Simmer

by Stephanie Rose

  I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, right.” I smoothed down the wisps of hair from my matted ponytail, now self-conscious under the weight of his stare. “I’m a mess in the morning.”

  He shook his head as he slipped the rubber band out of my hair. My eyelids fluttered as his fingers threaded through the tangled strands. Drew’s lips curved into a small smile as his eyes locked with mine.

  “Fucking gorgeous,” he rasped. “Always gorgeous.” My eyes zeroed in on his lips, now tempered with another day’s worth of stubble. We inched toward each other like magnets, my lips aching for his. I couldn’t stop this if I wanted to. And I didn’t—and wasn’t. Was this being brave or reckless?

  “Mommy!” A frustrated groan fell from my lips as Victoria charged into the kitchen. Drew’s shoulders slumped as he laughed, mouthing “next time” to me before he stepped aside and let Victoria tackle me with a hug.

  “I don’t ever remember you sleeping this late on Christmas morning.” I kissed her forehead and pulled her to me. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

  “This is late?” Drew scoffed as his eyes widened.

  “The sun is up. Or almost. Usually Victoria first tries to check if Santa came around three or so.”

  She lifted her head and giggled. “Can I look now? Please?” She folded her hands under her chin and bounced. Her excitement caused a pang I couldn’t identify deep in my gut. I always made sure she had a pile under the tree, but it was a small pile. I was able to afford a little more this year with all the overtime I’d worked at the restaurant, but now that she had Josh and Brianna, I was sure she had a mountain of gifts awaiting her. Ever since Josh mentioned he bought her a bike, I’d been prepping myself to look thrilled for her when she saw it, not jealous as all hell he beat me to it.

  “There’s a big stack of presents in the living room,” Josh’s voice drifted in from the hallway. He raised an eyebrow at Victoria with Brianna beaming behind him. Victoria let go of my waist and gasped.

  “A big stack?”

  “Huge.” Josh nodded slowly. “Unless you want to eat breakfast first, because we can if—”

  Victoria dashed out of the kitchen and almost made it past her father. He lifted her up and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. “Merry Christmas, Sweets. Santa left you a lot, but there’s one big present from all three of us.”

  My head whipped to Josh as he put Victoria down and she raced into the living room.

  “The bike is from all of us. I guess I forgot to mention that.” He smiled as he took in the confused slack in my jaw.

  “Josh . . .” Now, instead of resentful, I was embarrassed. Again, had it been the other way around, I never would have put all our names on a big gift if it was just from me. Since I dropped Victoria off, I always felt like I had something to prove—to them, to her, and to myself. Keeping her clothed and fed didn’t have the same impact to a child as a new bike on Christmas morning—and Josh knew that. A shame-filled lump formed in my throat.

  “You didn’t need to do that—” Josh lifted his hand up, cutting me off.

  “The big stuff should come from both of us, since she has both of us now.”

  I took in a quick breath through my nostrils and nodded. Last night’s emotional roller coaster made the tears all too eager to come back. “She has all three of us.” My eyes drifted to Brianna.

  “Thank you, Sara.” A slow smile lifted her cheeks and almost made it to her eyes. Life wasn’t as easy for her as I’d always assumed, and this Christmas she had her own disappointments to deal with. We both shared a bright spot in Victoria today.

  “Yes, she does.” Josh pulled her by the hand toward the living room.

  “I’m going to go.” Drew kissed my shoulder as he shrugged on his jacket.

  “Why? It’s still snowing, and we didn’t even have breakfast yet.” My pleading sounded foreign to my own ears, but I didn’t want him to go yet.

  He shook his head and snaked his arms around my waist. “You should have Christmas alone with her—with them. Get used to the new dynamic without the layer of anger.” I jabbed him in the side as he snickered. “How about lunch tomorrow, and my cousin’s party on New Year’s Eve? They have some kids Victoria’s age. Think about it.” His lips found my forehead and lingered for a long kiss.

  “I don’t have to think about it. Yes, we’d love to.” He replied with a wide smile. I agreed to more than just lunch and a New Year’s party, and the gleam in Drew’s eyes confirmed he knew what I meant. No more denying and no more stalling. I wanted Drew enough to push the what ifs and insecurities aside and try. “Victoria is going to be mad you gave her the slip.”

  “I’ll wave goodbye. She’ll be knee-deep in presents, so I’m sure she won’t notice.” Drew’s hand cupped my neck before he pulled me in for a quick but savage kiss. Drew was always gentle, but his kisses were rough. He had me panting and wet from just his mouth on mine. I shivered imagining what else he could do to me when he had more time.

  “Merry Christmas, Drew,” I breathed as he pulled away, nipping my bottom lip before stepping back.

  “Merry Christmas, Sara. And I take back what I said last week.” His hand feathered down my cheek. “You . . . like this . . . this is my best Christmas gift.”

  I fought the twitch of a smile and rolled my eyes. “You’re relentless.”

  He pulled me flush to his body and shook his head. “Baby, you haven’t seen anything yet. When I get you alone . . .” His voice dipped low as he backed away. “Then you’ll know what relentless is.”

  Sara

  “I GET TO stay up past midnight? You never let me stay up that late.” Victoria’s lips twisted in confusion as she took a seat next to me in the kitchen. I held in a laugh at her skeptical gaze as I frosted the cake Drew asked me to bring. I’d spent the past half hour eyeballing it for icing gaps.

  I was rigid with her bedtime, as if we didn’t stay on a routine I was screwed in getting to work and school and wherever else I had to drop her in between. On New Year’s Eve, I’d let her see the ball drop and usher her into bed before the TV started playing “Auld Lang Syne.”

  “Consider it a special case.” I smiled when her eyes met mine. We’d spent two days with Drew since Christmas Day, and it unnerved me how natural it was. We ate lunch the day after Christmas and saw a kids’ movie the day after that. Keeping our lips off each other was proving to be tough, but we managed. Or managed so far. I’d gotten a bit too brazen on Christmas with our desperate kisses in the hallway and kitchen, and I didn’t want to confuse my daughter or get her hopes up. Drew and I were close, but I had no clue how this would play out. Right now, I loved his company and stopped pretending to only like him as a friend. What the future held, I wasn’t sure, but I was hopeful. Of course, I was also terrified—but hopeful all the same.

  “Your first New Year’s Eve party, huh?” Josh threw us a smirk as he strolled into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “Yeah. Drew said he had boy cousins my age.”

  Josh stilled as he chugged the bottle.

  “Remember what I told you if a boy tries to kiss you. Where I told you to kick.” He jerked his knee up and then pointed at Victoria.

  “Ugh . . . Josh, she just turned nine,” Brianna sighed as she leaned against the refrigerator.

  “You forget, Cupcake. I was a nine-year-old boy once, too. Trust me, I know how they all think when they see a pretty girl.”

  She crossed her arms as her eyes narrowed at Josh. “So, if there are boys like you at the party, if they like her, they’ll let her know they like her when they’re . . . oh, around twenty-eight or so.”

  Josh huffed out a laugh as he looped his arm around her shoulder.

  “Why don’t you go change, Victoria? Drew is picking us up in twenty minutes.” I motioned to the hallway.

  “Okay, can I wear my new DC shirt? Drew hasn’t seen it yet!”

  I smiled at her saucer-wide eyes. “Sure.” I didn’t even get the whole syllable o
ut before she raced out of the kitchen.

  “So, things with you and Drew are going well?” Brianna took a seat next to me, but I didn’t turn around, as I was still focused on the cake.

  I nodded, trying my best to look noncommittal. “He’s a nice guy. A good friend.”

  “When I came back into the living room to give him some sheets, you looked pretty not friendly to me.”

  My head shot up to Brianna’s devious smile. “You saw?” Shit. It was one thing to have a private indiscretion you could will yourself to forget, quite another to have people see and confirm it as true. I threw down the icing covered spatula and dropped my head into my hands.

  “Well, I walked back into the kitchen on Christmas Day and . . .” I cringed at what Josh was about to say next. His nose crinkled as he leaned his elbows onto the kitchen island counter.

  “Seriously? Oh my God.” My head fell back into my hands as I groaned.

  “Sara, I’d never begrudge you . . . friends, and Drew seems like a decent guy. But Vic may start asking questions if she sees. I don’t know how far into it you guys are. I mean, feel free to tell me to mind my own fucking business, but I just don’t want either of you hurt.”

  “No, you’re right.” I exhaled a long breath and leaned back in the chair. “Drew has been the best friend I’ve had in . . . ever, probably. I’d been fighting the ‘more than friends’ feeling for months.” Opening up to Josh and Brianna was strange, but oddly easy. “I don’t know why. This is probably all kinds of wrong. He’s younger, too.”

  “He’s a nice, great-looking guy. Why is it so wrong to like him? Don’t beat yourself up for being human.”

  “You had to throw in the ‘great,’ didn’t you, Bri?” Josh teased as he came up behind her.

  Her eyes rolled. “All I’m saying is you shouldn’t be so set against depriving yourself. Anyone would be tempted.”

  “Keep digging the hole, Cupcake,” Josh growled as Brianna waved him off.

  “But Josh has a point. If you’re unsure, spending so much time with him and Victoria is only going to cloud things more. But for tonight, just have fun. Both of you.” She threw Josh a scowl before leaving the room.

  “You’re right.” I let out a defeated sigh. “I need to stop acting like a horny teenager around my daughter.”

  “No, that’s not what we were saying. Look,” he dropped a hand on my forearm. “Just have fun tonight. Victoria is excited, and you’ve been icing the same spot of cake for the past ten minutes, so I’m guessing you are too.” I met his gaze and had to laugh. “You deserve some fun.”

  Josh left me alone with my over-frosted cake. I hoped my fun wasn’t going to be at everyone’s expense.

  “My family is a little nuts. A nice nuts, but nuts all the same,” Drew warned as he led us up the icy front steps. “My cousin has twin nine-year-old boys, Alex and Aiden. They love comics so you’ll all get along fine.” He gave Victoria a wink and squeeze on the shoulder before ringing the doorbell.

  “Hey, man!” An older replica of Drew greeted us at the door. “Glad you could make it. The boys are excited to have someone here their age.” He glanced at Victoria over Drew’s shoulder.

  “Jesse, this is Sara and Victoria.” Drew wrapped his arm around me as he made introductions. “I told them we’re all crazy, but harmless.”

  “More or less,” Jesse agreed with a nod. “My mother may not be harmless, so tread lightly with that one. Especially since my baby cousin over here is her pet.” He motioned to Drew with a smirk.

  “Please, Aunt Maria is all bark no bite. Now could we come inside? It’s arctic out here.”

  Jesse ushered us in and shut the door behind us, his eyes still focused on Victoria and me. “Drew told me so much about you. All good, I promise. Food is set up in the kitchen.”

  I grabbed Drew’s hand and laced our fingers together. Holding hands was new between us, but I reached for him more out of fear than attraction. He locked his eyes with mine and squeezed. Maybe I was older than Drew, but the measly life experience I’d had made me more of a kid than mature adult in a situation like this. I wet my parched lips and followed him inside the living room.

  “Everyone, this is Sara and Victoria.” Drew draped his arm around me and squeezed Victoria’s shoulder. She searched the room with wide eyes. She’d come out of her shell a lot more in the past year, but like her mother, overly social situations weren’t her favorite.

  It was hard to miss the identical twin boys on the couch. They both focused on the TV screen with blank expressions, only glancing our way for a moment.

  “Hey guys,” Drew called out to them. “Why don’t you let Victoria play, too? Or at least blink once in a while.”

  “Do you know how?” One of the boys scrunched his face as he studied Victoria. She stepped away from us and turned her head toward the oversized TV screen hanging on the wall.

  “I have this game. My dad and I play. We got past this level two weeks ago.” Both boys’ heads whipped in her direction and one offered her his controller.

  Drew gave me a side smirk and pulled me down the hallway.

  “She’ll be just fine,” he whispered in my ear before kissing the top of my head. Every inch of wall in Jesse’s house was covered with either something sports related or a family photo. The sight of all those pictures made my chest squeeze.

  They don’t open them, but I show them.

  Denise called back late Christmas Eve, and as much as I hated myself for it, I didn’t pick up. I still wanted my sister, but I couldn’t acknowledge being rejected yet again by a mother who hated me. It was almost worse than when she originally threw me out. I would have thought the years had mellowed her feelings or that maybe she’d even miss me a little or be curious about her granddaughter. None of that was true, and I was still acclimating to the permanence of it all.

  I’d bet none of the photos I sent my parents of their granddaughter made it to a frame. I felt pity for both myself and my daughter in that moment. Love of extended family radiated off every crevice of this house upon entry, and it was foreign to both of us.

  “Where’s your dad?” I questioned as I took in all the different faces. Faces focused on me, the scrutiny making me uneasy. I clutched on to my cake and hoped his family served alcohol before the ball dropped.

  “He took my grandmother back to her assisted living apartment; she’s not one for New Year’s. And I would bet he’s on his way back to Jersey right about now.” Drew shrugged. “At least he stayed around for Christmas.”

  I was introduced to so many aunts and uncles, forgetting the onslaught of so many names to remember. They were all kind and welcoming, except for one. His aunt Maria greeted me with a half-smile and a weak handshake, and I could swear she mumbled something to Drew about not running out this time. I guessed Drew leaving them on Christmas didn’t allow me the best chance to make a good first impression.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Drew assured me after we dropped the cake off in the kitchen. “I see those wheels turning behind those big eyes.” He kissed my forehead.

  “You think you know me so well.” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “Better than you know yourself, Caldwell.” Our eyes locked until his drifted to my lips. He groaned when I gave him a slow shake of my head. Last thing I needed was someone in Drew’s family to catch us the way Josh and Brianna had.

  Victoria’s laughter drifting from the living room brought me a little relief. I pointed to the living room before stealing a quick look to make sure she was having fun.

  “The boys don’t know whether to be impressed or mad that Victoria is beating them so badly,” a blonde woman noted from behind me. “I’m Angie, Jesse’s wife. I’m sure all our names are swimming around in your head from that whirlwind introduction.” Angie smiled and seemed about my age. Her features were light, her pale hair brushing her shoulders as she laughed at the kids on the couch. “I’m glad Drew brought you guys over. He said you met at school, but you’
re a culinary student. “

  “Yes, I baked a cake for tonight.” I cringed at my clipped response. It was as if we were both on display tonight but, thankfully, Victoria was too engrossed in playing to feel it.

  “Drew needs to bring you around more. I bet you make all kinds of awesome things at school. I only know the basics, but the guys, even the big one, only eat five things.” We shared a genuine laugh. “There’s Sangria in the kitchen if you’d like to help yourself to a glass. I know I’d need something if I met us all at once.”

  “You know, I’d love some. Thank you.” I tried to give her a more relaxed smile before I made my way into the kitchen. Drew was speaking with his aunt in loud whispers when I approached, and the tension made me stop in my tracks.

  “You don’t know what you’re getting into, Andrew. She has a child. That’s a double obligation I don’t think you’re ready for.” My blood chilled at the accusation in her voice. As much as I hated it, I had to agree with her. Drew was too good to realize it.

  “She’s not an obligation, Aunt Maria. I care about Sara . . . a lot, and her daughter is a great kid if you bothered to get to know her.” Hearing him so irritated unnerved me. I never heard him be cross with anyone, other than Chase that one time on the track. He was upset and fighting with his favorite aunt—because of me.

  “You need to be careful. These women . . . they see a young guy like you with a bright future and—”

  “So, after meeting her for two minutes you think Sara sees me as a meal ticket?” He scoffed. “She is the most hard-working, brave person I’ve ever met. You have no right to—”

  “Did you find it?” Angie asked behind me and startled all three of us. Drew turned and grimaced at the sight of me standing there.

  “No. But it’s all right. Victoria and I are going to go.” My eyes locked with Drew’s. His jaw clenched as he took a step toward me.

  “It’s fine.” I held up my hand. “I’ll let her finish this game, and we’ll take a cab back to Josh’s. I’ll see you back at school. No big deal.”