so fast.”

  Brett sighed. “Fine, but at least let me pay for lunch.”

  “I think that’s the best thing I’ve heard you say all afternoon.”

  *****

  “How was shopping with your mother?” Karen asked when Brett returned later in the day.

  “Hell,” he replied. “I swear to Christ, I’d rather put out a cigarette in my eye than go through that shit again.”

  “Surely it wasn’t that bad.”

  “You weren’t there to try on two thousand suits ten miles too long and then had to model them in front of Ma and a bunch of old lady salespeople.”

  “You posed almost naked in front of the world once and thought nothing of it,” Karen reminded him with a knowing smile. “Who’s to say those same old ladies didn’t subscribe to Men in the Raw at the time?”

  “Very fucking funny. Glad you’re enjoying my pain.”

  “Anyway, did you find something?”

  “Yeah. Ma helped me pick a nice black suit, but it has to be altered. Another advantage of being short.”

  “How well I know. In my case, even the so-called ‘women’s petite’ is still too long for me.”

  “Short people in a tall world. The story of our lives
, huh?”

  “I guess so. How long will Pilar and your brother be in town?”

  “Until Wednesday night. By the way, she and Nick are coming for dinner and Ma wants to see Little Bit. Okay with you?”

  “Silly question. Your family’s welcome to visit any time they like. I may need your mom’s opinion on a few wedding things anyway.”

  Brett groaned. “Good luck with that. Hope you have more patience than I did.”

  CHAPTER 76

  “Honey, you made your Washington Beef!” Pilar said during dinner. “I haven’t had this in ages, and forgotten how delicious it was.”

  “Karen made this round,” Brett replied. “I just gave her the recipe and talked her through the cooking process.”

  “Give me some credit,” Karen said. “I knew how to cook from the time you were still shitting your diapers.”

  Brett grinned. “That’s why things like your stew and lasagna are so awesome. I’m telling you, Ma, I found me a keeper in this woman.”

  “I agree.” Pilar picked up Autumn from her high chair. “My, you’re getting to be such a big girl and look more like Daddy every day.”

  “She burps and farts like Daddy too,” Nick said with a laugh.

  He was rewarded with a slap on the back of his head from Brett. “No one asked for your input, asshole.”

  “I’m not the one whose mommy bought him his wedding clothes.”

  Brett glared at his brother. “You’re really asking for me to tell Karen the story of you wrestling as the Possum Queen when we were kids, aren’t you?”

  “Possum Queen?” Karen asked.

  “Yeah, when I was sixteen and Nick ten, would gather up all of Sharon’s stuffed animals for the audience and put on these impromptu wrestling shows,” Brett said. “I’d get some of Ma’s hair gel to make Nick’s hair stand up, put a Burger King crown and one of Sharon’s dresses—”

  “Stop right there!” Nick said, blushing. “I’m going to kick your ass, Brett.”

  “You couldn’t beat me back then. What makes you think you can now beat the current Orlando Wrestling TV Champion?”

  “Park Perry should’ve broken your neck instead of just spraining your wrist.”

  Both started to laugh when they saw the look on Karen’s face, indicating their joshing wasn’t anything serious.

  “Do they always go around like this?” she asked Pilar.

  Pilar nodded. “Don’t even get me started on how these boys used to torment poor Sharon. Oh, by the way, I brought some things to show you.”

  “Good, because I wanted your advice on a few ideas for the wedding.”

  “This isn’t exactly wedding related, but I’m flattered you value my input, Karen.”

  “Oh, God. Ma, you didn’t drag along what I think you did,” Brett said.

  “Of course. If Karen’s going to be part of our family, it’s only right she gets to know all of us better.”

  “Kill us now,” Nick said with a groan.

  “Yeah, no kidding,” Brett replied. “Come on, dude, let’s clear off the table and then maybe make a sneak getaway before Ma embarrasses the shit out of us.”

  “Load and start the dishwasher first,” Karen said.

  The women walked into the living room, where Karen put Autumn in her baby swing. “Where’s your laptop?” Pilar asked, pulling a pack of CD’s from her bag. “I had everything converted onto these.”

  “What a nice concept. Brett probably left the laptop in our bedroom.”

  Brett came from the kitchen and glanced in his mother’s direction before he turned back. “Nick, we’re safe,” he said in a low voice. “She didn’t bring the baby pictures scrapbook after all.”

  *****

  "I was thinking maybe a holiday theme for wedding colors without going overboard," Karen said. “ I also found the cutest little Christmas-themed dress for Autumn." She flipped to a page she had marked for dresses. "Now I have heard horror stories about tacky dresses, but this style has Phoebe written all over it.” She held up the book.

  "I love it," Pilar said. She held Autumn, who enjoyed the attention her grandmother lavished on her. "Have you picked a dress for yourself yet, dear?"

  “Oh, yes. I chose the accessories and everything. They’re hidden in my locked closet, so your nosey son won’t see them before the wedding. I have an appointment for another fitting for my dress next week, since I finally lost all the baby weight.”

  “Sounds lovely. Have you considered a veil?"

  “I don’t think that would be appropriate for a courthouse wedding. Also keep in mind that Brett and I have a child, as well as living together. I think a veil would be a little hypocritical.”

  “Courthouse?” Pilar asked, a little surprised. “Brett didn’t say anything about that.”

  “We don’t want anything fancy. Just family and a few close friends.”

  “I’m still glad you asked for my help.”

  Autumn began to fuss in Pilar’s arms. "I think someone wants Mommy."

  "She’s probably due for a change," Karen said, taking the baby. “Brett, could you do me a favor and check Autumn’s diaper?”

  “Sure, sweetheart, no problem. Come on, Little Bit.” Brett reached out to take Autumn from her before Nick interfered.

  “Let me give it a try,” he said. “Hey, pretty girl. You want to spend time with Uncle Nicky? Huh? What’s that? You want Uncle Nicky to change you?”

  Autumn smiled at her uncle as Brett shook his head. “This should be a barrel of laughs.”

  “What, you think I can’t take care of a kid?” Nick blew raspberries on Autumn’s stomach, making her giggle.

  “Dude, Jesus, what are you doing, trying to swallow her whole?”

  “He’s not hurting her, Brett,” Karen said. “Go on, see if the baby needs changed. Your mother and I still have some work to do.”

  *****

  "Need help?” Brett asked.

  “Hand me those baby wipe things when I need them," Nick replied as he opened up Autumn’s soiled diaper. "This isn’t so bad. The way you and Patrick carry on, one would think this girl emitted toxic waste all of the time.”

  "Well, you’re not around Little Bit as often as Karen and I are. As for Pat, he makes a big deal out of everything.”

  "It’s not so bad if you breathe through your mouth.” Nick took baby wipes from Brett.

  "I’ll remember that next time.”

  “Time for the princess‘ fresh diaper," Nick said. He slipped it under Autumn. “There you go, sugar. Feel better?“

  Autumn giggled and began to pee just as Nick was bringing up the front of the diaper to fasten it on her. "Jesus! Brett, bring me another diaper, will you?”

  "Too bad she isn’t a boy," Brett replied as he started laughing. "You’d made great target practice.”

  "Just get me a diaper and save the smart ass comments,” Nick said before he cleaned up the mess.

  *****

  "Bed," Brett said with a groan as he lay down on his side of the bed. It had been a long day and he was exhausted.

  Karen returned from the nursery, baby monitor in hand, and set it on her nightstand. "Poor guy," she said, seeing him sprawled out on the bed, his arm across his closed eyes. "Autumn’s asleep.”

  "Good," he said, smiling and removing his arm to look at her

  “Guess the evening with Grandma and Uncle Nick wore out the little thing.”

  “Nice to have them visit, but nice when they leave too. You can pick your spouse, but you can’t pick your relatives.”

  “Your relatives happen to be very nice,” Karen said. “I enjoyed spending time with your mom. She gave me some good wedding ideas.” She got into bed with him. “By the way, I should also mention what an adorable baby you were. She’s right; you looked just like Autumn, only with peach fuzz on your head.”

  Brett let out a long groan. Ma, I swear if I didn’t love you so much, I’d have to kill you…

  CHAPTER 77

  The day after Pi
lar and Nick returned to Olympia, Brett and Karen attended a cake tasting appointment, leaving Autumn with a sitter. They sampled several choices before taking a break.

  Karen requested more water. “I didn’t think there were so many kinds of cake in this world.”

  “You’re telling me. I like cake, but damn, I think I died and went to heaven.” Brett replied. He let out a loud belch.

  “Brett!”

  “What?”

  “Were you brought up in a barn? You just burped in public.”

  “Would you preferred the other end?”

  “Good lord. This isn’t the Orlando Wrestling locker room. Any particular cake you like?”

  “Did we really need to go through all this trouble for only thirty people?”

  Karen gave him a look. “Okay,” Brett said, “I can’t speak for both of us, but I’m leaning toward the white cake with that kick ass strawberry filling.”

  She smiled. “You know, I rather liked that one too. Think you can behave for five minutes while I place the order?”

  “Jesus, now you sound like Ma. You’ve been around her too long the last couple of days.”

  “You’re so cute,” Karen said, pinching his cheek.

  “Karen, come on.”

  “Relax, just messing with you. Hand over the Visa.”

  “How rich. You drag me to a cake tasting, but it’s charged to my card.”

  “You’re getting married as much as I am, mister, and most of the people coming are your friends and relatives anyway. I’ll be right back.”

  Brett looked around while she placed and paid for the cake order, tasting more of the sample remnants. What the hell, since I’m paying for this shit, I may as well enjoy some more.

  He stood at the store’s entrance and smiled when Karen returned from her task. “Ready for lunch?” he asked.

  “Surely you’re not thinking about food after we spent all afternoon cake tasting.”