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TRANSLATED BY: Virtxu CORRECTED BY: Tibari
Ant one, but I’m not. Brianna is coming, coming home with me. Almost always on after school and always comes to my house like yours. Normally, I like, but no …
No, not today. “Brianna,” I say as she put our backpacks on the floor. I have a lot of homework and I need to concentrate, you know? “I work very hard,” she said. You lower your eyes wide circles. But do not worry, do not look so bad. She looks into the kitchen and yells: - Do I smell food? “I do,” says mom back. I’ve been working on recipes all day. Hungry? “Starved,” says Brianna, and ended up sitting in the kitchen. Brianna try each of the three types of pasta salad that Mom has done and does a ton of comments. (-I like bacon in this ?. - Oooh! The sauce is great on this! ?)
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- Do you like? Mother says, smiling Brianna. I started with a vinaigrette, but then I thought, why not add a little cayenne pepper to top it? I did not think you will notice that, however. Still needs a bit more, looks at me. Sarah, darling, how has your day? “She says she has duties, but always says that,” says Brianna. Oh! But there’s a kid at school who likes her. - Really? Mother says, and I shake my head. -No. He is loving and just … stuff. - Honey? Brianna said giggling. Greg is not loving. He put his arm around you. I will ask if you want to take you out. So you and him and me and Ryan can go out together. I do not know. I … “Come on, be funny,” says Brianna. We can make them invite us to dinner at a nice site. I have a cute dress, and we can go out and get something great for you to make you look different. Sexy Mama …-mira. But not too sexy, of course. Mom starts to pick up the dishes. -Sarah, you have a dentist appointment in twenty minutes. Brianna, do you want to wrap you a little something to take him home? “No, I’m fine,” says Brianna, and gives a hug to my mother before she leave the table and we head back to the front door. “I wish we could spend more time together now,” she says. I feel like today was a little weird or something. Do you feel that way? Yes, but I shake my head no. Squinting at me. - Are you sure that Greg did not invite you out? Because it really seemed as if he was doing. “He did not. “I’ll say if I did, right? I mean, I do not care, but we were together a while and this might be a bit strange. Plus he … I do not know. Does not really seem your type.
“You’re right,” I say, his voice tight. It is not. And besides, I still think he likes you.
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“Oh, that’s him,” she says, hugging me and leaves. I return to the kitchen. - Appointment with the dentist? Since when? Mom does not look up the pot you are washing. -Sarah, I … well, you know I like Brianna, but sometimes it … sometimes I wish that she will talk a little different. More enjoyable. Mom has already said this before. Not much, but he has said, and sighed not wanting to argue with her. “It’s my best friend, Mom. “I know, have been friends for a long, long time. But she has to stoop this way I do not like a lot, and I think sometimes Brianna also takes advantage of how good you are. I look at my mother. “I’m good. “Of course you are. “I’m not, I say, and I go to my room, thinking about things I did. And how could not anyone I can count. How not to feel much as I should. When Brianna calls that night, I tell my mother that I have a headache. She gives me one of those looks from mother, to see-you-have-thought-in-what-you-said, and then try to talk to me before I go to bed. “I’m really tired, I say it, and I close my eyes. “You know you can tell me anything,” he says. Not this. Definitely not. But seat as I can, then give him good night and close my eyes. And keep them closed until I hear it go. I’m still awake when my parents go to bed. The two have been together for twenty years, and I wonder how. If they think about their past, the time before being together. If there are things they wish they were different. If there are things they want, things they wanted but they never do.
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Translated by: Yspelorzi Edited by: Tibari
s Thursday morning, and I decided that I can not go to school today. I can not myself. Last Friday, seven days ago today, I went to a party with Brianna and Ryan and then returned home with Ryan. Seven days ago, Ryan and I kissed. And then, two days ago we kissed again, and then yesterday … Yesterday I said what I needed. And stank, stunk so I can not do it today, I can not smile when I see Brianna and Ryan, I can not see them and … No, today I need a break. I lay on my bed until Mom came to see why I was not awake. “I’m sick,” I said, and I have to fake the shaking of my voice. Or in the way as I curled up in a ball, as if sore. I have a stupid heart is quite painful, even when the pain is not physical.
- What? “Mom asked, feeling my forehead with the back of his hand and then looking at me. Do not you feel hot.
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“My stomach,” I say, squeezing and sink. Brianna Can you call me and tell him not to come get me? “Okay, mom says quietly, and listen on the phone with Brianna a minute later. She does not say anything after that, but I can say that she wants to do and then I close my eyes and pretend I hunched sleep. After a while, Mom wants me to take something for my stomach and I do it because it hurts now. It hurts because I know that Brianna was asked what happens to me. I’ve never stopped talking, never. Even when I had the flu last Christmas, I spoke with her when she called, let him come and stay a while as I shivered and ached all over and she pretended she did not care that his mother had gone to lunch with a-Friend ? on Christmas day and had given a lot of DVDs of exercise and diet books as his “gift ?. Dad came next, dressed in work clothes and ready for your first time, every morning, class. He used to use well-pressed suits and crisp, starched shirt. Now use crumpled trousers and white shirts of their old work is wrinkled too, and has a large ink stain on the right hand. I do not feel so well. “I’ve heard,” he says, and sits on my bed. She says it is a thing of the stomach. I nodded and he touched my head. “Your mother also says Brianna called and said you did not need to carry you and you would not talk to Brianna when she called last night and said I looked. - Did they have a fight? “He asked and I shook my head because we had not, not yet, if she only knew. If she knew what I did, I would hate, and if I even told her how I feel, my eyes fill with tears. I’m an idiot. Why I can not love someone else? -Sarah Bear, do not cry, Dad says. I know things look bad now, but friends have fights, and you two have known each other forever. You just know the wonderful girl you are and everything will be fine.
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There will be, I want to scream. How could I? But I just say “Thanks, Dad. He nods. “No problem. Everyone deserves time off from time to time. But go to school tomorrow. Okay? “Okay,” I say, because your question is not really a question. It’s one of those things parents if-you-Haras. Also staying at my house a thousand years will never heal what is wrong with me. Well, I guess they would, because I would be dead, but even so then I thought death would be about Ryan, about how he looked me in the car at home before we kissed, how his mouth felt on mine at the time, how wonderful were both … Damn, damn, damn … Think of something else. Something terrible. Brianna What would you say if I told you that Ryan kissed, not once but twice. I know what she would. His face would get this look-cold white face ? he learned from his mother and say - What do you mean by “Kiss ?? ? And I will tell you everything, bleed the details and she just looked at me and then would not ever talk to me more. It works. I put back the kisses, and then when mom finally let me out of bed, as she made me lunch and then I lie on the couch, flipping channels and stopping on the movie that I somehow knew I would pass. Brianna is a favorite. And I saw the girl get the boy and smiled at the clumsy but nice best friend.
I wonder about the rest of life’s best friend, that part not shown. She does not need to be a spy or an assassin. She is just what it is, a nice, good friend. That’s true, right? Not for me, not now, and I decided I need a cause to believe it. Something to fill the space in my heart that Ryan has written about it. Something noble, such as fighting an illness. I could write letters or design a pair of shoes and sell them to raise money. Or even better, I could do both and become famous, which would be great. At least I have something really good to put in my applications to college.
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Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I because the girl ? even think about boys. I’ll be too busy, and still in college will be as committed to my cause I will not have time for anyone, but one day I will be talking about what I believe and there will be a guy there. There will be a boy and he will come to me after all and tell me what I have said is wonderful. Will be intelligent, and his black hair fall over her face, her eyes are so blue I feel like I was watching the sky, and he will say “Sarah, you do not know how much I wanted to talk to you as well. I always think you’re wonderful. Now we are here together, I think it is a sign ?, and I say, - A sign? Ryan, have startled me ? and he will smile and … and goes straight to him. Ryan. I buried my face in the sofa and I heard my mom walking through the kitchen, humming while the phone rings. I wonder if I should enter voodoo spells or if I can somehow fall into a world where fairies or dragons or both exist. If I were in a place like that would have to work with fairies or dragons or whatever … or maybe fight. Either way, it would be something huge, something life changing. Something stopped me from thinking about Ryan. -Sarah, your-mom says, and took a look at the clock, I know the school is away, I know it’s Brianna. I will not get any spell or be sucked into another world or something like that. I have only …. I have only supposed to be who I am. I am the best friend Brianna. I listen. I’m happy for her. Well, I’m so happy now. But I pretend to be real and things are normal again. “Hey, you, say, picking up the phone, hoping that Brianna’s voice filled my ear.
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TRANSLATED BY: Andrea Edited by: Mau
yan? - I said, my voice rose, his name coming out almost like a squeal -. I do not … Are you calling me?
- were not in school- - “he said. And I, well, wanted to make sure you’re okay. Are you okay? I sat on the sofa, trembling with surprise and joy.- I’m … I’m fine. I just …- cool. What will you say now, Sarah? “I needed to spend a day forgetting, and oh, by the way, is not working. And hey, that just about those two kisses. I can not forget and I’m not even sure it ever will be able to look you normally again, although the whole thing= Shazam! ‘? Oh yeah, why not try it? - I just needed some rest- - finally said. Drink plenty of fluids, that sort of thing. Oh, even better! Think brain, think!- Uhm. What are you doing? I mean, besides talking to me. Relatively normal. I guess. I held my breath, wondering what I would say.
He was silent for a moment, then said: - Well, I started working on a sketch of that abandoned house they are putting into this new road. Have you seen?
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I nodded, then remembered he could not see me. - Yes It is very … slowly fainted - my voice, trying to think of something positive to say about the house and then I remembered that I am not trying to like it. I plan to be a great innovation! Or something. And not desire -. It’s so decadent - - said. She looks so sad. But with a furious kind of sadness. Exactly - - said, and sounded so happy that I smiled and squirmed on the couch, completely forgetting everything that had to tell myself -. The look and think of ghost stories. Do you know that ghosts in them are always sad or angry or waiting for something? It makes me think, What if the ghosts are right there? As if they have nowhere else to go. I want to try and capture the sense of hopelessness. I’m thinking of going on Sunday and watch it again because so far, the sketches I’ve done something missing. I smiled. He is so … well, Ryan. - So, will spend your Sunday watching an abandoned house? Do not you know it is supposed to come out to have experiences corrupting? - Well, would sit in my basement, get drunk a lot and think about life, and then start a fire or two. - This is talking more. But I think you have to write poetry before you can move in the fires protagonists. He laughed. - What you ever wondered if people really know who is supposed to do? Is there a time when you just know what is supposed to make for ever? - My dad says that is when you finish college and get your first loan statement - - said. But he and my mom were right to seek more knowledge in school, so I do not know if they are trusted. I mean, college is fine, but the last thing I want to do after sixteen years of school is to have even more school. - So, you want a job - - Ryan said. What do you do? Uhm … hate - - - both that question says, laughing and I say:
- Thanks! Actually my parents did not bother me too much about that, but at school all I hear is how you have to think ahead, like I have to plan every class I take in
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college right now and it’s like “Hey, I can try to pass first chemistry first? ? - O EWS. - Eww, I do not remember them. How weird is that a test …? - What amount for the university? - - “he said. I know. I do not understand. I keep thinking about all my things arrived in front of some intake and they will see my pictures and my notes and my test scores, and that presumably will decide how well I fit or file or whatever. As if the paper is imported, not me. - What art programs also want SAT scores? - All want. I bet that even the design programs of sneakers they want. If only - - - said. I thought of designing a time but I do not want to make clothes. Also, after watching the last season of Design You forget it. I am not very interested in trying and get some aluminum foil. - What? Would not you like the poncho to wrap leggings? - It was horrible … but wait a minute do you see the show? - My mom loves him. - But supposed you’d be sulking in the basement getting ready for a fire. - What I can say? I’m a failure as a teenager. Watch TV with my mom. - And you waste your Sunday viewing old houses. - That too. Want to come? - You … Really? - - If his voice was different now, softer and more insecure. I can imagine it, we both sat on the grass outside the old home and chatting about art and life and how are we supposed to figure out the rest of our lives right now, and he would smile and I smile back and we only know that we can kiss and then … … and then Brianna would say, “This is very boring. Can we go see something that is not falling? ?
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I swallowed hard. Brianna - not want to go. - Sarah Look, about yesterday at school, what I meant was that you would like … this summer festival, that I asked you if you remembered … remember? My heart started beating very strongly. - - If my voice is almost a whisper. - - I also told him, and his voice is silent - also. I wish … Sarah, I wanted to continue talking to you, but Brianna was so … - Hermosa. - No - - he said. She was so sure. Came straight to me and said he liked. Nobody had told me that before and it was … it was very easy with her. I knew he liked and when I spoke with you, I knew that would happen. And it was … I do not know kept - - silent for a moment. It was terrifying - - finally said. Do not know if you liked, if what I felt was what you felt. But I wanted to know, and I assumed that Brianna would be tired of me anyway, so I called the next day because I wanted to ask you out and then Brianna answered the phone and you … you acted as if nothing had happened between us. And I guess nothing happened, because in reality only talk, but I wanted … I wanted more. - But you and Brianna, you are … are happy - said, even as he said, remembered the last few weeks, about how Brianna had been so worried about Ryan, how he acts like all other children with she has been, as he has been saying they need to talk and
then it … Then he started to take me everywhere. It was right after I left last night. And always so careful not to be alone with Ryan for a long time. Even when I went home with clean clothes, a little less than a week that Ryan and I kissed for the first time, he said he would talk to her. And she made sure he had no chance. - We … we do not operate - - Ryan said. Sarah, I can not … I have to say this, okay? … Please just let me say it. According - - I said, my heart beating even faster now.
- We kissed on Friday. We kissed on Thursday. And even before that, I would … Sarah, I wanted to kiss you. I want to kiss again. I want … I want you out.
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To me. He loves me. He wants to be with me. Me! - I … Are you sure? Yes - - - he said. I’m sure. Brianna is not … she is not the right person for me. She’s not you. I’ll talk to her tonight no matter what happens. I will go home and tell him it’s over because I have to. I do not want to lie about how I feel again. I want to be with you and Brianna should be with someone who wants to be with her. It is not … not right for me to watch it when all I do is think of you. - - Oh said, because most of my brain has left the line, reeling with the knowledge that he has been thinking of me. He loves me. That he will break with Brianna. Tonight. I hear a car coming up the road, probably coming home dad, and perhaps lend me his car, which is much cooler than mom, and Ryan and I’d be huddled in the car on Sunday. Sunday can happen now. He and I, just us, and we’ll be together, and Brianna … And I hear the garage door opening. I hear the door slam of a car. I get up, I look out the window. See Brianna’s car on the road. Brianna see here. - Sarah? - Ryan says, and could give the phone to Brianna now, and say, “Hey, Ryan wants to talk to you. ? Talk to Brianna later, I will, I’ll be there for her, and everything can work, this can really happen, Ryan and I can be together and … And the problem is not that it creates. Yes I believe him. I think he wants to be with me. I feel it in my heart, I know it sounds silly, but I do and it’s amazing.
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