Her Healing Place

by Sybil Smith

  Vera presses tighter against her and laughs. "Go on. Open it."

  With trembling fingers, she pulls off the paper and then takes off the lid. Her eyebrows furrow as she sees what's inside. There's no way this is what she thinks it is.

  She holds it up and reads the print.

  It's definitely what she thinks it is. She shakes her head and sits it back down in the box. "Vera, I can't accept this."

  Vera shrugs behind her. "Well, it's nonrefundable so you kind of have to."

  Evelyn turns around in Vera's arms to face her. Her eyes barely start to water as she looks into Vera's. "How did you know?"

  "It wasn't easy. I've been trying to find out for a few months now." She reaches behind Evelyn and picks up the box before looking down in it. "I figured you'd want to go around Christmas, y'know? To see him."

  "Thank you," a tear finally falls from her cheek as she shakes her head. "But I can't. I can't go alone."

  Vera sets down the box and pulls Evelyn's hands in her own. "You're not. I…I bought two tickets so I could go with you if you wanted me to." She brushes some hair out of Evelyn's hair as she tries to read her face. As a detective, she's normally good at it. But not now. Not when it's all Evelyn can do to keep it together. "Do you…do you want me to? I can give them to someone else if—"

  "—No. I want you to." She leans forward into Vera, letting long arms envelop her in an embrace she feels safe in. She pushes closer and rests her forehead on Vera's shoulder. "I want you to, Vera. I want you to," she hoarsely whispers.

  Not to mention the fact that she most likely never would've been able to go alone, tickets weren't cheap. She didn't think she'd be able to afford one for a long time since she was still buried in debt from the medical bills. This is…she's never felt so happy and anxious and nervous all at once.

  She buries her face in Vera's neck—content to just stand in the kitchen and be held. They were going back to a place she didn't think she'd see in a long time—her old home, her old town.

  They were going to go see Tristan.

  Chapter 17

  The whole flight Evelyn either pretends to read or pretends to sleep against Vera's shoulder. She doesn't talk—she doesn't want to talk. It'd be too hard to make small talk when something heavy, so emotional is on her mind. And thankfully, Vera doesn't try to make her. She just holds Evelyn's hand for reassurance and either sleeps or looks out the window until they get there.

  Vera gets their carry-ons down from the overhead compartment since Evelyn is still just an inch shy of reaching even with her heels on before they step out into the main aisle. As they wait to exit the plane, she tentatively slips her hand into Vera's. She's not ashamed of their relationship—is that even what this was?—but they weren't in Philadelphia anymore. Granted, people generally didn't care here, but it was still something she was afraid might cause a scene. She didn't want to do that to Vera; not after all she somehow managed to pull this trip off in the first place.

  As if telling Evelyn to not be worried, Vera squeezes her hand just a little tighter as they finally manage to step into the terminal. They were only staying one full day so neither packed anything more than what could fit in their carryon bags. They walked past through the airport, past the luggage carousals, and straight outside.

  Vera gasps as the cold air blows around her. She doesn't know what she was expecting, but the temperature being almost the same as Philadelphia certainly wasn't it. She lightly bounces up and down on the balls of her feet to try to keep herself warm as they wait for a cab.

  "What made you pick Nebraska anyway?"

  Evelyn visibly startles. It was the first time either had spoken since they left home and she was so wrapped in thought that she had almost forgotten what Vera's voice sounded like. Her cheeks turn a little pink from the cold wind and she gives a little shrug. "If you're going to run away, you might as well run away to a place no one will think to look."

  It makes sense, but Vera's eyebrows still raise the tiniest bit in curiosity. "What were you running from?"

  Evelyn looks over at her. She knows she can trust Vera with anything; she'll never be judged or condemned. But this is just another story she'd rather not have to explain right now. It would bring out too many emotions—more than she's already feeling—and she doesn't want that right now. She licks her lips and glances to the cab that pulls up beside them out of the corner of her eye. "People."

  Vera lets the cabbie take her bag without argument as she stands in a confused silence. What the hell does that even mean? People.

  Surely no one was trying to find her and hurt her.

  Right?

  Evelyn's already waiting in the cab when Vera comes to her senses. She quickly gets in the car and shuts the door right as they start to drive off. Evelyn's profile isn't too hard to make out in the dark when the city lights shine through the windows, but Vera is still having a hard time trying to figure out exactly what Evelyn's feeling.

  She can see the pain. The anxiety. The emotional wear all of this has had on her.

  Vera scoots until she's sitting in the middle—long legs pressing against the console in front of her—and drapes her arm around the back of the seat. Evelyn never looks away from watching the buildings blur past, but she gently places her hand on Vera's thigh and give a feather light squeeze—a silent thanks and recognition for all Vera has already done for her and for everything she's continuing to do.

  They finally get to the small, older hotel on the outskirts of the city. It's not much to look at but it was the most Vera could manage to afford after buying the tickets. Evelyn doesn't mind though. She's just so incredibly grateful to be here and be here with Vera that she doesn't care where they stay.

  After they check in, they go to the second floor and walk down the hall to their room at the very end. Evelyn unlocks the door and steps inside before she looks back at Vera in uncertainty. Vera looks at the two twin beds inside and then back to Evelyn with a little shrug.

  "It was the cheapest room they had."

  Evelyn gives a reassuring smile and drops her bag on one of the beds. "It's perfectly fine. I'm just…Thank you. For doing this."

  She sits on the edge of the bed, reaching out and placing her hands on Vera's hips to pull her closer. Vera steps in between her legs and looks down, smile playing on her lips. She gives a little shrug and blushes. "It's not a big deal."

  Leave it to Vera to do something so amazing, so caring and down play it as if it were nothing. Evelyn's gaze drops to the floor and her hands fall from Vera's waist. "It is a big deal. It's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I don't…" She looks back up to Vera's face. "I have no idea how I'll ever repay you for this. Everything you do means so incredibly much to me. Thank you."

  Vera drops down to kneel in front of her and places her hands on Evelyn's knees. "I did this because I wanted to do this for you. I did it because I knew this was something you needed and I always want to try and give you what you need. So don't thank me for doing something I wanted to do for you. Just let me be here to love you and take care of you. That's the only way I want you to repay me."

  Evelyn reaches out and lightly runs her fingers through untamed black curls. "That's…" She takes a shaky breath as her chest tightens with all the emotions running through her. "I don't deserve you. You're wonderful."

  Vera gives an embarrassed smile and then tries to deflect. "That's what they say."

  Evelyn quietly laughs before her demeanor changes into something much more serious. She leans in close to Vera's face—looking at her eyes, her mouth, studying the features on the face she's so lucky to see every day. She drops her hand down to Vera's cheek and slowly brushes her thumb back and forth. "I love you."

  An ecstatic grin quickly forms on Vera's face. She'll never tire of hearing Evelyn say those words. "I love you too."

  Vera closes the last few remaining inches between them and presses her lips against Evelyn's. Slowly she rises from her knees, effectively pushing
against Evelyn until she's flat on her back against the bed. She hovers above her, lips never separating. It's not frenzied or overwhelming.

  It's unhurried, reverent. A tangible display of the love and veneration they have for each other. Vera laces both of their hands together and pins them down out by Evelyn's sides. Evelyn wraps her legs around a slim waist and Vera scoots them further up on the bed.

  She takes her time cataloging every contour, every feeling of Vera's mouth against hers. Evelyn never wants to forget a single thing about the woman slowly pressing herself down against her. Not a single gasp or sigh or moan.

  Her head lolls to the side and her eyes close as Vera moves her lips down to kiss and suck and nip against her neck. It feels great, amazing even. No one had ever taken the time to read her body and figure out what she enjoyed like Vera always seems to.

  Vera's hips finally drop all the way down against Evelyn and she slowly starts to rock against her. Evelyn's legs wrap tighter around her waist and she kisses her way down to the top of Evelyn's exposed chest. It's only when she hears a sharp intake of breath that she stops.

  They can't do this. Not tonight. Not when they're going to wake up and see things that will surely dredge up so many emotions. Doing this now and then going to do that? It wouldn't be fair to Evelyn. It would only make things harder on them both in the long run.

  Vera finally pulls back and looks down at Evelyn's flushed face and hooded eyes. She wishes it was the right time for this, but it isn't. She can wait though. She'll wait forever if she has to. She presses one more light kiss to Evelyn's lips and then pushes herself up on her knees. "I'm, uh…I'm gonna take a shower. Unless you want it first?"

  Evelyn slightly shakes her head and steadies her breathing. She wouldn't have been upset if this had gone any further, but she's glad it didn't. Especially on a twin bed in a hotel the night before she visited her son's grave. She's not sure if she could've handled so many conflicting emotions all at once. "No, that's fine. I took one before we left."

  "Okay." Vera is up and in the bathroom with her bag before she's tempted to do anything else.

  She showers slowly, giving Evelyn all the time she needs to do whatever she needs to do—whether mentally prepping for tomorrow or anything else. By the time she finishes and turns off the water, there's not a single sound coming from the other room. She dresses in the bathroom and brushes her teeth before stepping out. The sight that greets her almost breaks her heart.

  Seeing a grown woman hugging a stuffed animal while she sleeps should be funny, laughable even. But this isn't. Not at all.

  Tristan held that bear and now Evelyn is holding that bear. Besides pictures, it's possibly one of the only physical ties she has left to him. Every part of Vera feels like it's vibrating, burning with sadness and pain for Evelyn and the little boy that's no longer here. That little boy that's so much of her life now and she never even got the honor of meeting him.

  There are two beds, but there's no way both of them are getting used. She crawls in the bed facing Evelyn—stuffed bear squished between them—and she holds her tight. Them tight.

  She knows it's irrational to say Tristan is there. But his memory is and that bear is a physical manifestation of that. And Vera's not letting go. She'll never let either of them go.

  Chapter 18

  The bright morning sun peeks through the blinds and pulls Vera awake. Evelyn's face is tucked only inches from Vera's chest and her still-curled hair is splayed out against the pillows and mattress, glowing golden from the light shining in upon it. She looks so peaceful and liberated from the constant memories that she carries with her every day that Vera is loath to wake her.

  She watches as Evelyn's fingers slightly curl and uncurl in a loose fist between them as she dreams. Eyelids flickering, her lips turn up in a barely-there smile and she inches closer to Vera. Now Vera is really hesitant to wake her. She at least deserves to be happy for a few more minutes.

  Vera quietly slips from the bed and pulls on some slacks and a button up. Running her hand through sleep-mused curls to tame them, she looks in the mirror. This trip isn't even about her—hasn't brought up anything meaningful or painful to her—and yet it's still taken its toll. Dark circles garnish her eyes from staying up most of the night just in case Evelyn woke up and needed her. She never would've known otherwise; Evelyn would've been too polite to wake her. She's still working on getting Evelyn to ask for whatever she needs, but clearly there's still a long way to go.

  She clenches her eyes shut in hopes that when she opens them she'll somehow look more rested.

  No such luck.

  She gives Evelyn one last look to make sure she's still sleeping as she slips out the door.

  When she gets back, Evelyn is just starting to stir. Her hand lazily roams over the sheets searching for Vera. As soon as she realizes she's alone, her eyes pop open. She languidly smiles as she watches Vera walk over and set two small cups of coffee on the nightstand between the beds.

  "I got it downstairs so it isn't very good. At least it was free I guess." She puts one knee and hand on the bed to steady herself as she bends down to kiss Evelyn's forehead. "Sleep good?"

  Evelyn heavily blinks, grin still in place. "Very well. I'm glad you stayed over here with me."

  Vera gives a soft grin. "Me too." She walks backward to sit on the edge of the other bed and takes a sip of the lukewarm coffee. "What are we doing today?"

  Evelyn throws the blanket back off her legs and carefully drops the bear in one of the bags between the beds. Stifling a yawn, she sits up and swings her legs to hang off the side of the bed. "I would like to make two or three different stops…if that's alright?"

  "We can do anything you want. I'm here for the ride," Vera softly grins. She wants Evelyn to know she really is just here for her and nothing else, that there's nowhere else she'd rather be regardless of what they do.

  Evelyn stands up, the oversized shirt falling down to her mid-thighs. She leans down and gives Vera a kiss; a kiss that conveys so much more than any words could ever do. It's a thanks, a recognition of how she would never be able to do this without Vera at her side. Pulling back, she pushes some stray hairs away from her face. "It shouldn't take me long to get ready. Is your leg okay to walk or should we take a cab? I can pay for it."

  Vera gently pats the top of her leg with a grin. "Good as new." She squeezes Evelyn's thigh and lightly pushes her towards the bathroom. "Stop worrying about me and go get ready. I'll still be here when you're done."

  Vera watches as Evelyn walks off to the bathroom with her bag. She leans back against the headboard and mindless flips through the channels. It takes forever until she finds one that they actually have back in Philadelphia and it's the shopping network. She definitely doesn't have any money left for that after this trip. She wouldn't change it for anything though.

  It's not long until Evelyn steps out of the bathroom fully dressed. From her pea coat to the skinny jeans to her knee high boots, everything is either black or dark gray. It's like her subconscious knew that today would be no time for bright colors, a time for grieving, and drew her to the monotonous tones. Vera stands and walks to her, kissing her on the temple before opening the door for her. "You ready?"

  Evelyn takes one last deep breath to steel herself before quickly nodding. "Yes. I…I think so." She walks to the door and turns to face Vera before stepping completely out. "You'll stay…?"

  Vera nods and puts her hand on Evelyn's lower back to guide them out the door. "You won't have to do this alone. You'll never have to do anything else alone again if you don't want to because I'll be here. Every step of the way, I'll be here."

  Evelyn grabs onto Vera's hand with no intentions of letting go. No one had ever said anything like that to her before and it was…almost overwhelming. Vera had said she'd never leave, but she'd never laid it out so plainly, so clearly before. To say Evelyn would never be alone again? It was inconceivable. She had always been left; always the one left behind with not
hing. But Vera said this with so much conviction that it was hard for Evelyn to not to believe she'd never be alone again.

  They step outside the hotel and the cold wind immediately takes Vera's breath away. Evelyn pauses to look right and left as she tries to decide which direction would make the most sense. She finally settles on going left and gently tugs on Vera's hand to start walking.

  It's freezing and the sun is barely poking out behind the clouds now, but they're in no rush. Vera makes sure to take leisurely strides so Evelyn doesn't have to walk any faster to keep up. She puts one hand in her pocket and holds tight to Evelyn's as she takes everything in. The buildings are smaller and more inviting than those of Philadelphia, the streets and sidewalks are teeming with life but it's nowhere near as rushed and hectic as she's used to. If she looks far enough to the left she can see the open fields that encompass the outskirts of the city.

  She makes sure to look both ways before letting Evelyn lead them across the crosswalk. Vera's eyebrows shoot up as they turn down another small street. It's like the city has been completely left behind and they've been transported to a completely different world. Houses line each side of the road and big, trees that have lost their leaves for the winter adorn the yards. The homes are small and welcoming, each almost the same as the rest but still entirely different.

  They finally come to a white vinyl-sided house with a covered porch. There's a detached garage and concrete driveway, trees that would shade the yard in exactly the right spots during summer, and a worn wooden porch swing. There's a white picket fence around the backyard and a small wrought iron mailbox out front. To Vera, it looks like a place she could call home. A place she could see herself living in for the rest of her life. She doesn't even have to ask to know what this place is. It was Evelyn's and Tristan's and even though it isn't any longer, it still looks exactly like…Evelyn.

  Evelyn bites her lip to hold it together. This was her house—no, it was so much more than that. It was her home. It was where she moved as soon as she found out she was pregnant and the place she left as soon as she no longer had her child.