Never Out of Sight

by Louise Stone

  I picked up my bag and checked my phone before going down the stairs. There was a text message from Keira.

  ‘Can we talk? Have something to tell you. Am in the library.’

  My breath caught and my fingers flew over the keys. ‘Of course. Am on way to office.’

  Then I remembered the police escort.

  ‘Police accompanying me,’ I wrote, sending it in quick succession.

  ‘Hurry! Not long b4 Mum will get suspicious. C U @ your office.’

  I nodded. If she needed to talk and this was her only opportunity, I would just have to find a way of making it work.

  6

  I waited until there was no one around before I exited the patrol vehicle. A young officer had driven me into Oxford and I had spent the entire journey wondering if DI Carter in some way didn’t trust me. Was that why he had insisted on one of his men escorting me?

  When the officer started to follow, I turned to him. ‘Do you really need to come with me now?’

  ‘That’s my orders,’ he quipped, smiling.

  ‘I’m fine, though, and, to be honest, I’m just listening to a phone message and going through some papers.’

  He nodded. ‘That’s fine. My mum’s a teacher and I used to watch her marking stuff all the time.’ He motioned with his hand. ‘You lead the way.’

  I walked briskly towards the college building, my head down. I felt the piercing gaze of a group of students out on the lawn – my second-year tutorial – and then the querying look of Stacey, a postgraduate, who had started her doctorate at the same time as Robert. I gave Stacey a small smile to assure her that everything was fine. Had the interview we’d done this morning been broadcast already? While we walked, I tried desperately to remember how I had left the office. When we finally reached my office door, I took out my key and realised my hand was shaking. Hoping the officer wouldn’t notice, I told him there was a coffee machine at the end of the hall. He agreed to get us both a cup.

  Letting myself into the room, I scanned the chaos I had left as Robert and I had managed to disentangle ourselves from each other for long enough to make it out the door. First, I rushed over to the phone; I dialled in and waited. Sure enough, the red light flashed urgently at me and my stomach flipped with guilt. Then, her voice came over the speaker. It was unnervingly loud and crystal clear; almost as if she was in the room with me. I caught sight of my image in the small mirror that hung above the filing cabinet and I had to look away as Zoe’s voice filled the room.

  ‘Mum, it’s me. I really need to talk to you, Mum. Dad’s at his conference and I’m feeling a bit crap. Can you phone me back?’ She hesitated. ‘Mum, I need you.’

  I covered my mouth, stifling a sob. It was worse than I had imagined. Her words, I need you, echoed around my head. She’d needed me and I hadn’t been there for her. Tears fell fast and furiously down my cheeks and I brushed them away.

  I glanced up and found the officer watching me.

  ‘I haven’t got our coffees yet. Just used the gents’.’ He sighed. ‘That from your daughter?’ He indicated the machine.

  I nodded.

  ‘Can you get a recording?’ I asked, my voice trembling as I put the handset down. I sat in my desk chair, my legs feeling like they may not hold me up any longer. I looked at him. ‘If I had heard this, maybe I could have prevented Zoe from going missing.’

  The officer nodded. ‘You can’t think like that, Mrs Hall.’ He took out his mobile. ‘Just going to make a quick call.’

  As soon as he stepped outside I started clearing up the books and files that had fallen off the filing cabinet.

  ‘Looks like you’ve been burgled.’ The officer came back in, smiling and started to help. ‘DI Carter says we should hang tight here and he’ll be over shortly.’

  I nodded, my mind suddenly drawn to the locked drawer in the top of my desk. Carter would ask to look inside there and he couldn’t, not yet. That was where I kept items belonging to the other Freya.

  As I placed the last book on the pile, I heard a small cough at the door and turned.

  ‘Keira,’ I said, my heart racing as I looked furtively at the officer. ‘What are you doing here?’ I was aware that my voice sounded forced and I tried to calm myself.

  ‘I rang the house and Mr Hall told me you were here.’ Her eyes also flitted towards the officer. ‘I came to see if you had heard anything from Zoe?’

  ‘How about you get us those coffees?’ I said to the officer, smiling. ‘I could really use some caffeine.’

  He stood, looked at both of us in turn. ‘Yeah, okay.’

  As soon as he left, Keira rushed towards me. ‘I wanted you to see something before anyone else. I’m showing you this because I think you need to see it.’ She paused. ‘You know how much I love Zoe?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Well, she’s different.’

  ‘Different how?’ Panic tore through me; how had I not noticed she was different?

  ‘Well, you know my mum came to see you guys a few months ago. I didn’t ask her to. She just got it in her head because she saw Zoe talking to a guy in a car.’

  ‘Right,’ I breathed out shakily. ‘What are you trying to say?’

  Keira looked behind her to check the officer hadn’t returned and lowered her voice even further. ‘She told me she had no idea who the guy was but he seemed to know her.’ She paused. ‘I only remembered that a couple of hours ago.’ Tears welled in her eyes. ‘So then it made me think about this stupid project we have to do for film. Zoe said we should use the Truth or Dare game to create the narrative…’ Her voice faded.

  ‘What is it, Keira?’ She handed me a USB stick and I took it as if it were too hot to touch. As if taking the video would reveal a burning truth I didn’t want to acknowledge. ‘I thought you didn’t have a copy?’

  She nodded. ‘Well, I do.’

  ‘Okay…’ I studied Keira’s face. At times she and Zoe looked so far removed from innocent sixteen-year-old girls; they looked like women of the world. But now, standing in front of me, she appeared vulnerable, unsure.

  ‘It’s important,’ she pressed. ‘Watch it.’

  I released a shallow, shuddering breath. I went to speak again but the officer reappeared in the doorway and I turned quickly, stuffing the USB stick into my handbag. Moving around again, I smiled at Keira. ‘Thank you, Keira. I’ll be sure to let you know if we hear anything.’

  She smiled at me but her gaze remained on my handbag. I noticed a look of uncertainty; a flicker of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  Eventually, she spoke, ‘Okay, ’bye Mrs Hall. Thanks.’

  ‘’Bye.’ I put my hand up and the officer moved out of Keira’s way, giving her a brief nod.

  DI Carter made his way into the room minutes later.

  ‘Hi.’ He looked at the desk phone. ‘Do you mind if I have a listen?’ He pointed to the keypad.

  I obliged him by tapping in the PIN for my voicemail and backed away, unable to listen to my daughter’s voice filling the office. When it had finished the DI took out his notebook and his eyes moved fast over the page.

  ‘Mrs Hall, when did you say you left the office on Friday night. It wasn’t until late, was it?’

  I held my breath, my heart thundering in my head. ‘That’s right,’ I said slowly.

  ‘According to this, Zoe left this message at just after six.’ He looked at me. ‘I thought you said you worked late and heard it ring as you were leaving?’

  I frowned. ‘Detective, what exactly are you suggesting?’

  ‘Nothing, nothing at all.’ He smiled. ‘Just want to make sure we’re all working with the same facts.’

  7

  Once I had been escorted home, I feigned exhaustion, despite my mind running at a million miles per hour, and told Stephen and Carter that I was going for a lie-down. Although it was lunchtime, I didn’t feel like eating. Instead, I picked up my laptop from one of the police sergeants – they had finished searching its conten
ts for any clues as to Zoe’s whereabouts – and, checking over my shoulder that no one was following me, I made my way up to the bedroom. I locked the door and sat on the edge of bed, powering the laptop up. I nibbled at my lower lip nervously as I found the USB stick Keira had given me. Thinking back to the look in Keira’s eyes as she handed it over, I knew I had to brace myself for the worst. She had clearly desperately wanted me to see it, but knew it showed something damaging enough that she didn’t want her mother or the police to know about it. After all I had learned about my daughter in the last two days, I was beginning to suspect I didn’t know her at all. I wasn’t the only one with a secret life outside this family.

  An image of Zoe sitting on her bike smiling caught me unawares. I could see the whites of her eyes as she stared out from the screen and I felt as if she was judging me, like she had insight into my soul. I pressed play.

  Zoe sprang into action and smiled beatifically at the camera. I could tell from the way it was wobbling that Keira, too, was on her bike.

  ‘Truth or dare,’ Keira said and Zoe slowly ran her tongue over her lips. ‘There’s no choice – you have to choose one or the other. Those are the rules.’

  Zoe let out a short laugh. ‘You dared me to do this, Keira, and so I’m going to. Why not? It’s not like anything bad’s going to happen now, is it?’

  The camera swerved erratically towards Rook Farm and, as I watched, I could just make out the figure of a man working outside. A pale-coloured sheepdog ran frenetically around the yard and I glimpsed several other dogs, in kennels, whining noisily off to the right of the house. A small radio sat on the ground where the man worked and, although I couldn’t distinguish the tune, the odd note caught on the wind. Zoe remained silent behind the lens as the viewer was left wondering how the farm would feature in their game.

  ‘Right, here we go,’ Zoe said. ‘Ready?’

  ‘Be careful, Zo,’ Keira’s voice came again.

  Zoe moved off, freewheeling the short distance to the farm gates, then the camera swung downwards, pointing at Keira’s trainers and the rough ground. After half a minute or so, the camera stopped moving and was brought upwards once again.

  Zoe had stopped, dismounted her bike, and Keira followed, the lens never losing sight of Zoe. As Keira walked, the camera jostled to and fro capturing images of Zoe’s smooth, slender legs and her shoes as she walked with purpose to the bungalow. Eventually Zoe turned and smiled down the lens at Keira.

  ‘You know,’ she said, ‘sometimes it feels good to be noticed. Sometimes it’s only a man who will notice you.’ She smacked her lips together.

  I took a sharp intake of breath and shoved my fist into my mouth to stop myself from screaming. I grabbed the edge of the laptop and gripped it so hard, my knuckles turned white: it was like watching a car crash happen in slow motion. I needed to stop Zoe but I couldn’t; it was too late. It was all too late.

  Zoe nodded her head towards the man who was now just out of shot. ‘His name’s Jerry Wyre. Rumour has it, he beats his wife.’ Zoe looked down the camera and raised a brow. ‘Let’s see if he’s really the hard man he says he is.’

  Zoe moved so that her entire body filled the frame and hitched her already short skirt up further. I watched in horror as she made her way towards Jerry Wyre.

  He refused to look in her direction. Instead, he continued to tighten the bolts on a rusting tractor, his eyes never leaving the job in hand.

  ‘Hi.’

  He stopped; his shoulders remained hunched and his eyes stayed with the tractor. Zoe continued to watch him, her hand resting on the top of her thigh.

  Jerry eventually raised his head and stared in her direction. He appeared to look through her, no visible emotion. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘Mr Wyre,’ began Zoe. I could hear the sing-song, mocking tone in my daughter’s voice, and my heart started to beat even faster. ‘I was wondering if there were any jobs you’d like me to help you with on the farm?’ Zoe looked over at the camera, a smirk on her face. ‘Mr Wyre?’ Zoe prompted.

  He stared hard at Zoe, his face stony. ‘Go away. I’ve seen you girls passing by here. We don’t want any trouble.’ He looked past her. ‘What’s that your friend has in her hands? Is it a camera?’

  ‘Oh, yes, don’t worry. I’m just doing a project for college.’ Zoe flashed him a smile and I felt the pulsing anxiety at the base of my throat.

  ‘You better not be filming me. This is private property. I’ll report you to the police.’ He started to move towards the camera. ‘Your mother told me to keep away from you! What about you keeping away from me?’

  ‘I know, I told her about when you… you know?’ Zoe briefly turned to look into the camera. ‘When you were inappropriate.’

  ‘We both know you made that up. You’re just a deceitful little troublemaker. I never made any advance on you.’ His eyes flashed with anger. ‘Now, you’re here winding me up again. Filming me like I’m some animal in a zoo. Get off my land. Now. Or I’m calling the police.’

  ‘Fine,’ Zoe said, her attention fully on Jerry now, a haughty edge to her voice. ‘Your loss.’ She manoeuvred her bike forty-five degrees so that the handlebars faced Jerry, and placed her right foot on the pedal, rotating it slowly until it reached its full height. Zoe cocked her head to one side. ‘You know, it’s not very gentlemanly to be looking up a lady’s skirt.’

  She shuffled forward to retrieve the camera and, once again, her face filled the screen.

  ‘Dare complete.’

  The film ended and I sat on the edge of the bed, shaking uncontrollably. Zoe, my precious little girl, was a… was a… I didn’t even know how to finish that thought. It was obviously attention-seeking behaviour, but I couldn’t reconcile the typically moody teenager who stomped around the house with what I had seen in the video, and in the photos of her posing naked. Perhaps she hadn’t been taken by someone; perhaps she wasn’t a victim. Perhaps this was all intentional, designed to cause the most amount of fuss for some devious pleasure of her own?

  Someone turned the handle and then a knock at the door startled me, causing me to slam the laptop shut, stuffing it quickly in its case and under the bed. I unlocked the door and rubbed my eyes, making as if I had just woken up. It was Stephen.

  ‘Why did you lock the door?’ He scanned the room. ‘Since when have we started using locks in this house?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said, lying down on the bed. ‘I guess I didn’t want anyone just walking in on me.’

  ‘No, I suppose not.’ He looked sceptical. ‘Keira rang earlier. Said she wanted to speak to you. Why does she want to speak to you? You and her don’t even get on.’

  ‘Oh, she stopped by my office earlier. Just wanted me to let her know if we hear anything.’

  He stepped closer. ‘Why does she need to ask you specifically?’

  I shrugged. ‘Probably because I specifically asked her if she knew anything.’ I paused, waiting for him to argue, but he was silent. ‘I know you hate me saying this but she’s holding back on us. She knows something about where Zoe is. I just have this feeling.’

  As expected, he shook his head with irritation. ‘Lay off her. She’s sixteen, for God’s sake. It’s only because you are determined not to like her that you think she knows something about Zoe.’

  ‘I’m not sure of anything anymore. I’m not even sure I know our daughter at all. I mean, those pictures on her phone, the sexting, what Mrs Sullivan said about Zoe flirting with older guys.’ I carefully refrained from mentioning the video – I hadn’t decided what to do about it yet. ‘What’s happened to our little girl, Stephen? The one who used to play on the swings and dance around the living room? I thought the whole experimenting with drugs thing with those girls from her old school was just a phase. But now I’m wondering if Zoe’s really in trouble – maybe Keira influenced her to begin with?’ After all, in the video I had seen, Keira was the one who’d dared her to flirt with Jerry Wyre. ‘But I admit that Zoe seems to be the on
e who’s taken it all a bit too far.’

  ‘I just think that we have to put the whole experimenting with drugs thing last summer to bed. You have got to let it go.’ He frowned. ‘Instead of focusing on a couple of weeks last summer, why don’t you start focusing on the here and now?’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Meaning,’ he said slowly, ‘think about how you weren’t there for her in the lead-up to her disappearing?’

  I sat up. ‘What are you trying to say, Stephen?’ My voice rattled with raging anger. ‘Do you want to hammer it home once again’ – I was standing now – ‘that our daughter, for whatever reason, has over the years distanced herself from me? That because I didn’t know she had rung my office on Friday’ – saying the words aloud actually caused me to gasp for air – ‘she went missing? I know all these things, Stephen. Trust me.’ I put my hand over my mouth, gulping back a sob. ‘Trust me, I know.’

  He wasn’t listening or, at least, he didn’t care what I was saying.

  ‘Distanced herself from you! You mean the other way around? You missed her parent-teacher conference, and you haven’t exactly been supportive of her desire to pursue a career in acting. You’re never here – for either of us. It’s like you’re just going through the motions in this family, like you’d always rather be somewhere else, with someone else.’

  I froze, concentrating on not overreacting. ‘What do you mean by that?’

  ‘I mean, late nights at the office, early morning meetings, it’s like you’re having an affair.’ I knew that to avoid Stephen’s gaze would be tantamount to admitting he was right, but it was becoming harder and harder to maintain my composure. He sneered. ‘Anyway, most likely you’re having an affair with your job because I can’t see anyone else finding you attractive.’