Right Now

by Marie Hall

  Until the day I’d caught John doing what he’d done, I’d thought we’d had a good family. I mean I was only six, but in my head, it was good. Until I realized it wasn’t, that not only were we not good, but I was living with a monster.

  “Alex?” she whispered again. “Please, baby. It would mean so much to…”

  “Don’t even freaking say it, Mom. Don’t tell me it would mean anything to him. I’m disgusted that you think I’d even care.”

  She inhaled slowly and then said, “I wasn’t going to, I… I…” She took another deep breath. “I’ve just miss you, son. A lot.”

  Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the steering wheel. I’d never forget the look on my mom’s face the night I’d finally confessed to her. John had been away on a business trip, and I’d finally felt brave enough to speak out. The night I’d finally told her the truth, there’d been nothing.

  No tears. No anger. No coldness. Just nothing. She’d not touched me or spoken a word, simply turned on her heel and locked herself in her bedroom the rest of the night.

  I’d been eleven and terrified, but I had known that when she exited that room, it would be with her bags packed and ready to take us the hell away from him. But she hadn’t—when she emerged, she’d smiled and asked me if I wanted pancakes, and we’d never spoken about it since.

  That was the night I’d felt betrayed by both parents. To her credit, she’d never allowed me to stay alone with John after that, but that was the only good thing she’d done.

  “Please, baby.”

  I shook my head. “Give me one good reason why.”

  What she said next rocked my world.

  “Because he’s dying, Alex. This will be his last year. Doctors say he has a month, maybe two. I’m not even sure he’ll make it to this birthday.”

  It was like a fist to the gut.

  Not because I loved him, I was so far beyond that… but because John had been my beacon of hate, the fixture in my life I’d focused and directed all my ugly onto.

  “Did you hear me?”

  “Yeah, I heard you.” I didn’t even recognize my voice; it was flat and dead.

  “So?”

  “When?”

  “A month from next Saturday.” Her voice rose hopefully. “Will you be there?”

  “Good-bye, Mom.”

  “Alex, please, I…”

  I shut off my phone and threw it to the floor. I had to work.

  ~*~

  Zoe

  We exited our yoga class across from the University of Texas campus square, and Jamie yawned loudly, throwing her arms up in the air as she stretched her back.

  It was a miracle she’d even crawled out of Angel’s bed this morning to make it here. Whenever they’d get back together I could literally go days without so much as a sighting of my perky blond friend. Her pale face was flushed a bright red, and her golden hair was caught up in a loose bun at the base of her head.

  Bright baby blues stared back at me.

  She and I couldn’t be more opposite. I was a rare, nearly extinct breed of tall Asians, coming in at five foot nine, a genetic anomaly my father said. Jamie was a very petite—five feet, and really that was stretching it. She was actually four feet eleven and a half inches, but ever since Mr. Peterman’s fifth grade math class taught us point five or greater got rounded up to the next whole, well… in her mind she was firmly in the five-foot camp.

  “Coffee. Please, God, coffee,” she moaned, covering her mouth as she yawned again.

  “What the hell did Angel have you doing last night?” I rolled up my blue yoga mat and tucked it under my arm.

  Her grin turned suddenly lascivious as she licked her lips. “You know that book, the one you tucked under your bed and thought no one would ever find? You should totally find a better hiding spot than under the bed. Jeez… that is so high school, Z.”

  I rolled my eyes at her little spiel. Jamie had first met Misaki at age ten. It had taken a couple of years for my transformation from Misaki to Zoe to firmly entrench itself in her mind. She’d struggled just as hard as my parents with my changes. I think it was because she thought one of the changes I’d make was to cut her out of my life. But we were soul sisters, and no matter what we looked like on the outside, she got me in a way few could.

  And I understood her ridiculous rambles.

  “Hang on, J.” I held up my hand, the one with a miniature Magic 8 Ball inked on the inside of my wrist with the word yes inside it, cutting her off midstream. “I take it back. I really don’t want to know.”

  “You sure?” She bobbed on her toes, and even though she was sweaty from doing planks, warriors, and downward-facing dogs all morning, she was still every guy’s walking Barbie wet-dream fantasy. “It involved a lot of tongue, a wall or two, and a biiiiigggg—”

  “Enough.” I clamped my hand over her mouth. Angel might be a hot Latin guy, but really, I didn’t want to know that much.

  Laughing, she swatted my hand away. “Your loss, anyway. Seriously… pump me up with drugs soon. I only got about an hour of sleep last night.”

  I’d never gone to UT and wasn’t all that familiar with a good coffee spot, but Jamie would be graduating this year, which meant she had intel on the good stuff. “Well, where’s the best?”

  “Chai Time.” She twirled, tucking her rolled-up mat into her oversized yoga bag. “The guys working the counter are like hot. Way, way hot.”

  Snorting, I followed her lead.

  “I know what you’re thinking, Frosty, but just because I’m taken doesn’t mean I’m blind.” She wagged a finger under my nose.

  I held up my hands. “I wasn’t thinking anything other than what a horndog I room with.”

  “Pft.” She popped her neon-pink shirt while she fanned her red face. “Just because you’ve got about a foot of ice around your vajayjay doesn’t mean the rest of the natural world does. Looking at hot guys happens to be a really nice way to pass the time, and Angel shares the bennies.”

  Crossing the road, I laughed. “Whatever you say, Little Bit. And I don’t have a foot of ice on my whatever you called it. I happen to love sex.”

  She rolled her eyes, completely oblivious to the stares we were getting from the other side of the crosswalk. Me because, well… I looked like me. Pretty much a freak to the “normal” world. Her because she was the stuff moms hoped their boys would someday land. Eye candy with brains.

  The sun was merciless, beating down on my jet-black hair and making the already sweaty strands get even clingier on my neck. I swiped at it with a growl.

  “Sex with a toy doesn’t even count as sex. Just sayin’.” She winked at a guy looking at her with his mouth agape and his Adam’s apple rolling almost violently in his too-lean throat.

  “You are shameless.” I opened the door to the coffee shop a little bit later, and the smells were amazing. Like any good coffee shop would be. But muskier, more enticing than most places I’d walked into before. The air was thick with traces of cinnamon and chocolate, Arabica, and frothy whipped cream.

  I was looking at the sign hanging on the wall in the back of the shop, trying to decide if I’d burned enough calories to get the lavender-and-basil-infused green tea or the strawberry-champagne scone or both when I noticed the guy walking behind the counter.

  My heart felt like it came to a screeching halt.

  “What are the damn odds?” I mumbled.

  “What’d you say?” Jamie glanced up, a tiny frown pinching her brows. “You talking to me?”

  I shook my head but couldn’t look away from Alex’s backside as he turned to get something. Dressed in a pair of low-slung jeans and a CBGB black T-shirt, he made my pulse throb and my throat go dry.

  She must have followed the line of my gaze, because there was a smile in her voice when she said, “Told you.”

  It was one thing to face Alex when I was ready—showered and preferably smelling decent. I glanced down at my inkblot red-and-black tights and my red shredded “J
ust Do It” T-shirt. The shirt barely covered my boobs and showed a massive expanse of stomach, not to mention my first piercing—a little diamond belly ring.

  “How long has he been working here?”

  “Who?”

  I frowned at her, but she wasn’t fooled. Jamie had crossed her arms and begun tapping her foot. I knew that look. I hated that look.

  She knew exactly who I was talking about. My fingers shook and I curled them into my side. “Jock.”

  I refused to point him out. There was only one jock working at that counter. The other guys were the typical artsy-fartsy emo wannabes that I typically had a thing for, but who paled in comparison to his royal hotness, silently brooding as he worked at grinding coffee beans.

  His jaw was held so tight that I could see the muscle popping in his cheek. Alex was so pissed it was seeping out of him, and I wondered how the guy behind him didn’t know that, why he kept snapping Alex in the ass with a towel and teasing him about the lip ring.

  Couldn’t they see what I did?

  The shadows dancing in his eyes, the darkness crowding his soul… It was so obvious it brought a lump to my throat.

  Squeezing his eyes shut briefly, he screwed on a tight smile and there went the mask. Alex touched his lip and shrugged. It was like high school all over again, him pretending that all was right with the world. But even though he was laughing now and teasing the girl who’d just ordered a coffee, there was a tenseness to his shoulders and a rigidity in his posture that let me know it was all fake.

  “Hello, earth to Zoe.” Jamie snapped her fingers, dragging me back to her. Shoving a lock of hair behind her ear as she glanced between us, her eyes bugged a little. “Wow, I’ve never, and I mean never, seen you do that.”

  I turned my back, hoping maybe Alex wouldn’t look my way. Last night I’d felt invincible, like Zoe… Today I felt like Misaki, unsure and crushing so damn hard my tongue felt stuck to the roof of my mouth.

  “Holy crap, you like him!” She squealed, and my nostrils flared as I tried as best I could to hide behind the sign, cursing my height for once in my life.

  “Shut the hell up, J. I do not.” I pretended to suddenly be completely fascinated by the hairline crack in the terra-cotta-colored tile.

  And there went every ounce of confidence I’d had last night. Any other guy and I knew what to say, how to act. With Alex… I’d never known, which was why I’d never tried. It’d always felt too big, like if I failed it would be both epic and disastrous, and I’d never gathered enough courage to try.

  Her eyes narrowed into shrewd slashes. “Oh yes you do. That’s why you want to know how long he’s been working here. Forever. I see him in here all the time. I think he’s like the manager or something.” She smiled. “You want to be introduced?”

  I choked on my laughter. Introduced? Hell. No.

  “Nah, I think I’m just gonna go wait outside and—”

  “Z!”

  “Shit,” I groaned, knowing if I looked up I’d see him coming over to me, so I slammed my eyes shut instead and refused to open them, even when Jamie poked my ribs and whispered furiously at me.

  “What the hell? You know him already?”

  But I could no longer ignore her when she grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard enough to rattle my back teeth.

  Grimacing, I shook my head. “Not really, I…”

  Then his musky scent of man and cologne was there and I tried my damnedest to kick Misaki to the curb, and channeling every bit of Zoe still left to me, I twirled and pretended to notice him for the first time.

  “Oh, hey, vanilla. Stalking me?”

  Stalking me? Really?

  I was gonna be sick.

  He laughed, shoving his fingers through his hair. Gunmetal-silver eyes roamed every inch of my body, leaving a trail of shivery tingles in the wake of his gaze. I instantly felt my nipples pucker tight and I cleared my throat, shifting onto my heels as I tried to put a little space between us.

  Problem was, he wouldn’t let me. Every time I backpedaled, he followed. Eventually it started to feel like a dance, so I just stopped and took a deep breath and tried to remind myself that he was just a dude.

  “Since I work here, I think that’s kind of impossible.” His smile was wide, friendly, inviting, and sexy as hell.

  And all I could think was even his teeth were perfect.

  “Oh, you work here, I hadn’t noticed.” I crossed my arms and then tried to cross my legs at the same time, which resulted in me tripping over a chair leg.

  Mayday, Mayday…

  He lifted a brow and I was incredibly thankful that I rarely blushed. I righted the chair and shrugged as if it happened all the time, and it was cool because I was cool.

  But inside, I was dying. A little slice of my soul was screaming a bloodcurdling cry of embarrassment.

  God, he smelled good, I really wished I could pinch my nose shut just so I could think, so my thoughts would stop being so fuzzy.

  “Ring looks good.” My brain finally decided to work.

  “Yeah.” He touched it. “Guys were just giving me shit about it. Don’t think they expected me to ever do something like that. It throbs like a sonofabitch, though.”

  Stomach heaving, I smiled back. I remembered that smile, the one that took up his entire face, the one that made me feel stupid and brain-dead the rare times he’d ever turned it on me. “That’s normal. Doesn’t look too swollen, though. You’re lucky.”

  “Mmmhhmm.” Jamie cleared her throat obnoxiously.

  I’d totally forgotten all about her. Why was I so off my game today? Guys were nothing to me—I never got silly over them.

  “Sorry, J.” I grinned weakly. “J, this is Alex, Alex this is J. Yeah…” I waved between the two of them to hug, or shake, or whatever normal people did.

  “J, huh?” Alex tossed me a look that made my knees literally start to shake. “So maybe I should call myself A?”

  She laughed and it was sultry and smooth and sounded like slick honey and I totally hated her in that moment. “That’s just Zoe’s way. She’s weird like that. And how’d you two meet?”

  “Yeah, Z, how did we meet?” Alex turned to me, crossing his arms while a secret smile played around those sexy lips. Lips I’d pierced because the thought of rolling my tongue over that ring had made me instantly wet.

  My giggle came out shaky; it was getting really hard to act cool around him. In a second I was going to start babbling like a lunatic. I needed to get the hell out of here. Brushing my fingers across my neck, I shrugged.

  Did he want me to mention the grabby hands? The almost-kiss? The twinkle in his eyes led me to believe that’s exactly what he was thinking about. The bastard. Lifting my chin, I shrugged off Misaki (because I wasn’t her anymore… I was Zoe and Zoe always knew what to say) and stepped into his space.

  Just like yesterday, I was helpless to stop myself touching him.

  My fingers drew circles up the flat ridges of his stomach, and I got excited when his breathing turned a little choppy.

  “I pierced you, Alex.” Leaning in, our lips so close I tasted the mint of his breath, I whispered, “Or was I really that forgettable?”

  The same indecipherable sounds that’d fallen from his lips yesterday came flying out again and Jamie chuckled.

  “Wow, I think I just had a mini-O watching that,” she said.

  Smirking, I pulled back, proud of myself. Zoe was back. Thank God.

  Until he choked out, “Yeah, but you see, Zoe, I never gave you my name.”

  Oh shit.

  Chapter 3

  Alex

  After the shitty conversation with my parents, I’d been ready for a crappy day of fake chatter and coffee, but when I’d heard laughter and looked up to see a raven-haired bombshell hiding behind the daily menu sign, I’d known it was a sign from the gods.

  She was here, and now I could finally get my answers. And damn, she looked good today.

  Hair all sweaty from working out
, wearing the funkiest pair of spandex leggings I’d ever seen, and the tiniest top in the world, she had made my gut clench. And I got to see even more tattoos—they kissed her stomach and they were beautiful designs.

  Lotus flowers were everywhere—small ones, large ones. Never in my life had I ever met someone like Zoe and I liked that. A lot.

  Her warm brown eyes were huge in her face. “What? Yes, you did…” She stuttered.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  Why was she lying to me? And more importantly, how did she know me already when I’d never seen her before in my life?

  J wiggled her tiny body in front of her friend, almost like she was a human shield. She might be small, but she was voluptuous where it counted. With a face to rival Helen of Troy and a body like a Playboy pinup, she was exactly the kind of girl I’d have hit on before. But she just paled in comparison to Zoe’s exotic appeal.

  “What’s your real name?” I lifted my brow and looked at J, tired of all the initials. Zoe was a puzzle I needed to figure out.

  “It’s Jamie.” Her smile was tight and she was glancing at the amazon behind her with a small frown.

  “So how do you know me?” I asked again, ignoring Jamie.

  Zoe licked her full lips and just the peek of her bright pink tongue made my mouth water. Then she smiled and I was stunned into silence all over again.

  She was gorgeous. Flat-out gorgeous, and I was so damn intrigued it was killing me.

  “I’ll tell you, but you have to give me two things.”

  My lips quirked as my mind went directly into the gutter. And It didn’t flirt with the gutter either, it wallowed in it. Visions of her spread out beneath me, her inky hair fanning out behind her like a black halo, wearing nothing but her tats and me… My cock grew instantly hard.

  “Dream on, vanilla.” Her eyes zeroed in on my crotch, and I grew hot beneath the collar of my shirt.

  I shrugged. No sense in denying the obvious.

  “First, buy our drinks. Second, what plans do you have this Sunday?”

  “What?” Jamie squeaked, rolling huge eyes up at her friend’s face.