The Real Me

by Herrick, Ann

  When I got to school the next morning, I found Laura taking books out of Walt's locker.

  "Hi, Mattie," Laura said shyly. "I'm just getting some stuff that Walt will need. You don't mind, do you?"

  "Of course not."

  "Um, I didn't really think you would. Walt explained how you're just friends. I mean, I always saw you two together and thought, well, you know."

  "We're just friends." I smiled. "Believe me."

  "Oh, good." Laura gave a big sigh of relief. "See you."

  "Bye." As I turned to leave, I saw Kevin walking down the hall with Nicole. He saw me and smiled. That was the only sort of contact I'd had with him since we were together at the beach. He would see me and smile, or wink, or maybe say hello, but he was always with Nicole. I had hoped he would call, but he never did. I even tried to call him a couple of times, but always got voice mail, and I didn't want to leave a message. I figured he was probably talking to Nicole.

  Sometimes I felt as if Erwina's party and the afternoon at the beach were all just a dream.

  All week I explained to sympathetic friends who expressed their sorrow about me not attending the prom because of Walt's accident that I, in fact, would be going to the prom. Alone. Supervising the refreshments. Then the sympathy turned to pity. It didn't bother me as much as it once might have.

  I'd gone through nearly three years of high school without a date. What did one dance matter? I would go alone and have a good time. Or at least try.

  I even decided to wear my new dress to the prom rather than save it for another occasion. I had worked hard to lose weight, after all. I'd finally gotten the nerve to do something with my hair and try to look nice. And I was attractive. I could see that now, because I was also more confident and outgoing. I was not going to retreat at this point. There was no reason for me to hide in the kitchen all night. It was my prom. I was going to dress right for it.

  If Kevin was only using me somehow, it would hurt, but I had to find out. I'd never know for sure what his feelings were if I avoided him because I was embarrassed. I'd rather lose him to Nicole than to my own insecurities. I had to take the risk of getting close to someone.

  The morning of the prom I awoke feeling jittery. Without Walt to help I would have to take charge completely. When George had not arrived at my house with his pickup by nine o'clock as he'd promised, I called him. I knew a timid approach would not prod George into action, so when he answered I was polite but firm.

  "George, it's nine fifteen. I need you here right away."

  "But--"

  "If we get behind schedule now, we'll never be finished on time."

  "I--"

  "Some people still have to do their hair today, you know."

  "I'll--"

  "See you in fifteen minutes." I hung up.

  George pulled into the driveway at nine thirty-two, apologizing for being late.

  The rest of the committee was waiting for George and me when we arrived at the lunchroom. The eighth graders, three girls and three guys who would be serving the refreshments, were there, too.

  I unlocked the lunchroom door and assigned tasks.

  We draped blue and green crepe paper streamers across the ceiling, and hung multi-colored paper fish. We filled a trunk with costume jewelry and surrounded it with shells. It was the perfect treasure chest. On the walls we taped murals depicting underwater scenes. Soon the lunchroom began to live up to the theme of Underwater Fantasy.

  As I helped Laura tape up some of the streamers, I asked, "Um, will you be at the prom, Laura?"

  "No." Laura blushed. "I'm going to Walt's tonight."

  "Oh, great!" I said, a bit too enthusiastically. I still felt guilty about Walt.

  Later I showed the eighth graders around the kitchen, locating trays and utensils they would need to fix and serve the punch and cookies. I even read through the punch recipe.

  George stuck his head in the door and signaled me. "Hey, Beautiful. We need your help out here."

  "Okay, we're finished," I said. As soon as I got out of ear shot of the eighth graders, I pulled George aside. "From now on, please just call me Mattie. It's my name."

  "Okay." George winked. "Mattie it is."

  "Thanks. Now, what's up?"

  "Mr. Lane just brought the palm tree and grass shack from the travel agency. Where do you want them set up?"

  "Here by the kitchen door." I walked off a space for them. "Let's bring in the chariot and seahorses now and get them set up over there." I pointed to a spot next to the treasure chest.

  All the decorations were in place and the tables were set up with tablecloths and candles. I gathered the committee. "Good job," I said. "The place looks great."

  Everyone murmured their agreement.

  "I'll see you at the dance tonight and at nine tomorrow morning to clean up."

  There were cheerful groans as everybody left.

  Before I locked up, I took another look around. The lunchroom really was transformed into an Underwater Fantasy. I wished Walt was there to see it. So many of the decorating ideas were his.

  "I never thought the lunchroom could look so romantic." George put his arm around me.

  "Mmm," I said dreamily. "It does look romantic." I thought George was about to kiss me and, though my heart beat with excitement at the idea, I pulled away. Enough with kissing guys I wasn't serious about! "We'd better get going if we're going to get ourselves ready on time."

  "Sure." George smiled. "But you have to save me a dance."

  "Okay," I said. Then I added, "But I don't want to smell anything funny on your breath tonight."

  "Don't worry," said George. "I haven't forgotten what I did to Walt."

  After George dropped me off at home, I went to the kitchen to fix myself a sandwich. When I opened the refrigerator door, I discovered a white box with a cellophane lid prominently displayed in front of the lettuce crisper. There was a card on top addressed to me. I opened it.

  Here is an outward gift of beauty to go with the inner bloom you've always had. Have fun tonight. Always, Walt

  I opened the box. Nestled in tissue paper was a corsage of three white rosebuds. I carefully lifted it out of the box.

  Mom stepped into the room. "That was delivered just a few minutes ago."

  "Isn't it pretty?" I held the corsage out for Mom to see. "Walt sent it."

  "It's lovely."

  Dad burst in through the back door. "I'm home and I've got something for you." He handed me a white box with a cellophane lid. Then he spotted the corsage in my hand, and chuckled. "Guess I'm not the only one who thinks a girl deserves flowers for her own prom."

  "This is from Walt." I opened the box from Dad. It was a corsage almost identical to the one Walt sent. I had an idea. "Dad, it's great. If you don't mind, though, I'm going to take it apart."

  "And put it in water?"

  "No. I'd like to wear the flowers in my hair. I feel like going all out tonight."

  Dad beamed his approval.

  After supper I dressed for the prom. I bobby pinned the flowers from Dad's corsage in my hair and wore the corsage from Walt at my waist. As I descended the stairs, I felt like Scarlett O'Hara on her way to the ball at Twelve Oaks.

  At the foot of the stairs Dad took me in his arms and swirled me around the living room. "Tonight you outshine any princess who ever lived."

  "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."

  "Only the ones I'm related to."

  "Would you two hold still for a second," Mom said. "I want to get a picture of you."

  Dad whirled me over to the fireplace and posed with his arm around my waist. "How's this?"

  "Great." Mom snapped the picture. "Now one of Mattie alone."

  Dad stepped away, and I smiled as Mom took another picture. Once I had dreaded the thought of attending the prom by myself. But now, caught up in the excitement, I was actually looking forward to it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I pulled an apron out of one of the kitchen drawe
rs and slipped it on before I started the punch. As I stirred the ingredients in one of the school's big spaghetti pots, I saw one of the eighth graders standing in the doorway. "Come on in," I called. "You're Sherry, right?"

  Sherry nodded.

  "There are some trays in that cabinet and the cups are there on the counter. You can help me ladle punch into cups and load the trays."

  Sherry nodded again.

  The other eighth graders arrived almost simultaneously. I put them to work loading the trays with cookies. As soon as most of the tables out in the lunchroom turned prom setting filled up, the serving would begin.

  I practically had to push Sherry out the door when it came time to start serving, but once she was out the others followed willingly.

  I, however, lingered in the kitchen, busying myself by wiping off the counters and rechecking the supply of cookies. There really wouldn't be anything for me to do until it was time to reload the trays, and the eighth graders could easily do that themselves now that they knew where everything was. But I couldn't quite bring myself to walk out into the lunchroom alone, since it was filled with all those couples.

  "There you are." Erwina burst into the kitchen. She wore the pink off the shoulder dress she had tried on in New Haven. "Take off that apron and get out on the dance floor."

  "I-I have to tidy up in here."

  "If this place gets any tidier, the Board of Health will faint."

  I laughed. "Okay." That was all the encouragement I needed. I took off the apron and smoothed the skirt of my dress. "Do I look all right?"

  "You look great!" George said as he walked into the kitchen. "Selena is about to sing. I need you to dance with me." He took my hand and led me out to the dance floor.

  Blue and green lights shimmered on the walls and ceiling, creating the effect of a real underwater fantasy. My mood brightened a bit. I was proud that I had a hand in producing such an exotic atmosphere.

  Selena started singing "A Summer Place," an ancient song that one of the teachers had suggested. Couples drifted onto the dance floor. George held me close, but not too tight, as he guided me around the room.

  "Selena has a beautiful voice," I said.

  "I guess so."

  "Her solo at the last Choral Concert was great."

  "Yeah? I've never been to one of those."

  "Oh." I had to stop the nervous chatter. I tried looking around the room for Kevin without being obvious. When I saw him and Nicole only a few feet away, I couldn't keep from trembling.

  "You cold?" George asked.

  "No." I smiled at George. "No. I'm fine."

  "I see." George nodded in the direction of Kevin and Nicole. "Want me to cut in?"

  "No! That is, I've got to check on things in the kitchen."

  "Sure. Selena's almost finished with her song anyway."

  Once in the kitchen I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. All around me the eighth graders were loading trays and taking them back out to the lunchroom. They really didn't need me to supervise. So I didn't need to spend the night hiding out in the kitchen. It was my prom, I reminded myself. I went back out to enjoy it. Or at least try.

  I asked Carl to dance, then Phil, then Ross. I tried not to look surprised when Nick Edwards, a senior, asked me to dance.

  I tried to catch Kevin's attention, but Nicole constantly hovered around him. Finally it looked as if she was headed for the lavatory. I threaded my way through the tables toward Kevin.

  I tapped him on the shoulder. He looked totally sensational in his black tuxedo and white ruffled shirt. I gave him a big smile. "Hi."

  "Mattie!" Kevin's smile told me he was happy to see me. "How about a dance?"

  "I thought you'd never ask," I said, only half joking.

  Kevin pulled me close and whispered in my ear, "I've missed you."

  "Me, too."

  "I'm sorry." Kevin smiled apologetically. "I've tried, but it's hard getting away from Nicole. I guess people don't change overnight."

  "Some changes are difficult," I said, and left it at that. All I needed at the moment was to rest my head on his shoulder.

  "Brunch is still on for tomorrow," Kevin said. "If you still want to, that is."

  I looked up at him and smiled tenderly. "Of course I still want to."

  As Kevin slid his arms around my waist, I placed my hands on his shoulders.

  "Mattie, you look so beautiful tonight."

  I was just drinking that in, when Sherry came up to me and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, Mattie. We need you in the kitchen."

  "Be right there." I looked at Kevin. "Sorry."

  "Don't worry." Kevin squeezed my hand. "See you later."

  When I got to the kitchen, three of the eighth graders were already cleaning up some spilled punch. "We found the mop."

  "Oh, Mattie." Sherry blushed furiously. "I'm sorry I interrupted your dance for nothing."

  "That's all right. I'm just glad it was nothing serious and you guys handled it yourselves."

  Ross wandered into the kitchen. "Hi, Mattie. Would you mind checking on Erwina? She's been in the bathroom an awfully long time."

  "Sure." As I headed into the lavatory, Nicole came out. I smiled at her, but she stared straight ahead.

  Inside I heard Selena whispering. "George was going to sneak in a flask of whisky--but he didn't, thank goodness. All he said when I asked about it was that he changed his mind." When Selena saw me, she stopped whispering and started combing her hair.

  The girl Selena had been whispering to said, "Well, at least you and George dance once in a while. My date has been sitting around all evening shredding paper cups."

  I looked around. I didn't see Erwina by any of the sinks. None of the stall doors was closed, but I thought I saw a pair of feet in the end stall. I walked over and peeked inside. "Erwina, what are you doing in there? Ross sent me to look for you."

  "You'd never believe it." Erwina fanned the hem of her dress. "I sat down to … you know … and the hem of my skirt fell in the toilet! I've been waiting for it to dry."

  I tried to look sympathetic, but I couldn't help laughing. Somewhere there were probably a few starry¬ eyed couples living up to the great time I'd always imagined everyone having at a prom, but so far I hadn't seen any of them.

  "It's not funny!" Erwina exclaimed.

  "Sorry," I said, trying to control some leftover giggling. "Anything I can do?"

  "Not unless you have a spare prom dress on you."

  "Sorry."

  "Then keep me company for a few minutes while I dry out." Erwina lowered her voice. "I've got something to tell you."

  "What?"

  "I overheard Nicole telling someone that Craig arrived in town tonight. In fact, she said she sneaked away from Kevin to call Craig. But he told her he's not spending the summer with the rest of his family in Waterside this year. He's leaving for Europe in the morning. Nicole sounded furious."

  "Craig won't be in Waterside for the rest of the summer?"

  "No. He's leaving at six in the morning to get to the airport."

  I steadied myself against the wall. My head spun. I thought I might faint. Kevin was probably finding out about all this too, only with Nicole's anger at Craig well under wraps. I had to get some fresh air. "I … I have to go, Erwina. I'll tell Ross you'll be out soon."

  I didn't wait for a response. I tore out of there, talked to Ross, ran to the kitchen, grabbed my shawl, and slipped out the back door.

  I took a deep breath of the cool night air. It was a clear night and the stars stood out against the inky sky. I found the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. I tried to locate Sirius, but I couldn't concentrate. I had to ask Kevin about tomorrow morning. Surely he wouldn't break our date. Surely once the prom was over he'd no longer feel any commitment to Nicole.

  "Mattie?" Sherry called out into the darkness.

  I waited a moment, then answered, "What?"

  "They're going to announce the king and queen of the prom. You don't want to mis
s the crowning."

  "Oh, no," I said dryly. "I wouldn't want to miss that."

  I went inside, left my shawl in the kitchen, and followed Sherry into the lunchroom. The attendants from all the classes were lined up. Ross and Erwina were the junior class attendants. They would crown the king and queen as soon as they were announced. From where I stood I thought the back of Erwina's dress looked dry. Thank goodness for something positive.

  One of the chaperones stepped up to the microphone to make the announcement. "King and Queen of the prom--Kevin Laconia and Nicole Sandhurst!"

  Everyone applauded. Nicole put her hands over her mouth as if she was surprised. She hugged two girls standing near her, then took Kevin's arm as they walked over to the chariot.

  Kevin stopped Erwina before she placed the crown on his head. He had her turn it around so he could examine it for a moment. He looked out at the crowd, searching until he saw me standing by the kitchen door, and smiled in my direction.

  I could feel myself blush. At least I was standing in a spot where the light was especially dim.

  Ross carefully placed the other crown on Nicole's head, then handed her a bouquet of white roses.

  Kevin and Nicole stepped into the seahorse drawn chariot to have their pictures taken for the school newspaper and yearbook.

  Nicole flashed what looked like, to me, a truly happy smile. She seemed reluctant at first to leave the chariot when the picture taking was finished. But suddenly she left Kevin standing alone as she ran across the room into someone's arms.

  It was Craig. He was dressed in tennis clothes, already sporting a tanning booth carrot-colored complexion. The perennial summer boy.

  When the band started playing "A Summer Place" again and Selena sang the reprise, there was a moment of confusion. The king and queen and attendants were supposed to dance. After a few seconds the attendants partnered up, but Nicole handed her bouquet to a bystander and started dancing with Craig.

  Kevin took off his crown, placed it on the chariot, and headed toward me.

  I wanted to duck back into the kitchen, but I knew hiding wasn't going to solve anything. So when Kevin stood before me and asked me to dance, I said, "Yes."