Two Lovers

by Edie Bryant

  “Hello,” she said in an overly professional tone.

  “Look, I’m really…”

  But she didn’t let me finish my sentence. “You don’t have a thing to apologize for. It’s uncomfortable to work with an ex, and I understand that. Don’t worry, our company is very dedicated to making sure their employees are comfortable. I’m drafting an email to HR right now to explain the situation, and I’m sure we’ll figure out a way that you do not have to continue to train with me for the next couple weeks.”

  My jaw dropped. Find a way that I didn’t have to train with her?! But that wasn’t what I wanted!

  She seemed to think she understood the reason for my expression and continued talking.

  “I know I told you that I’m staying with this company, and that probably makes you wary, thinking you’re going to continue to have to see me. But I promise that isn’t the case. I’m moving up a floor, and, with the work I’ll be doing, I really don’t have a reason to be involved with this floor any longer. So, after a few weeks, I will be completely out of your hair.”

  Okay, I had to focus and say what I needed to say before it was too late. “Is that what you think I want?”

  She looked at me suspiciously. “Of course. That’s why you didn’t tell me who you were, right?”

  “No… not at all.” I sighed. “Lauren, I’m so sorry I didn’t speak up on this before. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you who I was. The truth is, I didn’t say anything because I was totally embarrassed.”

  “Embarrassed?” she asked. “Why would you be embarrassed to tell me who you are?”

  I fiddled with the bottom of my shirt. “You know, it’s kind of hard to explain…”

  She stared on. “Try me.”

  I took in a deep breath. “You know, we haven’t seen each other in so many years, and I know what I’m about to say is totally going to creep you out. But I just want you to know, that’s not my intention, okay? I don’t want to bother you.”

  “Okay… go ahead.”

  “Okay, so, it’s going to sound stupid, but, literally right before I walked into your office, I was thinking of you. I know that is totally creepy, and I don’t want to be that person at all, but, like, I was just in this town where we were once together, and they told me I was seeing a guy named Lauren, and I thought ‘oh, yeah, like my ex-girlfriend,’ and I walked in here, and there you were and… yeah,” I said, stumbling on my words.

  “Okay… but that still doesn't exactly sound embarrassing…” she said, confused.

  “Right, yeah…” I stuttered. “Uh, I guess that would be because I left out the part where I was kind of… fantasizing about you?”

  Her eyes got big. “Like, in a sexual way?” she coughed out.

  “No! No, definitely not like that!” I said quickly. Oh, god, how was I making this so much worse?

  “I meant I was fantasizing about you in, like, a relationship kind of way. Like, imagining what it would be like to find you again and start dating again and… yeah. So, you see, I was just feeling weird about running into you after I’d just had all these very personal thoughts about you. It absolutely wasn’t that I thought you were not going to like me being here, or that you would do something negative to get me out. I don’t want you to think that I thought badly of you, because that’s just not true. It was the exact opposite, I was thinking… too good of you?”

  Her confused look gave way to a soft smile, and then she started laughing. I wasn’t sure if she was laughing at the situation or me.

  “Is that really all?”

  “Yes,” I said, humiliated. “God, I’m so sorry I made this all so complicated…”

  “No, no, don’t be sorry!” she said quickly. “Honestly, at this point, I can’t really say I would have reacted any differently.”

  “Well, I’m sure you would have…” I said, slowly. “I don’t think you would've had the fantasy to begin with you. You would have just walked in here all casual and normal and went about your day with me…”

  “No, actually, that’s what I’m trying to say. I think I would have reacted the exact same way.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was completely following her. She didn’t mean… that she would have flirted with me, too, right?

  “You mean… you would have had the same kind of fantasy?”

  “Yes, exactly. Actually… I have been having that exact same kind of fantasy.”

  My jaw dropped for the second time. “You have?!”

  “Yes. I, uh, I can’t explain it. I’ve just had you in my mind lately.”

  I wasn’t expecting to hear this at all. I mean, it made sense for me to think of her. I had heard her name, and I was in the same town where we had met and dated. Of course, if I was being honest, I’d even thought of her back when I had been living somewhere else… I’d thought of her all the time over the last few years.

  But even so, you’d think if she’d thought of me in the same way, she would have recognized me, right? She’d had no idea who I was! Though, I had changed quite a bit physically…

  “But, I thought you were engaged?” I asked, suddenly remembering.

  She looked confused again. “How did you know that?”

  “Well, I heard the reception say something to you about your fiancé calling.”

  “Oh, right, of course. Well, yeah, when you started working here, I actually was engaged. But now… not so much.”

  “You mean, you’ve broken your engagement?”

  “Actually, I did that very same day you started here. It’s a long story, but… yeah, it never was going to work out. I guess I was just being really naïve about that.”

  “I’m really sorry to hear that.” I said, and I honestly meant it. It made me feel worse about our misunderstanding, like I had hurt her when she had already been down.

  “Don’t be. Like I said, it wasn’t going to work out, and I’d known that. I think I had even hoping for it. Though, it is weird that…” She let her sentence drift off.

  “Weird that what?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “Nothing, I don’t think it’s the kind of conversation I should probably be having at work. Obviously, we have an old personal connection, and, while it’s tempting to explore it right now, I think it would be best if we did so after work. Maybe we could go grab something to eat, if you’re completely comfortable with that?”

  “Oh… right, yes, let’s do dinner or something.”

  “Perfect. And, in the meantime, let’s just get to training?”

  “Sure, of course.” I nodded.

  But I was extremely disappointed by this. Sitting here for the rest of the day talking about work after I had just confessed I had fantasized about her sounded like torture.

  And it pretty much was. Every minute felt like a goddamn hour. I was barely coping through the day. My mind was running in circles.

  What did this mean? She obviously had feelings for me, too, but… no, I refused to allow myself to believe there was a possibility that we could get back together. I just couldn’t think that way. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and let them crash again.

  I mean, the girl had just ended an engagement. She must have been going through so many feelings right now. She was in no shape to start something with anyone else, especially a past flame.

  I actually had this idea in my head that the only reason she was even was thinking of me was because of the engagement. That’s kind of how it worked, right? You go through a break-up with a long-term girlfriend or boyfriend, and your mind started thinking about all the people you once loved in the past.

  Then again, it would be easy to say that about me, too, right? I’d just gotten out of a relationship and was drawn to thoughts of my ex again. But I knew that I didn’t just like her because I’d broken up with my ex. My feelings for her had lingered ever since we’d broken up. Maybe it had been the same way for her…

  But it probably hadn’t, and I didn’t need to get my hopes up by thinking otherwis
e.

  Besides, even if it had, who was to say that meant we should get back together? It didn’t exactly work out so well the first time, did it? Who was to say anything had changed? She did just break off an engagement, which generally took something pretty dramatic to do. She may have had the same issues, and we may have been equally incompatible as ever.

  But, fuck if that didn’t keep me from thinking of her, from wanting her so badly.

  I did my best to focus on work, but it was a bust. She was the only thing on which my mind could focus. Her and what the hell she was going to say to me when we got off work…

  Although it dragged by slowly, the workday eventually did end. I couldn’t say I really learned that much in the meantime, but we did keep things very professional, and I managed not to bring up anything personal, though I badly wanted to.

  “So, any preference on where we go to dinner?” she asked, and I swear I could sense some nervousness in her voice.

  She’d seemed anxious all day, really. It was like this day had been just as uncomfortable for her as it had been for me.

  “Nope, no preference. You?”

  ‘Not really… uh, let’s go to that new Italian place, Giorgino's. You haven’t been there yet, right?”

  “Nope, I haven’t. But sounds good to me.”

  “Good. Uh, it’s only a few blocks from here. You can follow my car?”

  “Sure. No problem.”

  Things got more and more tense as we walked out to our cars. As the day ended, we should have been taking off the professional hats and moving into something a little more personal, but it was proving hard to do after hours of keeping a safe distance.

  I felt relieved when I actually reached my car. As much as I’d wanted this day to be over so I could have this conversation over dinner, I now found myself wanting to just rush home. I wasn’t mentally prepared to hear whatever Lauren had to say, and she didn't seem emotionally prepared to say it.

  I did my best to loosen up in the car, though, and I think Lauren did, too. Because, when we finally arrived, both of us seemed a little less tense. She was actually smiling when she stepped out of her driver’s side door.

  “I think you’re really going to like this place!” she said eagerly. “It’s become my favorite restaurant. And I know you like Italian, or, uh, well, you used to.”

  “I still very much do.” I smiled. “I’m excited to try.”

  “Yeah, yeah, should be good,” she said as we began to walk inside, holding the door open for me.

  We got a table for two, and, thankfully, were seated immediately. We couldn’t get deep into conversation waiting for a table at the entrance, and I wanted to dive in right away. Apparently she felt the same, because, right after we both got waters and placed our order, she dove right into it.

  “What I wanted to say earlier in the office is that it’s weird that I ran into you at work. Actually, weird that I ran into you at all, because I’ve been thinking of you… well, a fucking lot lately. You’ve been in and out of my mind for months, but, this week in particular, my thoughts of you were… really intense.”

  “You, uh, still think about me?” I stuttered out, my mind fixating on the word ‘months.’

  Months, she’d had me in her mind for months, long before her broken engagement. Maybe she did feel the same way about me, maybe this was something more serious.

  “Yes, absolutely, I’ve been thinking about you for a long time now, and… yeah, I’m not sure what else to say about it without sounding corny.” She laughed awkwardly.

  “Corny’s good.” I smiled, egging her on. I’d already made myself vulnerable today by even revealing that I had these thoughts about her. Now, it was her turn to be a little vulnerable!

  “I guess what I'm trying to say is… this feels a little like fate, doesn’t it? I mean, I literally find out who you are the day after my broken engagement? It’s kind of… perfect. Admittedly, not totally perfect. If it had been totally perfect, I wouldn’t have been totally heartbroken by the thought of you thinking I’d be malicious toward you.”

  “Yeah… I’m really sorry about that. That’s not what I wanted you to think at all, but I’d been so caught off-guard by you finding out who I was, my mind had immediately gone to ways to continue to hide it from you rather than ways to tell you who I actually was. I should have just been honest.”

  “It’s fine, really. I understand why you did, and, besides that, the timing really was perfect. If I had found out even a day before my broken engagement, I would have felt so weird. Like me ending things with my fiancée just to chase after my first love, and… I would have been so wracked with guilt over it. But now—”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” We both heard a voice come from another table.

  It was loud enough for us to hear, but I assumed it was just part of another conversation. Not something that was intended for us. But I soon found out that wasn’t true, by the way Lauren froze up.

  “Taylor?” Lauren uttered as she turned around.

  “You know, I didn’t think it was you at first. I thought, there’s no way that’s actually Lauren’s voice, because there is no way she'd be eating out at her and Brandon's favorite restaurant after their broken engagement. She’s surely just moping around at home, I thought. And then I heard you actually mention the engagement and… wow, Lauren, wow.”

  “Taylor…” she mumbled.

  “No, seriously, what in the actual fuck?! Do you even know where Brandon is right now? Have you even spoken to him? Do you have any idea how he’s doing?”

  “I, uh… no, I haven’t really spoken to him.”

  “Didn’t fucking think so. He’s at his parent’s house, constantly texting and calling Jake about how his life is over and how he’d really believed you were the one. How could you do this to him, Lauren? I mean, fuck, clearly you didn’t love him, but the least you could do is not try to get with someone else literally the day after your engagement ends. Do you have any guilt? Do you have the slightest bit of empathy for him? He made you his whole goddamn life, and you’re just fine tossing him away like this?”

  “Taylor, you don’t understand—”

  “Yes, I DO, I really fucking do. You don’t give a shit about Brandon, and now you’re trying to get with someone else. What is there to understand? You are just truly, honestly, a piece of shit, Lauren!”

  I couldn’t believe what was happening. This situation went from great to horrific in just a minute, it all happened so fast. One second, I was hearing the woman I had been the most in love with for all of my life tell me she thought us meeting again was fate, and, now, there was a girl screaming in her face about not being kind enough to her ex fiancé. It was a total disaster.

  And I was just watching it happen, ‘cause what the hell was I supposed to say? But it was so intensely awkward, because I could see Lauren continuing to shrink up like a puppy who had just been told ‘bad dog.’

  What horrible timing, though. I had wanted so badly to dive deeper into this, but we clearly weren’t going to be able to have any more of this conversation at this restaurant. Not with her ex’s friend here. A very close friend, from what I could understand.

  Right after Taylor was finished with her sentence, our waitress awkwardly came over.

  “Uh, your food will be done in just a moment, is there anything else I can get you?”

  Lauren was just stunned. She kept looking from Taylor, to the waitress, to me, wondering what the hell to say next. I felt so bad for her, so I decided to step in.

  “You know, can we actually get that to go?” I asked.

  Lauren looked positively relieved. And maybe I was imagining it, but I thought the waitress did, too, to some extent.

  “Oh, is that that you’re going to do now, Lauren? Just run off from me confronting you the same way you ran off from Brandon?!”

  Lauren looked at her with her eyes full of frustration. “That’s not what happened, Taylor. It was his choice. He’
s the one who broke up with me.”

  “Yeah, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore, right? He told Jake the whole story. He said it was because you had no more affection in your heart for him. He had no choice! You’d been pulling away from him for so long.”

  “Taylor, stop. I don’t think Brandon needs you sticking up for him, okay? This is the best for both of us. We discussed it, you weren’t there, move on.”

  “Best for both of you?! No, just you, Lauren. Because you’re clearly already moving on, and he’s left heartbroken and alone. How is this best for him? It’s not, you just want to make yourself feel better in any way you can. And it’s pathetic.”

  The waitress awkwardly came by with the check, and I immediately handed her my credit card, just to get this over with as soon as possible. I could tell Lauren was about to reach for her own card, but got distracted by Taylor continuing to berate her.

  “Are you seriously leaving right now? You are such a coward. I always told Jake that Brandon could do better than you, but I’d never thought you’d actually fuck him over this bad.”

  “Taylor, stop,” she responded as she looked down, completely embarrassed.

  Thankfully, the waitress hurried back with our food in two styrofoam boxes. I snatched it up and turned to Lauren. “Come on, let’s just go.”

  “That's right!” Taylor called out as we made our way out of the restaurant. “Just walk away like you walked away from your fiancé! That’s something you’re good at doing, right?! He was hoping you’d come back to him, you know! That’s what he wanted!”

  She didn’t stop yelling until we got out of the restaurant.

  I don’t know what had gone on between Lauren and her ex-fiancé, which I fully admit, but I still didn’t think Lauren deserved to be yelled at that way.

  “Why don’t we just go take this to a nearby park?” I asked her. “I don’t mind a little fresh air with my food.”

  “Yeah.” she smiled gratefully. “That would be great.”

  7

  Lauren

  I could not have been more mortified.