Right Now

by Marie Hall

  When did that happen? When had we switched roles and I’d become the dipshit, crazy-ass cousin?

  “Tell him what else Dr. Alvarez said.” Lili’s voice was softly urging.

  A loud sigh tumbled from Ryan’s chest. He took his time chewing his bite of turkey bacon before swallowing and finally saying, “She told me I need to confront my parents and yours.”

  My eyes widened. “What? And? Are you?” My mouth was suddenly dry, my pulse thundering. Was he serious? Had I actually just heard that? I might have thought I was dreaming if it wasn’t for the stark honesty in his gaze.

  “Yeah,” he said, “I am. I’m going to the barbeque.”

  “How do you know about the barbeque?”

  He rolled his eyes. “They do it every year, man. You know that. It’s time for me to lay these demons to rest, so I’m going. And I think you should too.”

  “Fuck me.”

  “Alex,” Lili warned, shooting a glance into the living room at the top of her son’s curly head. Javier was talking now and she was worried he’d pick up Ryan’s and my foul language; she’d been trying (unsuccessfully) to curb our potty mouths for a few months now. I just shrugged.

  With a quick peck on the corner of Lili’s cheek, Ryan patted her back, a silent gesture for her to get up. She stood and stretched her arms over her head. Ryan gathered the plates off the table.

  “I’ve got to hit the gym, but before I do…” He glanced at Lili quickly with a worried frown. Gripping the corner of the sink, he bit his lip.

  “What?” I felt like I was missing something. He was acting shady and weird and Lili was too, she wasn’t even looking at me.

  Turning, he leaned against the counter, crossing his arms and legs. “You and me, we’re in this together. Have been since day one. Shit like what’s happened to us, man.” He cleared his throat, nodding at Lili’s tiny frown. “Sorry, angel. Stuff like what’s happened to us, dude, it’s nasty and foul. You’ve been out of school for a year. When are you planning to go back? You’re close to graduation. What are you doing, man?”

  I laughed. It wasn’t really a funny sound, more ironic. Because, damn, this was déjà vu. I had officially become the screwup of the family.

  Lili patted my shoulder. “We just care about you, Alex. You know that, right?”

  I wanted to be angry and piss and rail and tell them both to shut the hell up. But all the times I’d tried to talk sense into Ryan and he’d never listened, I’d felt so hopeless and angry. I never wanted them to feel that way about me. So I tamped down the churning ball of frothy heat in my gut.

  Lili and Ryan and Javier, they were my family now, and all I’d ever wanted was for them to be happy.

  Ryan cleared his throat again. “Thing is, after talking to Doc, I think you’re in the same rut I was. Lack of resolution. I think you should go to this party.”

  If Ryan was seriously considering going, did I even have a leg to stand on? Did I want to go? Hell no. But the thought of sending him in there without me…

  “Dude. Damn.” I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to say the words. “Your going, really?”

  He nodded slowly.

  Scratching the back of my head, I grimaced. “I’ve got to think about this. Just…” I dropped my hand. “Give me time to think it over. I don’t know, man. I’m liable to commit homicide if I see him.”

  “So that’s a yes?” Lili’s smile was huge.

  “I said I’d think about it,” I grumped.

  Lili’s arms wrapped around my waist. “I’m so proud of you, Alex. Right, Ryan? We’re proud? This is a big step.”

  I hadn’t said yes, but in the end I was pretty sure I’d go, if only to make sure Ryan was all right. The thought didn’t make me happy, though. In fact, it turned my already sour mood even more bitter.

  Ryan’s smile was large. “Yeah, we are.”

  Giving her one final pat on her shoulder, I eased out of her arms. “Yeah, whatever. You guys ganged up on me… admit it. Lili with your big pretty eyes and Ryan with your…” I scratched the corner of my bristly jaw, eyeing him up and down. His eyes were narrowed and a grin lurked on the edge of his lips. “Yeah, I got nothing with you, ugly bastard. Go to the gym and leave me alone.”

  Punching my bicep hard, Ryan turned and headed back to his room.

  “Fuck,” I groaned under my breath, was I seriously going to do this? Last thing in the world I wanted was for Ryan to go to this farce of a birthday party alone, but just the thought of breathing the same air as John made me want to do something violent.

  Lili joined me at the sink. Tugging on her burnt-orange UT shirt, she smiled at me. “Wanna help me do the dishes?”

  “Not really.” But I chuckled to ease the harshness of my words and, turning on the faucet, poured soap over the dishes.

  “I wash, you rinse—cool?” She began scrubbing the first pot.

  “Whatever.”

  After a second she looked at me. Lili had a certain kind of look that made me absolutely nuts, because it was a look that said she saw through all my bullshit. No matter how many lies I might try to utter, she wouldn’t believe it. She was giving me that look now.

  “Something else is bothering you, isn’t it?”

  “No,” I said quickly. Maybe too quickly, because she was nodding.

  “Yeah, something else is. What happened with that girl you went to lunch with? You know, it’s kind of a big deal that you went to see her family. I’ve never seen you do that with anyone. How’d it go?”

  Of course she would know. A couple of months ago I’d taken to calling her the Wicked Witch of the West because Liliana had an almost magical ability to guess exactly what was bothering me. First time we’d met, several months before her and Ryan had ever even seen each other, I’d fallen a little mad for her.

  She was exactly the kind of girl I’d always wanted. Sexy and funny and smart. I’d been drawn to her until the day I’d discovered she was a mom, then I’d backed off. I’d known my problems were too heavy to deal with, and that a kid would just be too much. And a side of me had expected when she and Ryan had first hooked up that he’d feel the same way. But Ryan had taken to Javi in a way I could never have expected, and for a minute I’d been insanely, crazy jealous.

  Until I’d fully realized that even without the kid, she and Ryan were it. But she was still one of the few people in the world I was willing to be honest with, which was never easy for me.

  She handed me the pot.

  “Bad,” I admitted sullenly.

  I snatched the kitchen towel off the counter and started drying, getting angry all over again at the way her parents, but most especially her mother, had acted. Like they were too good for me. I’d acted like I hadn’t realized it, but I knew they wanted her to have nothing to do with me.

  “Bad? Bad, how?”

  I growled. “Why do you chicks always want to hash things out to death? Like bad bad, okay? Her mom hates my guts, her dad would probably be happy if I had a heart attack tomorrow, and Misaki probably would too, now.”

  “Misaki?” She scrunched her nose, handing me a bowl.

  “That’s Zoe’s other name. I guess Misaki is her birth name, but she hated it so she changed it to Zoe. I like Misaki better.”

  “Hmm.” She brushed bangs out of her face, stirring up her flowery scent, and I wiggled my nose to keep from sneezing.

  Ryan came out of their room, showered and wearing shorts and his work-out shirt. “See you guys in about four hours.”

  Liliana turned into his kiss, a happy glazed look on her face when they finally pulled away. “Yup. We’re still going out tonight, right?”

  “If I can get back in time.” Then he jogged over to where Javi was still watching his superhero cartoons, and with a quick brush to the boy’s head, he grabbed the keys and was out the door.

  “You’re coming too, right?” Lili asked, then handed me a fork.

  “Where?”

  “Austin fair. One of Ryan’s favorit
e local bands is playing tonight, so we wanted to go check it out.”

  Not like I had anything else better to do. My life sucked.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Anyway…” She bumped my hip with hers. “You were saying about Misaki. How’d the date end? Do you guys have plans to meet up again or what?”

  “No.” I tossed the towel down.

  “Alex, you know what the problem is, right?”

  I planted my hands on the countertop and leaned against it. “What, you don’t know jack about my date, but you think you’ve already got it figured out?”

  Her smile was small but mischievous. “Oh, I know exactly what it is.”

  Fluttering my hand in her direction, I made a mock bow. “Then impress me with your powers of deduction, Sherlock, I’m all ears.”

  “Simple.” She shrugged. “Anytime you meet a good girl, you self-sabotage.”

  “What?” I snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”

  She raised her brows. “Is it?”

  I nodded.

  “Oh, really? Okay. Cindy. Feet were too big.”

  “They were enormous, like Bigfoot’s.”

  She continued on like she hadn’t heard me. “Michelle. Breath stank.”

  “Ah ha.” I nodded. “Smelled like onions and garlic.”

  “Jenna. Big ears.” She ticked it off on her fingers.

  I wiggled my fingers around my ears. “They were like UFOs. Phone home, ET.”

  She laughed. “Admit it, sweetie, you are a saboteur. That’s what you do. You make up flaws in each girl so you can cut the cord and run.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t say anything bad about Zoe.”

  “Oh yeah?” She crossed her arms, tapping her foot. “Did you or did you not just say that her parents hate you?”

  “They do!” I tossed my hands up. So maybe Lili was right about the other girls, and I did always find a flaw, but there was no flaw in Zoe other than the fact that her parents completely and absolutely detested me.

  Patting my shoulder, all traces of laughter gone, she nodded. “If you like her, Alex, then just think about it before you act.”

  “What?” I shrugged again. “I didn’t do anything.”

  Which wasn’t entirely true—I’d kissed her and pawed her. But Lili didn’t know that.

  “I’m just saying.” She tucked her long braid behind her ear. “It’s your MO. You start to like a girl, you become a jerk. You treat them like crap and you make it so they leave. None of those girls had the flaws you claimed they did, and if you like this girl, don’t screw it up too. Treat her right. Treat her like you do us.”

  I did like Zoe. But I wasn’t sure that there was anything to save at this point. From the way she’d stared at me last night, I was pretty sure any chance I had of patching things up was long gone. “I’m gonna go shower,” I said, moody all over again.

  I didn’t have anything to do, nowhere to be, but I just wanted to get away from everybody right now. It wasn’t anyone’s fault… I just needed space.

  Walking to my room, I considered showering just briefly, but then decided I didn’t care. What I needed was to get out of the house completely. But first…

  Stalking to my dresser, I yanked open the bottom drawer and pulled out a book I hadn’t touched in years. The black yearbook settled onto my palms, its cover cool as I slowly opened it. If I’d graduated a senior, Zoe would be in the sophomore section.

  Ever since telling me who she really was I’d wanted to at least see a picture of the young Zoe. A minute later I was staring at an adorable face that, while it looked slightly different without the eye makeup or choppy bangs, still held a spark of the woman she’d one day become.

  My heart bumped hard in my chest and my lips twitched—she hadn’t been a fashion icon by any means. She was wearing a loud neon-green top and had all her black hair up in a sort of spiky ponytail, but she wasn’t covered in zits and the geeky glasses she’d claimed to wear were really cute little owl lenses that made her look freaking hot.

  Lili was right, much as I hated to admit it. I did act like an ass when I got scared. Zoe scared me.

  Sighing, I tucked the book back where it’d been and closed the drawer. Turning on my heel, I grabbed my sneakers from the closet and walked back into the living room. “I’m going to go buy a new phone and maybe check out some apartment listings. I’ll be back.”

  Liliana frowned as she walked out of the kitchen. “I thought you were going to take a shower.”

  “Yeah, well.” I shrugged, then remembered today was payday. I’d swing by Chai Time on the way out and pick up my check first.

  ~*~

  Zoe

  The world around me smelled like bacon grease, fried funnel cake, and the sugary-sweet scent of warm cotton candy. Neon lights lit up the night like a weaving pack of colorful fireflies, and loud country music blared all around me.

  I was glad I’d worn the high-waisted navy shorts and tank top; it was incredibly humid. The kind of wet heat that tended to happen in a state that didn’t see much rain, not to mention the crush of bodies all around, had made me finally have to give up on the cute waves I’d styled into my hair. It was now up in a sloppy bun and though there were still a few pieces clinging to the back of my neck, I felt better.

  Better than Jamie did at the moment—she’d dressed more for style than convenience. Where I was wearing Keds, she was wearing five-inch leopard-spotted heels and a silky sheath dress.

  “I’m so effing hot,” she moaned, brushing hair out of her eyes.

  “You do realize we’re at a fair, right? Why’d you dress like that?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Angel.”

  And that was all she needed to say… I understood exactly. The dumbass had done something to piss her off again, and her way of getting back at him was to dress up like a sex kitten. Jamie seriously had to figure out a better way to gain confidence other than trying to impress stupid-ass morons who only wanted her for one thing. And it wasn’t her brains.

  “Let’s just go then,” I muttered, eyeing the ever-thickening crowd.

  We were standing under the Ferris wheel, and we’d been waiting close to thirty minutes to get on the ride—one of the few rides Jamie would get on with her dress.

  “No, we’re here to have fun,” she said.

  “Then I wish you would have worn something else.”

  She just stuck out her tongue at me.

  Finally we were next in line, but we had to wait because the ride was now full. Kids were screaming, a couple behind us kept swearing at one another, and all I wanted to do was tuck tail and run. This weekend had sucked ass and even working at the shop this morning hadn’t improved my mood by much.

  Normally getting to pierce a few guys in their junk made me smile, but even that’d failed to do anything for me. I’m usually an upbeat person, so all this angst was really starting to tick me off.

  “Fine. After this ride we’re going to the beer tent and we’re gonna get hammered. I don’t want to stay in my head another second. You game?”

  “Beers, yes. Hammered, no. You know how stupid I get when I throw down and I’m just not in the mood for any blackouts tonight. I’ve got a paper to work on later anyway. That band Sexual Napalm is here tonight, though, and I hear they’re really good. Like record-deal good. You want to go to the music tent?”

  I shrugged. “So long as I can get my hands on a beer, I’m game.”

  Finally the wheel was slowing down, ready for riders to disembark so new ones could get on, and suddenly Jamie’s lips curled into a devilish little grin on one side.

  “Z, I think the soda’s getting to me. I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “What? Can’t you wait? We’re right here. We’re next.” I pointed at the grease-stained ride attendant who was holding open the gate for us with an impatient gleam in his rheumy blue eyes.

  She patted her stomach. “Umm, no. But you go.”

  “I’m not going without you.
” I shook my head. Was my friend on crack or what? Who wants to ride the Ferris wheel alone?

  “Oh hey, Alex, how are you?” She beamed over my shoulder and my heart froze.

  “Hi, Jamie.” And just the sound of his deep Texas twang made my body clench up.

  I’d had that mouth on me, tasting me, inhaling me. I wet my lips as my heart continued to hammer painfully.

  “You ridin’ or what?” the attendant growled as the couple behind us edged closer, crowding my space.

  Glaring at the people behind me, I said, “No.”

  “Yes.” Alex grabbed me by the elbow and marched us through the gate.

  “Have fun,” Jamie singsonged with a giggle.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I hissed as he plopped us down into one of the buckets. “If I recall correctly, I told you in no uncertain terms that I never wanted to see you again.”

  Pulling the crossbar over our laps, he draped his arm across the back of the seat.

  “We’re going on this ride, what does it look like?” he said, completely ignoring the second half of my statement.

  All I could do was glare at him.

  The bucket moved up a space and I clenched my jaw because I was still pissed. Of course my hormones hadn’t gotten the memo, because my thighs were tingling and my nipples were tight, almost painful, buds against my top. I turned my face to the side, gazing out at the rows and rows of cars parked in the grassy parking lot outside the fairground gates as I tried very hard not to think about how sexy he looked in his stone-washed jeans and college T-shirt.

  “I’m sorry,” he finally said.

  “For what?”

  “Dammit, Misaki—”

  “That isn’t my name.” I glared at him.

  Ugh, why did he have to look so good? It would be so much easier to hate him if he didn’t look as sexy as I remembered. His hair was styled and spiky, he was working the lip ring through his teeth, and his gunmetal eyes were hypnotic. He looked better than last time, and my stomach bottomed out when the wheel finally began moving at a faster speed.