“No, not really. Come in.” Annie gestured to her bed. Her room was much larger than mine, and had a lovely big bay window that overlooked the backyard. I was still mildly jealous of it I realised as I sank down onto her queen sized bed. My room wouldn’t even fit a double bed in it, let alone a queen and a desk and enough space to do yoga or pilates or whatever it was that Annie did.
I got straight to the point. “I think Tom wants to get back together. Like, properly. Boyfriend and girlfriend.”
Annie raised an eyebrow. “I see.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t do anything yet then,” Annie said. She tapped her teeth with her pen. “Although, you know, don’t you think if you did want to be with him it would be an easier choice?”
I sighed. “I’m so confused.”
Annie didn’t say anything, just looked at me, sympathy written on her face.
“I mean, Tom’s the logical choice isn’t he? Leo’s just a fun foreign fling…”
“Have you told Tom about Leo yet?”
I groaned. “No… the right time hasn’t come up, yet. I will… I just…”
“Don’t leave it too late,” Annie warned. I should have listened to her.
Chapter Fifteen
Ultimatums
I studied the bookshelf in front of me, making sure all the tomes were in order and contemplating where the best spot for the new instalment would be. Warm hands covered my eyes, making me suddenly blind. I yelped in surprise and half turned, whacking my assailant with the book in my hand.
“Oof,” grunted the man. He dropped his hands from my face. I turned around, fully expecting to see some deranged fellow. I gasped and dropped the book I’d just hit him with.
“Leo! What! Oh my god! How?” I covered my mouth with my hands, not quite believing the sight in front of me. It was, indeed, my handsome Belgian in the flesh. He stood there, rubbing his arm where I’d thwacked him.
“I suppose I deserved that,” he said with a cheeky grin, still rubbing his arm.
“You did! You scared me!” I laughed and reached out to touch his arm. I patted it. “But I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“Ah, no. We Belgian men are tough. You can’t hurt us.” He flexed his arms and then winked at me. I let out a laugh.
“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? How did you even know I was here?” Questions poured out of me, and I barely gave him time to answer.
“I thought it might be romantic to surprise you, but I have since revised my opinion on that one.”
“Well, maybe it would have been more romantic if you’d just walked up to me instead of giving me a heart attack,” I said with a chuckle.
“I’ll remember that for future references,” Leo said with a straight face and a nod. “Now, do I get a kiss or not? I’ve come a long way… and you look particularly beautiful when you’re fluttered…” He frowned, cocking his head to the side. “Is that the right word?”
“Flustered…” I corrected quietly. I hadn’t been able to draw my attention away from his lips since he’d said the word, ‘kiss’.
“Right, flustered.” His arms came around my waist, pulling me in closer to him. I inhaled the smell of him, that warm, manly, slightly spicy scent. I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed it until then.
His lips met mine and I melted into them. I only came up for air when I remembered I was at work, in the shop, and there were customers around. I reluctantly broke away. A quick glance around the shop reassured me that we were alone for now and no one had (probably) seen us. I stepped back into the reach of his arms and gave him a quick kiss, wishing I could just kiss him all day.
“What are doing here?” I repeated. “I thought you were going to Berlin for the conference?”
“I was, but there was a last minute swap with one of the other developers. I didn’t complain too much when the bosses decided to send me to London instead,” he said with a smile and a small shrug.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“I emailed Mara and Gemma, and swore them to secrecy. I gather from your reaction that they kept their word!” He leaned down and planted another kiss on my tingling lips.
“They sure did, the bastards.” I gave him a tight hug. “I’m really glad you’re here,” I said, meaning it with every fibre of my being.
“Me too,” Leo murmured. “Me too.”
We stood like that for I don’t know how long. It could have been one minute, it could have been ten.
“How long are you here for?” I asked, breaking the little timeless spell he’d somehow cast over us.
“Just a couple of days. It’s a two day conference. I have to go back on Thursday.”
“Oh. Will you have much free time?” I asked, hoping that his precious time wouldn’t be all sucked up by conference meetings and events.
“I should be able to get away a few times,” he said. “But I’m afraid this one is a flying visit. I was impatient to see you. Are you free tonight?”
I nodded. “What time?”
We made plans to meet later in the evening.
“I’m sorry I have to go so soon. I wish I could just stay here all afternoon with you,” Leo said, tucking a stray wisp of hair behind my ear.
“It’s okay. I probably wouldn’t get any work done if you were here distracting me anyway.”
He leaned down and kissed me, slow and gentle.
“I’m already counting down the minutes until I can see you again,” he said softly.
I laughed. “You’re such a sap. Go on, enjoy your conference. I’ll see you later.” I pushed him towards the door. He resisted and kissed me again before turning to leave.
I smiled to myself, feeling all warm and fuzzy. The feeling of vast contentment shattered into a million shards.
Ah, shit. Shit, shit, shit.
If it was a movie, I probably would have laughed. But watching it unfold in real life just made me want to cry. Tom stood there, just inside the doorway of the bookshop. I hadn’t even heard the little bell tinkle, I’d been so wrapped up in Leo. He held a small bouquet of flowers in his hand that slowly dropped down to the floor. His eyes never left mine as Leo unknowingly walked past him.
We stared at each other.
“How long have you been there?” I asked tentatively after the silence dragged out for too long.
“Long enough,” Tom said. The look of hurt in his eyes was stabbing me far too deep.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you,” I said lamely.
“I gathered… Here, these are for you.” He strode over and thrust the bunch of flowers at me. I took the flowers from him and pulled them up to my face, using the pretence of smelling them to hide behind them. Orchids. My favourite.
“I saw them on the way here and thought you’d like them,” Tom said with a shrug.
“I do. Thank you.”
This forced politeness was doing my head in. I stood there, waiting for the explosion.
“That was the same bloke… the one you met in Portugal? The one… the one at the pub that time?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“How serious is it with this Belgian bloke then?” Tom asked quietly, looking down. My eyes followed. A piece of paper in his hands was being quickly torn to shreds.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I felt like I’d been saying ‘I don’t know’ an awful lot recently.
“Do you like him?” he asked, still looking down at his twisting hands and not at me.
I paused. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t want to keep lying either.
“Yeah, I do like him. Quite a lot.”
“More than me?” Tom raised his eyes and looked at me. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. My mind was whirring, a thousand and one thoughts racing around. What I said now could affect the rest of my life and it made me freeze up.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, barely audib
le.
“You need to make a choice, Bea. Me or him. You can’t have both of us.” Tom stared intently at me. I could feel him willing me to say his name, that I chose him and that everything would be fine and we’d live happily ever after.
“Are you… are you giving me an ultimatum?” I asked, slightly taken aback.
Tom steeled his jaw. “Yeah. I suppose I am.”
“I need to think.” It wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear.
“Don’t think too long,” Tom said. He leaned toward me and kissed me on the forehead. “We could be so good together again, Bea. Don’t give up on us, please.”
He left. I don’t know how long I sat there for, staring into the bookshelves, hoping they’d give me some sort of answer and reveal a path where everyone was happy.
They didn’t.
Chapter Sixteen
Decisions
Time slowed down. The last hour of my shift dragged by with painful slowness. Tom’s miserable, betrayed face was burned into my retinas. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the image, along with the associated guilt. I hadn’t cheated on him. We weren’t together. He’d broken up with me! And it had been months ago to boot… we’d just been hanging out as friends. I shook my head and told myself sternly to stop lying to myself. I jolly well knew we hadn’t been hanging out ‘just as friends’ lately. He wanted more. Sometimes I wanted more too. But I also wanted Leo. Ugh, how had I managed to make life so difficult? I was normally pretty good at avoiding drama. Lately I felt like it was following me around. I sighed. Before Portugal, I would have taken Tom back in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t have even had to think about it. But now…
I did what I usually did in times of indecision and crisis. I pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen and drew up a pros and cons list for both Leo and Tom.
Tom
Pros:
Get along really well, most of the time
From Melbourne - no dramas about where to live or long distance
Wants to be with me!
I already know his annoying, weird habits.
Cons:
Can I trust him not to hurt me again?
Disagree politically
He really hurt me, and I still kind of resent him for that.
He’s way more materialistic than I am…
Friends don’t like him (red flag?)
Leo:
Pros:
I really like him. I could easily fall in love with him
Get along super well
AMAZING chemistry
Getting to know someone new, starting afresh and not repeating old mistakes.
Cons:
Belgian. Where would we live? Visas? It won’t be easy.
I don’t know if he wants to get serious, or if this is just a fun fling.
We haven’t spent a proper amount of time together. This could just be new relationship excitement and energy… will it still be like this in a year? Two? Ten?
Still so much to find out about each other. I don’t even know what his political leanings are!
I tapped the pen against my nose, looking over my lists. An ex is an ex for a reason, I could hear my mother’s voice in my mind. And Mara’s too, probably. I knew she wouldn’t approve of me going back to Tom. I didn’t the the other girls really would, either. But I couldn’t live my life based on what other people wanted for me, could I? As tempting as it was to ring one or all three of the girls and hash it out with them. I wanted to figure this one out on my own. It was my heart, my body, my confused little brain after all.
Watching the clock never makes it go faster, my grandfather had always told me that, and as with most things, old grandad was right.
After what felt like an eternity the clock hit 5pm and Rosemarie turned up. We exchanged some pleasant chit chat, but my mind was elsewhere, and walking out of the shop a few minutes later, I couldn’t even recall what we’d said.
I wasn’t meeting Leo for another two and a half hours. It was a nice, balmy evening so I decided to walk home. Give myself some extra thinking time and all that. I re-read my pros and cons list and then scrunched it up and chucked it in a nearby bin. The main problem was that I genuinely liked both of them. They were both good people, they were both cute and handsome in their own ways. They could both make me laugh, and they both liked me. Leo didn’t know about Tom though. Maybe he’d break it off if he knew I’d been hanging out with Tom again, and then I wouldn’t have a choice to make… the choice would be made for me.
By the time I was fumbling in my bag for my key, my mind still wasn’t much clearer.
“Hello?” I called out.
“Ola!” Annie’s voice floated down the hallway.
I paused. No one else answered. I was quietly relieved. I wasn’t sure I was ready for Mara’s one-eyedness just yet, and Gemma had been a bit out of my love triangle drama loop lately. I’d have too much explaining to do.
“What is it? What’s happened?” Annie asked hurriedly as soon as she saw me. I must have been more transparent than I realised.
“It all blew up, just like you warned me it would,” I said morosely.
“What… Oh. What happened?”
“Leo came to surprise me in the shop. I didn’t even know he was in town! But I was so happy to see him. And then Tom turned up as well. It was like something out of a stupid B-grade rom com. The timing was bloody awful. He saw Leo kiss me. And he had flowers! Tom, I mean. Tom had flowers.”
“Slow down,” Annie said with a frown. “So, let me get this straight. Leo came and visited you at the bookshop?”
I nodded.
“And then Tom also turned up and saw you and Leo together?”
I nodded again and moaned. “It was horrible! The look on his face! It was like I’d killed his favourite kitten or something.”
Annie winced in sympathy. “Then what happened? Tom didn’t get all aggro with Leo did he?” she asked, suddenly alarmed.
“No, no.” I shook my head. “Nothing like that. Leo didn’t even see him. I didn’t even notice he was there until Leo was leaving…”
“Shite,” Annie muttered. “Poor Tom.”
“I know. I’m horrible. I should have told him earlier…”
“Coulda, shoulda, woulda.”
I raised an eyebrow at my friend.
She shrugged in return. “The damage has been done, my dear. So now what are you going to do? Did Tom say anything or did he just run away to nurse his broken little heart?”
I narrowed my eyes at Annie.
“Sorry,” she said, trying to hide a grin behind her hand. “I know it’s horrible, and you feel horrible, but I get a twisted satisfaction out of seeing him hurt after he hurt you. Karma’s a bitch like that.”
“You sound like Mara,” I complained.
“Sorry,” she said although she didn’t exactly sound sorry. “So what happened next?”
I took a deep breath and screwed up my face. “He asked me how serious it was with ‘that Belgian bloke’ and then he gave me an ultimatum. Him or Leo. I have to choose.”
Annie blinked. “Well that always works out well,” she muttered, shaking her head. “Idiot.”
“What?” I frowned at her, puzzled.
“Nothing. So? Has Leo also given you a stupid ultimatum?”
I shook my head and groaned again. “He doesn’t know yet.”
“Oh, Bea…”
“I know… I suck big hairy monkey balls.”
Annie didn’t say anything.
“I’m seeing Leo in an hour and a half. I’ll talk to him then. What if he hates me?”
“I doubt he’ll hate you, sweetie.”
“But…”
“Look, I don’t really know Leo at all. I’ve only met him the once. But you seem to really like him, and the other girls reckon he’s a top bloke.”
“He is… And I do… I just. Man, to be honest, I think this would be a lot easier if we took out the international factor.”
“Is that what’s w
orrying you?”
I shrugged. “Kinda. Yeah. Shouldn’t it?”
Annie pursed her lips, thinking. “Well, it’s never been easier, what with the internet and face chat and whatever. Half my cousins seem to be in international marriages or relationships,” she said after a moment. “But you should probably have a serious talk with Leo. I know you hate serious talks, but I think it’s time.”
“I know. You’re right.”
“Bea, if everything was even, if you all lived in the same city and didn’t need to worry about visas or potential long distance or whatever, if you just had Tom and Leo standing in front of you, who would you choose?”
“I don’t know,” I said. Annie looked at me shrewdly.
“Are you sure?”
I shook my head. Then nodded. And then shook my head again.
Annie laughed. “Oh, Bea. You’ll figure it out. Where are you meeting Leo?”
I glanced down at my watch. “Cripes, I’d better get ready. I’m meeting him at Westminster. Help me pick out an outfit?”
Twenty minutes later, I was dressed in a casual pair of jeans, a nice orange top of Gemma’s we’d raided out of her closet, and a smart jacket that I’d bought a few weeks before. I didn’t think orange was really my colour, but Annie had convinced me to give it a go. As usual, she was right. I looked good, even if I did say so myself. It gave me a small boost of confidence.
“Good luck,” she said, all but pushing me out the door. “If it goes all horribly wrong, call me and I’ll come meet you and we’ll go get plastered and flirt with pretty boys somewhere.”
I laughed. “Sure. Thanks, Annie.”
My palms were sweaty, and my legs felt a little weak by the time I got to the tube stop where Leo and I had agreed to meet. I couldn’t get either man out of my head, the whole tube ride there. What should I do? Who should I pick? What if I chose wrong? What if I looked back in five years time and wanted to slap myself silly for the horrible choice I was about to make? What if I chose one of them and we broke up in a few months or a year or whatever… it’s not like I could just keep the other one on ice, forever my back up plan. Chances were, they’d meet someone else and move on and it would be too late. It’d be like that Tim Minchin song… if I didn’t have you, someone else would do. But would they? I felt like banging my head against something.
Unexpected: A Backpacker Romance (The Backpacker Romances) Page 17